Chapter 16 10. The right to silence

I never expected it to end like this.When I got back to the dormitory, there was still a buzzing sound in my head. Many faces came up and pointed at me one by one.I rethought things and tried to figure out what was wrong.Beforehand, I thought that the leader might be a little unhappy, but so many people came together to criticize me, but it was unexpected anyway.They are all medical students, so they should not lack the most basic sense of humanity. How could they explain the truth like that?Today I realized that the principles of the world can be squeezed into the shape people want like clay, and it depends on who does it.But people are pinching according to their own interests, where is the justice?If only Ding Xiaohuai jumped out, I could still bear it. Dog people can not only wag their tails, but also bite people.The dog statue needs to be reshaped, not only the tail must be vivid, but the mouth must also be vivid.Director Hao spoke, his teeth bared vividly.And Director Liu, that good old man, I didn't expect him to speak first.The last thing I expected was Xiao Mo, how could she?

I didn't eat dinner and didn't feel hungry at all.In order to prove to myself that my heart is peaceful, I took it over to look at it, but after looking at it for a long time, my mind was still at a loss.I know every word and understand every sentence, but I don't know what to say after reading a paragraph.I forced myself to read it out word by word, and deliberately said with a little tone: "There are medicines that are suitable for pills, scattered, boiled, soaked in wine, fried with ointment, and one thing at the same time. There are also those who are not allowed to drink soup and drink, and follow the nature of the medicine, and must not violate it.” But after reading a paragraph, I still don’t understand.I slapped myself on the head hard, and there was a hollow echo inside.Could it be that I, Chi Dawei, was messed up by this trivial matter?A little thing, a little thing!

I didn't know how long I was lying in bed when I suddenly realized that it was already dark.I went out to catch my breath, and out the gate I walked east along the street.After walking for a while, a small black car stopped beside me. I was surprised. When I saw it was Da Xu, he pulled me into the car and drove forward quickly.I said, "You're still running outside so late, where are you taking me?" He said, "Just follow me." After driving for more than ten minutes, I arrived at the outskirts of the city, stopped the car in front of a restaurant, and dragged me in.I said, "I'm not hungry, I'm not hungry at all." He said, "If I'm not hungry, I can't skip dinner!"

I was surprised again and said, "How do you know I didn't have dinner?" He said, "A real friend doesn't tell lies. I've been waiting for you in the car for hours, but I just didn't dare go up to find you." I said, "You dare not look for me?" He didn't answer, but looked at me and said, "What did you talk about this afternoon?" I said, "How do you know what I talked about?" At this moment, the waiter came over, and he ordered four dishes, and said, "Four dishes At a little past one o'clock, Chief Horse came to the small convoy and was about to go home. I could see that he was a little unhappy. On the way, he asked me if I had told you about the small car. I heard that my tone was wrong, so I denied it. I went back to the living room and met Director Liu, he asked me again, but I denied it again. He told me about your opinion, and I was really shocked. Da Wei, what are you doing talking about! "

I said: "Let's say something with your conscience." He said: "They asked me, and I denied it. Dawei, don't say anything else, or I won't be able to control the steering wheel. As the leader's driver, the last If you are taboo, talk more, I told you how much a car costs, but I didn't expect you to have such meaning in it, otherwise I would stop you no matter what." The waiter brought the food, and I said, "I really can't eat it." He said, "Forcing myself to eat a few more bites, treating myself as an enemy, to defeat my stomach, so I ate it." I took the order eat slowly.He said:

"I have been waiting for you for so long today. I have two things to do. The first is to ask you to do me a favor. I have already denied it. You can just go ahead and forget about it. Otherwise, let me be transferred from the small team and change to another car." I can't take it either." I said: "Da Xu, you don't know me yet. If I want to say it, I will say it in the afternoon. If I don't say it, I won't say it. I'll just stand up for myself. Why bring you in again? You can put your heart down." He said with a sigh : "The second thing, I want to apologize to you. When Director Liu told me about this, I expressed my attitude at that time, saying that it is wrong for you to look at the problem in this way. You are kind, kind, and I said that I have a guilty conscience. I should have kept silent, but I couldn’t. If I kept silent, I would be a suspect. I think you can understand my suffering, so don’t hold grudges.”

I smiled wryly and said, "Understood, you don't have the right to speak your mind, not even the right to remain silent. I don't blame you, I really don't blame you. If you can say that I have good intentions, I will cheer and understand long live. Long live the understanding, I said this sentence on my lips when I was studying in Beijing for a few years, and now I realize the difficulty and heaviness of it." On the way back, he said: "Dawei, I have been in the hall for so many years, and there is a principle of life that is to be used to it. If someone throws hundreds of thousands of money into the river, you have to pretend that you don't." See. He is not a fool, he always has his reasons for throwing. If you don’t understand that reason, don’t jump out and say that it’s a waste. In short, you can’t say it. If you say it, you are wrong. I’m at peace.” I said, “I’m going to learn how to be a man in the future, and I’ll learn from you.” He didn’t understand the meaning, and said, “If no one talks about it, you can come and discuss it with me.” Almost in the hall, He said, "Dawei, it's fine if you walk a short distance there, lest people think about it. I didn't go up to look for you at the beginning because I was afraid that people would think about it. Everyone in the hall has sharp eyes." I said, "" Good imagination, too." I got out of the car and he drove ahead.

When I returned to the dormitory, I felt uncomfortable. Why did I become a taboo person?Just as I was thinking about it, I heard a slight knock on the door, like fingernails flicking on the door, a bit brittle.Is it knocking on my door?I went to the door and listened carefully, the voice was clear, yes.I opened the door, and a person came in in a blink of an eye, it was Xiao Mo.She closed the door, bolted it, and said, "Dawei, you're back?" Her voice was very soft, and I unconsciously lowered my voice and said: "Went to watch a movie alone." She said, "Wenqin didn't come?" I shook my head.She said: "I went downstairs to look three or four times, and finally saw that the light in your room was on, so I came up. I came to apologize to you. I didn't want to speak this afternoon, just keep silent." But our Director Hao has said that. If I don’t make a statement, Director Hao will remember it in my heart. Not expressing a statement is an attitude in the eyes of others. I had to say a few words. I'm very sorry, not just a normal sorry, but a very sorry one. Anyway, I'm also a college student and a medical student. How could we disagree with what you said? But you can only agree in your heart, and you still have to say you don't agree with your mouth. I can't be silent, there's no other way."

I smiled wryly and said, "I understand. I don't blame you. I really don't." She said, "It's good that you understand my difficulties. I'm in this position, and it's really difficult." I said, "You Understand me, I also understand you, there is still such a tacit understanding between us, this is not easy, I can't help shouting long live understanding." She shook her head and said, "Honestly, I'm suffering in my heart. I can't do without saying a few words. I'm sorry for my friend who said that I violated my feelings. What do you think it feels like this person's heart is torn in two?" Made a tearing movement, "When I come to you, firstly, I must muster up the courage to avoid others seeing and making irresponsible remarks, and secondly, I must muster up the courage to enter your door and face your friend. I don't feel bitter. ?” I said, “Actually, I understand your situation if you don’t come. Even Director Liu and Director Hao have to make a statement. Someone will always report the situation at the venue, so I don’t blame them. The idea is not so far away. The only thing I am surprised is that everyone thinks that the east wind is blowing in their hearts. Why is the west wind blowing when they sit together? I just can’t figure out how the west wind is formed. They are all acting like actors. The fake ones are more real than the real ones!" She said: "That's how it is in the circle, everyone has practiced the skills of observing faces, listening to words, listening to words." I said, "After I said that, Doesn't the leader really hate me?" She said, "Even if this leader has a big heart, that leader might not.

People are always people. " When Xiao Mo went, he listened to the door, gently opened the door and went out, put a finger to his mouth, and signaled that when he went out, he would close the door and don't want me to see him off. I went back to the window and sat down, reached out and picked a few ginkgo leaves and rubbed them in my hands.Whether it is Da Xu or Xiao Mo, they are both good people and mortals.The principle of mortals is to be wise and protect one's life, which I understand.In order to live in peace with the environment, they dare not speak the truth, but say what they don't want to say with confidence, and they have to carefully design and do it secretly.

They are smart enough in details, but behind the smartness is an unspeakable tragedy.What could have such power to twist a man in this way?It seems that they have lost the sense of being twisted, and therefore no longer feel that their dignity has been compromised.In an atmosphere, abnormality has been regarded as normal by everyone, and people are accustomed to it and turn a blind eye to it. The most deplorable thing is such a habit.When can everyone stand up and live like a person?I pessimistically thought that it might take several generations.A fact that has lasted for thousands of years cannot be reversed for hundreds of years. This is a spiritual legacy.This is another truth, a truth that is more obscured but more significant.I want to find the right opportunity to tell this truth. I cannot be silent, my calling is to speak.