Chapter 19 19

Gotanda and I took his "Mercedes" and went to a bar in the back street of Azabu to drink.We sat down at the end of the counter and had a few cocktails.Gotanda seemed to drink quite a lot, no matter how much he drank, he was not drunk at all, and neither his tone of voice nor his expression changed.He chatted while drinking.He talked about the vulgarity of television, the stupidity of the show hosts, the disgusting vulgarity of the actors, and the sloppiness of the critics in the news specials.The words are full of wit and wit, the language is vivid, and the eyes are unique. After that, he said he wanted to hear about my situation and asked me what I had done before.So I told him concisely, about opening an advertising agency after graduating from college and becoming an editor, about marriage and divorce, about leaving the job for some reason when the work was going well and now working as a freelance writer, about money but not money. Too much but no time to use it... In a nutshell, everything seems to be calm, unlike my own life.

During this time, the bar gradually became more crowded, and it became inconvenient to talk.Someone looked furtively at his face. "Come to my house," Gotanda said, standing up. "It's near here. There's no one here. There's wine." His apartment was two or three corners from the bar.He told the "Mercedes" driver to go back.The apartment is full of style, and there are even two elevators, one of which requires a special key. "The apartment was bought by the office when I was kicked out of the house after divorce," he said, "because as a famous movie actor, it's not good to live penniless in a cheap dormitory after being kicked out by his wife, It will damage the image. Of course, I will pay the rent, formally it is lent to me by the firm, and the rent will be deducted from the funds, so why not do it!"

His room is on the top floor.The living room is spacious, there are two living rooms, there is a kitchen, and there is a balcony.From the balcony, Tokyo Tower can be clearly seen.The furniture is in a good style, simple and clear, and you can tell that the price is expensive at first glance.The living room has a wooden floor covered with several Persian rugs with unique patterns.The sofa is large, moderately soft and hard.Several pots of large foliage plants are arranged pleasing to the eye.The chandelier hanging from the ceiling and the seat lamp on the table are of Italian modern style.There are not many decorations, only a few porcelain plates that look like Ming Dynasty in China are placed on the wine cabinet.The room was kept spotless, presumably the housemaid came to clean it once a day.GQ and architectural magazines sit on the coffee table.

"Nice room," I said. "Can it be used for photography?" "It feels that way." I said, looking around the room again. "I asked an interior decoration expert to design it, and it's all in this style. It's almost a studio, and it's good for taking pictures. I knock on the wall from time to time, and I really suspect that it's made of paper. There is no life, just a superficial appearance. " "Then, you can create the breath of life!" "The problem is that there is no life," he said deadpan. He takes a record and puts it on a B&O record player, drops the needle.The friendly JBL Records P88 blared from the speakers. JBL is a masterpiece made in a time when the neurotic Standio Monitan hadn't let his voice out on the world, and the speakers still sounded the way they did.The one he played was an old Bop Koopa record.

"What would you like to drink? What would be better?" he asked. "It doesn't matter. I drink what you drink." He went to the kitchen and brought bottles of vodka and soda, a small bucket full of ice, and a plate with three sliced ​​lemons.So we drank soda vodka with lemon slices while enjoying the cold and crisp jazz of the west coast of the United States.I thought to myself, the breath of life here is indeed thin-not that there is definitely something missing, but it feels thin.Although it is thin, there is no sense of restraint. The key is the idea.For me, it is a very calm room.I sat on the comfortable sofa, drinking vodka in a good mood.

"There have been various possibilities." Gotanda raised his wine glass over his head and looked at the chandelier on the ceiling through the wine glass as he said, "If you want to be a doctor, you can become a doctor. I also took teaching courses when I was in college. , can be regarded as squeezed into the upper class. But the result is nothing more than this, nothing more than this kind of life, inexplicable. There are many cards lined up in front of me, and I can choose any one. I think I can play beautifully if I choose any one. I have this confidence. Instead, I have no choice.”

"I haven't seen any cards yet," I told him honestly.He squinted at my face and smiled, probably thinking I was joking. He poured another glass of wine, squeezed the lemon, and tossed the peel in the trash. "Even marriage is a matter of course. I acted in a movie with her, and we naturally fell in love. We used to drink together on location, and borrowed a car for a ride together. After the film was finished, we dated several times. People around thought we were two It was created in heaven, so I am sure to get married. In fact, I got married as if I was drifting with the tide. Maybe you don’t understand, the scope of our business is actually very small, and it’s no different from living in a simple long shed at the end of the alley. Once there is a wave, It has an irresistible reality. However, I really like her. Among the things I got in the first half of my life, that child is the most authentic one. After marriage, I realized this and wanted to keep her firmly. Tethered to my side. But no. The more I want to choose the object, the more the object breaks free and runs away, whether it is her or the character. If the other party comes to me, I will deal with it unparalleled; but if I actively pursue it, it will definitely be from between my fingers It's almost like slipping away."

I listened silently and said nothing. "It's not that I think pessimistically." He said, "I'm still reluctant to part with her, that's all. I often think like this: I am not an actress, and she also quits, how great it would be for the two to live freely together! No high-end apartment , don’t want ‘Mercedes-Benz’, don’t want anything. As long as you have an ordinary job and an ordinary family, it’s great. I also want a child. On the way home from work, I go to the hotel with my friends to drink and complain. Back home with her. Paying my wages to buy a Sibic or a 'Lion' - that's the kind of life, and thinking about it, that's the kind of life I want. As long as I have her. But no. That's what she wants It's something else. Her family is counting on her. Her mother is a typical behind-the-scenes figure, her father is open to money, her elder brother is in charge of management, her younger brother often makes troubles and needs money to settle the matter, and her younger sister is a popular singer. She is not allowed to get away. Besides, she has been instilled with this kind of values ​​since she was three or four years old. She has been acting as a young actor in this world, living in a limited image, completely different from you and me, and does not understand what the real world is. But she's pure at heart, fresh and refined, and I know that. But it can't, it can't be undone. Well, you know? I fell asleep with her last month."

"After the divorce?" "Yes. Feel weird?" "It's nothing too unusual," I said. "I came to this room. I don't know why I came. I called in advance and asked if I could come to play. I said of course. The two still drank and chatted as before, and fell asleep. Great. She said she still Like me, I said how wonderful it would be to get back together, she didn't say a word, just listened with a smile. I talked about ordinary family life, just like I told you just now. She still listened with a smile, in fact, I'm afraid what Didn't listen, didn't listen at all. No matter what I said, she was indifferent, playing the piano to the cow. She was just so lonely that she wanted to find someone to hug, and it happened to be on my head. It may be a bit too much to say, but it is the truth. She is completely different from you and me. The so-called loneliness to her is just an emotion that needs to be resolved by others. As long as there is someone to resolve it, everything will stop and then go nowhere. But I am not like this. "

The record was turned, replaced by silence.He raised the stylus and pondered for a moment. "Hey, don't you want a girl?" Gotanda asked. "I don't care, it's up to you," I said. "Have you ever bought a woman with money?" "No." "why?" "Unexpected." Gotanda shrugged, and thought for a while, "Just stay with me tonight," he said, "Call the girl who was with Xixi, maybe I can know something about her." "It's up to you." I said, "I'm afraid it won't be spent in the budget, right?"

He smiled and put ice cubes in the glass. "You may not believe it, but it really comes from the funds. It's such a system. The club's signboard is a banquet service company, and it issues a resounding green receipt. Even if someone comes to check, it won't be easy to reveal. It's very complicated. In this way, sleeping with a woman can be reimbursed as a reception fee in a fair manner. This world is a big deal." "A highly developed capitalist society," I said. While waiting for the girl, I suddenly thought of Xixi's perfectly shaped ears, and asked Gotanda if he had seen them. "Ear?" He looked at me inexplicably, "No, I haven't seen it. Maybe I have, but I don't remember. What about the ear?" I said nothing. Just after 12 o'clock, two girls came.One was the girl Gotanda called "elegant and luxurious" who had been with Xixi before. "Elegant and luxurious" is indeed well-deserved on her.It looked as if they met unexpectedly somewhere, and even though they didn't say hello at the time, they felt like old friends at first sight.That is to say, she belongs to the type of girl who evokes the eternal dream of men, unadorned, elegant and refined.Inside the belted double-breasted coat is a green cashmere sweater, and underneath is a very ordinary woolen skirt.The only jewelry is a pair of small earrings that don't need to be carved.A well-behaved fourth-year female college student. The other girl was wearing a cool dress and glasses.I didn't think prostitutes would wear glasses, but they actually did. Although she wasn't elegant, she was still very charming.Limbs are slender and sun-tanned to perfection.She said she had been swimming in Guam for the last week.The hair is very short and neatly gathered with hairpins.Wearing a pair of silver bracelets.The movements are crisp and neat, the skin is smooth and smooth, taut like a carnivore, looking fit and free and easy. Seeing these two girls, I couldn't help but think of my classmates in high school.The degree is different, but every class has at least one or two girls of this type.One is beautiful, demure and elegant, and the other is full of vitality and charm.Looking at the atmosphere, it is very similar to a sorority reunion—like after the reunion is over, find a relaxed and casual place with a few classmates who are compatible with each other for a second drink.This is far from wishful thinking, but it does feel that way.Gotanda also seemed to have a taste for lightness.He may have slept with both of them before, and greeted each other without seeing each other: "Oh——" "Okay?" Then he introduced me to them, saying that I was his junior high school classmate, and I made a living by dancing and writing.The girls smiled and said please take care of me, that smile seemed to tell me to relax, we are all friends.It's rare to see this type of smile in the real world.I also exchanged greetings. We either sat on the carpet or leaned on the sofa, drank the brandy of soda, talked and laughed while listening to Jackson Schick and Alan Parsons' records, and the atmosphere was very harmonious.Gotanda and I were immersed in the atmosphere, and the two girls seemed to be enjoying themselves.Gotanda shows a girl in glasses how to dress up as a dentist.The acting is really good, more like a dentist than a real dentist, it's really a gift. Gotanda was sitting next to the girl with glasses, whispering something to her, and the girl laughed from time to time.After a while, the graceful and luxurious girl gently leaned on my shoulder and took my hand.There was an indescribably wonderful fragrance from her body, so strong that it was almost suffocating.I couldn't help but feel like attending a class reunion again, and the other party seemed to be whispering to me: It was hard to say it at that time, but I really like you, why don't you date me-a boy's dream, endless reverie.I put my arm around her shoulders.She silently closed her eyes, probed under my ear with the tip of her nose, then kissed my neck and took a soft breath.When I noticed, Gotanda and the other girl had disappeared, probably in the bedroom.She asked me if I could dim the light a little, and I turned off the wall lamp, leaving only a small lamp.Listen again, the record has been changed to Bob Dylan's "It's All Over, Poor Baby." "Take it off slowly." She whispered in my ear.So I gently took off the sweater, skirt, shirt, and stockings for her.I reflexively wanted to fold the things I took off neatly, but I thought it was unnecessary, so I gave up immediately.She also undressed me: Armani tie, dark blue jeans, half-sleeved shirt, and then stood up in front of me the nude body with only a bulging bra and briefs, and asked with a smile: "how?" "Excellent!" I said.She has a very nice body.Shapely and moving, full of vitality, smooth and sexy. "How?" she asked. "Be more specific. If it's true, I'll make you happy." "Reminds me of the past, of high school," I said honestly. She narrowed her eyes in disbelief, looked at me with a smile and said, "You are quite unique." "Isn't that a bad answer?" "On the contrary." After saying that, he came to my side.I relaxed my body and let her handle it. "Not bad?" she whispered in my ear. "Not bad." I said. That movement soothes the soul like beautiful music, massages the body, and numbs the sense of time.All of it is just highly concentrated tenderness and sweetness, the harmony of space and time, and the perfect transmission of information in a certain form, and it is reimbursed from the funds. "Not bad."—I said.Bob Dylan was singing something.What are you singing? "Heavy Rain is Coming"!I hugged her gently, and she slipped into my arms obediently.Admiring Dylan while embracing an elegant young girl with funds always seemed to me a bit unusual, which was impossible in the nostalgic 1960s. It's just an image, I think, that will all disappear at the flick of a switch.A lighthearted sex scene, a stimulating sensual smell of cologne, a touch of soft skin and a hot gasp. She asked me what kind of writing and ink I danced, and I gave a general description of the content of the job.She said it didn't seem to make any sense.I said it depends on what is written, and that I was doing a so-called cultural snowplow.She said she was a sensual snowplow.Then he suggested with a smile: The two of them will sweep the snow again.We then had another cloud and rain on the carpet.This time it was done very simply and slowly.But she knew how to make me happy, no matter how simple it took.Why would she know?I am very puzzled. After that, the two of them lay side by side in the long and wide bathtub, and I began to ask her about Xixi. "Xixi," she said, "very familiar name, do you know Xixi?" I nod. She pursed her lips like a child, and sighed: "She has disappeared, she disappeared suddenly. We are quite close, and we often go out shopping and drinking together. But she left without saying goodbye, and disappeared without a trace , a month or two ago. Of course, it's nothing to be surprised about. In our line of work, you don't have to submit any resignation applications. You just don't like to leave quietly. It's just that her departure is regrettable. I got along very well with her. But what can I do, after all, I'm not a Girl Scout. Have you ever slept with Xixi?" "Live together in the past, about 4 years ago." "4 years ago?" She smiled slightly, "It seems a long time ago. 4 years ago I was an obedient female high school student!" "Can't you try to meet Shang Xixi?" I asked. "It's difficult! I really don't know where she went. As I said just now, she just disappeared, as if being sucked into the wall. There are no clues, and I'm afraid I can't find it if I try to find it. Hey, you still like it. Happy?" I slowly stretched my limbs in the water and looked up at the ceiling.I still like Xixicheng? "I can't tell. But wanting to see her has nothing to do with it. I just have to see her. I always feel that Xixi wants to see me, and I always see her in my dreams." "Strange," she said, looking into my eyes, "I often dream of Xixi too." "What dream?" She didn't answer, just smiled thoughtfully.She said she wanted a drink, so we went back to the living room and sat on the floor listening to music and drinking.She leaned against my chest and I put my arms around her bare arms.Gotanda and the girl had probably slept together, and he never came out of it once. "Hey, maybe you don't believe it, I think I'm very happy with you now, really. It has nothing to do with dealing with affairs or acting on occasions. Happiness is happiness. I won't lie to you. Believe it or not?" she said. "Xin." I said, "I am also very happy and relaxed now, just like having a class reunion." "You are a little special!" "What about Xixi," I said, "no one knows? Her address, her real name..." She slowly shook her head: "We hardly talk about it. Everyone's name is chosen randomly, for example, Xixi, my name is Mimi, and the other girl's name is Mami, both are two words. As for In personal life, we don’t know each other, and we don’t inquire about it. It’s out of courtesy. Unless the other party brings it up, we have a very good relationship, a friendly group, and go out to play with each other. But this is not reality, no. I don’t know what kind of person the other party is. I’m Mimi and she’s Xixi. We don’t have a real life, how should we put it, what we have is just an illusion, an illusion floating in the air, light and floating. The name is nothing more than the code name of the illusion. So we try to respect each other’s illusion as much as possible. This, do you understand?" "Understood." I said. "There are some guests who sympathize with us. In fact, it is unnecessary. We do this not only to make money, but also a kind of happiness for us at this moment. The club implements a strict membership system, and the quality of the guests is reliable, and they will all make us enjoy happiness , we too are immersed in pleasant hallucinations." "Happy snowplow." "Yes, happy snowplow," she said, kissing my chest. "Mimi," I said, "I really knew a girl named Mimi in the past. She was born in a farm in Hokkaido and worked as a bellman in a dental hospital next to my office. Everyone called her Goat Mimi. He's a bit dark and thin, but he's a good boy." "Mimi the goat," she repeated, "your name?" "The black bear plopped." "It's a fairy tale," she said. "Brilliant! Mimi the goat and Plop the bear." "What a fairy tale." I also said. "Kiss me!" said Mimi, and I hugged her and kissed her.A passionate kiss, a provocative kiss.Then we drank a few glasses of brandy soda and listened to Police records.Police Band - another cheesy band name.Why bother calling it the police band?Just as I was thinking, Mimi had already fallen asleep sweetly in my arms.Mimi in her sleep does not look graceful and luxurious, but more like a sentimental ordinary girl that is often seen.So I thought of the class reunion again.The hour hand has passed 4 o'clock, and everything around is completely silent.Goat Mimi and the black bear plop.Pure illusion.A fairy tale that is reimbursed with expenses.police band.Another amazing day.Seemingly connected but not connected, Er felt along the line, Er interrupted immediately.I talked a lot with Gotanda, and even began to have a certain fondness for him.I met Mimi the goat by chance, and had a good time, and the joy was boundless for a while.I became a black bear plop.Functional snowplow.But still wandering and helpless. The three woke up while I was making coffee in the kitchen.6:30 in the morning.Mimi was wearing a yukata, Mame was wearing a paisley top, and Gotanda was wearing a bottom.I wear blue jeans and a half-sleeved shirt. Four people sat around the table drinking coffee, grabbing slices of toast, passing butter and marmalade to each other."Baroque music for you" was playing on the shortwave radio.Henry Purcell.Smells like a camping morning. "Like a camping morning," I said. "Exactly." Mimi agreed. At 7:30, Gotanda called a taxi and took the two girls home.Before leaving, Mimi kissed me and said, "If you happen to meet Xixi, please say hello for me." I quietly handed over my business card and told her to call me if I had any news, and she nodded in agreement. "There is a chance to sweep the snow together again!" Mimi said with one eye closed. "Shoveling snow?" Gotanda asked. After the two of us were left, we drank another cup of coffee. I made the coffee, and I am very good at making coffee.The sun rose quietly, shining brightly on Tokyo Tower.The scene in front of me reminded me of the previous Nescafe advertisements.It seems that there is also Tokyo Tower in the morning light.A morning in Tokyo starts with coffee – maybe that's not the right way to say.It doesn't matter if it's right or not, anyway, Tokyo Tower is bathed in the morning light, and we are drinking coffee.And maybe that's why I was reminded of the Nescafé ad. It's time for serious men and women to go to work or school.But we are not like this, having a night of fun with elegant and skilled girls, and now drinking coffee in a daze.Going down is nothing more than sleeping with your head covered.Like it or not, Gotanda and I—albeit to different degrees—have deviated from the normal way of life. "What are you doing next, today?" Gotanda turned his head towards me. "Go back to sleep," I said, "nothing planned." "I'm going to take a nap right now. I want to see someone at noon to discuss something." Then, we looked at Tokyo Tower silently for a while. "How, are you happy?" Gotanda asked. "Happy," I said. "How's the progress? Any news about Xixi?" I shake my head. "Just say that it disappeared suddenly, just like what you said. There are no clues, and I don't even know my real name." "I also inquired among the film industry," he said, "I just happened to inquire about it and didn't know anything about it." After that, he pursed his lips and scratched his temple with the handle of a coffee spoon.When the girl sees her, she might be tempted again. "I said, what do you plan to do if you find Xixi?" He asked, "Revisiting old dreams? Right? Or just out of nostalgia?" "I can't tell." I said. I really can't tell.The plan after seeing it can only be said after seeing it. After drinking the coffee, Gotanda drove me back to the Shibuya apartment in his tawny “Mercedes” with dim lights all over. "Can I call you again soon?" he said. "It's very interesting to talk to you. I don't have many friends to talk to. As long as it's convenient for you, I'd like to meet again in a few days, okay?" "no problem." I thank him for the roast beef, the wine, and the girls. He didn't make a sound, just shook his head quietly.Not to mention I completely understand what he means.