Chapter 45 The third accidental happiness

Zarathustra floated across the sea with this mystery and pain in his heart.But when he parted from the Isle of Happiness and his friends, four days later, he had conquered his whole misery:—his triumphant heels were firmly planted upon his destiny.Then Zarathustra said to his joyful heart: I am lonely again now, as I would like to be, alone with the clear sky and the free sea; and the afternoon surrounds me again. Since the first time I found my friends, it was in an afternoon, and the second time was also in an afternoon: -- the most peaceful moment of all lights. For every happiness that still travels between heaven and earth seeks a bright soul for its shelter: happiness makes light stiller.

O afternoon of my life!Once, too, my happiness descended into the valley, seeking a shelter: so it found those frank and benevolent souls. O afternoon of my life!I have sacrificed everything for that one thing: the living garden of my thought, and the morning twilight of my highest hope! Once the Creator sought Companions and His Children of Hope; then He learned that He could not find them without first creating them himself. So I was halfway through my work when I went to my children and returned to them: for these children Zarathustra must complete himself. For all one loves from the bottom of one's heart are one's own children and one's work; and where great self-love lies, there are signs of pregnancy: this is what I found.

My children are green in their early springs, pressed against each other, blown by the same wind; these are the trees of my garden and my fattest ground.Really, the place where this kind of tree is densely planted is the island of happiness! But one day I will transplant them, and plant them separately: so that each may learn solitude, pride, and prudence. I want it gnarled, crooked, rigid and soft to stand by the sea, a living beacon of an insurmountable life. Where the great storm rushes to the sea, and where the proboscis of the mountain drinks the sea, each has its day and night watch in its turn, that it may be identified and tested.

It must be recognized and tested, that it may be known to be of my race and posterity:--to be known to be the master of a long will, silent in speaking, and giving as it must be taken. :—— —that it shall be my companion in the future, the co-creator and the harvest-celebrator of Zarathustra:—the one who writes my will,—the fuller consummation of all things,—on my watch people. For it and its kind I must fulfill myself: so now I flee from happiness and give myself to all evil;--that I may be known and tested for the last time. Truly, the time has come for me to go; the traveler's shadow, the longest dwelling and the most silent hour - all say to me: "Now is the time!" The wind blows in the keyhole, to me Said, "Come!" The door cunningly opened itself, and said to me, "Go!"

But I was caught by my love for my children, my longing, my longing for love, set this trap for me, made me their captive, made me lose myself because of them. Longing—for me, is losing myself.Children, I possess you!In this possession there should be all security and no desire. But the sun of my love burns in my head, and Zarathustra burns in his own juices, - when shadows and doubts flew over me. Already I wish for the frost and winter: "O, let the frost and winter make me tremble again and make my teeth chatter!" I sigh: --then the ice mist rises from me. My past breaks from its grave, and many a living pain wakes:—

They put on clothes and slept enough in their shrouds. So everything signals to me: "Now is the time!" But I don't hear it until my abyss shakes, before my thoughts bite me. O my thoughts, thoughts from the valley!When will I be able to hear your digging without trembling? My heart beats to my mouth when I hear you dig!You who are as silent as a deep valley, your silence will suffocate me! I never dared to call you to the face: I have had enough of you!I am not strong enough, without the last bravery and presumptuousness of a lion. Thy weight is enough to frighten me: but one day I shall have Lion Roar call you to the surface!

When I have overcome myself in this; I shall overcome myself in a greater thing; and victory will be my stamp of completion! —— Till then I continued to roam on the uncertain sea; Chance, sweet chance, flattered me; The hour of my final duel has not yet come—perhaps it is coming now? Verily, sea and life look upon me with malicious beauty! what!Afternoon of my life!Happiness before breastfeeding!O anchorage in the sea!O peace amidst restlessness!How can I not believe you! Verily, I do not trust your malicious beauty!Like a lover, I distrust a smile that is too soft. As tenderly and resolutely as the envious pushes his pet away,—

I, too, push away happy moments in the same way. Happy hour, leave me!You brought a happiness unexpectedly!But I was about to accept the deepest pain: ——Your arrival, what an inopportune time! Happy hour, leave me!Find your home rather in MY children!hurry up!Bless them with my happiness before breastfeeding! Evening is near: the sun has gone west.Go, -- my happiness! —— Thus spake Zarathustra.All night he waited for his doom: but in vain he waited.The night is still bright and quiet, but happiness is getting closer and closer.But as day was breaking, Zarathustra laughed inwardly, and said ironically: "Happiness pursues me. It is because I do not pursue a woman. And happiness is a woman."