Chapter 11 Chapter 8 The Different Emotional Needs of Men and Women

Men and women are often unaware that they have different emotional needs, so they don't know how to support each other. Men usually just give them what they want, and women give them what they want. Both sides mistake the other's needs and reasons. They are the same, and as a result, both of them are dissatisfied and unhappy. Both men and women feel that they keep giving without getting anything back. They feel that their love has not been found and appreciated. In fact, they both give love, but neither is needed by the other. For example, a woman perceives her as a show of love by asking a lot of caring questions or expressing concern, which, as discussed earlier, can cause distress for a man who may feel controlled and run away while she Confused, because she would appreciate it if she was treated this way, not knowing that the way she expresses her love is what bothers him the most.

Similarly, men think they are showing love, but the way they express love makes women feel that they are not recognized and supported. Might say, "Don't worry, it's not a big deal." Or he thinks it's important to give her a lot of "space" to calm down and go into her cave.He supported her in such a way that she felt insignificant, unloved, and ignored. If you don't understand the difference in needs between men and women, and don't understand that when a woman is sad, what she needs is to be heard and understood, a man can't understand why a woman doesn't accept his help.

Twelve Love Needs When we need love, we need to sort out our complex emotions.Both men and women have six equally important love needs. Men basically need trust, acceptance, gratitude, praise, affirmation and encouragement; women basically need care, understanding, respect, loyalty, approval and comfort.A full understanding of these twelve types of love can do the heavy lifting of meeting your partner's needs. Reviewing the checklist below may help you see why your partner may not feel your love.Most importantly, when you don't know how to treat the opposite sex, this table can directly improve your relationship.

women need to feel men need to feel ．care ．trust.learn ．accept.respect ．gratitude.pet ．praise.identify with ．affim.comfort ．encourage understand your basic needs Everyone needs these twelve kinds of love eventually.The six basic love needs of women are listed here. It does not mean that men do not need these. Men also need care, understanding, respect, loyalty, approval and comfort, but the so-called "basic needs" refer to those who can accept and appreciate other types Basic needs must be met before love can be found. Basic needs must be met before other types of love can be fully accepted and appreciated.

begging. A man must be able to accommodate and appreciate the six love needs of a woman after his own needs are met; similarly, a woman also needs trust, acceptance, gratitude, praise, affirmation and encouragement, but she must first meet her own basic needs, Only then can we truly value and appreciate the other six expressions of love. Knowing your partner's basic needs is a powerful recipe for a stronger relationship, and remembering that men are from Mars can help you accept that men have different basic needs in love. A woman tends to give what she needs and forgets that her favorite Martian may need something else; similarly, a man tends to focus on what they need and forget to follow the fact that the love they need is not suitable or cannot Support their favorite Venusians.

The most useful and practical concept of this new interpretation of love is that these different manifestations of love are actually reciprocal. For example, when a man expresses his concern and understanding, a woman will automatically give back the trust and acceptance he needs; When trusting, it has the same effect. A man will automatically return the attention she needs. The twelve loves are then illuminated in a practical way, revealing their reciprocal function. 1. She needs care, and he needs trust. When a man expresses interest in a woman's feelings and cares about her well-being, she feels loved and cared for.If he makes her feel special because of it, he has successfully met her first basic need, and she will automatically trust him more and become more open and accepting.

To trust a man is to trust that he will do everything in his power to give his partner the best.When a woman reveals positive beliefs about a man's abilities and intentions, his first basic love need is met, so he naturally becomes more concerned and attentive to her feelings and needs. Two, she needs to understand and he needs to accept. When a man listens empathetically to a woman's feelings without judgment, she feels loved and understood.The correct understanding attitude is not to presuppose a position on the already known personal thoughts or feelings, but to collect what he has heard, and then confirm what is being communicated with each other.The more a woman's need to be heard and understood is met, the easier it will be for her to give a man the acceptance he needs.

A woman accepts a man with love and makes him feel accepted without trying to change him.The attitude of acceptance is not rejection. This does not mean that a woman believes that he is perfect, but that she does not try to change him. She believes that he has the ability to improve himself.Once a man feels accepted, he is ready to listen and give the other the understanding he needs and deserves. 3. She needs respect and he needs gratitude. She feels respected if a man recognizes and prioritizes her rights, wants, and needs.Showing respect, in the form of sending flowers or remembering a wedding anniversary, is necessary to satisfy a woman's third basic need.If she feels respected, she can easily express the gratitude a man needs.

When a woman benefits and feels personally valued by a man's efforts and performance, the man also feels appreciated.Gratitude is a natural response to being supported.When a man feels grateful, he knows that his hard work is not in vain, and he will pay more for it, and he will take the initiative to respect his partner. 4. She needs focus and he needs praise. When a man prioritizes meeting a woman's needs and proudly promises to support her and fulfill her, her fourth basic love requirement is met.Women feel blissful when they are pampered and treated special.If a man regards the feelings and needs of his female partner more than his own interests such as work, reading, and entertainment, he can satisfy her need to be loved.When a woman feels that he considers her number one in her life, she will adore him with joy.

Just as women need a man's pampering, a man needs a woman's admiration.To praise a man is to honor him with wonder, delight, and affirmation.A man feels admired if she surprises her with his qualities or talents: humor, strength, perseverance, integrity, honesty, romance, kindness, love, empathy, and other so-called traditional qualities.If a man can be admired, he will feel comfortable giving her loyalty and pampering her. 5. She needs approval and he needs affirmation. A woman's fifth basic need is fulfilled when a man identifies with a woman's feelings and needs instead of fighting or arguing with them.A man's attitude of approval asserts a woman's right to feel (remember, a man can agree with a woman's point of view, but also keep his own).If a man can let a woman know his attitude of approval, he will surely get the basic need of affirmation.

A man wants at heart to be his woman's hero or warrior in shining armor, and her affirmation is a sign that he has passed the test.A woman's affirmative attitude confirms the man's goodness and expresses her satisfaction with him (remember, affirming a man does not mean agreeing with his ideas and practices).Affirmation is looking for or acknowledging the good reasons behind his behavior, and when he gets the affirmation he needs, he can identify with her feelings. 6. She needs comfort and he needs encouragement. When a man repeatedly demonstrates concern, understanding, respect, approval, and focus, the woman's need for reassurance is satisfied.A man's reassuring attitude convinces a woman that she is always loved. A man often makes the mistake of thinking that as long as he meets all of her basic love needs and makes her feel happy and safe, she will believe that he will always love her. This is not the case. In order to meet her sixth basic need, he must remember to constantly comfort her. . A man often makes the mistake of thinking that if he meets all her basic needs for love and makes her feel happy and safe, she will trust him to love her forever. Likewise, a man depends on a woman's encouragement to meet his basic needs.A woman's encouraging attitude gives a man the courage to express his confidence in his ability and character.The trust, acceptance, gratitude, praise, and affirmation expressed by women can all encourage men to go forward.Encouragement can inspire him to give her the comfort she needs. After a man meets these six basic love needs, he will show his best side, but if a woman does not know his basic needs and replaces trust with care, it may unknowingly destroy the relationship between the two, The next story is an example of this. Samurai in shining armor Inside every man is a hero or warrior in shining armor who wants to protect and serve the woman he loves as best he can.When he is trusted, it is possible to show his noblest side and become more considerate; but when he does not feel trusted, loses vitality and strength, he will immediately stop being considerate. A samurai in armor was traveling through the countryside, and suddenly heard a woman crying in the street, and he immediately Vigorously galloping her horse to her castle, she was trapped by a wild beast.brave warrior He drew his sword and assassinated the beast, but the princess accepted him. The gates of the castle were opened, and the princess's family and the people of the town welcomed him and celebrated him.He suffers Invited to live in the city, the people regard him as a hero.He is in love with the princess. A month later, the samurai went on a trip again. When he came back, he heard his lover princess crying for help. A beast is attacking the castle.When the warrior arrived, he drew his sword again to kill the beast. Before he could take a step, the princess cried out from the castle, "Not with a sword, but with a rope." She threw him the rope, as if demonstrating how he should use it.He hesitantly followed her lead Then he put the rope around the beast's neck and pulled it hard.The beast is dead and everyone is high prosper.At the celebration party, the samurai felt that he had not done anything because he used her rope instead of his own sword, he felt that he could not bear the trust and admiration of the people of the town, and he also felt that Get frustrated and forget to polish your armor. A month later, he went on a trip again, carrying a sword with him. The princess told him to take care of himself and handed over the rope to him. give him.When he came back, he saw another wild beast attacking the castle. He immediately drew his sword and rushed forward, but his heart was full of fear. Thinking that maybe he could use a rope, he was hesitating when the beast breathed fire at him and burned his right side. He looked at the window in trouble, and the princess stood in front of the window and waved to him. She yelled: "The rope is useless, use this bag of poison." She threw the poison to him.He poured the poison into the beast's mouth, and the beast died instantly.Everyone is happy Celebrated, but the samurai was ashamed. A month later, he traveled again.Carrying his sword with him, the princess told him to be careful in everything and to He carries a noose and poison.Her advice bothered him, but he kept the noose and poison in his bag inside. On a certain street during his journey, he heard another woman crying, and when he rushed to rescue her, he felt His depression has been completely eliminated, and he is full of confidence and vitality again.But when he drew his sword and stabbed the beast, he still Get up, he doesn't know how to use a sword?With a noose?Or use poison?What would the princess advise him to use? He was puzzled for a while, and then he recalled the situation when he only had a sword on his body before he met the princess. shape.With renewed confidence, he drops the noose and poison and takes on the beast with his trusty sword. Finally, he assassinated the beast, and the city people rejoiced.And so, the samurai in shining armor He didn't go back to the princess either, he stayed in this town and lived a happy life.Later he married, But before marrying, he was sure his partner didn't know about nooses and poison. Remembering that inside every man is a warrior in shining armor will help you remember a man's basic needs.Although a man is very grateful for your care and help, sometimes too much care and help will make his confidence plummet. You may be rejecting your partner unintentionally Men and women can hurt each other if they don't know what the other cares about.We can often see men and women not only communicating in a counterproductive way, but also often rejecting each other. Men can be vulnerable when they don't get the basic need of love that they want.Women often don't know that the way they communicate not only doesn't support men, it hurts their ego; she may try to understand how he feels, but she can't help him directly because his basic needs are different from hers. If a woman can understand the basic love needs of a man, she can better grasp the reasons for his dissatisfaction.Here are the most common miscommunications women make about their basic need for love in a man.Men make the same mistakes as women.They often don't know that their communication style is disrespectful and supportive of a woman. A man may know that she is angry with him, but unless he understands her needs and why she doesn't feel loved, he can't change his communication style. When a man understands a woman's basic needs, he can better grasp her needs. when love fails Love often fails because people intuitively give what they think the other person wants.Women will take the initiative to care about and understand men, because their basic love needs are to be cared for and understood, but men often regard this kind of caring support as she does not trust him.His basic need is to be trusted, not cared for. Then, if he didn't respond positively to her concern, she couldn't understand why he didn't appreciate her support.Of course, he also gives the other the way he thinks he loves, which is not what she needs, so they are caught in a series of failures that cannot satisfy each other. Beth explains: "I can't just give without taking back. Arthur doesn't appreciate what I give him. I love him, but he doesn't love me." Arthur explained: "I never got things right. I didn't know what to do. No matter how hard I tried, she still didn't love me. I loved her, but it didn't work." Beth and Arthur have been married for eight years.They almost wanted to give up the marriage because they didn't feel the love.Interestingly, they all thought they were giving more than they were taking back.Beth believed she gave a lot, Arthur felt he gave more, when in fact they both gave, but neither got what they wanted or needed. They love each other, but because they don't understand the basic needs of their partners, the love cannot be communicated.Beth gives what she wants, Arthur gives what he wants, and it burns them both out. Many people give up on love when things go wrong in a relationship.If we can understand the basic needs of our partners, it will be easier to maintain our relationship with each other.Giving the other person what they need can help us avoid wasted effort and burnout.These twelve different basic needs of love allow us to understand why love fails.In order to satisfy your partner, you must learn how to give your partner the basic needs of love they need. Man learns to calm down and listen The number one way a man can successfully meet a woman's basic love needs is through communication.As mentioned earlier, in the world of women, communication is particularly important. By learning to listen to women's feelings, men can effectively express concern, understanding, respect, focus, recognition and comfort. The biggest problem men have when listening to women is getting frustrated or angry because they forget that women are from Venus and should communicate with them differently than men.The following table lists some differences and suggestions that should be kept in mind. Remember the differences what to do and what not to do 1. Remember: You are angry because you still understand her point of view 1. Take responsibility to get to know her, don't blame her for causing you point, not that she caused your anger. sad.Start trying to understand. 2. Remember: "feeling" is not immediately understood 2. Take a deep breath and don't say anything!relax, try Yes, but she still needs to be empathized. Control your urge to comment, try to imagine How would you feel if you were in her shoes. 3. Remember: Anger may be caused by you being at a loss 3. Don't blame her for not caring about your answer. even if she doesn't feel better right away, your Things get better.If your answer is not what she needs Listening and understanding will definitely help her. Yes, how could she feel better?provide answers , be sure to avoid arguments. 4. Remember: You don't have to give up your point of view, or completely 4. If you want to express a different point of view, please make sure Agree with her just to make her appreciate that you are a She has said it, then repeats it before you say it Good listener. her point of view.Don't raise your voice. 5. Remember: Don't pretend to be a good listener to her. 5. Let her know that you don't understand, but want to.to self Now fully understand her point of view. Take responsibility for your ignorance, don't criticize or accuse her statement is incomprehensible. 6. Remember: You are not responsible for her feelings, she can 6. Wait until she feels you know her before gently Can seem to blame you, in fact she just needs explain or apologize. Just be understood. 7. Remember: If she really pissed you off, it might be 7. Don't argue with her feelings and opinions, etc. She doesn't trust you.Inside she's a frightened little Set aside time to discuss things when you are more stable.Can Girls, afraid to open up, also afraid to be hurt, she Practice the love letter skills provided in chapter eleven. Your kindness and mercy are needed. When a man can listen to a woman's feelings without getting angry or frustrated, he is giving her the greatest gift.He enables her to express herself in a safe situation, and the more she expresses, the more she feels heard and understood, and the more she can give a man the loving trust, acceptance, gratitude, praise, affirmation and encouragement he needs. Women Learn the Art of Empowerment Not only men need to learn the art of listening to meet the basic needs of women in love, women also need to learn the art of empowerment.When a woman supports a man, she empowers him and believes in his abilities.A man feels empowered when he is trusted, accepted, appreciated, praised, affirmed and encouraged. As seen in the story of the samurai in shining armor, many women try to help their man improve, only to unknowingly hurt him.Any attempt to change him would rob him of his basic need for love. The secret to empowering a man is never to try to change him or improve him.Of course you want him to change But never have the desire.The only time he is open and open to change is when he directly asks for specific advice. The secret to empowering a man is to never try to change or improve him. In a woman's world, giving advice is seen as an act of love, but not in a man's world.Women must remember that men only give advice when they are directly asked for it, and that the way to show love to a man is to trust him to figure things out on his own. But this does not mean that a woman has to suppress her feelings. As long as she does not try to change him, she can of course be frustrated or even angry. Any attempt to change him will not be supported and will be counterproductive. When a woman falls in love with a man, she usually begins to try to change their relationship. Her overzealousness makes him a target for advancement, and she gradually improves him. Why Men Resist Change She tried countless ways to change him or improve him, and she thought it was out of love, but he felt manipulated, rejected, and unloved.He stubbornly rejected her, because he felt that she was rejecting him, so he wanted to change him.When women try to change men, men don't get the loving trust and acceptance they really need to change and grow. I once asked hundreds of men and women in a lecture hall, and they all had a common experience: The more a woman tries to change a man, the more the man resists. The crux of the problem is that the woman misinterprets the man's reaction of resistance. She mistakenly thinks that he is unwilling to change, maybe because he doesn't love her enough, but the correct reason for his refusal to change is that he feels that he doesn't feel loved enough.If a man feels trusted, accepted, and appreciated, he will automatically change, grow, and improve. There are two kinds of men, one is that when a woman wants to change him, he stubbornly resists, and the other is that he agrees to change, but immediately forgets after a while and returns to the original state.A man's response to change is either active resistance or passive resistance. When a man feels that his performance is unloved, he will consciously or unconsciously repeat this unacceptable behavior.There will be a powerful force inside him that compels him to repeat the behavior until he feels loved and accepted.For a man to change, he must feel loved and accepted, otherwise he will resist and stay the same.He needs to feel accepted for his performance before he can find ways to improve on his own. Just as men want to explain why women shouldn't be sad, women want to explain why men shouldn't behave the way they do.Men make the mistake of trying to "fix" women, and women make the mistake of trying to "improve" men. Men see the world through the eyes of Martians, and their motto is "if it ain't broken, don't fix it", so when a woman wants to change a man - the man thinks she thinks something is wrong with him, which not only hurts the man, but also makes him Defensive because he doesn't feel loved and accepted. The best way to help a man grow: Don't try to change his gender in any way. A man needs others to accept him and ignore his flaws.It's not easy to accept a man's flaws, especially when we think he can be better, but if we understand that the best way to help a man grow is not to try to change him in any way, then accepting flaws is It won't be too difficult. When men and women learn to support each other without putting their individual needs first, both will change and grow naturally.By carefully understanding the six basic needs of your spouse, you can adjust your loving support according to these needs to make your relationship more harmonious and fulfilling.