Chapter 13 Chapter Thirteen

In the morning, I drove my two daughters to the kindergarten. I went to the swimming pool and swam two kilometers as usual, imagining myself as a fish while swimming.An ordinary fish, a fish that doesn't think about anything, a fish that doesn't even want to swim, but just exist here, just me.This is what I mean by being a fish.Shower right from the pool, change into a t-shirt and shorts, lift weights. After that, I went to the one-room apartment I rented as an office near my residence, sorted out the books of the two bars, calculated employee remuneration, and revised the "Robins Nestor" renovation project scheduled to start in February next year.Go home at one o'clock, and have lunch with my wife as usual.

"Oh, by the way, my father called in the morning." Yukiko said, "It was still a hot phone call, anyway, it was about stocks. He asked to buy a stock, saying that he would definitely make money. He still relied on that top-secret stock information. But My father said that this is really special and extraordinary. This time it's not information, it's a fact." "Since it is guaranteed to make money, why did my father tell me that I can just buy it myself! Why didn't I do that?" "It's a reward for you. It's purely a personal reward. My father said that you will understand. I don't know what he refers to. So my father specially transferred his own shares here, saying that Dafan All the funds that can be used will be poured out, don't worry about it, it is guaranteed to make money. If you don't make money, he will make up for the loss."

I put my fork on the macaroni plate and look up, "So?" "Because I asked to buy quickly, the sooner the better, I called the bank to withdraw two fixed deposits, and transferred them to Mr. Zhongshan of the securities company, asking him to immediately invest in the stocks designated by my father. At present, the total active funds are only 800. Wan. Wouldn’t it be better to buy more?” I took a sip of the water in the glass and considered the words I should say. "I said, why didn't you discuss it with me before doing it?" "Discussion? Don't you often buy stocks according to what your father said?" She showed a surprised look, "Besides, I was asked to buy more than once or twice, and told me to just buy as I did, so I did that this time. .My father said I bought it as soon as possible. Besides, you went to the swimming pool and didn't get in touch. Is there anything wrong?"

"Ah, forget it, this time. But can I sell all I bought this morning?" I said. "Sell it?" Yukiko narrowed her eyes and stared at my face as if looking at something dazzling. "Throw out everything I bought today and return it to the bank for deposit." "But in that case, the stock transaction fee and bank fee will lose a lot!" "It doesn't matter." I said, "Just pay the handling fee, and the loss doesn't matter. Anyway, just sell the whole part you bought today." Yukiko sighed and said, "Let me tell you, what happened to you last time with your father? Could it be that you got involved in something inexplicable because of your father?"

I didn't answer. "Is there something?" "Yukiko, frankly speaking, I'm getting tired of this kind of tricks," I said, "for no other reason. I don't want to make any money from stocks. I want to work by myself and make money with my own hands. I don't always Is that a good job? You've never been nervous about spending money, have you?" "Well, of course I know. You've done an excellent job and I haven't complained once. I thank you and even respect you. But that was that, this time it was my father who told me kindly, he just wanted to take care of you. "

"I know that. But, what do you think top-secret information is? What's going on with Absolute Money?" "have no idea." "It's just stock speculation." I said, "You know? Deliberately speculate on stocks within the company, artificially obtain huge profits, share them with colleagues, and let that part of the money flow into the political circles and become corporate benefits. This is the same as what my father recommended to us before. The stock situation is somewhat different. Previously, it was a stock that could probably be disliked, but it was based on favorable information. It generally made a profit, but it was not without setbacks. But this time is different. This time I feel that the taste is a bit wrong, and I am unwilling to participate ,if possible."

Yukiko thought for a long time with a fork in her hand. "But is that really the kind of illegitimate stock speculation you said?" "If you really want to know, you can ask your father." I said, "However, Yukiko, one thing can be affirmed: there are no stocks in the world that can never lose money. If there are, it is an illegal transaction." Stocks. My father worked in a securities company for almost forty years until he retired. He worked very hard from morning to night. But speaking of him, there is only a house that is too small to look like. It must be born with a bad brain It’s because of my enlightenment. My mother stares at the family’s expenses book every night, worrying about whether the income and expenditure of one or two hundred yuan are not correct. You know, I grew up in such a family. You said that only now Eight million can be moved, but Yukiko, this is real money, not a paper ticket used in a monopoly game field. For ordinary people, it is not enough to go to work on a tram full of people all day long, and work overtime as much as possible for a year. It’s hard to earn eight million. I’ve lived like that for eight years. Of course, my annual income is not eight million. After eight years, that number is nothing more than a dream. You must not understand what kind of life it is .”

Yukiko didn't say anything, just bit her lip tightly and stared intently at the dishes on the table.Realizing that my voice was higher than usual, I lowered it. "You say casually that if you invest half a month, you are guaranteed to double, and eight million will become 16 million. But I think there is something wrong with this feeling, and I am also subconsciously subdued by this feeling." Mistakes are swallowed up bit by bit. Maybe I'm contributing to the mistakes. Lately I feel like I'm becoming an empty shell.” Yukiko stared at me intently across the dining table.I stopped talking and went on to eat.I felt something trembling in my body. As for whether it was anxiety or anger, I didn't know.But whatever it was, I couldn't stop the shaking.

"I'm sorry. I don't have the thought of being a disservice." After a long time, Yukiko said in a calm voice. "Okay. I'm not blaming you or anyone," I said. "Just call and sell all the shares you bought. So don't be so angry." "Where is the anger?" I continued to eat in silence. "I said, do you have something to say to me?" Yukiko stared at my face, "If you have any thoughts in your heart, can you tell me directly? It doesn't matter if you don't want to talk. As long as What I can do, I will do my best. Naturally, I am not such a great person, and I don’t understand much about worldly affairs or business affairs, but anyway, I don’t want to be unlucky, and I don’t want you to be so sad alone .Is there anything unsatisfactory about your current life?"

I shook my head and said, "There is no such thing as unsatisfactory. I like my current job and feel that I have a good head. Of course I like you too. It's just that sometimes I can't keep up with my father. From a personal point of view, I don't hate him. This time I still accept his good intentions as good intentions. So I’m not angry. It’s just that sometimes I don’t know who I am, and I don’t know whether what I’m doing is right or wrong, so I’m confused. It’s not angry. " "But it looks like he's angry." I sigh. "You can't stop sighing like this." Yukiko said, "In short, it seems that you have been a little irritable and irritable recently, and you often think about something sullenly by yourself."

"I'm also baffled!" Yukiko didn't take her eyes off my face. "You must be thinking about something," she said, "but I don't know what it is. If only I could help..." I suddenly felt a strong urge to confide in Yukiko.How happy it would be if he could tell the whole thing that was pent up in his heart!Then I wouldn't have to cover up, play around, or tell lies.Hey, Yukiko, I actually have another woman I like, and I will never forget her no matter what.Several times I have reined in, I have reined in to protect this garden where you and your children are.But this is the final limit, and it can no longer be restrained.The next time she shows up again, I will hug her even if the sky falls and the earth falls, I can't bear it anymore.Sometimes I think about her while hugging you, and even think about her masturbation. However, of course I didn't say anything.Even if she tells Yukiko the truth now, it will not help at all, and it may only bring the whole family into misfortune. After dinner, I went back to the office to continue working.But I couldn't work anymore.Speaking to Yukiko, he took a more high-handed posture than necessary, and it made his mood worse.What I say may be justifiable in itself, but it deserves to come from more admirable lips.And I lied to Yukiko and met Shimamoto behind her back——I have no right to make such grandiose comments about Yukiko.Yukiko is really worried about me, this is obvious and consistent.Is there, by contrast, anything worthy of the resemblance of consistency and conviction in my own way of life?After thinking about it like this, I have completely lost the mood to do things. With my feet on the table and a pencil in my hand, I still looked out of the window for a long time as if lost.The park can be seen from the window of the office. If the weather is fine, a few adults with children can be seen in the park.Children play in the sandpit or on the slide, and mothers gather to chat while squinting.The little children playing in the park remind me of my own daughter.I longed to see my two daughters, to walk down the road with one in my arms, to actually feel their warm lumps.But when I think about my daughter, I think of Shimamoto, her slightly parted lips.Shimamoto's images are much more realistic than those of the daughters.And once Shimamoto was considered, everything else was out of consideration. I left the office and walked up Aoyama-dori, to the coffee shop where I used to meet Shimamoto.I read books here, and when I get tired, I think of Shimamoto. I recall the fragments of talking with Shimamoto in this cafe, recalling the scene where she took out the "Salon" from her handbag and lit it with a lighter, and recalled her inadvertently brushing her forehead front hair, slightly bowed his head and smiled.But soon I got tired of sitting alone, so I went for a walk in Shibuya.I used to like to walk on the street and look at all kinds of buildings and shops, I liked to see people busy with their livelihoods, and I liked the feeling of my legs moving on the street.But at this moment, everything around me seems lifeless and illusory. It seems that all the buildings are crumbling, all the street trees are eclipsed, and all men and women have abandoned their vivid emotions and living dreams. I went in to the movie theater with the fewest people and stared at the screen without moving.After the movie was over, I walked to the street in the twilight, stepped into the first restaurant I saw, and had a simple dinner.The front of Shibuya Station was crowded with office workers coming off work, and the trams came one after another like a fast-motion movie, swallowing up the men and women on the platform.That being said, it was in this area that I discovered Shimamoto, ten years ago.I was twenty-eight at the time, still single, and Shimamoto was still dragging his feet.She was wearing a red coat and a pair of big sunglasses, and she was walking towards Qingshan from here.It feels like it happened in the long past. I recalled the scenes I saw in sequence: the crowd at the end of the year, her footsteps, corners, the gloomy sky, the paper bag from the store in her hand, the untouched coffee cup, and Christmas carols.I regretted it again: Why didn't I say hello to Shimamoto decisively at that time?At that time, I had no fetters, nothing to throw away.I can even hug her tightly on the spot, and the two of them will run somewhere directly.Even if Shimamoto has any specific situation, at least he can do everything possible to solve it.However, I missed my chance completely, and was grabbed by the elbow by that strange man, and Shimamoto took the opportunity to get into a taxi and escape. I took the crowded tram back to Aoyama in the evening.During the time I was in the cinema, the weather suddenly turned bad, the sky was covered by heavy watery clouds, and it looked like it might rain at any time.I didn't bring an umbrella, and I was still in the same clothes I wore for my morning swim: yacht windbreaker, blue jeans, light sneakers.I was supposed to go home once and change into my usual suit, but I was too lazy to go home, so I figured it would be easy, and I wouldn't lose anything if I went into the store without a tie once or twice. It started to rain at seven o'clock, and the quiet autumn rain seemed to be steady and steady.As usual, I went to the first bar to check the customer situation.Due to the detailed plan made in advance for the decoration project, and I was always present during the construction period, all the small parts have realized my idea, and it is much more convenient to use than before, and the style is much calmer.The lighting is soft and the music is integrated with it.I opened an independent cooking room in the new shop assistant and hired professional chefs.The recipe is simple and elegant, although there are no extra accessories, it is absolutely impossible for laymen to make it.This is my basic policy.And it must be something that is easy to eat, because after all, it is an appetizer.The recipes are all changed monthly.It was not easy to find a chef who could cook the dishes I wanted, and I found one, but I had to pay a lot of money, much more than my budget.Fortunately, he does not pay remuneration, I am very satisfied with his work.The guests also looked content. It was past nine and I went to Robbins Nestor with the umbrella in the shop.Nine o'clock the peninsula would have been.Unbelievably, every time she came, it was a quiet rainy night.