Chapter 51 Chapter 49 Goodbye, Mr. Kafka

At around nine o'clock the next morning, I heard the sound of a car engine getting closer, so I went outside.Soon, a small truck with a tall head and heavy tires appeared.The four-wheel-drive Datsun looked like it hadn't been washed for at least six months.Inside the compartment were two long surfboards that seemed to have been used for a long time.The truck stopped in front of the cabin, and after the engine was turned off, the surroundings became silent again.The car door opened, and a tall man got out of the car, wearing an oversized white T-shirt and khaki half trousers, and a pair of light sneakers with worn-out heels. He was about 30 years old, with broad shoulders, and was well tanned. One spot is not dark, the beard has not been shaved for about three days, and the hair is long enough to cover the ears.I guess it's about Oshima's older brother who runs a surfing equipment shop in Kochi.

"Oh!" he greeted. "Hello!" I said. He held out his hand and we shook hands on the veranda.Hands are big.I guessed it right, it really is Oshima's older brother.He said everyone called him Sada.He speaks very slowly, with discretion in his words, as if he is saying that there is plenty of time and there is no need to rush. "Gao Song called and asked me to come here to pick you up and take you home." He said, "There is something urgent there." "Urgent?" "Yes. I don't know the content." "I'm sorry, but you came here on purpose."

"That's all right," he said. "Can it be fixed right away?" "Five minutes will do." While I was gathering my clothes and stuffing them into my rucksack, Oshima's brother whistled and helped clean up the room, closing the windows, drawing the curtains, checking the gas valve, sorting out leftovers, and simply scrubbing the sink.It is not difficult to see from his every move that he has been very skilled, as if the cabin is an extension of his body. "My younger brother seems to be very satisfied with you." Oshima's elder brother said, "My younger brother is seldom satisfied with others, and there is something wrong with his personality."

①Truck produced by Nissan Corporation of Japan. ②③In Japanese, these two characters have the meaning of "down and out". ④ "Treat me very warmly." Sada nodded: "If you want to be enthusiastic, you can be very enthusiastic." He expressed his opinion succinctly. I got into the passenger seat of the truck with my rucksack under my feet.Sada started the engine, put it in gear, and finally poked his head out of the car window to slowly check the cabin from the outside again, then stepped on the gas pedal. "One of the few things our brothers have in common is this mountain hut." Sada turned the steering wheel down the mountain road with skillful gestures. "Both of us come to this hut to spend a few days alone on a whim from time to time." He deliberated for a while After a while, I continued the sentence I just uttered: "For us brothers, this is a very important place, and it is the same now. Every time I come here, I can get a certain kind of power, a quiet power. You understand what I said ?”

"I think I understand." "My younger brother can also understand." Sada said, "Those who don't understand will never understand." There were lots of white dog hair on the faded cloth upholstery.The smell of dog is mixed with the smell of sea tide.There was also the smell of paraffin wax from surfboards and cigarettes.The control knob of the air conditioner has failed.The ashtray was full of cigarette butts.There was an uncassetted cassette in the door pocket. "Into the forest several times." I said. "Deeply?" "Yes," I said, "Oshima reminded me not to go too deep."

"But you got into it pretty deep?" "yes." "I also made up my mind to go pretty deep once. Yes, it was ten years ago." Then he was silent for a while, his consciousness focused on the hands holding the steering wheel.One long detour after another.The rough tires squeezed the pebbles and flew them down the cliff.There were crows on the side of the road, and they didn't hide when the car approached, they just watched us pass by as if they were looking at something rare. "Meet the soldiers?" Sada asked me nonchalantly, as if asking the time. "Two soldiers?"

"Yes." After saying that, Sada glanced at my profile, "Where did you go?" "Ok." He held the steering wheel lightly with his right hand and remained silent for a long time.He didn't express his feelings, and his expression didn't change. "Mr. Sada," "Ok?" "What did you do when you met that soldier ten years ago?" I asked. "I saw those two soldiers, what did they do there?" He repeated my question exactly. I nodded and waited for his answer.He checked what was behind him in the rearview mirror, and then pulled his gaze back to the front.

"I haven't said that to anyone yet," he said, "not even my brother—I don't know if it's a brother or a sister, it doesn't matter, it's a brother. My brother doesn't know anything about soldiers." I nodded silently. "And I don't think I'll ever tell anyone, not even you. I don't think you'll ever tell anyone, not even me. Do you understand what I mean?" "I think I understand." "What reason do you know?" "Because even if you want to say it, you can't express it in words, because the real answer cannot be expressed in words."

"That's the case." Sada said, "That's right. Therefore, it's best not to say anything that can't be accurately expressed in words." "Even to myself?" "Yes, even to myself," Sada said. "It's better not to say anything, even to myself." Sada handed me the COOLMINT gum, and I popped a piece in my mouth. "Surfed the waves?" he asked. "No." "I'll teach you when I get a chance," he said, "if you want, of course. The waves on the coast of Kochi are great and there aren't many people. Surfing is much more than appearances. We learn to obey the forces of nature through surfing." , no matter how brutal it is."

He took a cigarette from his T-shirt pocket, put it in his mouth, and lit it with the lighter on the dashboard. "That's also one of the things that can't be explained in words, and it's one of the answers that are neither Yes nor No." As he said, he narrowed his eyes and slowly exhaled smoke out of the car window. "There is a place in Hawaii called TOILET BOWL, where the receding waves collide with the incoming waves, forming a huge eddy, swirling around like a eddy in a bedpan. So, once you get sucked into it, it is very difficult. It is difficult to float up. Some waves may kill you in the belly of the fish. In short, in the sea, you must honestly drift with the current. It is useless to plan your hands and pedals in a hurry. It is a waste of energy. You have actually experienced it once. You will know that there is nothing more terrifying than this. However, if you do not overcome this fear, you cannot become a qualified surfer. You must face death alone, know each other, and win it. In the depths of the vortex, you will consider various all sorts of things are, in a sense, the same

———— ①It means "potty bowl". Make friends with death, open your heart to it. " He jumped out of the truck at the fence, locked the door, and shook the gate a few more times to make sure it was locked. Down we have been silent.He turned on the FM music program and drove, but I knew he wasn't listening to that stuff much, just driving it symbolically.He didn't mind the interruption of the broadcast as he entered the tunnel, leaving nothing but noise.The windows were left open after driving onto the highway due to the failure of the air conditioner. "If you want to learn to surf, come to my place." Sada said when he saw the Seto Inland Sea. "If there is a room available, you can live as you like." "Thank you." I said, "I will go there sooner or later, I can't decide when." "busy?" "There are a few things that have to be sorted out, I think." "That's what I have." Sada said, "It's not me who blows." Then we didn't speak for a long time.He thinks about his problems, I think about mine.He stared straight ahead, put his left hand on the steering wheel, and smoked from time to time.He is different from Oshima in that he does not speed. With his right elbow resting on the open car window, he drives slowly along the traffic lane at the legal speed, and only moves to the overtaking lane when there is a car in front that is driving too slowly. Patiently stepped on the accelerator, and immediately returned to the traffic lane. "You surf all the time?" I asked. "Yeah," he said.It was silent again.When I almost forgot to ask, he finally gave an answer: "Surfing started in high school, and I did it occasionally. The real heart was six years ago, when I was working in a large advertising agency in Tokyo. The job was boring, so I resigned." I came back here and started surfing. I opened a surfing equipment store with my savings and borrowed money from my parents. I am single, and I have done what I like.” "Do you want to go back to Shikoku?" "That's true." He said, "If there is no sea or mountain in front of me, I always feel uneasy. People—of course to a certain extent—depend on where they grow up. Thoughts and feelings are about Linked to terrain, temperature and wind direction. Where were you born?" "Tokyo. Nakano-ku Nogata." "Want to go back to Nakano?" I shook my head and said, "I don't want to." "why?" "There's no reason to go back." "I see," he said. "It's not very linked to the terrain and the wind direction, I think." "yes." Then we were silent again.But Sada didn't seem to mind the continuation of the silence, and neither did I.I didn't think about anything, just listened to the music on the radio.He always has his eyes on the road ahead.We exited the expressway at the terminus and headed north into Takamatsu City. We arrived at Jiacun Library in the early afternoon.Sada asked me to get off in front of the library, and went straight back to Kochi without getting out of the car or turning off the engine. "thanks!" "See you another day," he said. He stretched out his hand from the car window and waved lightly, and the heavy tires squeaked and drove away-back to the waves of the sea, back to his own world, back to his own problems. I stepped into the gate of the library with my rucksack on my back, sniffed the fragrance of the neatly manicured garden plants, and felt that the last time I visited the library seemed to be several months ago, but when I thought about it, it was only four days ago. Oshima was sitting at the reading desk.He wore an unusual tie, a snow-white button-down shirt, a mustard-colored striped tie, long sleeves rolled up to the elbows, and no coat.As usual, there is a coffee cup in front of him, and two sharpened long pencils are placed side by side on the table. "Back?" Saying that, Oshima smiled as usual. "Hello!" I said warmly. "My brother sent it here?" "yes." "You don't talk much, do you?" Oshima said. "I talked a little bit." "That's good. You're lucky. For some people and occasions, there are even times when you don't say a word." "What's going on here?" I asked, "It's urgent..." Oshima nodded. "There are a few things I must tell you. First, Saeki passed away. Heart attack. Died on the desk in the second-floor room on Tuesday afternoon, I found. Sudden death. Doesn't look painful." I took the rucksack off my shoulders first, put it on the floor, and then sat on an office chair next to me. "Tuesday afternoon?" I asked. "It's Friday, maybe?" "Yes, it's Friday. Died on Tuesday after leading a tour. Perhaps you should have been notified sooner, but I'm at a loss." I sank into the chair and had difficulty moving my body.Both me and Oshima remained silent for a long time.From where I sat I could see the stairs to the second floor: the polished black banister, the stained glass window on the front of the corner landing.Stairs have a special meaning to me, because you can see Saeki from the stairs, but now it has become an ordinary staircase without any meaning.She is no longer there. "As I said before, this is probably a matter that has already been decided." Oshima said, "I understand, and she understands it too. But needless to say, after it actually happened, it was very heavy." Oshima paused here for a long time.I thought I should say something, but I couldn't. "According to the deceased's last wish, the funeral was completely avoided." Oshima continued, "So it was cremated quietly and directly. The suicide note was placed in the drawer of her desk in the room on the second floor, and all her inheritance was entrusted to be donated to the Jia village library. Bo Ron Bran left me the fountain pen as a memento. I leave you a picture, the picture of the boy by the sea. Will you accept it?" I nod. "The painting is packaged and ready to take away." "Thank you." I finally made my voice. "Well, Tamura-Kafka-kun," Oshima said, picked up a pencil and turned it around as usual, "I have a little question, can I?" I nod. "About Saeki's death, I don't need to tell you now—you already know, right?" I nodded again: "I think I know." "That's how it feels." Oshima let out a long breath, "Don't want to drink water or something? To be honest, your face looks like a desert." "Then I'll trouble you." My throat was really thirsty, and I didn't realize until Oshima said that. I drank the ice-cold water that Oshima had brought me.A dull pain deep in the head.I put the empty glass back on the counter. "You still want to drink?" I shake my head. "What's next?" Oshima asked. "I want to go back to Tokyo." I said. "How about going back to Tokyo?" "Go to the police station first and explain the previous situation clearly, otherwise I will always avoid the police everywhere in the future. I think the next step is to go back to school. I don't want to go back to school, but junior high school is compulsory education after all, and I have to accept it. I can graduate after a few months of patience, and I can do whatever I want after graduation.” "It makes sense." Oshima narrowed his eyes and looked at me, "This is really the best, maybe." "Gradually I feel that this is not a bad idea." "There is nowhere to escape." "Probably." I said. "It seems that you have grown up." I shook my head and said nothing. Oshima lightly pressed the eraser end of the pencil against his temple.The phone rang, but he ignored it. "We all keep losing all kinds of precious things," he said after the phone stopped ringing, "precious opportunities and possibilities, irretrievable feelings. It's one of the meanings of existence. But in our heads -- I think we should is in the head — There is a small room where these are kept as memories.Definitely a room like library shelves.And in order to know the correct state of our own mind, we have to keep making retrieval cards for that room.It also needs to be cleaned, changed the air, and changed the water in the vase.In other words, you are bound to live forever in your own library. " I looked at the pencil in Oshima's hand.This makes me feel very sad.But for a while I have to continue to be the toughest fifteen-year-old in the world, or at least act like that.I took a deep breath, filled my lungs with air, and pushed the emotional block as deep as possible. "When can I come back here again?" I asked. "Of course." Oshima put the pencil back on the borrowing table, clasped his hands behind his head, and looked at my face from the front, "From their tone, it seems that I will manage this library by myself for a while. I'm afraid I need an assistant After being freed from the police or the school, and if you want, you can return here. This place is fine, and this is fine, I am not going anywhere at the moment. People need places where they belong, more or less. " "thanks." "nothing." "Your brother also said he would teach me to surf." "That's good, my brother doesn't like many people." He said, "After all, it's that kind of character." I nod and smile slightly.A pair of difficult brothers. "Hey, Tamura-kun," Oshima said, staring at my face, "maybe it's my misunderstanding—I seem to be smiling a little bit when I see you for the first time." "Maybe." I did smile.I blushed. "When are you going back to Tokyo?" "Let's go." "Can't wait until the evening? After the library closes, I will take you to the station in my car." I thought for a while and shook my head, "Thank you. But I think it's better to leave right away." Oshima nodded.He took out the carefully wrapped paintings from the inner room, and handed the ring record to me. "This is my gift." "Thank you." I said, "I want to see Saeki's room on the second floor one last time, is it alright?" "Needless to say. Just be optimistic." "Would you like to come too?" "OK." We went up to Saeki's room on the second floor.I stood in front of her writing desk, quietly touching the table with my hand.I thought about everything that was slowly sucked in by the countertop, and I recalled the last figure of Saeki with her face on the table in my mind, and remembered her form when she always turned her back to the window and concentrated on writing.I always bring coffee here for Saeki, and every time I walk through the open door, she lifts her face and smiles at me as usual. "What did Ms. Saeki write here?" I asked. "I don't know what she wrote here." Oshima said, "But one thing can be asserted, she left this world with all kinds of secrets in her heart." There are all kinds of hypotheses hidden deep, I add in my heart. The window was open, and the June wind gently stirred the hem of the white lace curtains.The smell of the sea tide drifted slightly.I think of the feeling of the sand on the seashore.I left the table and walked over to Oshima and hugged his body tightly.Oshima's slender body reminds me of something very sultry.Oshima gently stroked my hair. "The world is a metaphor, Tamura-Kafka-kun," Oshima whispered into my ear, "but this library is no metaphor, either to me or to you. This library will always be this library. No matter what, I want to make this clear between you and me." "Of course." I said. "Very solid, individual, special library. Nothing else can replace it." I nod. "Goodbye, Tamura Kafka-kun." "Goodbye, Oshima," I said. "This tie is very chic." He walked away from me, staring straight into my face and smiling" "Waiting for you to say that. " ① means "solid, solid, solid". ② I carried my backpack and walked to the station, took the electric train to Takamatsu Station, and bought a ticket to Tokyo at the ticket office of the station.It should be late at night in Tokyo.I'm afraid I have to stay somewhere first, and then go back to Nogata's home.To return to an empty home where there is no one there, and to be alone there again.No one is waiting for me to go back.But there is nowhere for me to go. Use the station's public phone to call Sakura's cell phone.She is working.I said just for a while.She said she couldn't talk for too long.I can speak a few words. "Going back to Tokyo now," I said. "At Takamatsu Station right now. Just wanted to tell you this." "Has the runaways stopped?" "I think so." "Indeed, it's too early to run away from home at fifteen," she said. "What are you doing back in Tokyo?" "Probably going back to school." "In the long run, that's really not bad." "Are you going back to Tokyo too?" "Well. It's probably going to be September. Where do you want to travel in summer?" "Will you meet me in Tokyo?" "Yes, of course," she said, "Can I have your phone number?" I give out my home phone number.She notes. "Well, I dreamed of you recently," she said. "I dreamed of you too." "Oh, isn't it a yellow dream?" "Maybe," I admitted, "but it's a dream after all. What about your dream?" "My dreams are not yellow. I dreamed that you were walking around in a big maze-like house by yourself. You were looking for a special room, but you couldn't find it. At the same time, there was another person in the house looking for it in circles." You. I yelled to remind you, but the sound couldn’t get through. It was a very scary dream. Because I kept yelling in the dream, I woke up very tired. So I am very worried about you.” "Thank you," I said, "but it was a dream after all." "Nothing bad happened?" "Nothing bad happened." Nothing bad happened, I told myself. "Goodbye, Mr. Kafka," she said. "Got to work. But if you want to talk to me, call here anytime." "Goodbye," I said. "Sister!" I added. Cross the bridge, cross the sea, transfer to the Shinkansen at Okayama Station, close your eyes on the seat, and let your body adjust to the vibration of the train.There is a well-packed painting at the foot.My feet have been savoring its touch. "I hope you remember me." Saibo said, "As long as you remember me, it doesn't matter if everyone else forgets me." A certain amount of time weighs on you like an ancient dream with multiple meanings.To emerge from that time, you keep moving.Even if you go to the edge of the world, you probably can't escape that time.But you still have to go to the edge of the world, because there are things you can't do without going to the edge of the world. It started to rain when the car passed Nagoya.I watch the raindrops streaking the darkened glass.That being said, it seemed to be raining when I left Tokyo.I think about the rain in all kinds of places: the rain in the forest, the rain on the sea, the highway, the library, the edge of the world. I closed my eyes, released the strength of my body, relaxed the tense muscles, and listened to the monotonous sound of the train.A line of tears flowed down almost without warning, giving a warm touch to the cheek.It overflowed from the eyes, trickled down the cheeks and stopped at the corners of the mouth, where it dried slowly.It doesn't matter, I said to myself, just one line.I even felt that it was not my tears, but part of the rain that hit the car window.Am I doing the right thing? "You did the right thing," said the boy named Crow. "You did the most right thing. No one else could do it as well as you. After all, you are the most tenacious fifteen-year-old boy in the real world. " "But I haven't figured out the meaning of living yet," I said. "Look at the picture," he said, "listen to the sound of the wind." I nod. "You can do this." I nod. "It's best to sleep first." The boy named Crow said, "When you wake up, you will be a part of the new world." Soon, you fell asleep.When you wake up, you will be part of a new world. (Finish)