Chapter 2 Chapter two

Full moon and solar eclipse, dead horses in the barn Is it really possible for one person to fully understand another? That is to say, to what extent does the long-term, continuous, real effort to get to know someone bring us to the essence of that person?Do we really know the crucial things about what we think we know well? I started thinking about this question seriously about a week after I quit my law firm job.In the previous life journey, I never really had such doubts with great pain.why?Probably because the job of earning a living is too much work to think about myself. As in the beginning of all important things in the world, the causes of my doubts are very small.After Kumiko finished her hasty breakfast and headed out, I put the laundry in the washing machine.Make the bed, scrub the dishes, and vacuum the floor while doing the laundry.Next was sitting on the porch with the cat and flipping through the job advertisements and sale ads in the newspaper.When it's noon, just grab someone's lunch and go shopping at the optional shopping mall.After buying dinner ingredients, buy laundry detergent, paper towels and toilet paper at the sale counter.Then I went home to get ready for dinner, and I lay down on the sofa and read a book while waiting for my wife to come back.

That was when I was just unemployed, and that kind of life was new to me.No longer have to squeeze the tram to go to the office to work, and no need to meet people you don't want to see.There is no need to accept orders from someone, nor to order someone.No need to share a meal with co-workers at a crowded nearby restaurant, no need to be forced to listen to last night's baseball game.Whether the No. 4 hitter of the Yomiuri Giants hit two or three runs has nothing to do with me.It's really satisfying.What's even more pleasant is that you can read your favorite book when you like it.As for how long this kind of time can last, I don't know. Anyway, living as I please for a week is exactly what I want, and I try not to think about the future as much as possible.This is like a kind of vacation in my life, and it will end sooner or later.But enjoy it until it's over.

In any case, reading books, especially novels, purely out of self-interest is a long-lost enjoyment.The books I have read in these years are not about law, or small format books that can be read quickly on the commuter tram, nothing else.It's not that anyone has made regulations, but if someone in a law firm holds a novel that is more or less interesting, even if it is not said that the finished product is misbehaving, it is still considered inappropriate.Once such books are found in one's briefcase or drawer, people are bound to look at me like a mangy dog ​​and no doubt say something like "ho ho, you like novels, and so do I, used to read them when I was young." For them, reading novels when they were young is like picking apples in spring and grapes in autumn.

That evening, however, I couldn't indulge in the joy of reading that I usually did; Kumiko didn't come back.She usually goes home no later than 6:30.If you postpone it, even if it is delayed for 10 minutes, you must say hello first.In such matters she had always been pedantic, even pedantic.Unexpectedly, it was past 7 o'clock that day and I didn't come back, and I didn't even make a phone call.I have already prepared dinner so that it can be served as soon as Kumiko comes back.In fact, there is nothing too troublesome: push thin slices of beef and green onions, green peppers, and bean sprouts into a Chinese-style iron pan and stir-fry over high heat, then sprinkle fine salt and pepper, pour soy sauce, and finally pour beer.This is often done when you are single.The rice has been cooked, the miso soup has been heated, and the dishes have been neatly arranged on the plate and are waiting to be cooked.But Kumiko just didn't come back.I was hungry and wanted to cook my share, but for some reason I couldn't get it up.Of course there is no special basis, but I always feel that this move is not fair enough.

I sat at the kitchen table, drank a beer, and chewed a few soggy soda crackers left in the pantry.After that, I looked at the clock blankly, and the short hand of the clock slowly pointed to 7:30, and then passed 7:00. It was past nine o'clock when Kumiko came back.Her face was tired, her eyes were red and bloodshot.The omens are not good.When her eyes are red, something bad is bound to happen.I reminded myself: calm down, don't say a word of extraneous words, quietly, naturally, don't irritate her! "I'm sorry, but I can't finish the work. I wanted to make a phone call, but I couldn't make this or that."

"It's okay, it doesn't matter, don't mind." I said nonchalantly.I wasn't really upset at all.I have had this experience a few times as well.Going out to work is not so fun, it is as peaceful and wonderful as picking the most colorful rose in the yard and sending it to the pillow of an old lady who is bedridden with a cold across the road to spend the day.And sometimes you have to do shitty stuff with shitty guys.There were times when I couldn't catch the opportunity to call home no matter what. A 30-second call like "Go back later today" is enough, and the phone is everywhere, but sometimes there is nothing you can do.

I start cooking.Light the gas and pour oil into the pan.Kumiko took out the beer from the refrigerator, took the glass from the sideboard, checked the ingredients that were going to be cooking, and sat down at the dining table to drink the beer without saying a word.Judging from his expression, the beer probably wasn't very tasty. "Just eat it first!" she said. "It doesn't matter, I'm not very hungry." I said. While I was cooking, Kumiko got up and went into the bathroom, and there was the sound of washing her face and brushing her teeth at the sink.When he came out after a while, he was holding something in both hands.It turned out to be paper towels and toilet paper I bought at the grocery store during the day.

"How to buy this thing back?" She asked wearily. I looked at Kumiko's face with an iron pan in my hand, and at the tissue box and roll of toilet paper in her hand.I couldn't figure out what she was trying to say. "I don't understand," I said, "Isn't it just paper towels and toilet paper? It's hard to deal with running out of them, right? There's still a little in stock, but if you have more, it won't rot!" "Buying paper towels and toilet paper is out of the way, needless to say! I'm asking why blue paper towels and patterned toilet paper."

"I still don't understand." I held back my temper, "Yes, I bought the blue paper towels and patterned toilet paper. Both are cheap. Wiping your nose with blue paper towels won't turn your nose blue. What's wrong?" "Not good! I hate blue tissues and patterned toilet paper. Don't know?" "I don't know." I said, "Is there a reason to hate it?" "I don't know why or not." She said, "Don't you also hate telephone covers, patterned thermos bottles, and flared jeans with rivets? It's not that I hate dyed nails. How can I give reasons one by one? It's purely personal preference."

I could explain why, of course I didn't. "Understood, it's just your likes and dislikes, I fully understand. However, after six years of marriage, have you never bought blue paper towels and patterned toilet paper?" "No." Kumiko insisted. "real?" "Really." Kumiko said, "The paper towels I buy are either white or yellow, either white or yellow; the toilet paper I buy has absolutely no pattern. You haven't noticed it after living with me for so long, it's strange!" Strange for me too.I haven't used blue tissue or patterned toilet paper once in six years!

"There is one more thing to say," my wife continued, "I really hate stir-fried beef with green peppers, you know?" "have no idea." "Anyway, I just hate it, don't ask the reason. I don't know the reason. In short, the taste of frying two things in one pot is unbearable." "Hasn't green pepper beef been fried together in the past six years?" The wife shook her head and said, "I eat the green pepper salad, and the beef and green onions can be fried together, but I have never tried stir-fried beef with green peppers." "Come on." I said. "You never asked me once?" "Didn't pay attention at all." I said.I began to think about whether I had eaten stir-fried beef with green peppers since my marriage, but I couldn't remember. "You live with me, but actually you hardly think about me, do you? You only think about yourself every day in your life, sure." said the wife. I turned off the gas and put the pan back on the gas range. "Hey hey, hang on, don't mix everything up like that. Yes, maybe I didn't pay attention to paper towels and toilet paper, or beef to green peppers. I admit it. But I don't think it's the same as saying I never thought of you. In fact, I don't care about the color of the tissue. Of course, if a black tissue is placed on the table, it will make people jump. And white or blue, I have no interest. The same goes for beef and green peppers. It doesn't matter to me whether beef and green peppers are fried together or separately. Even if the combination of fried beef with green peppers disappears from the world forever, I will not care. Because it is the same as you Essentially it doesn't matter, does it?" Kumiko didn't speak again, she drank the remaining beer in the glass in two gulps, then silently looked at the empty bottle on the table. I dumped the contents of the pot into the trash can.Beef, green peppers, green onions and bean sprouts are curled up there.Unbelievable, it was food just now, but now it is garbage, ordinary garbage.I uncapped the beer bottle and drank from the mouth of the bottle. "Why did you throw it away?" asked the wife. "You hate it." "Can you eat it?" "I don't want to eat it," I said, "I don't want to eat fried beef with green peppers any more!" The wife shrank her neck and said "Please go ahead". Afterwards, the wife put her arms on the table and leaned her face on it, so still.Neither cry nor doze off.I looked at the empty pot on the gas stove, looked at my wife, and drank the remaining beer in one gulp.Hey, I thought, what the hell is going on, isn't it just paper towels and toilet paper! I still walked up to my wife and put my hand on her shoulder. "Okay, I get it, I won't buy blue paper towels and patterned toilet paper anymore, it's a deal. The ones I bought will go to the store tomorrow and replace them with other things. If I don't change them, I will burn them in the yard and throw the ashes away." To the sea. The green peppers and beef have been processed. There may be a little smell, but that will disappear in a second. So forget it all!" The wife remained silent.I thought how wonderful it would be if she came back from an hour's walk in a completely better mood.But the chances of that happening are zero.This is a problem that has to be solved by myself. "You're tired." I said, "take a break, and then go to a small shop nearby to eat pizza or something. I haven't eaten in a long time. Sea shrimp and green onion stuffing, half of each person. You can't suffer any retribution if you eat out once in a while." of." Kumiko, however, remained silent, keeping her face motionless. I had nothing more to say, and sat across the dining table, staring at my wife's head.Ears popped out of short black hair.There are earrings on the earlobes that I have never seen before, gold, small, fish-shaped.When and where did Kumiko buy it?I want to smoke.It's been less than a month since I quit smoking.I pictured myself pulling out my cigarette and lighter from my pocket, putting a filter cigarette in my mouth and lighting it.I took a deep breath into my chest.The stuffy air mixed with stir-fried beef with green peppers and spring onions pierced the nostrils.To be honest, my stomach has completely deflated. Next, his eyes could not help falling on the wall calendar.The calendar has moon waxing and waning markers.We are currently in transition to the Full Moon.So, my wife is probably about to menstruate, I think. To be honest, it was only after I got married that I could truly feel that I belonged to the human race that lives on Earth, the third planet in the solar system.I live on the earth, the earth revolves around the sun, and the moon revolves around the earth.Whether I like it or not, things will always be (relative to the length of my own life, I'm afraid it's okay to use the word forever) like this.My understanding started from my wife's menstruation about every 29 days, and its coming coincided with the waxing and waning of the moon subtly.My wife's menstruation was very heavy, and she was extremely unstable and impatient a few days before her arrival.For me, although it is indirect, it is also a very important cycle.I had to be prepared to deal with it and avoid unnecessary gum caries.Before I got married, I hardly noticed the waxing and waning of the moon.It is also possible to climb up and look at the sky occasionally, but the shape of the moon has nothing to do with me.After marriage, I basically have the shape of the moon in my mind. Before I got married, I had relationships with several girls, and of course they were also troubled by menstruation.Either it was heavy or light, or the tide went out for three days, or it took a whole week, or it came as it should, or it was 10 days late, which made me tremble with fear.There are girls who are extremely irritable, and girls who barely take it seriously.But before I married Kumiko, I had never lived with a woman.To me, the so-called natural cycles are nothing more than the repetition of the seasons.When winter comes, take out the coat, and when summer comes, take out the slippers, that's all.However, getting married made me have to face the new cycle concept of the waxing and waning of the moon with my cohabitants.The wife had no periods for several months, during which time she became pregnant. "Forgive me," Kumiko raised her face and said, "I didn't mean to be angry with you, but I was a little tired and upset." "It's okay," I said, "don't mind. When you're tired, it's better to find someone to get angry with, and it'll be fun after you send it out." Kumiko inhaled slowly, held it in her lungs for a while, and then let it out slowly. "How are you?" she asked. "whats wrong with me?" "You don't get angry with anyone when you're tired, do you? I seem to be the only one who gets angry. What's going on?" I shook my head: "I didn't notice that." "I'm afraid you have an open well or something. Just shout into it that the king's ears are donkey's ears, and everything will disappear." I thought about what she said, "Maybe." I said. Kumiko looked at the empty bottle again.Look at the label, look at the bottle mouth, pinch the bottle neck and turn it back and forth. "I, I'm about to get my period, so that's why I'm upset, I think." "I know," I said, "don't mind. You're not alone. Horses die every full moon too." Kumiko took her hand away from the beer bottle and opened her mouth to look at my face. "What, you said? Why did the horse suddenly appear?" "I saw it in the newspaper recently. I always wanted to tell you to read it, but I forgot. It was said by a veterinarian in an interview. He said that horses love animals that are greatly affected by the waxing and waning of the moon, both physically and mentally. With the When the full moon is approaching, the horse's mental waves become abnormally disordered, and various obstacles appear in the body. Every night when the full moon arrives, many horses must be sick, and the number of dead horses is far higher than usual. As for why this is the case No one can figure it out. But the statistics do show it. Veterinarians who specialize in horses are too busy to sleep when the moon is full." The wife said "no". "However, worse than a full moon is a solar eclipse. The situation for the horses on a solar eclipse is even more tragic. I don't think you can estimate how many horses died on the day of a total solar eclipse. In short, I want to say this: There are horses dying one by one somewhere in the world at this very moment. Compared to that, who you get mad at is nothing! It's not something to take to heart. Think of dead horses: full moon Lying horizontally and vertically on the straw in the barn, foaming at the mouth, gasping for breath in pain..." She thought long and hard about the dead horses in the barn. "Your words do have a strange persuasive power," she said resignedly, "and it's impossible not to admit it." "Okay, get dressed and go out for pizza!" I said. At night, lying next to Kumiko in the bedroom with the lights out, I looked at the ceiling and wondered how much I really knew about this woman.The clock was pointing to two o'clock in the middle of the night.Kumiko was soundly asleep.I contemplate blue paper towels, patterned toilet paper, and fried beef with green peppers in the dark.I never knew she couldn't stand these kinds of objects.The matter itself is so trivial that it is not worth mentioning. It is reasonable to laugh it off, and it is not worth making a fuss.In a few days we'll probably forget all about this nonsense quarrel. However, I am very worried about this matter.It's like a small fishbone stuck in my throat makes me uncomfortable.Maybe this is a fatal thing, this can be a fatal thing.It is possible that this is actually just the beginning of something much bigger and deadlier.This is just a population.There might be a world that belongs to Kumiko alone that I don't know about.This made me launch a huge dark space in my imagination, and I was in it with a small lighter in my hand.What you can see with the light of the lighter is only a small part of the room. When will I be able to grasp the whole picture?Could it be that he has always been confused about her and died in a muddleheaded way?If so, what is my married life in progress?What is my life in bed with this spouse I don't know? That's what I was thinking about at the time, and I've been thinking about it intermittently since.It was only later that I realized that my foot had just stepped into the core of the problem at that time.