Chapter 8 chapter eight

Because "Bruce" published my name and photo, several old acquaintances came to the bar to look for me in the next ten days. They were all junior high school and high school classmates.In the past, when I went into a bookstore and saw a large pile of magazines there, I always felt incredible and wondered who would read this thing one by one.It wasn't until I got into a magazine that I realized that people read magazines very excitingly, far beyond my imagination.Realizing this and looking around, people in beauty parlors, banks, restaurants, and trains are reading magazines obsessively.Maybe people are afraid of wasting time, so they just pick up what's around them and read, whatever it is.

It's hard to say how happy it is to meet old acquaintances.Not that I hated meeting and talking to them.Of course, I also miss my old classmates, and they are also happy to see me, but the topics they talk about are irrelevant to me now.What happened to the city in my hometown, what kind of path the other students are taking now, I am not interested in these at all.After all, I have been away from the place where I used to live for too long, and their words always remind me of Quan.Every time they talked about the past in their hometown, the scene of Quan living alone in a small apartment in Toyohashi appeared in their minds.She wasn't cute anymore, he said.The children were afraid of her, he said.These two lines always echo in my head.Besides, Quan has not forgiven me so far.

For a while after the magazine came out, I seriously regretted giving such an interview so easily, even if it was for a pub.I don't want Quan to see this report.What would she think if she knew that I was living such a smooth and unharmed life? Fortunately, after a month, no one came to see me specifically.This is also the good thing about magazines: they suddenly become famous and are suddenly forgotten.I fell a stone.At least Quan didn't say anything.She must not be watching "The Blues." Unexpectedly, a month and a half later, when I almost forgot about the magazine, the last acquaintance came to me, and it was Shimamoto.

On a Monday night in early November, I was quietly drinking a substitute in front of the bar of the jazz club I ran (the shop was named "Robbins Nestor", after a piece of classical music I liked). Kiri.I sat at the same bar with her, three seats apart, but I didn't realize it was Shimamoto at all, and I admired such a beautiful female customer in my heart.I have never seen it before, but I will definitely remember it once I have seen it—it is such an outstanding woman.It is estimated that the person who made the appointment will arrive soon.Of course, it doesn't mean that female solo customers don't come, some of them have already expected that male customers will come forward to strike up a conversation.Sometimes I still look forward to this, and this is generally clear at first glance.However, speaking from experience, a really beautiful woman never comes to drink alone.Because it is not a happy thing for them to strike up a conversation with a man, it is just a kind of trouble.

So, I paid little attention to this woman at the time.I glanced at it at first, and then I took a few more glances when I had the right opportunity, that's all.The make-up was very light, and the clothes looked very expensive and decent.A beige cashmere cardigan over a blue silk dress was as soft as thin onion skin.A handbag in the same color as the dress sits on the counter.You can't tell the truth about the age, it can only be said that it is just right. She's certainly breathtakingly beautiful, but she doesn't look like an actress or a model.There are often such people in the store, but they always have a sense that they are being watched, and there is a faintly pretentious atmosphere on them.But this woman is different.She relaxed quite naturally, allowing herself to become completely at one with the air around her.Leaning on the table with my elbows, resting my cheeks on my hands, listening to the piano trio, sipping cocktails in small sips, as if savoring a gorgeous article, I cast my gaze from time to time.My body has actually felt her gaze a few times, but I didn't think she was really looking at me.

I was wearing a suit and tie as usual.Armani tie and Sobarani Winmore suit, shirt also Armani.Shoes are Rossetti.I'm not very particular about clothes, the basic idea is that it would be silly to spend too much money on clothes.In daily life, a pair of blue jeans and a sweater are enough.But I have my own little philosophy: as a store operator, one's own attire should be as consistent as possible with the attire of the guests when they come to the store, so that both customers and employees can have a corresponding sense of tension.Therefore, when I go to the store, I make a conscious effort to wear a high-end suit and tie.

Here I am sipping a cocktail while keeping an eye on the guests and listening to the piano trio.The store was quite crowded at first, but it rained heavily after nine o'clock, and the flow of customers stopped immediately.At ten o'clock, there are only a handful of tables with guests, but the female guest is still there, drinking a daiquiri in silence.I gradually became puzzled by her, she didn't look like she was waiting for someone, her eyes were neither looking at the watch nor looking at the door. After a while, she was found getting down from the high chair with her handbag.The hour hand is about to point to eleven o'clock. It's time. If you take the subway back, it's almost time to leave.But she is not going back.She came here slowly and casually, and sat on the high chair next to me.The smell of perfume wafts slightly.Once settled in the high chair, she took out a box of "Salon" from her handbag and took one.I use the corners of my eyes to capture these movements intentionally or unintentionally.

"It's a nice shop," she said to me. I looked up at her from the book I was reading, but my mind still couldn't turn the corner.But at this moment, I felt something hit me, and the air in my chest seemed to suddenly become heavy.The word attraction comes to mind.Is this the attraction? "Thank you." I said.Probably she knows that I am the operator here. "You can like it, I am very happy." "Uh, I like it very much." She stared at my face and smiled.The smile was perfect, the lips parted suddenly, and the charming thin crow's feet gathered around the corners of the eyes.That smile reminded me of something.

"The performance is impeccable." She pointed to the piano trio. "But is there fire?" I didn't bring matches and a lighter, so I called the bartender and asked him to bring matches from the store.She lit the cigarette in her mouth. "Thank you," she said. I looked at her face from the front; only then did I see that it was Shimamoto. "Shimamoto!" I said dryly. "It took me a long time to remember it." After a pause, she said amusedly, "Isn't it a bit too much? I thought you would never remember it." I stared at her face for a long time without making a sound, as if I were facing an extremely precious precision instrument that I had only heard about in rumors.The one sitting in front of him was indeed Shimamoto.But I couldn't accept the fact as fact, after all I had been thinking about Shimamoto for so long before this, and thought I'd never see her again.

"What a beautiful suit," she said. "It really fits you well." I nodded silently, momentarily speechless. "Hey, Chujun, you are much more chic than before, and your body is also stronger." "Swimming." I managed to make a sound, "I've been swimming since junior high school." "It's really good to be able to swim. I used to always think this way: how good it would be to be able to swim!" "Yes. But anyone can swim once you learn it," I said.But the moment I finished speaking, I thought of her legs.Look what I said!I was confused for a while, and wanted to say something more authentic, but I couldn't get it out.I put my hand in my trouser pocket to find a cigarette, and then I remembered that I had quit smoking five years ago.

Shimamoto quietly watched my movements.Then she raised her hand and called the bartender for another daiquiri.She always smiled visibly when she begged someone to do something.What a cute and charming smiling face, I really want people to put everything there on a plate and take them away.If other women follow suit, it may make people feel uncomfortable, but when she smiles, it seems that the whole world is smiling. "You're still wearing blue," I said. "Yes. I've always liked blue. You remember it pretty well." "I still remember almost everything about you. From how to sharpen a pencil to putting a few cubes of sugar in black tea." "How many do you put?" "Two." She narrowed her eyes slightly at me. "Hey, Hatsu-kun," Shimamoto said, "Why did you follow me then? It happened eight years ago, roughly." I sighed: "I can't tell whether it's you or not. The way of walking is exactly the same, but it doesn't seem to be you. I'm not sure, so I followed behind. It's not considered stalking, I'm planning to find an opportunity to say hello." "Then why didn't you say hello? Why didn't you just confirm? Wouldn't that be simple?" "As for why, I don't understand myself." I said bluntly, "Anyway, I couldn't do it at the time, and the sound itself couldn't come out." She bit her lip slightly. "At that time, I didn't realize it was you. Being watched closely, I had nothing but fear in my head. I was really, really scared. But I got into a taxi and sat for a while, after I got my breath, Suddenly came to my senses: Maybe it’s Chu Jun!” "Hey, Shimamoto," I said, "I still have one thing I saved back then. I don't know what kind of relationship that person has with you, but I was..." She put her index finger up to her lips, and shook her head slightly, as if she said don't mention it, please, don't ask it a second time. "Are you married?" Shimamoto said as if changing the subject. "There are two children." I said, "Both are girls, and they are still young." "It's pretty good. I think you must be suitable for having a girl. You have to ask why, I can't say, anyway, I have the feeling that you are suitable for having a girl." "yes?" "A feeling." As he spoke, Shimamoto smiled slightly, "In short, my child is no longer an only child, right?" "I didn't deliberately pursue it, it's just a natural result." "What kind of mood do you have, with two daughters?" "It always seems weird. The older ones go to kindergarten, and more than half of the children there are only children, which is very different from when we were young. It is only natural that there is only one child in the city." "We must have been born too early." "Maybe." I smiled, "It seems that the world is approaching us. But seeing the two children at home always playing together, I don't know why, it's incredible. I sigh in my heart that there is such a way of growing up! I always play alone, thinking that children play alone." After the piano trio played "Divertimento", the guests clapped their hands.This is also the case at ordinary times. As midnight approached, the performance gradually became unrestrained and warm.The pianist picks up the claret glass between pieces, and the double bass player lights a cigarette. Shimamoto sipped his cocktail. "Hey, Chu Jun, to be honest, I hesitated for a long time to come here, almost a month of hesitation and distress. I found out that you opened a shop here when I flipped through magazines somewhere. At first I thought I made a mistake Woolen cloth. After all, no matter how you look at it, you don't look like the type who runs a bar.But the name is you, and the appearance in the photo is you.Truly a nostalgic Chu-kun!It's getting closer.Just seeing you in the photo makes me happy, but I don't know if I should see you in real life, and I think it would be good for both of us if we don't.It is enough to know that you have done so impressively. " I listened to her in silence. "However, it's so easy to know where you are, and I still want to come, even if I have a look at you. In this way, I will sit on that chair and watch you, and you will sit next to me. I thought that if you still can't see I’m coming, I’ll just go back without saying a word. But I can’t bear it no matter what, I can’t help but say hello—the past is like smoke.” "Why?" I asked, "Why do you think it's better not to see me?" She ran her finger over the rim of the cocktail glass and thought for a moment. "Because if you see me, you will inevitably want to know about me, such as whether you are married, where you live, what you did before, etc. Right?" "Oh, the natural tendency of conversation." "Of course I also think it's the natural tendency of the conversation." "But you don't want to talk about that much, do you?" She smiled awkwardly and nodded.It seems that Shimamoto is familiar with many kinds of smiles. "Yeah, I don't really want to talk about that. Don't ask me why. Anyway, I don't want to talk about my own affairs. But this is indeed unnatural and strange. It seems to be deliberately hiding some secrets, and it seems to be mysterious. So I think I'm afraid it's better It's better not to see you. I don't want to be seen by you as a sham. That's one reason I don't want to come." "What about other reasons?" "Because I don't want to be disappointed." I looked at the wine glass in her hand, then at her straight shoulder-length hair, at her delicately shaped thin lips, and at her infinitely deep black pupils.There is a thin line on the eyelid that reveals a thoughtful charm, like a horizon line far away. "I like you in the past very much, so I don't want to be disappointed after seeing you in the present." "I let you down?" She shook her head lightly: "I've been looking at you from there. At first, it seemed to be someone else. After all, I've grown up a lot, and I'm wearing a suit again. But after a closer look, I'm still the old Chu Jun, not bad at all. Hey, you know? ? Your behavior is almost the same as when you were twelve years old." "I don't know." As I said that, I wanted to smile, but I couldn't. "The movement of the hands, the movement of the eyes, the habit of tapping something with the fingertips, the inaccessible frown—all are exactly the same as in the past. Armani is worn, but the content inside has not changed." "It's not Armani," I said. "The shirt and tie are Armani. The suit is different." Shimamoto smiled. "Telling you about Shimamoto," I continued, "I've been wanting to see you, to talk to you, so much I want to talk to you." "I wanted to see you too," she said, "but you didn't come. You should understand, right? I've been waiting for you since you moved to another place in middle school, but you never came. I'm so lonely , I thought that you must have made new friends in a new place and completely forgot about me." Shimamoto crushed the cigarette in the ashtray.Her nails are painted with transparent nail polish, like exquisite handicrafts, smooth and without any extras. "I'm afraid." I said. "Afraid?" Shimamoto asked, "What are you afraid of? Afraid of me?" "No, I'm not afraid of you. I'm afraid of being rejected. I'm still a child, and I can't imagine that you will wait for me. I'm really afraid of being rejected by you, afraid of going to your house and causing trouble for you. I'm going. I think it's better to keep only the memories of being close and intimate with you than to make trouble at your house." She tilted her head slightly, turning the cashew in her palm. "That's not the case at all?" "That's not the case," I said. "We should have been friends for a longer time. To be honest, I didn't make any friends in middle school, high school, or college. I didn't have any friends. I was alone everywhere. So I always thought, if you were around How wonderful it would be! Even if you are not around, just communication is fine. That way, many things will be different, and many things will be much easier to endure." Shimamoto was silent for a moment. "I don't know why, since I was in junior high school, I couldn't do well in school. Because I didn't go well, I became more self-enclosed. A vicious circle." I nod. "During elementary school, I think it went well. After entering junior high school, I was in a daze, as if I had been living at the bottom of a well." This is also how I have always felt in the ten years since I went to college to marrying Yukiko.Once the situation becomes awkward, one awkwardness will inevitably lead to another awkwardness, and it will only get worse and worse, and no matter how hard you struggle, you can't get out of it until someone comes to help. "First of all, I have bad legs. I can't do things that ordinary people can do. Secondly, I only know how to read books, and I don't want to open my heart to others, anyway. And—how should I put it—the appearance is conspicuous. So most people think I'm a twisted, arrogant woman. Or it could be." "Yes, you may be too beautiful." She took out a cigarette and held it in her mouth.I strike a match and light it. "You really think I'm pretty?" Shimamoto said. "I think. It must be said a lot, I think." Shimamoto smiled: "No. To be honest, I don't like my looks very much. So I'm very happy to tell you that." She said, "Generally speaking, I'm not liked by girls, unfortunately. It's a pity. I don't know how many times I thought about it: It doesn't matter if others don't praise her beauty, I just want to be an ordinary girl and make ordinary friends." Shimamoto stretched out his hand and lightly touched my hand on the table, "But this is all right, you live such a happy life." I am silent. "Happy?" "I don't know if I'm happy or not. But at least I don't feel unhappy, and I'm not lonely." After a pause, I added: "Sometimes I suddenly think this way for some reason: in your living room, the two of you listen to music It was about the happiest time of my life.” "Well, those records are still there too. Nat 'King' Cole, Bing Crosby, Rossini, Peer Gynt, and many others, one not Little. A souvenir from my father when he died. Because I listened so carefully, there is not a single scratch on it now. Do you remember how well I cared for the records?" "Father died?" "He died of rectal cancer five years ago. He died in agony. He was originally such a spiritual person." I've seen Shimamoto's father several times, as strong as the oak tree in her family's yard. "Is your mother okay?" "Well, I guess it's okay." I sensed something in her tone. "You don't get on well with your mother?" Shimamoto drained the daiquiri, put the glass on the counter, greeted the bartender, and asked me, "Hey, don't you have any good cocktails?" "There are several original cocktails. There is one with the same name as the store - 'Robbins Nestor'. This one has the best evaluation. I figured it out. The base drink is rum and vodka. Although the taste is good, but Pretty easy to get on." "I'm afraid it's just right to coax girls." "Let me tell you, Shimamoto, you don't seem to realize that drinks like cocktails are basically what they're made for." She smiled and said, "Then let's do it." After the cocktail was served, she stared at Hue for a while, then took a small sip, and closed her eyes to let the smell of the wine permeate her body. "The taste is very subtle." She said, "Not sweet, not spicy, simple and light, but there is something like a sense of depth. I didn't know you still have this cleverness." "I can't make a wine cabinet, I can't change the oil filter on the car, the stamps are not posted correctly, and the phone number is often mistyped. However, I have made a few creative cocktails, and the reviews are also good." She put the cocktail glass on the stand and stared into it for a long moment.The light from the ceiling chandelier flickered every time she raised her glass. "I haven't seen my mother for a long time. A lot of troubles happened ten years ago, and I almost haven't seen each other since then. The meeting at my father's funeral is actually a meeting." After the piano trio played the original slow four-step jazz dance, the piano began to play the prelude to "STAR—CROSSED LOVERS" .The pianist used to play this ballad when I was in the shop and knew I liked it.It is not very well known in Ellington's composition, nor does it elicit personal memories, but after a chance hearing, it has long stuck with me.Whether I was a student or working in a textbook publishing house, I listened to "STAR CROSSED LOVERS" on Ellington's "Duke" LP "Lovely Thunder" every night, listening to it over and over again, endlessly. listen.Among them, Johnny Hodges has a tactful and elegant solo. Whenever I hear that beautiful melody, the past will come to my mind: it is not such a happy era, and there are many unsatisfied desires , younger, hungrier, more lonely, but really pure, like a bottomless pool of water.Every syllable of the music I listened to and every line of the book I read at that time seemed to penetrate deeply into my heart, my nerves were as sharp as wedges, and the light in my eyes was sharp enough to pierce each other.It was such an era.As soon as I hear "STAR CROSSED LOVERS", I think of the days and nights at that time, and think of my eyes reflected in the mirror. "To be honest, I went to see you in the third year of junior high school. It was so lonely, I couldn't stand it alone." I said, "I called, but I couldn't get through. So I went to your house by tram. Unexpectedly, the name plate belonged to someone else." gone." "Two years after you moved away, we moved to Fujisawa, near Enoshima, because of my father's work. We lived there until I went to college. When I moved, I sent you a postcard, announcing the new residence. I didn't answer. arrive?" I shake my head. "Of course I will reply. It's strange. Something must have gone wrong." "Or maybe it's just my bad luck," Shimamoto said. "Always make mistakes, always miss. But that's fine. Tell me about you, let me hear how you've been through this before." "Nothing interesting," I said. "It's okay to be boring, let's listen to it." I told her roughly the life path I have traveled so far.Had a girlfriend in high school and ended up hurting her deeply - I didn't share the details, just explaining that something happened that hurt her as well as myself; Went to Tokyo to go to university, and after graduation entered a textbook publishing house; I spent my 20s and 30s in loneliness; I had no friends who could be called friends; I made friends with a few women, but I didn’t get happiness at all; When I graduated from high school and was almost 30 years old, I met Yukiko before I got married. I never really liked anyone, not even once; Well - how wonderful it should be.When I said that, she smiled. "Think of me often?" "yes." "I miss you a lot, too," Shimamoto said, "I miss you a lot, when I'm sad. For me, you're the only friend I've ever had in my life, I think." After that, she put one arm on the countertop Put your chin on your hand, and close your eyes as if relaxing your body.She didn't wear a ring on her finger, and her eyelashes fluttered slightly from time to time.After a while, she slowly opened her eyes and glanced at her watch.I also look at my watch.It was nearly twelve o'clock. She picked up her handbag and stepped out of the high chair with little movement. "Good night. It's good to see you." I walk her to the door. "Can I call you a taxi? It's raining and it's hard to catch on the road." I asked. Shimamoto shook his head: "Don't be afraid, don't bother you. You can do this yourself." "Really not disappointed?" I asked. "to you?" "Ok." "No, don't worry." Shimamoto smiled, "Don't worry. But, the suit is really not Armani?" Then I noticed that Shimamoto wasn't dragging his legs like he used to.The movement is not very fast, and it is skillful to observe carefully, but there is little unnaturalness in the way of walking. "Surgical correction was done four years ago." Shimamoto said in defense. "It can't be said that it has been completely corrected, but it is not as serious as before. It was a very powerful operation, but fortunately it went smoothly. A lot of bones were cut off, and what was added." "But it's okay, there's nothing wrong with my leg," I said. "Yes," she said, "I'm afraid it's better to correct it. It may be a little late." I took her coat in the cloakroom and put it on for her.Standing together, she is not so tall.It's kind of weird to think that at twelve she was almost as tall as me. "Shimamoto, can I still see you?" "Probably yes." As she spoke, a faint smile appeared on her lips, like a small wisp of smoke quietly rising on a windless day. "perhaps." She opens the door and leaves.About five minutes later, I climbed the stairs and went outside to see if she had successfully flagged a taxi.It was still raining outside, and Shimamoto was no longer there.There was no one on the road, except for the dim light of car headlights seeping into the wet road. Or maybe what I saw was a mirage, I don't know.I stood there motionless, looking at the rain falling on the road for a long time, as if I had returned to a twelve-year-old boy.When I was young, I often stared at the rain motionlessly during rainy days, but once I stared blankly at the rain, I would feel that my body disintegrated little by little and slipped down from the real world.Probably there is a special magic like hypnosis in the rain, at least that's how I felt at the time. Yet this is no mirage.Turning back to the store, Shimamoto still had a wine glass and an ashtray on the seat where he was sitting.A few lipstick-stained cigarette butts in the ashtray still kept their shape when they were lightly crushed.I sat down next to it and closed my eyes.The sound of the music gradually faded away, leaving me alone.In the soft night, the rain is still falling silently.