Chapter 9 Chapter nine

Shimamoto did not appear for a long time after that.I sat at the Robbins Nestor bar for hours every night, reading a book and glancing at the door every now and then.But she didn't come.I began to worry about whether I had said something inappropriate to Shimamoto, whether I had hurt Shimamoto by saying something unnecessary.I recalled sentence by sentence what I said that night, and what she said, but I couldn't find a sentence that could match my worries.Maybe Shimamoto was really disappointed to see me.It's entirely possible.She is so charming and moving, and there is nothing wrong with her legs.Presumably she failed to find anything valuable from me.

The end of the year is approaching, Christmas is over and New Year is here.In the blink of an eye, January is gone.I am thirty-seven years old.I have given up hope and am no longer waiting for her. The "Robbins Nestor" side only shows up occasionally, because when you go there, you can't help thinking of her, and you can't help but look for her in the customer booth.I sat at the bar of the bar here, opened the pages of the book, and immersed myself in the endless thoughts.I find it hard to concentrate on anything. She said I was her only friend, the only one in her life.I was very happy to hear that.We can be friends again.I have a lot to say to her, and I want her opinion on it, even if she doesn't want to talk about herself at all.

As long as I can see Shimamoto and talk to her, I will be happy. However, Shimamoto never appeared again.Or it is possible that she is too busy to come to see me, but the three-month gap is really too long, even if it is really impossible to come, it should be possible to make a phone call.After all, she forgot about me, I thought.I am not that valuable to her.Thinking of this, I felt uncomfortable for a while, as if a small hole was opened in my heart.She said that such words should not be said out of the mouth, and that certain words should always be kept in the heart. Unexpectedly, she came in early February, and it was still a rainy night.Quiet and cold rain.I happened to be busy that night and got to Robbins Nestor early.The umbrellas brought by the guests smelled of cold rain.On this day, the piano trio temporarily joined the soprano saxophone to play a few pieces.The saxophone player is quite famous, and the guest seats are boiling.I was sitting in the corner of the bar reading a book as usual, when Kojimamoto came in quietly and sat down next to me.

"Good evening," she said. I put down the book to look at her, and for a moment it was hard to believe that she was really here. "Thought you wouldn't come again." "Sorry," Shimamoto said, "angry?" "I'm not angry at all, so why would I be angry because of this. I said Shimamoto, this is a store, and customers come when they want to come, and go back when they want to go back. I just wait for people to come." "Anyway, I apologize to you. It's not good to say, but I couldn't come anyway." "busy?" "What are you busy with?" She said calmly, "It's not busy. It's just that I couldn't make it."

Her hair was wet from the rain, and a few strands of wet hair stuck to her forehead.I asked the valet to bring new towels. "Thank you." She took Mao Nei, dried her hair, then took out the cigarette and lit it with her own lighter.Perhaps because of being wet and cold from the rain, his fingers trembled a little. "Drizzle, and I was going to take a taxi, so I only brought a raincoat when I went out. But it seemed like a long walk." "Would you like something hot?" I asked. Shimamoto looked at my face as if peeping, and smiled. "Thank you. But it's okay."

Seeing her smile, the three-month gap disappeared in an instant. "What are you reading?" she asked, pointing to my book. I handed her the book.This is a historical book about the war between China and Vietnam after the Vietnam War.She flipped through a few pages and returned them to me. "No more novels?" "I also read novels. But I haven't read as much as I used to. I almost don't know anything about new novels. I only read past ones. Almost all of them are novels from the 19th century, and most of them are re-reads." "Why don't you read the new novel?"

"I'm afraid I don't want to be disappointed. Reading boring books feels like a waste of time, and I am very disappointed. It was not the case in the past. There is plenty of time, and reading boring books always feels rewarding.that's it.It's different now, it's considered a waste of time.Maybe it's an older relationship. " "That's right, it's true that you are old." She said with a mischievous smile. "Do you still read books?" "Well, I read it a lot. New ones and old ones, novels and non-fiction ones, boring ones and interesting ones. Contrary to you, I must be reading to pass the time."

She asked the bartender for "Robbins Nestor" and I wanted the same.She took a sip of the cocktail she had brought, nodded slightly and put it back on the counter. "Hey, Chu Jun, why are the cocktails here better than those elsewhere?" "Because of the corresponding efforts, it is impossible to get what you want without hard work." "Like what effort?" "Like him," I pointed to the pretty young bartender who was poking ice with an ice pick with a serious face, "I paid that kid a lot of money, which surprised everyone a little bit, and of course I didn't know it. Other employees. Why only give him such a high salary? Because he has the talent to make delicious cocktails. The world doesn't seem to know that - without talent, you can't make delicious cocktails. Of course, as long as you work hard, anyone can achieve Quite a degree. After a few months of training as an intern, you will be able to mix something that can be served in front of the guests. The cocktails in the general bar are of this level, which is of course feasible, but going one step further requires special Talent. This is the same thing as playing the piano, painting, or running a 100-meter. I can also make a pretty good cocktail myself. I have worked hard to ponder and practice, but I can’t compare to him. Even if I put the same hops, the same Shake the wine dispenser at the same time, but the taste is different. I don’t know why, I can only say that it is talent, which is the same as art. There is a line, some people can cross it and others can’t. So, once you find a talented person People, you have to take good care of them and pay high wages. The boy is gay, so people from this side sometimes flock to the bar, but they are very quiet, I don't mind much. I like this boy, he also Trust me, work hard."

"I don't see that you have business skills, do you?" "I can't talk about business talent," I said. "I'm not an industrialist. I only have two small stores. I have no intention of adding more stores, and I have no intention of making more money. This cannot be called talent or artifice. It's just that, Whenever I have time, I imagine myself as a guest—if I am a guest, who will I go to, what kind of store, what kind of food I will drink, what kind of food I will eat; The girl I like, what kind of store will I go to. I also imagine the details of such a situation one by one, such as how much is my budget, where do I live, and what time will I go back before. Imagine several specific situations. In the process of imagining and superimposing in this way , the image of the store will gradually become clearer.”

Shimamoto was wearing a light blue turtleneck sweater and a navy blue skirt this evening, a pair of tiny sparkling earrings on her ears, and a fitted thin sweater that accentuated her breasts so perfectly that it took my breath away . "How about some more?" Shimamoto's pleasant smile appeared on his face again. "Say what?" "Talk about your business policy," she said, "It's really a pleasure to hear you talk like that." I blushed a little, I haven't blushed in front of people for a long time. "That's not a business policy. It's just, Shimamoto, I think I'm used to this kind of homework in the past. I've been thinking about this and that alone in my head since I was a child, using my imagination. Launching a virtual place, carefully piece by piece Adding bricks and tiles-this is good here, and the other one is used here, like a simulation experiment. As I said last time, I have been working in a textbook publishing house after I graduated from college. The work there is really boring. Why, because I can’t play there. Imagination, it’s better to say that it kills imagination. So it’s boring to do, and going to work is so annoying, it’s almost suffocating. As soon as I go to work, I feel that I’m shrinking and shrinking, and I’m going to disappear soon.”

I took a sip of my cocktail and slowly looked around the guests.On rainy days, there are often no empty seats.The tenor saxophone player who came to play put the saxophone in the box.I called the waiter, told him to bring a bottle of whiskey, and asked him if he wanted something to eat. "But it's different here. You can't live without using your imagination here. I can implement what comes into my head instantly. There are no meetings, no bosses, no precedents, and no Ministry of Education intentions. It's wonderful, Shimamoto. You Never worked in the company?" Still smiling, she shook her head and said "no". "That's good. The place in the company is not suitable for me, and it must not be suitable for you. I have worked in the company for eight years, and I know it clearly. I almost spent eight years of my life there, and it is exactly the age of 20 or 30. The golden years. I admire myself for enduring it for eight years. But without those eight years, I guess the store would not be able to open so smoothly. I think so. I like my current job. I have two stores now, but Sometimes I think it's just a virtual place in my head. It's like a sky garden, where I plant flowers and make fountains, and it's very elaborate and realistic. People go there to drink, listen to music, chat, and then go home. You Why do so many people pay a lot of money every night to come here to drink? It's because everyone is more or less looking for a virtual place. They want to see the man-made garden that looks like a castle in the air, and to let themselves enter it Just came here." Shimamoto took out a "Salon" from her small bag, and I struck a match to light it for her before she took the lighter.I love lighting her cigarette and the way she squints to see the flickering flames. “To be blunt, I have never worked once in my life,” she said. "Not once?" "Not once. I have never worked or been employed. I have never experienced something called labor, so now I am very envious of what you are talking about. I have never thought about things in that way. I’ve tried it, but I only know that I’m reading alone. All I’m thinking about is spending money.” At this point, she stretched out her wrists in front of my eyes: two slender gold bracelets on her right hand, and two slender gold bracelets on her left. A very expensive looking gold watch.She put her hands in front of my eyes for a long time as if showing a product sample.I took her right hand and looked at the bracelet on her wrist for a while. I remembered the time when I was twelve years old when she shook hands.I still vividly remember the feeling at that time, and I have not forgotten how that feeling made my heart tremble. "It might be better to think about how to spend money." After that, I let go of her hand.As soon as he let go, there was an illusion, as if he was flying somewhere. "When you think about how money is made, a lot of things wear out—bit by bit, without you noticing it." "But you don't know, don't know how empty it is to create nothing." "I don't think so. I think you're creating a lot of stuff." "Like what?" "For example, invisible things." After finishing speaking, I set my eyes on the hands on my knees. Shimamoto looked at me for a long time with a glass in his hand. "What are you talking about?" "Yes," I said, "everything is going to disappear sooner or later. There's no telling how long this store will last. If people's tastes change, the economic flow changes, the current situation here will disappear in a blink of an eye." Disappeared. I have seen several instances of this, and if I say no, it will be gone. The tangible things will disappear sooner or later, but a certain emotion will remain forever." "However, Mr. Chu, there are also feelings that are painful only if they survive. Don't you think so?" The tenor saxophonist came to thank me for the wine, and I thanked him for his playing. "Jazz musicians have become more polite these days," I explained to Shimamoto. "It wasn't like that when I was a student. When it comes to jazz players, they all smoke marijuana, and about half of them have personality disorders. But you can listen to it from time to time. It’s really amazing to play. I often go to jazz clubs in Shinjuku to listen to jazz, to seek the experience of shaking people’s heads.” "You like those people, Chu Jun?" "Perhaps," I said, "no one seeks the relative good and revels in it. Nine are outrageous, but one is unmatched—that's what people seek. And that's what moves the world. I think it's Call it art." I stare at my hands on my knees again, then look up at Shimamoto.She waited for me to continue. "But it's somewhat different now. Because I'm an operator now, and what I do is invest capital and recycle it. I'm not an artist, I'm not creating anything, and I'm not here to fund art. Willingly or unwillingly, no one in this Places look for something like that. Well-mannered and well-groomed people are much easier for operators to deal with. I'm afraid that's a given. It's not like the whole world has to be full of Charlie Parker 'birds,' after all." She ordered another glass of cocktail wine and changed to a cigarette.During the long silence, Shimamoto seemed to be thinking about something quietly by himself. I listened to the long solo of the double bass player: "You Can Hug".The pianist taps the strings lightly from time to time, and the drummer wipes his sweat and takes a sip of wine from time to time.A regular customer came over to chat with me for a few words. "Hey, Chu-kun," Shimamoto said after a long time, "I don't know where there is a river? A river that is as clear as a mountain stream, not very big, has a beach, doesn't stagnate very much, and quickly flows into the river of Dazuo. . preferably in a rush." Startled, I looked at Shimamoto's face. "River?" I couldn't figure out what she was going to say.There was nothing on her face that could be called an expression.His face was facing me, but he didn't want to say anything, he just looked at me quietly, as if looking at the distant scenery. It felt as if I was far, far away from her.There may be an unimaginable distance between her and me.Thinking of it this way, I can't help feeling a certain kind of sadness in my heart.There was something in her eyes that made me sad. "Why did the river come out of nowhere?" I tried to ask. "I just thought of asking by chance." Shimamoto said, "I don't know there is such a river?" When I was a student, I traveled around alone with a sleeping bag. I had seen all kinds of rivers throughout Japan, but I couldn’t remember the river she wanted. "There seems to be such a river over the Sea of ​​Japan." I thought for a while and said, "I can't remember the name of the river, but it is probably in Ishikawa Prefecture. You will know when you go there. It should be the closest to the river you want, I think." I remember that river clearly.Went there during the fall break of my sophomore or junior year of college.The red leaves are so colorful that the surrounding mountains seem to be stained red with blood.The sea is at the foot of the mountain, the river is clear and bright, and the deer cry is heard in the forest.I remember that the river fish I ate there was very tasty. "Where can you take me?" Shimamoto asked. "Ishikawa Prefecture!" I said in a dry voice, "I'm not going to Enoshima. First take a plane, and then take a car for more than an hour. If you go there, you have to stay—you know, I can't do it now .” Shimamoto turned slowly on the high chair and looked at me from the front. "Let me tell you, Chu Jun, I also fully know that it is wrong to beg you like this, and I know that it is a great burden for you. But I have no one to ask but you, and I have to go there no matter what, and I don't want to Go alone. Except for you, it is not good to ask anyone like this." I looked into Shimamoto's eyes.Those eyes are like a deep spring under the shade of stones where no wind can blow, where everything is still and still.Peeping intently, you can barely see the image reflected on the water. "I'm sorry." She suddenly smiled with all the strength in her body, "I didn't come here to beg you to do this. I just wanted to see you and talk to you. I didn't intend to mention this." I roughly calculated the time in my head. "Go out early in the morning and fly back and forth, and I estimate that I will be back before nightfall—of course it depends on how long I spend there." "I don't think it's going to take much time there," she said. "Can you really figure out the time? Find out the time to fly there and back with me?" "Probably." I thought for a while and said, "It's hard to say now, but I don't think it's a big problem. How about calling here tomorrow night? I'll be here then. I've made arrangements before then. What about your schedule? ?” "I can do it anytime, I don't have any schedule. As long as it's convenient for you, I can leave at any time." I nod. "I'm sorry for the rambling," she said. "Maybe I shouldn't have come to see you anyway. Maybe I'll just end up messing things up." It was nearly eleven o'clock when she got up and went home.I held an umbrella and hailed a taxi for her.It's still raining. "Goodbye. Thank you for a lot of trouble," Shimamoto said. "goodbye." Afterwards, I turned back into the store and took my original seat at the counter.There are still cocktails she drank, and a few leftover "salons" she smoked in the ashtray.I didn't ask the male waiter to withdraw, but just stared at the wine glass and the light lipstick on the cigarette butt for a long time. When I got home, my wife was still waiting for me.She wore a cardigan over her pajamas and watched Lawrence of Arabia on the VCR.The shot shows Lawrence crossing the desert through countless difficulties and obstacles, and finally reaching the Suez Canal.As far as I know, she has seen this movie three times.She said she never gets tired of watching it no matter how many times she watches it.I sat next to it, drinking wine and watching that movie together. "There's an event at the swimming club this Sunday," I told her.There was a member of the club who owned a pretty big yacht, and we used to take boat trips to the bay from time to time, drinking and fishing there.Yachting is a bit chilly in February, but my wife knows almost nothing about yachts, so there's no doubt about it, and I'm rarely out alone on Sundays.She seemed to think it was best to go out and meet people from other quarters now and then, and get some outside air. "I went out early in the morning, and I guess I'll be back before eight o'clock. I'll have dinner at home," I said. "Okay, my sister is coming to play on Sunday." She said, "If it's not cold, everyone will take lunch to Shinjuku Gyoen to play, the four women's house." "That's pretty good, too." In the afternoon of the next day, I went to the travel agency to book a plane ticket for Sunday and a rental car.There is a flight back to Tokyo at 6:30 in the evening, and it seems that I can barely make it back for dinner.Then I went to the store and waited for her call.The call came at eleven o'clock. "There's always time to find it, and it's busy enough. How about this Sunday?" I said. She said no problem. I told you the departure time and the meeting place at Haneda Airport. "Excuse me, thank you." Putting down the receiver, I sat by the bar and read a book for a while.The shop was too noisy, so noisy that I really couldn't concentrate on the book, so I went to the bathroom to wash my face and hands with cold water, and carefully looked at my face in the mirror.I lied to Yukiko.I've said it a few times before, and I lied when I was sleeping with other women, but at that time I didn't think it was cheating on Yukiko, those few times were just innocuous pastime.But this time it won't work.I certainly didn't want to sleep with Shimamoto, but I couldn't.I stare intently at my eyes in the mirror, which do not reflect any image of myself as a person.I put my hands on the sink and sighed.