Chapter 8 chapter eight

In the end, Haida left Tsukuru at the end of February of the following year, eight months after the two had known each other.This time, he never came back. After the end-of-semester exams were over and the results were announced, Haida returned to his hometown of Akita.But he told Tsukuru that he would be back soon.The winter in Akita is extremely cold, and I get tired of staying at home for two weeks, so it's easier to stay in Tokyo.It's just that the family needs someone to help remove the snow, so I have to go back for a while.But after two weeks, three weeks, this young friend did not return to Tokyo.No contact at all.

At the beginning, Tsukuru didn't pay much attention to it.Maybe it's because being at home is more comfortable than I thought it would be, or maybe it's snowed especially hard this year.Tsukuru himself returned to Nagoya for about three days in mid-March.Although I don't want to go back, I can't stay home and have a look.Although Nagoya doesn't need snow removal, my mother keeps calling Tokyo, explaining why she didn't come back after the holiday. "During vacation, there are important projects that must be completed." Tsukuru lied.But the mother still insisted firmly, even if it was like that, she could still come back in two or three days.My sister also called and said that my mother felt very lonely, so let's go back and have a look even if it's a few days.He replied, "I know, I will go back."

During the time back to Nagoya, except for walking the dog to a nearby park in the evening, Tsukuru didn't go out at all.It was because he was afraid of bumping into one of the four friends in the past on the road.Especially after dreaming of having sex with Black and White, Tsukuru really didn't have the courage to meet their real people.Because that would be the same as raped them in the imagination.Although that kind of dream has nothing to do with his will, it is impossible for the other party to have any kind of dream by himself.Or maybe when they saw Tsukuru's face, they would figure out what happened in the dream.Perhaps it would have condemned that sordid and capricious dream.

Tsukuru refrained from masturbation (masturbation) as much as possible, not because he felt guilty about masturbation itself, but what made him feel guilty was that he couldn't help thinking of the appearance of white and black.Even if they try to think about something else, they still sneak in. But if masturbation is reduced, correspondingly, there will be no erotic dreams.Basically without exception is the appearance of white and black.The result is still the same.But at least, this is not the image that emerges from thinking about it.Maybe this sounds like an excuse. Although this explanation is just another way of saying it, it is of great significance to Tsukuru.

The content of the dreams he had was mostly the same.Although the details of each setting and action will be different, the two of them wrap their naked bodies around Tsukuru's body, caress his whole body with fingers and lips, then stimulate his genitals and then have sex, and so on. The process is unchanged.And the last ejaculation object is always Shiro.Even though he had sex with Kuro passionately, when Tsukuru realized it was near the final stage, the partners suddenly switched, and Tsukuru released his semen in Shiro's body.Tsukuru started to have this fixed pattern of dreams because he couldn't see the two of them again after being expelled from the group in the summer of his sophomore year.In short, it started when Zuo Heng made up his mind to forget about those four people. Before that, Zuo had never had such a dream.Of course Tsukuru didn't understand why this happened.This question is also buried deep in the "undecided" drawer of its cabinet of consciousness.

Full of endless frustration in his heart, Saku returned to Tokyo.But there was still no news of Haida, neither the swimming pool nor the library could see him.Called his dormitory several times, but each time said he was not there.After thinking about it, he didn't know the address and phone number of his hometown Akita.In this way, the spring break is over without knowing it, and the new school year has begun.Zuo became a senior student.The cherry blossoms are blooming, thank you again.There is still no news from the young friend. Tsukuru also made a special trip to the student dormitory where Haida lived.The dormitory manager told him that Haida had submitted an application for retiring from the dormitory at the end of the last school year, and had packed all his luggage and brought him back.Tsukuru was speechless for a while.The reason for his eviction from the dormitory, where he moved to, the administrator had no idea, or so claimed.

Tsukuru went to the university's office to check his student records, and found that Haida had submitted a suspension application.Due to the relevant personal information, the reason for the study cannot be disclosed.Haida submitted the stamped application for suspension of studies and dormitory withdrawal right after the end-of-semester exams were over.At that time, he still saw Tsukuru often.Swim together in the pool, stay at the writer's house on weekends, and talk until late at night.Even so, Haida completely concealed the matter of his suspension from school.He just smiled nonchalantly and said to Tsukuru, "I'm going back to Akita for about two weeks." Then he disappeared from Tsukuru's eyes.

Tsukuru felt that he might never see Haida again.He seemed to have made up his mind to disappear from my presence without a word.It's not a coincidence, he has a clear reason for doing this.Whatever the reason, Haida probably won't come back here again.There is nothing wrong with your intuition.At least until Tsukuru's graduation, Haida didn't come back to university, and still had no contact. At that time, Tsukuru felt that this was really unbelievable.Haida repeated his father's fate.He also studied at the age of twenty and concealed his whereabouts.It's like trying to follow in my father's footsteps.Or was the encounter with his father a story fabricated by Haida?Did he use his father's name to tell him something about himself?

But for some reason, this time Haida's disappearance did not bring Tsukuru such great confusion as the previous one.Tsukuru didn't feel the pain of being abandoned or rejected.Because of the loss of Haida, Tsukuru was instead dominated by a kind of calm, a strange and neutral calm.Although he didn't quite understand the reason, Tsukuru felt that perhaps Haida took over some of his sin and filth, and ended up leaving for a distant place. With Haida gone, he naturally felt lonely doing it.It was a regrettable ending, Haida was one of his few important friends.But this is also the result of no way.Haida left behind a machine for grinding coffee beans, half a bag of coffee beans, Liszt's "Pilgrimage Year" played by Lazar Berman (a set of 3 records), and the pair of clear and incredible eyes.

In May, one month after Haida left school, Tsukuru had sex with a real woman for the first time.At that time he was 21 years old, 21 years and six months.From the beginning of the semester, Tsukuru started part-time drawing and practice at a design office in the city.The other party was a single woman who was four years older than she met at the office, and she was doing clerical work in that office.She was petite, with long hair, large ears, and beautifully shaped feet.The figure gives the impression of being exquisite and tight overall.Her appearance is not so much a beauty, but a cute one.As soon as she told a joke to her, she smiled and showed her white teeth.Ever since Tsukuru joined that firm, she had been kind to him in various matters.Tsukuru felt that she had a crush on him.Maybe it's because he grew up with two older sisters, and Tsukuru naturally relaxes around older women.The woman happened to be the same age as her second sister.

Tsukuru found a chance to invite her to dinner, then invited her to his room, and finally made up his mind to invite her to bed.She refused neither, and hardly hesitated.This was the first time for Tsukuru, but everything went smoothly.No confusion, no cringe from start to finish.So the other party seems to think that although Tsukuru is young, he has a lot of sexual experience.Although Tsukuru actually only had sex with women in his dreams. Tsukuru naturally has a crush on her too.She is charming and intelligent.Of course, I couldn't give Saku the rational stimulation like Haida did, but she has a straightforward personality, full of curiosity, and it's a pleasure to talk to her.She is also very proactive when it comes to sex.Tsukuru learned a lot about the female body from having sex with her. Although she doesn't cook very well, she likes cleaning very much, so Zuo's apartment was thoroughly cleaned very quickly.The carpet, sheets, pillowcases, towels, and bath towels were all replaced with new and clean ones.Since Haida left Tsukuru's life, she has brought a lot of color and vitality to Tsukuru.But Tsukuru actively approached this woman older than himself, and pursued her body, not because of his passion for sex, nor because he had a good impression of her, and it could not even be said to relieve the loneliness of life.The reason why he did this was to prove that he was not gay and that he could ejaculate not only in dreams, but also in living women.This was - Tsukuru himself might not agree with - his main purpose. So, this goal was achieved. On weekends, she would spend the night at the writer's house, just like Haida had done not long ago.Then they lie in bed together and spend time making love, sometimes until dawn.When doing it, he tried his best to think only of the two bodies.He focused his consciousness on the movement, turned off the switch of his imagination, and tried his best to drive all the illusory things—white and black naked bodies, Haida's lips—to a distance.Since she was on the pill, Tsukuru was able to ejaculate inside her without any worries.The other party also seems to be enjoying it, satisfying and making sex, and there will be wonderful sounds when the orgasm is reached.It's okay, I'm normal.Tsukuru said so to himself.Since then, I no longer dream of Chunmeng. The relationship lasted almost eight months before the pair amicably split.That was when I was approaching my graduation from college.At that time, the company to work for the Electric Railway Company had already been settled, and the part-time job at the design firm was also over.While dating Tsukuru, she also has a childhood sweetheart in her hometown of Niigata (this was informed from the beginning), and she will officially get married in April.She quit her job at a design firm and went to live in Sanjo City, where her fiancé works.One day in bed she said to Zuo, so I can't see you anymore. "He's a nice guy." She put her hand on Tsukuru's chest and said, "Maybe he's right for me." "It's a pity I won't see you again, but I should say congratulations," Tsukuru said. "Thank you," she said.Then, like adding a footnote in small font at the corner of a page, I added the sentence "In the future, maybe I will have a chance to see you again." "That's fine," Tsukuru said.But what this footnote she added meant he couldn't understand.It's just a faint thought that even if the partner is changed to a fiancé, she will probably make the same voice.Then the two did it again. Tsukuru really regrets not being able to see her once a week.In order to avoid the vivid sexual dream, and to continue living in the current state, he needs a regular sexual partner.But her marriage was convenient for Tsukuru.Because for this girlfriend who is older than him, he only has a stable affection and a healthy sexual desire.And at that time, Tsukuru entered a new stage in his life.