Chapter 19 Chapter Six

He started his journey again. During the trip, he suffered from the loneliness and depression of a person, tasted what it was like to sleep in a tent and was woken up from the cold, and tasted the pain of love leaving him. He had a deep understanding of all the ups and downs. He is back in Paris. He often goes in and out of social places, and has tried love several times.However, when I think of that first love, all love now is too tasteless.Gradually, he became indifferent to that fanatical love and lost himself in the emotional world.So he felt relieved.Years passed, and a few years passed quickly; he has always been so slow, and he has always been so dull about emotional matters.

One evening toward the end of March, 1867, as he was sitting alone in his study, a woman entered. "Madame Arnoux!" "Frederick!" She took his hand, slowly dragged him to the window, looked at him carefully, and kept saying: "It's him! It's really him!" At dusk, he could only dimly see her eyes glowing, and a black veil over her head. She put a little velvet bag by the fire and sat down.Neither of them spoke, they just looked at each other. It was he who could not bear it, asked many questions, and mentioned her and Arnoux. They went to a remote corner of Brittany to save money and pay off their debts.It can be said that Arnoux has been bedridden, and now he is no different from an old man.The daughter is married to Bordeaux, and the son is serving in the army at Mustaganem.After a while, he raised his eyes and said:

"I'm seeing you again at last! I'm so happy!" He also had to tell her, as a matter of course, that he had hurried to her house when he learned that they were in trouble. "I see!" "How do you know that?" She had seen him in the courtyard, but she hid himself. "Then why?" She said tremblingly and stammering: "I was worried! Yes, for you—and for myself!" Her words made him so happy that he could feel his heart beating violently.She continued: "Don't blame me for not being able to visit you earlier." She pointed to the small red handbag with golden palm leaves on it and said, "I sewed this for you. It contains your property in Meicheng That part of the money as collateral."

Frederick was very grateful for her behavior, but also criticized her for causing trouble. "No! I'm not here to do that! I've come to see you, and I'll be leaving here in a moment—and going back there." She gave her current address. She lives in a very small house with only one floor, beside it is a garden full of boxwood trees, and the tree-lined road leads directly to the top of the hill. Chestnut trees are planted on both sides of the road, and you can overlook the sea at the top of the hill. "I go there a lot and sit on a stool that I call the 'Frederick Stool.'"

After saying this, she stared at the furniture, small toys, and painting screens, hoping to keep these in her heart forever.A curtain blocked most of Roseanne's portrait; however, the dazzling gold and white could still be found in the darkness. "I seem to have seen her." "No way! This is a classic Italian work." She told him she wanted to walk down the street with her arm around him. So they went out into the street. From time to time her bloodless face was illuminated by the light of the small shop; I don't feel any more, just like a fellow traveler walking on the land covered with residual leaves in the field.

They told each other about the past, the evening parties held by the craft club, Arnoux's preference for wearing fake collars, and the way he put grease on his beard, and they also talked about some lingering inner thoughts.When he heard her sing for the first time, he was so happy!She was so pretty when she went to Saint Cloud for her birthday!He spoke of the little garden at Auteuil, of evenings spent at the theatre, of occasional encounters in the boulevard, of the former servant, the Negro maid. She was surprised that he could still remember the past.But she told him: "When your voice echoes in my ears, it seems to be a distant echo, and it is also like a bell blown by the wind; when I see a piece about love, it seems that you are beside me."

"You've made me taste everything I've been accused of exaggerating," said Frederick. "I see, I see." "My dear, what a pity!" She sighed; without speaking for a long time, she said: "No matter what, my love for you will never change." "But we can't have each other!" "Maybe it's better that way," she replied. "No, no! If we can stay together forever, we will have a happy life!" After being separated for so long, his feelings for her are still so strong, this kind of love is too persistent, too great!

Frederick asked her how she had ever felt his love. "That night you kissed the skin between my glove and cuff. I said to myself, 'Maybe he's in love with me—he must be.' And I feared it was true. You Rigid in conduct and so endearing, I can only accept it as a long-term respect." He has no regrets at all, and the pain of the past has been compensated today. When they returned, Madame Arnoux took off her hat.By the light Frederick saw her white hair.He was suddenly stunned. In order not to let her see his surprise, he knelt at her feet, leaned on her leg, held her hand, and poured out his emotions to her.

"Your body, every little move of yours, occupies a sacred and inviolable position in my heart. My emotions are always by your side. You are like the starlight on a moonlit night, and I can always smell it Your fragrance, see your shadow, in the silver world, floating. In my heart, you are my love, I call your name day and night, kiss your affectionately Name. I have nothing else to desire but you. The Madame Arnoux in my heart is the same as before, a mother of two children, so gentle, dignified and beautiful, and so understanding! Any woman I will lose all light in front of you. I am chanting your name! In my heart, I keep playing your timbre, shining your light!"

She was withered now, but she still accepted his love for the former Madame Arnoux with the greatest enthusiasm.Frederick was so absorbed in his own lies that he almost believed them to be true.Madame Arnoux, with her back to the light, bent over him.He suddenly felt her panting, the air blowing against his forehead, and felt her body touching him through her clothes.Their hands tightened; she saw the little shoe-toe protruding from the robe.Almost fainting, he told her: "Your feet make my heart beat." She stood up shyly.Then, staring blankly, she said like a nocturnal patient:

"If only we were of the same age! He! Frederick! . . . There is no one in the world who is loved to death like me! No, no! Age has nothing to do with it! I But it doesn't matter that much! I despise all the women around him!" "Oh! There are very few women here!" he said to please her. She smiled immediately; she asked him if he would have a family in the future. He firmly answered her: no. "Is it true? And why?" "Because I only love you." Frederick embraced her tightly. She leaned against him, head bent back, mouth open, eyes wide.Suddenly, with a sad look on her face, she broke away from his arm.He begged her to tell him why. "I wish you a great life," she said. Frederick suspected that she had come to give him an offering; and thereupon his breast was aflame with more ferocity than ever.But he also harbored an unspeakable, nasty, mean awe.Worried about getting tired of her in the future, he dared not do whatever he wanted.However, it is not easy to do so! ——One is because of caution; the other is because he does not want to slander the long-standing beautiful ideals, so he turned his head and smoked. She watched him quietly, feeling a little surprised. "You are too knowledgeable! You are too great! So great!" At this time, the clock struck eleven o'clock. "It's eleven o'clock!" she said. "In fifteen minutes I have to go." She sat down again.But her eyes were fixed on the clock, where he was still pacing and smoking.No one spoke again.It seems that in the time of separation, you and your loved one have already separated. When it was twenty-five past eleven, she quietly picked up the ribbon and put on her hat. "Farewell, dear friend! I shall never see you again! This is the last exercise of my rights as a woman. My heart will never part from you. God bless you!" She started kissing his forehead like a mother kissing her own son. She seemed to be looking for something, and finally, she asked him for a pair of scissors. She took off her hairpin and let down her white hair. She gritted her teeth and cut off a bunch of white hair along the roots. "Honey! Keep it as a souvenir! Farewell!" She was gone, and Frederick opened the window.At this moment Madame Arnoux, who was walking on the sidewalk, made a sign and hired a cab that came along.She got in the car.The carriage disappeared after a while. It was over between them.