Chapter 10 chapter Ten

The river quickly passed through the rocks, and there were small waterfalls hanging here and there, or pools of water to rest quietly.The pools of water reflected the dull sun's rays feebly.Looking downstream, you can see an old iron bridge.It is said to be an iron bridge, but it is actually small and narrow, barely enough for a car to pass through.The black and dull iron frame was heavily immersed in the cold silence of February.The only people who use this bridge are tourists going to the hot springs, hotel employees and forest managers.We didn't meet anyone when we crossed the bridge, and looked back a few times after crossing the bridge, but we didn't find anyone crossing the bridge.After entering the hotel for a simple lunch, the two walked across the bridge and along the river.Shimamoto turned up the collar of his thick navy coat, and wrapped the scarf around his nose several times.She was different from usual, she was dressed in light clothes suitable for crossing mountains and mountains.Her hair was tied back, her shoes were replaced with sturdy field work boots, and a green nylon bag was slung over her shoulder.This outfit looks like a high school student.The river beach is dotted here and there with white hard snow.Two crows squatted on the top of the iron bridge, looking down at the river, uttering a blunt and sharp cry from time to time.Like condemning something.The cry echoed coldly in the defoliated forest, then crossed the river and penetrated into our ears.

The narrow sandy dirt road stretches along the river, without knowing where it ends or where it leads.There was no one there, and there was no sound.There are no houses that look like others, and there are bare farmland everywhere.The snow in the ridge outlines a few clear white veins.Crows are everywhere.Seeing us walking all the way, the crows uttered a few short calls as if signaling to their companions, and they stood still when we came close. I was able to closely see their sharp beaks and colors like murder weapons. Shiny claws. "Is there still time?" Shimamoto asked, "Is it okay to walk like this for a while?"

I glanced at my watch, "It's okay, there's still time. You can stay for another hour." "What a quiet place." She said slowly looking around.Every time she opened her mouth, the breath she exhaled floated in the air, hard and in vain. "How is the river?" She looked at me and smiled slightly: "It seems that you really understand what I'm looking for, from the inside out." "From color to size," I said, "I used to see rivers differently." She smiled and took my gloved hand in my gloved hand. "It's okay. It's already here, even if you say the river is bad, I can't help it." I said.

"Don't worry, if you have more confidence in yourself, you won't make such a big mistake." Shimamoto said, "By the way, two people walking side by side like this, isn't it a bit like the past? We often walk home from school together coming." "Your leg isn't as bad as it used to be." Shimamoto looked at my face with a smile: "From your tone, it seems that you feel sorry for my leg being cured." "Maybe." I laughed too. "You really think so?" "Just kidding. Of course it's a good thing to heal your leg. It's just a little nostalgic, the time when your leg was bad."

"Tell you, Chu Jun," she continued, "I thank you very, very much for this—you know?" "It's nothing," I said, "just a plane ride." Shimamoto walked forward for a while. "But you lied to your wife, didn't you?" "That's right." "That's quite unpleasant to you, isn't it? You don't want to lie to your wife, do you?" I don't know how to answer properly, there is no answer.The crows in the nearby woods were screaming again. "I must have disturbed your life, I know very well." Shimamoto whispered.

"Okay, don't talk about this." I said, "I came here specially to say something happy!" "Like what?" "You look like a high school student with this outfit." "Thank you," she said. "How happy a high school student should be." We walked slowly upstream.For the next period of time, neither of them said a word, just focusing on walking.She can't walk very fast yet, but walking slowly doesn't look unnatural.Shimamoto held my hand tightly.The road was so cold that our rubber-soled shoes barely budged. Indeed, as Shimamoto said, how wonderful it would be if two people could walk together like this in their teens or twenties!How blissful it must have been for the two of us to hold hands and walk endlessly along the deserted path by the river on a Sunday afternoon!But we are not high school students anymore.I have a wife and daughter, I have a job, and I have to lie to my wife to get here.Downstairs, I had to take a car to the airport, and take a flight to Tokyo at 6:30 in the evening and hurried back to the home where my wife was waiting for me.

After walking for a while, Shimamoto stopped, rubbed his gloved hands and slowly looked around, looking upstream and downstream.The mountains stretch across the bank.On the left, one after another, the leafless miscellaneous forest.There was no one to be seen anywhere.The hotel where we rested just now, as well as the iron bridge, have all disappeared behind the mountain at this moment.From time to time, the sun poked its head through the gaps in the clouds as if remembering.Nothing could be heard but the crowing of crows and the sound of the river flowing.While looking at such a scenery, I suddenly thought, sooner or later, I will definitely witness the same scenery somewhere.This is the reverse of the so-called déjà vu—it is not the feeling that one has seen the same scenery before, but a premonition of when and where the scenery will still be encountered in the future.This premonition has stretched out its long arms and firmly grasped the root of his consciousness.I can already feel its grip.And the front convenience of the long arm is myself, which should still be there in the future, with the addition of several years of myself.Of course, I cannot see myself.

"It's the right place," she said. "Appropriate for what?" I asked. Shimamoto looked at me with his usual smile, "I want to do what I want." Afterwards, we descended from the embankment to the river, where there was a small pool with a thin layer of ice on the surface, and a few fallen leaves that looked like flat dead fish lay quietly at the bottom of the pool.I picked up a pebble on the river beach and turned it in the palm of my hand for a while.Shimamoto took off two gloves and stuffed them into his overcoat pocket, then unzipped the chain of his satchel, and took out a small pocket-like thing made of thick, fine fabric, with a small jug in the pocket.She untied the rope of the pot, gently opened the lid, and peered into it intently for a long time.

I stare silently. The pot is filled with lime.Shimamoto slowly poured ashes into the palm of his left hand, being very careful not to let the ashes fall to the ground.In the end, there was only a little bit of ash that just filled her palm.What kind of ash, and who burned it?It was a quiet afternoon with no wind, so Baihui stayed in her palm for a long time.After that, Shimamoto put the empty jug back into his satchel, dipped a little dust on the tip of his index finger, brought it to his lips and licked it lightly, then looked at my face, wanted to smile, but couldn't.Fingers still on lips.

While she was squatting by the river putting ashes into the water, I stood by and watched her every move.The little bit of ash in her hand was washed away by the water in a blink of an eye.Shimamoto and I stood by the river and watched the whereabouts of the water.She examined the palms of her hands for a moment, then washed the ashes off the surface of the water and put on the gloves. "Can it really flow to the sea?" Shimamoto asked. "Probably." But I can't be sure that the ash must have flowed into the sea.There is still a considerable distance to the sea, and it may sink into a pool somewhere, and it will stay there.Of course, some of them may still reach the sea.

Next she began digging in the soft ground with a piece of wood that had fallen there, and I helped.After the pit was dug, Shimamoto buried the jug in the cloth bag.Where did the crow's cry come from.It is estimated that they have been quietly witnessing our work from beginning to end.It doesn't matter, if you want to see it, you can watch it. It's not doing any bad things, it's just putting some burned ashes into the river. "Will it rain?" Shimamoto asked while smoothing the ground with the toe of his shoe. I looked up at the sky, "It will take a while." I said. "That's not what I mean. I mean, will the child's ashes flow into the sea, mix in the sea water and evaporate, and then turn into clouds and rain and fall back to the ground?" I looked at the sky again, and then at the water. "It's possible," I said. We drove to the airport in a rented car.The weather changed suddenly, and the clouds above the head were densely covered. The sky that had appeared just now had completely disappeared.It was about to snow. "That's my child's ashes, the ashes of my only baby," Shimamoto said to himself. I looked at her face, then looked forward.The truck kept splashing muddy water from melting snow, and I had to run the wipers again and again. "He died on the second day after birth," she said, "only lived for a day, and was held two or three times. A beautiful baby, soft... The reason is not clear, the breathing is not smooth, and the face is pale when he dies." changed." I couldn't say anything, I stretched out my left hand and put it on hers. "Girl, I don't have a name yet." "When did you die?" "It was around this time last year," Shimamoto said. "February." "Pitiful." "I don't want to bury it anywhere, and I don't want to put it in a dark place. I want to keep it in my hands for a while, and then let it flow into the sea along the river, and ride the clouds to turn it into rain." Shimamoto fell silent for a long time.I didn't say anything, and drove on in silence.She must have something to hide, so let her be quiet for a while.But during this time, I found that Shimamoto's situation was a bit abnormal.She began to pant in such an odd sound that, if anything, it sounded like a machine, so much so that at first I thought the engine was malfunctioning.However, the sound was undoubtedly coming from the next seat.Not a whimper.It sounds as if the bronchi have a hole open and air is leaking through the hole with every breath. While waiting for the signal light, I glanced at Shimamoto's profile.The face is like white paper.What's more, the whole face seemed to be coated with something, it was very hard and unnatural.She rested her head on the back of the chair, stared straight ahead, her whole body remained motionless, except for half-obligatory blinking of her eyelids from time to time.I drove forward for a while, looking for a suitable place to stop the car.This is the parking lot of the closed bowling alley. Under the empty roof like a hangar stands a huge signboard of bowling pins. It is so desolate that it seems to be at the end of the world.Only our car was parked in the huge parking lot. "Shimamoto," I greeted, "Hey, Shimamoto, is it alright?" She didn't answer.Just leaning against the back of the chair, panting with that weird voice.I put my hand on her cheek.His cheeks were as cold as if he had been affected by the bleak scene around him, and there was no color in his cheeks, nor any warmth on his forehead.I was so nervous that I couldn't breathe: Could it be that she was going to die like this?There was nothing in her eyes.Peering into the eyes carefully, there is also nothing to be seen, the depths are cold and dim, like death itself. "Shimamoto!" I called out to her again.No reaction, not the slightest reaction.His eyes didn't look anywhere, not even conscious.I think it's better to take him to the hospital.And if I go to the hospital, I am afraid it will be difficult to catch the plane, but the situation does not allow me to think about these.Shimamoto could die just like that, and no matter what happens, she can't be allowed to die! But just as I was about to start the engine, I realized Shimamoto was about to say something.I turned off the engine and put my ear against her lips, but I still couldn't hear what she said.It sounded more like the wind blowing through the crack of the door than words.She repeated it several times with all her strength, and I listened intently—it seemed to be "medicine". "Want to take medicine?" Shimamoto nodded slightly, but it was so slight that it was almost indistinguishable.It seemed that this was the most she could do.I fumbled in her coat pocket, which contained a wallet and some keys with keychains, but no medicine.Then I opened the satchel.There was a paper medicine bag in the inner compartment of the bag, and there were four capsules in it. I took it out and showed it to her: "Is this it?" She nodded without moving her eyes. I reclined the back of the chair, opened her mouth, and stuffed a capsule.But her mouth was so dry that it was impossible to get the capsule down her throat.I looked around for anything like a drink vending machine, but there was none.And where to find it, there is no time.The only thing with moisture nearby is snow.Fortunately, there is as much snow as you want here.I got out of the car, picked out the hardened snow that looked clean under the eaves, put it into the woolen hat Shimamoto was wearing, and brought it back.I put a little in my mouth first.Melting takes time.With a mouthful, the tip of the tongue lost its feeling, but I couldn't think of any other way.After melting, Shimamoto's lips were separated, and the water was poured mouth to mouth.After sending it off, pinch her nose and force her to swallow the water.She choked a little, but swallowed it in the end.Repeated this several times, it seemed that the capsule was finally flushed down the throat. I looked at the medicine bag, but there was nothing written on it, neither the name of the medicine, nor the name of the medicine, nor the instructions for taking it.I am a little puzzled, these should be marked on the medicine bag to prevent accidental ingestion, so that people can know what to take when taking it.But anyway, I put the paper bag back in the inner compartment of the satchel and watched her reaction.Of course she doesn't know the medicine, nor the disease, but since she carries it with her like this, it must have its own effect.At least this is not a sudden situation, but to some extent predicted. About ten minutes later, a little blush finally appeared on her cheeks.I lightly pressed my cheeks against it, even though it was slight, but after all, the original warmth was lost and returned.I breathed a sigh of relief and leaned back on the chair.Finally escaped death.I held her shoulders and pressed my cheeks against each other from time to time to confirm that she was slowly returning to this side of the world. "Hatsu-kun," Shimamoto called me in a low dry voice. "Hey, can you not go to the hospital? If you go to the hospital, you can still find it in the emergency department." "No need to go." Shimamoto said, "I'm fine, just take the medicine. It will be back to normal in a while, don't worry. By the way, time doesn't matter?If you don't hurry to the airport, you will miss your flight. " "Don't be afraid, time will take care of you. Stay quietly for a while, calm down and talk." I wiped the corners of her mouth with a handkerchief.Shimamoto took my handkerchief, stared at it for a while, and said, "Are you so kind to everyone?" "Not to everyone," I said, "because it's you. Not to everyone. My life is too limited to be nice to everyone. If it wasn't too limited, I think I'd do a lot for you A lot. But not like that." Shimamoto turned his face to me and remained motionless. "Chu-kun, I didn't do this on purpose to delay the plane." Shimamoto whispered. I looked at her in surprise, "Of course, I know without telling you. You are in a bad situation, there is nothing you can do about it." "Feel sorry." "No need to apologize. It's not your fault." "But I held you back." I stroked her hair and leaned over to kiss her cheek.if possible.I really want to hug her tightly and check her body temperature with my skin.But I can't do that.I just kissed her on the cheek.Her cheeks were warm, soft, and moist. "Don't worry, everything will be fine in the end." When I returned the car at the airport, the boarding time had already passed.Fortunately, the plane took off late, and the flight to Tokyo was still on the runway without passengers.We were instantly relieved.But this time I have to wait for more than an hour at the airport.The service desk said that it was related to the inspection engine, and they didn't know more about it. "I don't know when it will be checked. We don't know anything. It started to fall sparsely when we landed, and now it's getting bigger and bigger. Looking at the situation, it's very possible not to take off." "If you can't go back to Tokyo today, what will you do?" "It doesn't matter, the plane will definitely take off." I said to her.Of course, no one is sure that the plane will take off.Thinking of what if that happens, my heart is heavy.In that case, I would have to ingeniously fabricate an excuse to explain why I came to Ishikawa County.There must be a road before the car reaches the mountain.It's not too late to think about it slowly at that time, the most urgent thing is to think about Shimamoto. "How are you? What if you don't get back to Tokyo today?" I asked Shimamoto. She shook her head, "Don't worry about me." She said, "I can do whatever I want. The problem is you. Are you afraid it will be difficult?" "More or less. But you don't have to worry about it, and it's not necessarily impossible to fly." "I didn't expect such a thing to happen." Shimamoto said in a quiet voice that seemed to be spoken to himself. "As long as I am around, inexplicable things will definitely happen around me. It always happens. When I get involved, things go wrong. Originally Things that were going smoothly can suddenly become cornered." I was sitting on a chair in the terminal, thinking about having to call Yukiko when the flight was cancelled.I ran out all kinds of justifications in my head.I'm afraid no matter how I explain it, it will be of no avail. I said that I left home early Sunday morning to participate in swimming club activities, but was blocked by heavy snow at the Ishikawa County Airport. I can't justify myself.It is possible to say "I suddenly wanted to see the Sea of ​​Japan after leaving home, so I went directly to Haneda Airport", but it would be too funny.Instead of saying that, it would be better to say nothing at all.Or maybe just tell the truth.After thinking about it this way, I was stunned to realize that in my heart I was hoping that the plane would not take off, that I would be trapped here by the snow, and that my wife would find out that I and Shimamoto had come here alone.And I will stay here with Shimamoto without any excuses or lies.Just go with the flow. Eventually, the plane took off after an hour and a half delay.On the plane, Shimamoto kept leaning against me to sleep or close his eyes.I put my arm around her shoulder.It looked like she was still crying in her sleep.She remained silent, and neither did I.We spoke after the plane entered the landing state. "Hey, Shimamoto, are you really alright?" I asked. She nodded in my arms and said: "It's okay, you'll be fine after taking the medicine. Don't mind." She put her head lightly on my shoulder. "Don't ask anything, don't ask why it's like this." "Okay, don't ask anything." I said. "Thank you so much for today." "Thank you for what today?" "Thank you for leading me out, thank you for feeding me mouth to mouth, thank you for tolerating me." I look at her face.Her lips—the lips I fed water just now—are in front of my eyes, looking like they want me to do it again.The lips are slightly parted, revealing the neat and white teeth.I still remember the soft touch of my tongue when I was feeding.Looking at those lips, it became very difficult for me to breathe, I couldn't think about anything, and my whole body was on fire.I know she needs me, and I need ground.But I managed to restrain myself.I must stop here.If you go any further, you may never come back.But stopping takes considerable effort. I called home from the airport.It was half past eight. "I'm sorry, it's late. I can't get in touch for a while. I'll go back and be there in an hour." I said to my wife. "I've been waiting for you to come, but I couldn't bear it anymore, so I ate it first. It's hot pot." My wife said. I let Shimamoto get into the BMW I left in the airport parking lot, "Where is it suitable?" "If possible, come down to the green hills, and go back from there alone." Shimamoto said. "Can a person really go back?" She nodded with a smile. We barely spoke until Gaien drove off the Metropolitan Expressway.I listened to Handel's organ concerto tape at a low volume. Shimamoto put his hands neatly on his knees and looked out the window motionlessly.Since it was Sunday night, the surrounding cars were full of families returning from somewhere to play.I was shifting up and down more often than usual. "Hey, Chu-kun," Shimamoto said when he was approaching Aoyama Street, "I thought so at the time: If the plane doesn't take off, it won't take off." I wanted to say that I thought so too, but I finally didn't say it.His mouth was so dry that he couldn't blurt out words.I just nodded silently and shook her hand lightly.I stopped at the corner of Aoyama 1-chome and asked her to get off - she was going to get off here. "How about seeing you again?" Shimamoto asked in a low voice when getting out of the car, "You don't hate me yet?" "Wait for you." I said, "See you in a few days." Shimamoto nodded. I drove along Qingshan Street.My brain must be malfunctioning if I never see her again.When she got out of the car, the world seemed to suddenly become empty.