Chapter 2 Revolutionaries, Poor People and Foreign Girls

I'm dumped.To me, this is not such a big deal.Since I was twenty years old, I was either in lovelorn or in love, and there were very few other states in between.But there is a person who wants to visit me for this matter. Although I think it is unnecessary, it is difficult to refuse.Especially this person is Wen Shan.Speaking of Wenshan, it is very famous.Naturally, I did not accept this interview because of his fame.Wenshan Xiaer was famous before other people went to prison.Today's Wenshan has long been notorious, no one pays attention to it, and has long been worthless.It was therefore all the more difficult to refuse his request for a visit.

When Wenshan came to Nanjing, the scenery was really infinite.Literary magazines and publishing organizations in Ning sent special personnel to the station to greet them after hearing the news, and the cars lined up at the exit.Wen Shan didn't notify them in advance.He came to Nanjing with only one purpose, which was to visit friends, and this "friend" was himself.After a lot of effort, he managed to get rid of his friends in the literary world, and followed me to a dilapidated house where I lived.Wen Shan is not a person who hates the poor and loves the rich. On the contrary, he can't live in a high-end hotel, and would rather sleep with me on a narrow wooden bed.He lived with me for three days.For three days, my shabby room was full of friends and guests, all of whom were editors sent by the editorial department and publishing house to draft manuscripts.Wen Shan calmly asked them to reimburse the round-trip ticket, and as for the manuscript, I will talk about it later-it depends on their performance.Then a clever editor took care of my writing, which made Wen Shan very proud.All the editorial departments present saw what he meant by putting on airs, and the result of the matter proved that their judgment was correct: only those editors who adopted my article could finally get Wenshan's masterpiece.

The official publication of my works was related to Wen Shan's care, and because of this, I met some friends in the literary world and formed my own network of relationships.More importantly, Wen Shan's style as a famous writer left a deep impression on me, and made me understand what to do once I become famous.He doesn't live in a hotel and prefers to share a bed with me, and his reasons are: Simmons is not used to sleeping, so she wants to sleep on a plank.During the three days in Nanjing, Wen Shan didn't go to a restaurant once when he was invited, and he ate and drank at my place for three meals a day.Wen Shan solemnly declares: he likes home-cooked tastes, and has always been indifferent to delicacies from mountains and seas.

As a result, I couldn't help but increase my burden, not only to try my best to entertain Wenshan, but also those editor friends who followed me.Although I hadn't broken up with my girlfriend at that time, I couldn't bear to see her ugly face. There are also economic problems. Although it is only some seasonal vegetables and draft beer, due to the large number of people, it is difficult to sustain in the end.Wen Shan often yelled at the dinner table: "It's delicious! It's delicious! It's home-cooked and delicious!" All the editors present had to agree. Wen Shan never asked me how I felt.In my opinion, it is better to go to a restaurant, which is much more convenient than doing it yourself.Besides, it's rare for me to have oil and water at ordinary times, so it's good to take the opportunity to eat something good to replenish my body.Wen Shan always thinks of me, but never asks for my opinion.He imposed what he thinks is good on me, which shows that this person is enthusiastic but a bit domineering.This is his fault as a person, but also his advantage.In short, I accepted his kindness, but I was actually overwhelmed.It was nominally a private visit, and it became known to everyone, but the venue of the public event was transferred to my home.We didn't actually get the chance to be alone and have long talks all night long.There are people in the house every day, and they don't leave until one or two o'clock in the middle of the night. After that, I have to clean up the room.Wen Shan fell asleep, snoring like thunder. Because of my excitement and worrying about tomorrow's arrangements, I suffered from insomnia again.As for publishing my novel, it was not my original intention, but considering Wen Shan's kindness, it is inconvenient to go against it.So, is there any suspicion of being flattering and being obedient?Especially after I became friends with the editors who shuttled between them, if they don't publish my novel Wenshan, I won't write for them. If they don't get Wenshan's manuscript, their work performance will be affected and points will be deducted , In the future, the evaluation of titles and the distribution of houses will suffer, so the involved area will be bigger.In such a situation I had to sacrifice myself.

Wen Shan said he came to see me, but I didn't comment.On the phone, my answers were vague.If someone else thinks that I am not very active, maybe they will not come.The fault or advantage of Kewenshan is that it is too enthusiastic.So one afternoon a day later there was a knock on my door.As soon as I heard the violent and exaggerated knock on the door, I immediately realized that it was Wenshan, and the consequences of opening the door were unexpected.We hadn't seen each other for more than a year, and I couldn't help being surprised when we met. Compared with the prisoner, he had gained a lot of weight, weighing two hundred kilograms, and he almost couldn't squeeze into the narrow door frame.After he entered the door, I found that there was another person behind him——who was completely covered by his burly body just now.The guy behind is not small, but she is a woman.She was not only a woman, but a foreign woman, with blonde hair and blue eyes, and a smelly beard. I was completely confused by the sight in front of me.I let them into the room, and the atmosphere was very awkward for three to five minutes.First of all, Wen Shan and I haven't seen each other for many days, so it's a little strange.Secondly, because of this foreign woman, I don't know how to talk to her.Fortunately, her Chinese is not bad. Although her accent is weird, her words are clear.I learned from her that her name is Lili, she is German, and she studies Ming and Qing literature at the university where Wenshan teaches.These were all told to me by herself, without the help of Wenshan's translation or conveyance.Regarding Lili Wenshan, he didn't say a word, and he didn't even say a word to her after entering the door, and he didn't even look at her.What Wen Shan cares about is his friend, that is, the situation since my parting.Although the relevant situation had already been reported to each other during the phone call, Wen Shan asked again, and I answered again.Including my painful feelings after breaking up in love, Wen Shan seems to be hearing about it for the first time at this moment.Maybe he was introducing me to Lily in this way. Although Wenshan was clear about my situation, Lily didn't.On the contrary, I don't need to ask Wen Shan anything.Judging from their situation, they already have such a tacit understanding that they don't even need to communicate with each other.This gave me an impression: they must be a couple, and they are Chinese-style, with men as the mainstay, and the task of women is to stand aside, as a foil and for viewing.Although this is a combination of East and West, it is the oriental way, so I don't have to worry about anything.Wen Shan doesn't talk to Lily, and I don't need to be overly courteous. After a few pleasantries, I stopped talking to Lily.The two men are talking and smoking, and the girlfriend who is one of the two is sitting quietly, looking at the conversation between them. I am naturally very familiar with this scene.It shows that this woman is Wenshan's girlfriend and not mine, because she is located in Wenshan's row, sitting side by side with her on the couch opposite me.I was sitting on a single sofa, listening to Wen Shan's conversation, and at the same time, I could observe Lily from the corner of my eye.She is really quiet and well-behaved, maybe recognizing the pronunciation of Chinese requires extra concentration.In short, her expression is very focused, and because of her concentration, she has a certain admiration.Maybe she really admires Chinese men and Wenshan, so she is so focused.After more than two hours passed, Lily still didn't move, only taking a sip of the cold tea on the coffee table occasionally.It seems that she is more Chinese girl than Chinese girl.

This is often the case, and I can't help feeling very emotional. Since Lily had nothing to look after, my attention gradually turned to the conversation.It said: Wen Shan is much fatter than when we met last time. Considering that he was imprisoned for a year and tortured inside, this scene is indeed very strange.Compared with before, he also talked less, he was too lazy to talk to women, and he was very cautious even when talking to me.Furthermore, I am a little older, and my complexion is not good. I don't see the arrogance and freedom I had when I came to Nanjing last time.Maybe it's because there's no audience.Although there are three people here, it's basically a one-on-one conversation between me and him.In the case of talking alone, I can perform normally, and I can express clearly and vividly. Maybe it is because of this reason that Wenshan thinks highly of me?He himself likes big scenes, the more people the better, so as to stimulate his self-confidence and desire to express.Wen Shan originally stuttered, but he became more excited to overcome the resistance of making sentences, his face flushed, and the muscles on his cheeks trembled, showing an overwhelming momentum, no one would dare to confront him at that time.There may be psychological reasons for Wen Shan's lack of words.While in prison, it was widely rumored that he was a coward, greedy for life and afraid of death, and would betray the revolution and comrades at all costs.The person who spread the news was filled with righteous indignation, and he really took his performance in prison seriously, so he had a good reason to ignore this former celebrity.While Wen Shan was in prison, but he cared about the literary world. At the beginning, he didn't know about the rumors, but it was strange that no one paid any attention to him.Not only did no one ask him for a manuscript (through his family), but no one sent him the magazine as a gift.Wen Shan is a person who is used to reading magazines, and he really can't stand without them for a while.There were mountains of magazines sent to him at the beginning, but they were just flipped through and sold as waste paper. Now that there is no such convenience, he misses the benefits of magazines.

So he wrote me through his mother and asked me to get him some magazines.I was very surprised at the beginning, but then I figured it out.It is very strange to ask me for a magazine, because I am not the darling of magazines like Wenshan (although I also write novels), and no one sends me magazines on a regular basis.I figured it out because I realized that Wenshan was in prison at this time, and his relationship with the magazine was no longer what it used to be.Not to mention that people have stopped giving away subscriptions, even if you ask for it, you may be rejected.It seems that it is really impossible to do business, so Wen Shan decided to rely on my personal friend.

For a year, I traveled around to search for magazines for him. Due to the huge demand and the many types involved, I couldn't buy them with my own money.So I went to ask someone, explaining that I wanted to read it, and those people who asked for help were naturally editor friends of the magazine.It's ridiculous to say that the relationship between me and the magazine was established through Wenshan.But I can't say clearly that the magazine was sent to Wenshan, otherwise people would refuse to give it away—they don't want to have anything to do with a coward. Even if they want to defend Wenshan, it is only after asking for the magazine, and the real whereabouts of the magazine cannot be involved, otherwise the magazine will be taken back by them.So a large number of magazines were continuously delivered to Wenshan's mother through me, and then passed on to Wenshan by her to satisfy the latter's addiction to magazines.Later, Wen Shan concluded: "I didn't suffer much in prison, except that I didn't read enough magazines." The implication is that the biggest hardship he suffered during his imprisonment was the lack of magazines.While this responsibility rests with me, I have done my best.If I hadn't worked hard, I wouldn't even be able to read the only magazine, Wenshan.

Now Jianshan is sitting in my living room, surrounded by colorful magazines.I collected these magazines for him, and he was out of prison before they could be mailed.It is very strange that he is not interested in the long-awaited magazine at this moment, and even looks bored.Later, I found that Wenshan's boredom was not only aimed at magazines, but even pointed to the entire literature, which was even more difficult for me to understand.I showed him the new novel I wrote, read it a few times out of friendship, and then put it aside.He smiled apologetically, and said in a deep voice: "Literature is too weak these days!" This is not like the words of a coward.Perhaps the real cowards are those of us with our heads buried in writing, especially today when some are in prison and some are living in exile.Maybe Wen Shan has heard the relevant rumors, so he is just defending himself?I don't know.In short, at this moment, I strongly feel that Wenshan is a real hero compared to my wretched existence.At least his ambition is much bigger than mine, and has gone far beyond the scope of literature and art.Desperately, I put away my manuscript, hid it under my ass, and shifted the conversation from literature to Wenshan's life in prison.This is new territory for me, so it's all about listening and asking questions.Wen Shan talked eloquently, logically, and wittily, and gradually regained his confidence.The life in prison he talked about is different from outside rumors, and has more details and concrete real feelings, so it is more credible.In such a discussion, Wenshan is not a coward at all, not only brave, but also very witty.For example, he united a prison tyrant named Siberian Tiger to save himself from physical suffering, and he followed the temptation to instill humanitarianism in him, so that the Siberian Tiger later treated other prisoners with benevolence and righteousness.The more I listened to it, the more frightened I became, not because of the hardship and cruelty of life in prison, but because of how irresponsible the rumors from the outside world were!The more I listen, the more I feel wronged for Wen Shan. He is obviously a model of courage to fight, but he is slandered as a coward and a bear.Right and wrong are completely reversed by boring literati.Although I have always been isolated and estranged from the literary world, after all I take literature as my aspiration, and writing novels about Lao Shizi is beyond the reach of a literati.I can't help but feel ashamed of being mean and mean.It seems that there is no other way out except to stop writing like Wen Shan, otherwise, it will be a matter of time before the words go together.

Until it was dark, Wen Shan was still immersed in painful and glorious memories.In order not to interrupt him, I turned on the light once in the middle.Between light and shadow, his face was shaking constantly, and his stuttering and effort to overcome his stuttering gave his conversation extraordinary passion and charm.I am very familiar with this situation.Lily, like me, listened all the time and went to the bathroom once.As a result, Wen Shan's conversation relaxed and there was a brief pause.This made me realize: Wen Shan was so excited because of Lily, not because of me.Although he always ignored Lily, it was only superficial.Wen Shan and I stayed in the living room, listening to Lily's bathroom with bated breath, and when she returned to her seat, Wen Shan started talking again.And Wenshan didn't stop when I went to the toilet, but just amplified the volume so that I could hear clearly even through the door panel.I imagined that Wenshan at this time must not have turned to Lili. He was talking loudly to the toilet door, just as he was listening to me carefully.And when Wenshan was in the toilet, it was logical that he should take a break, but his witty remarks continued to come from the toilet, so I had to increase my answering voice to show that I heard it.In order to facilitate the conversation, Wen Shan didn't even close the toilet door, and continued talking while peeing.Where should his eyes be staring at this time?From the details that he didn't close the door when he went to the toilet, I reconfirmed my judgment: he and Lily are undoubtedly lovers.I don't wash my hands after Wenshan's toilet, because I can understand it so as not to interrupt the conversation.The whole afternoon was spent talking, and in the middle of the conversation, the three of them got up and went to the toilet respectively. The situation has already been described.In the end, I finally seized an opportunity and proposed to go out for dinner while Wen Shan was a little slack, and Wen Shan's mysterious talk came to an end.Then we ate, and Wen Shan continued his discussion at the dinner table.Returning to my residence after dinner, he continued the interrupted topic to further explain and develop.There is no objection to Wen Shan's obvious desire to express and confide.Since he just came out, there will inevitably be some psychological problems. As his friend, I should not only understand, but also need to bear some responsibility.

Then there is the issue of accommodation.There are three rooms in my suite.One is my studio that doubles as a living room, and we're in it right now.The other was my bedroom, which had, as necessary, a double bed. There is also a bed in the third room, which is made of wood. This is where Wen Shan stayed when he came to Nanjing last time.Not only did Wenshan sleep on that old wooden bed, but friends who traveled from south to north often rest here.In short, this is a guest room, dedicated to entertaining guests.Although I already guessed that Wenshan and Lili are a couple, neither of them told me.Guessing is not necessarily the truth, not to mention that I have always been cautious.So when Lily went to the toilet again, I interrupted Wenshan and asked him what is the relationship with Lily?Wen Shan looked a little embarrassed, maybe because he was not used to the interruption of the conversation? I said, "What is your relationship? Please tell me the truth so that I can arrange accommodation." Wen Shan couldn't help hesitating, he said, "What's the matter? It doesn't matter." Since I had to wait until Lily came out of the toilet, I had to cut it short: "Even if you're not in a relationship, do you want to have sex with her?" "This... this..." "Okay, I already understand, you want to have sex with her, is that right? You don't need to explain anymore, I'll just arrange you in the same room. " Hearing these words, Wen Shan's face turned pale, probably due to fright. "Isn't it good? Isn't this bad?" He said. "I'd better share a room with you." I noticed that Wen Shan didn't deny my judgment that he wanted to have a relationship with Lily, he just didn't want to share a room with Lily.I asked Wen Shandao: "If you want to have a relationship, how can it be possible if you don't live together? It seems illogical." The latter prevaricated me and said, "It's still a long time! We're going to stay for a week. Let's stay together for the first night." I said: "I have a compromise solution, let Lily sleep on a plank bed, and you spread a mat to sleep on the ground. Although you are not on the same bed, you are in the same room. This is much more convenient, and you can move in and out freely." "I'd better live with you!" Wen Shan begged, while looking at me helplessly, with a terrified expression like an abandoned child. I had to patiently enlighten him: "Think about it, how big is it to live in my room for a few days and then move to Lily's room? If you are in the same room, climbing from the mat to the bed is very difficult. Naturally, it is almost a matter of lifting your finger, and it is at your fingertips." Speaking of Lily's return, we stopped the discussion and I announced to go to bed.My arrangement is like this: Wenshan and Lily sleep in the same room, and Lily sleeps on Wenshan's bed on the floor.The generous Lili didn't raise any objections, but Wen Shan still said, "Let's live together so we can chat." I replied, "I never share a room with a man." My explanation may be superfluous, as a foreigner, Lily must understand my attitude very well.It is said that it is normal for men and women to live in the same room in their country, and otherwise it will be regarded as abnormal.Although the material conditions here cannot be compared with others, the rules and methods of behavior are in line with international standards. After arranging the accommodation, the authority in the room changed from Wenshan to me.They let me command and dispatch, especially Wen Shan, who obeyed like a child.He looked very helpless, he didn't say a word except to promise, and there were two flushes on his cheeks.We showered separately, and I spread a mat on the floor of the guest room.After that they went to bed.I noticed that they closed the door, and with a click, the latch was inserted from the inside.So far so good, my best wishes for my friend.I started to tidy up the messy living room, empty the ashtray, wipe the table, sweep the floor, and the light in the guest room went out before I was done.Looking at the darkened skylight above the door frame, I couldn't help feeling deeply relieved.However, there was no sound at all, or no sound came out at all. I guessed that maybe Lili crawled from the bed to the ground, and it was absolutely impossible that Wen Shan climbed from the ground to the bed, otherwise, the two hundred kilograms plus Lili's one hundred kilograms could not have moved at all on the wooden bed.If they are on the ground and the bottom is cement, it will be much more practical.It's also possible that they haven't started yet, waiting for me to evacuate the living room. So I speeded up, tidied up hastily and went back to the room.I couldn't sleep for a long time, not because I wanted to find out what was going on next door, but because I was too excited.And when I was excited, I couldn't sleep. I got up five or six times to go to the bathroom at night, but Wenshan and the others remained silent.There were no suspicious noises, no conversations, and even Wen Shan's heavy snoring (which I had learned from him the last time he came to Nanjing) stopped. The temperature rose suddenly the next day, and when Wen Shan came out of the room in the morning, he was only wearing a pair of underpants.His upper body was naked, revealing a large area of ​​white flesh, and it goes without saying that the fat on his stomach almost completely covered the elastic part of his trousers.The round belly button is exposed above, and the black hair below is also vivid.Wen Shan walked around the room with two relatively small bare feet, enjoying the slight coolness brought by the concrete floor.Since the weather was too hot and there was no air-conditioning in my room, sitting on the sofa in the living room and chatting was really a pain, so the venue for the event was moved to the room where Wenshan and the others slept, specifically to the mat on the ground.Wen Shan sleeps here at night and sits cross-legged on it during the day. Since his body is not leaning on all sides, it is more cool by the airflow.The audience, that is, Lily and I, sat on the mat opposite to him, and the other moved a low stool to sit between them.The person sitting on the low stool often puts his hands on his chin, pretending to be listening or bored, and this person is naturally Lily.And the position of my main audience is irreplaceable.This is how we spent the next two days: we were sweating profusely while listening to Wen Shan's eloquent lectures.The only cooling device I had was a fan, which I moved onto a mat.This electric fan can shake its head and rotate more than 90 degrees. If its function is fully used, the three people present can feel some weak hot air.Ke Wenshan fixed the angle of the blowing, facing himself, Lily and I could only watch helplessly, but could not feel the effect of the fan at all.Wenshan did not ask for our opinions in advance, so it seems that there is no other way but to accept the reality.What's more, he did it so naturally and without any affectation, it's impossible for him to have any other feelings except that Wen Shan is so selfish and cute.The heat, however, is insurmountable.If it is necessary, it is natural that Wenshan needs the electric fan more, if it is not for its uninterrupted blowing.Wen Shan, who weighs two hundred catties, is likely to suffer from heat stroke.What's more, he paid a lot. He spared no effort to preach and discuss in the past two days, which is not for everyone.Another cooling measure is to eat iced watermelon, there is something for everyone.Of course, I had to do the shopping under the scorching sun. After carrying the watermelons upstairs, I almost collapsed.I have to cut the watermelon in half and put it in the upper freezer of the refrigerator for quick freezing, and then cut it into small pieces after freezing. These tedious little things are also quite labor-intensive. After I finished my work and sat down, there was only a pile of watermelon rinds left in the washbasin.Wen Shan ate watermelon very fast, holding the half-moon-shaped melon slices from one end to the other, only heard a few kuchi kuchi sounds, the melon flesh was gone, and Wen Shan's lips almost never left the melon rind.How those melon seeds spit out is indeed puzzling.Naturally, you don’t have to worry about this, Wen Shan is simply a watermelon eating machine, the melon seeds are shot out from the corner of his mouth except for the ones he swallowed, making the washbasin thump loudly.Eating watermelon does not hinder spitting out melon seeds, which is Wenshan's brilliance.My speed of making iced watermelon is far behind Wen Shan's eating watermelon. The only way is to eat less, or not eat at all. Of course, this is out of my choice.Lily is different from me. She can always eat one or two yuan when she has nothing to do, and the most is two yuan.As long as she ate the watermelon, even if it was symbolic, I would have done my duty as the host.I talked to her about how watermelon tastes and how to eat it, how is it different from the Germans?Lily always answers seriously. It was at this moment that Wen Shan was too busy eating melons to talk, and Lily and I could only talk a few words.When he was ready to speak again, we stopped talking.I got up to pack the melon rind, Wen Shan stroked his huge belly, and said repeatedly: "Enjoy! Enjoy!" An unexpected benefit of eating watermelon is that it can indirectly stop Wen Shan's conversation.Since he eats so much, he needs to go to the toilet constantly.Since the conversation scene has been moved to the guest room, which is relatively far away from the toilet, Wen Shan could not continue his discussion when he went to the toilet.Even if he is still talking in the toilet, we can pretend not to hear. Lily and I can finally relax, press the button to turn the fan, and enjoy it for a while.As soon as Wen Shan returned to the mat, he immediately stopped the electric fan, his behavior was completely subconscious.Later, his priority for the electric fan was self-evident, and he didn't even need to do it himself. As soon as I heard the footsteps of Wenshan's return journey, I immediately reset the electric fan. It's as if we blow the electric fan to cheat behind his back, and we need to hide something.As a result, some ambiguous emotions arose between Lily and me.We have a lot in common: we seldom eat watermelon, we don’t have a turn to blow on the electric fan, we are equally unbearably hot, and we have a passive and small audience status.We need each other's compassion and support to get through the days ahead.We talked a lot when Wenshan went to the bathroom, and we changed the subject at the same time.We talked about life, reality, and the here and now, which means we talked about summer, heat, and Nanjing first.I told Lily: Such hot weather is rare even in the local area, and it can be said to be once in a hundred years.In this way, the poor suffer, and I am an example.Combined with China's national conditions, I described a variety of possible ways to avoid summer heat.Rich and powerful people either went to the seaside to spend summer in the mountains or lived in air-conditioned hotel rooms, and all the major hotels were full at once.Ordinary citizens, on the other hand, gather in shopping malls or other public venues with sufficient air conditioning, and bring kettles, mats, and small benches, and go there to live.I talked about the anti-aircraft installations all over Nanking, now useless, but a good place to escape the heat.The government ordered that it be open to women and children, and male citizens must enter with an old man's card.For a man as old and poor as I am, it seems that there is nothing but death.Lily couldn't help giggling when she saw that I was talking funny. In fact, I have another way to restrain Wenshan—if necessary, I would talk to him about my relationship with Lily. Naturally, when Lily was not present.When Lili got up to go to the bathroom, I asked Wen Shan how the battle was going last night?The latter was taken aback when he heard the words, then interrupted the conversation, blushing quickly and innocently.He asked me what I meant by that? I said, "Did you climb onto the bed? Or did Lily climb onto the mat?" Wen Shan said: "Not at all. Didn't I say that it's better for us to sleep together." I said, "Then you mean you didn't do anything!" Wen Shan nodded in agreement. I said, "I don't understand that. Didn't you plug the door and turn off the lights early?" What I mean is: since you haven't done anything, there is no need to close the door. It's so hot that you have to sleep with the door open. Be more comfortable. Finally, I comforted the other party and said: "It doesn't matter, there is tonight! Although I didn't do anything yesterday, it is right to close the door and turn off the lights on time. It is not impossible to close the door today, not to mention that today is better than yesterday." It's much hotter. To start without shutting the door is going too far." In short, things are still going on, and they are developing in a good direction. The key is the last move—climbing into bed, which no one can replace.I encouraged Wenshan, and felt that everything was ready, and the last step was left.Think about it: the two have already lived in the same room, and have developed the habit of closing and locking the door, and because of the hot weather, Wenshan has already stripped himself naked, leaving only an insignificant pair of trousers.If he hadn't told me that there was nothing wrong with him, I really couldn't believe it.Wen Shan wore a pair of underpants so calmly, even his testicles were looming in the loose trousers, and he didn't know how to avoid it at all. His aura was really amazing.If it was said that he and Lily had already had that thing, it would be fine.The problem is that nothing happened between the two of them. Under this premise, it is unbelievable that Wen Shan is still so frank and fearless.Of course, this is Wenshan's consistent style and charm.Only he can do it without closing the door when going to the toilet, and exposing the testicles in front of Lily.Therefore, we can't treat Wenshan with the eyes of ordinary people, and think that they have done good things based on some clues. On the third day, the weather was slightly cooler, so I suggested that Wenshan should take Lili out for a walk, and he readily agreed, which was a bit of a surprise to me.Perhaps the two days (not including the afternoon they arrived) of sitting and talking made Wenshan feel tired. It's good to go out for a walk, get some fresh air, and say anything.Their destination is Xuanwu Lake, where the scenery is beautiful, the water surface is vast, and the temperature is at least two degrees lower than in the city.After they left, I cleaned up the room and took the time to sleep under the blowing of the electric fan.It was a very hard sleep for me, my whole body ached, and I was about to go deep into a dreamless and real sleep after dispelling two grotesque nightmares, when someone knocked on the door—they had returned.They came back very early, only after three o'clock.Something must have happened to return so quickly, considering they had only left here near noon.This can be seen from Wen Shan's face.He didn't say a word, his lips pouted subconsciously, implying inexplicable anger.Lily's face was not good-looking either.They came back and something happened, but no one explained it to me.Since none of them spoke, I had to babble on and on, and at the same time, all that was said was pointless.I really don't know what to say. I asked Wen Shan, "Is Xuanwu Lake fun?" He said, "You ask her." So I asked Lily: "Is Xuanwu Lake fun?" She said: "We didn't play, we sat in the teahouse and drank tea." I said, "Didn't you take a walk by the lake?" She said, "I want to take a walk, but Wen Shan said he couldn't walk." There was nothing more to say after that.I felt unbearable when I heard the mountains, seas and sky, but now his silence is golden, and it is even more difficult for me to adjust the atmosphere. It is really better to listen to him alone.Fortunately, they missed the meal time because of their anger, so I proposed to have dinner earlier.So, about an hour after they came back, before five o'clock we went down to supper.The three sat down separately in an air-conditioned small restaurant, and I ordered some appetizers and beer.After drinking a glass of cold beer, Wen Shan regained his strength.He stopped talking about the prison and the revolution in the past few days, and changed the topic to talk about visiting Xuanwu Lake with Lily in the afternoon.I am naturally willing to listen.The style of talking was also uncharacteristically, no longer facing me, but turned to Lily.As a bystander, watching them argue is something I am happy to accept.What's more, with air conditioning, cold beer and the energy accumulated after a nap, I can't help but feel very satisfied.I didn't hear the main point of the argument between Wenshan and Lili at the beginning, but gradually I became aware of it.It's like a movie that starts in the middle and is inexplicable at the beginning, and then it becomes fully understood, and it can even continue the parts that were missed earlier.It turned out that they didn't talk to each other after they came back, and they weren't completely angry, or not mainly angry, but the issues they were arguing about had been interrupted, and they were temporarily not interested in other things. Now at last they could continue the conversation, and because the long pause had accumulated more work, they were eager to confide in each other, so they couldn't help talking incoherently at the beginning.It was normal after that.For the convenience of reading, maybe I should make up for the disagreement between Wenshan and Lili at the shore of Xuanwu Lake.As Lily said, they stayed in the teahouse and did not go anywhere else.The two faced each other and had to talk.Since I was not there, Wen Shan avoided major and profound topics, and suddenly talked about his love for Lily through the clean table and exquisite tea set.Naturally, Wen Shan's discussion has a premise, and this premise is that Lily also loves him, but there is no chance to tell.Now he is just helping her, telling the other party that her love is well-founded and will not become a platonic unrequited love.Following this line of thought, Wen Shan thought that no more time should be wasted. He meant that they should get to the physical level as soon as possible, which means they should have sex.Because time is running out, there are still a lot of things to do after this step is completed, such as getting married, rescuing Wenshan to go abroad (marriage is the prerequisite), getting out of the danger of autocracy, starting their new life in a democratic society, and serving the country (Wenshan’s) country) and freedom and human rights.Wen Shan vomited quickly, one could imagine how impassioned he was and couldn't control himself.Unexpectedly, Lili smiled and said in extremely standard modern Chinese: "You misunderstood!" It took a long time for Wen Shan to recover, and he asked Lily seriously: "Do you know yourself?" Lily said, "I know myself." Wen Shan said, "I don't think you understand yourself at all!" 他的意思是说她爱他，自己并不了解这一点，而了解这点的人是他闻山。当然，这是一时无法证明的东西，需要假以岁月和时光。但——还是那句话——时不我待，如果说莉莉不了解自己的感情，那只有付诸于她的谦逊了，至少她应该相信权威，而这个权威就是闻山。也就是说如果闻山觉得她是爱他的，尽管莉莉不这么认为也应该这样相信。遗憾的是，她不仅不觉得爱上了闻山，甚至连他的权威也要予以否认。莉莉太自以为是了！闻山再次改变了话题，开始指责莉莉如何像女人那样的狭隘（似乎她不是女人）。就算她的确是一个女人也如所有平庸的女人一样，不能深明大义，过分沉溺于自己渺小的内心。闻山的意思是：就算莉莉感受不到自己的真爱，也不相信他的权威，也应该审时度势，了解他是何等的人物，以助其成就一番伟业。如此一来她也就不再平凡了。“爱情说到底是次要的，与做人的责任和自我实现相比并算不了什么。”闻山说。莉莉自然不能同意他的观点。面对如此迟钝和庸俗的女人闻山实在是无话可说。 此刻在饭桌上，闻山旧话重提，但对莉莉已不抱希望。他力图证明自己并没有恼羞成怒，如果莉莉觉得受到了侵犯那也是咎由自取，是她自己犯贱。这样的谈话我一向避免介入，我认为这纯属两个人之间的私事。可闻山不打算放过我，坚持让我就他们的争执发表意见，真是让我作难啊！比忍受他的夸夸其谈或沉默不语时我搜肠刮肚，还要难上几倍。自然，在爱情问题上我并不是一个没有自己观点的人。 正如闻山启发我说话时所说：“他谈过多次恋爱，最近又失恋了，在爱情问题上定有真知灼见。”越是这样我越是难于启齿，但为形势所迫我又不得不说上几句。虽然我对闻山的胁迫大为不满，但他的处境委实可怜，加之我们之间多年的友谊，观点的分歧岂能在一个外人面前流露？何况这是一个外国女人，与我非亲非故，因此我只能站在莉莉对立的一方，别无其它的选择。但就其问题本身而言我却是赞成后者的，况且表达观点时莉莉的表情是那样的楚楚动人，与闻山联手欺压一个女人我实在于心不忍。于是我斟酌再三，最后说道：“你们俩说得都有道理。”之后便不再开口了。 闻山大感振奋，认为得到了我的支持。他说：“就是嘛，什么样的爱情我们没有经历过？三大的爱情或者三十年的爱情……” “三天的爱情？我真的不能理解。”莉莉说，不禁使我深感羞愧。实际上我和莉莉一样，对三天的爱情难以理解，但闻山使用的是“我们”一词，使我也无法摆脱干系。我解释说：“闻山使用的是一种文学性的说法，他的意思是一见钟情还是存在的。” 莉莉说：“这我就明白了。” 闻山说：“明白就好。别说三天的爱情，就是三小时的爱情我们也不在话下！” 此刻闻山所要论证的问题已变，已不再关心他与莉莉的实质性关系和可能的发展。他在乎的是在莉莉心目中的形象，对方是否把他当成了一个女人方面的失败者？ 闻山力图证明事情并不是这样的。他大谈自己的浪漫情史和姑娘们的交往，就此完全放弃了革命的主题，回到作为一个人的具体的感情挫折或辉煌。当然在闻山的口中只有辉煌，而莉莉是他唯一的挫折（如果他愿意承认的话）。闻山急于表明自己是一位情场老手，最后他总结说：“我什么样的女人没有交往过？就数德国女人最古板，最不懂生活了。看来这个民族很有问题，只能产生希特勒这样的家伙，据说他是一个阴阳人。德国是一个二尾子国家！” 看来闻山已经乱了方寸，变得完全词不达意了。好在莉莉本性温良，对他的无理并不十分在意。 她不仅原谅了闻山，也看出他如此失态正是因为自己。莉莉心肠一软，安慰对方说：自己对中国人并没有什么偏见，实际上她的现任男朋友就是中国人。她已经有了男朋友，这倒是一个新情况。闻山指责莉莉道：“那你为什么还答应跟我出来？ 不是很可笑吗？”莉莉避开他的问题，继续指出：她的男友也写小说，言下之意她并非对中国作家没有兴趣，情形甚至相反。闻山以一个业内人士特有的警惕问： “是谁？”莉莉报出一个典型的中国姓名，不仅闻山就是我也没有听说过。 “无名小卒！”闻山一言以蔽之。莉莉心有不甘，为和我们套近乎，她说出了一个男朋友喜欢的当代作家月可是大大有名，想必我们应该听说过。她说的那人叫贾平凹，我们自然知道。莉莉不禁有些欣喜，没想到闻山嗤之以鼻：“贾平凹？喜欢他的人那不是傻逼吗！”尽管他有理由这么说，但莉莉却是无辜的。闻山抓住一点不放，说：“瞧瞧，他喜欢贾平凹，可见得是什么货色什么档次的人了！”他十分有理由地怜悯起莉莉来，对她说：“哎呀呀，你上当了！”闻山的逻辑是这样的：贾平凹已经是一个如此不堪的作家，喜欢他的人一定十分的低级趣味。莉莉爱上了一个喜欢贾平凹的无名之辈（还不是贾平凹本人）只能证明她有多么的低劣。如此低劣的女人根本就不配得到他的爱，自然也不会欣赏和爱上“我们”了。闻山再次使用了“我们”一词，以强调自身的实力和普遍的义愤。接下来的谈话中他除了攻击贾平凹以及贾平凹的崇拜者再也无话可说。作为贾平凹崇拜者的崇拜者莉莉被贬低到几近于无的地步，不仅不配和“我们”恋爱，也不配和我们谈论文学，甚至不配谈话本身，更别说在一张桌子上吃饭、一个房间里睡觉了。之所以出现以上的情况，那是不了解真相。莉莉就像是一名隐藏多日的间谍，一朝被揭露出来。 "I see!" 闻山说，所发生的一切于是乎便得到了圆满而充分的解释。 这以后他便不再理睬莉莉，似乎后者的男朋友、男朋友所崇拜的作家已经玷污了他、伤害了他。闻山抱着委屈而忿懑的心情埋头吃饭，最后他以政府发言人般的语调宣布莉莉为不受欢迎的人，让她即刻离去，回北京。至于他自己，“还要留两天，我和老赵有很多重要的事要谈。”即便是莉莉也没有料到问题会出在一个叫贾平凹的人身上，她甚至都没有读过他的书（男朋友虽然竭力推荐，但由于汉语程度问题并没有开始）虽然她解释了很久，以表自己的悔过之心，闻山仍不打算予以原谅。作为主人，我本不应该完全听从闻山，但考虑到他此刻的心情和我们之间难得的友谊，也只有这样了。莉莉甚至都没有上楼去取她的行李，我殷勤地为其代劳（取包人除此之外我还能为她做些什么呢？虽然如此炎热的天气里上下楼梯我不禁大汗淋漓，但良心上还是深感不安。迫于闻山的淫威我也只能做到这个地步了。莉莉没有上楼，甚至饭也只吃了一半，就即时地离去了。闻山端坐不动，我百感交集地将莉莉送出店门。我们步行了三百多米，来到最近的公交汽车站，那一路电车将把莉莉送往机场，她将乘坐最近一趟航班返回北京。我们在汽车站上就此别过，大约此生再也没有机会见面了。我依依不舍地挥动着手臂，对莉莉说：“再见！祝你一路顺风！”我并没有将她送到机场，因为惦记着小饭馆里的闻山。待我冒着烈日返回饭馆时闻山仍在吃残汤剩菜，已经吃得差不多了，所有盘子都已经见底。甚至莉莉来不及吃的剩饭也被他扒拉光了。 “走了吗？”闻山问我。 “走了。”我说。 “走了就好，这个德国傻逼！给你添麻烦了。”他说。 “没关系的，小事一桩。”我说。 接下来的交谈就比较轻松自然了，都是自己人，也没有要完成任务的紧迫感。 闻山问我他是不是判断有误？如果莉莉不想和他有一手又何必和他一起来南京呢？ 我告诉闻山：他们本来是完全有可能的，问题在于他方法不当。闻山的语言系统过于发达，过分相信自己的语言魅力和说服力了。而女人—一无论中国女人还是德国女人，首先是身体动物。在那种情况下无须语言，行动是最为紧要的。我的意思是：既然他们已经睡在一个房间里了，闻山就应该爬上床去，没准那样事情就办成了。 根本没有必要事先毫无征兆，突然以语言的方式提出要求，这显然是违情悻理的，使女人有时间进行思考，患得患失。应该做的是相反，在对方没有反应过来以前就已经得手了。正如闻山所言，如果莉莉没有一点准备，跟一个男人出门旅行是完全不可能的。她定然有所准备，有所企盼，希望有什么意外的事发生。可她白等了两个晚上，近在飓尺的闻山却无动于衷。她定然盼望等待过什么，在那木板床上心潮起伏难以人眠。而她所盼望的意外实际上却是意料之中，如果闻山有所动作一点儿也不会显得唐突。实际上，没有意外才真的叫莉莉感到意外呢！两天之后她心神稍定，把闻山当成了中国式的坐怀不乱的君子，没想到在风光绔丽的玄武湖畔他提出了在黑暗的房间里没有提出过的要求月时真的让她感到惊讶万分，比闻山爬上床去（假设）还要难以接受。之所以拒绝了闻山的求爱，一来由于付诸了理性思考。二来也出于报复—一谁让他一连两个晚上都毫无反应呢？在莉莉严阵以待时他堰旗息鼓，而她已不作它想时闻山却冒昧以求，就这么答应了他，没那么便宜的！我的意思是：如果了解女人的心理就没有必要大动肝火，实际上还有机会，因为接下来他们还得睡在一个房间里。既然白天已经挑明（最困难的阶段已经过去），晚上尽可以大胆动作，倒要看看莉莉能够坚持到几时！可惜这都是事后的话，莉莉已经让闻山永远地赶走了。听我这么说，闻山佩服得连连点头，他怪我不早一点提醒他。我回答说没有机会，总不至于当着莉莉的面说出这番缘由吧？闻山突然神经质地看表，问我现在去机场是否还来得及？他的意思是要把莉莉追回来。我自然不想再劳顿，因此对他说：“以上不过是理性分析，原则上如果莉莉不走的话，你们还有戏。但事已至此，再把她追回来，这个弯就绕得太大了，难度只会有增无减，是否真能得手我也不敢保证。”见我这么说，闻山也不再坚持。他话锋一转，说他实际上也无所谓。“不就是贾平凹崇拜者的崇拜者吗？干了她是她的荣幸，没于成是她的损失，我们又不吃亏。”闻山说。他能这么想那就再好也不过了。 闻山向我坦言：他与女人的关系总是这样的，要获得她们的崇拜并非一件难事，可要和她们睡觉那就是另一回事了。人狱前闻山在一所大学里教书，周围不乏漂亮的女生，有上课时和他眉来眼去的，也有主动约他谈心的。他总能顺利地将其引人自己的宿舍，每次也都谈得热火朝天，错过了女生楼的关门时间。师生二人于是畅谈一夜，直到曙光初现，对方脸色铁青地出去了。自然，谈话并不是闻山的目的，同样也不是她们的目的。可每次都只是谈话，除此之外闻山一无所获。他的问题是：怎样才能从谈话的高度“一下子降下来”？他们谈论人生、文学、社会现实或终极关怀，对方的眼睛一眨都不眨，充满了敬畏和关切之情，为他的玄论所深深折服。 问题仅仅在于怎样降下来？怎样过渡、转折和突变？他一面侃侃而谈一面思索着这些，常常是一心二用。闻山为自己非凡的智力而深深陶醉，直到把那些红彤彤的青春的小脸儿谈成了青灰色，这之后她们就再也不来了。闻山不明白别人是怎么一回事，似乎降下来特别简单，或者说是升降自如，也许他们压根儿就没有升上去过？ 他不无悲哀地说：“看来我恐怕永远也学不会了！”继而他解释道：“那些降得下来的人也许本性就是低劣的，在别的事情上也一样。”我正准备安慰闻山，他已引伸开去，开始叙述一个降得下来的家伙的种种劣迹了。 闻山提及的那人叫吕军，也是一位大学老师兼作家，因与闻山相同的遭遇同时被捕入狱。一年后两人又同时被释放出来。也就是说他俩既是狱友，又是同事（在一个教研室上班），同时还是同行（都写小说）。按理两人的关系应该格外亲密，开始的时候闻山也是这么认为的。可他们虽然吃了同样多的苦，遭遇却不尽相同。 上文说到，闻山人狱期间外界传说他是一个懦夫，舆论对吕军却明显宽容，不仅没有关于他变节投靠的传闻，相反是作为一个宁折不弯的英雄被文坛称道的。吕军与闻山的狱中生活被人们紧密地联系在一起，常常相提并论，然而所论说的要点却相去甚远。有人说起吕军就必然要涉及闻山，反之亦然。他们的这种不可分离性和相互映照的关系给大家的谈论增添了张力，也显得更加真实可信。似乎吕军和闻山是被关在同一所监狱里，甚至同一监室，面对同一个狱车或者牢头。然而情形并非如此，此刻闻山予以了必要的澄清。他不明白的是：为什么两个被分别关押面对各自环境的犯人，一个被说成了英雄一个则成了遭人唾弃的狗熊？他也许能够理解某种文学性的要求：英雄和狗熊必居其一，而中间状态是没有的。他无法理解的是：为什么是吕军而不是他成了英雄？或者为什么是他而不是吕军成了狗熊？同样吃了那么多的苦，同样被关押了一年，为什么是他而不是吕军名声扫地、尊严尽失？为什么是吕军而不是他占尽风光，并得以荣誉和物质上的极大补偿？面对这生存之迷闻山百思不得其解。我除了将其归结为运气问题，就不知道该如何安慰我的朋友了。 “这不过是巧合，偶尔性使然，问题在于庸众，他们需要英雄也需要狗熊，这才是必然的。需要英雄，以为那代表了自己，以为在考验面前自己可以像英雄一样。需要狗熊是以为自己不至于如此，为此他们发明了一个可以鄙视的对象，用以在幻觉中感到自身的崇高。”自然我这番富于哲思的议论不足以平息闻山的激动，他一直在追问：“为什么是我而不是他？为什么是他而不是我？”显然，他的思虑集中在吕军身上，而一时无暇顾及其它了。“别人没有坐过监狱，他吕军是坐过的，他不会不知道身处其中时的实际感受，不会不知道监狱的实际环境和可能的作为。为什么他知道这些而不予以澄清？为什么不辟谣？相反还要利用谣言？唯一的解释就是谣言本身是他因卑鄙的目的而制造出来的。我与他无冤无仇，他为何要如此恶毒、不义，陷我于如此被动的境地？”虽说闻山不免言过其实，但从实际效果看，一年的狱中生活的确使他处境艰难，一无所获。而吕军则因此镀金，甚至于一步蹬天了。 后者不仅成为传说中的英雄，而且还接受了西方某国颁布的人权奖金（五千美元）。 “这些我都不计较了。”闻山说。吕军竞然还赢得了一位法国女郎的芳心，与其结婚后出国了。这才是真正不可原谅之处。想当初，他们刚出狱时无视外界的议论，因狱友的情义结成知己好友（人狱前他们的关系一般），来往颇为频繁。两人都有同样的认识：因监狱生活在国内是呆不下去了。有共同的目标：出国，寻求政治庇护。共同的方式和道路：结交那些不谙中国事物心地善良的外国女郎，和她们结婚达成姻缘。两人互相打气鼓励，展望清晰可见的美好前景，并相约互相提供机会可能、介绍合适彼此的外国女朋友。直到有一大吕军远走高飞——携同他的法国新娘，闻山这才回过味儿来。那法国女郎最先是闻山认识的，经他介绍才认识了吕军。而吕军从未给他介绍过任何外国女人，虽然他（吕军）这方面的资源一点也不亚于对方。吕军认识的女人（无论中外）只能比闻山更多。 我该怎样安慰我的朋友呢？此刻他处在被朋友出卖的激愤之中，两只近视的鱼眼几乎是泪水盈盈了。他被朋友出卖了，可人们却认为他出卖了革命，这样的人又有什么资格谈论有关出卖的问题呢？如果我将闻山遭遇的挫折归结为女人，他会同意吗？如果我认为这不过说明他在女人方面相对无能，是否可以减轻他的沮丧之情？ 抑或更加严重了？我对闻山说：那吕军本人也略知一二，人狱前就很风流，很讨女人喜欢，如果他将一位女生带回宿舍绝不会与对方长谈到天亮的。这些事实不可不予以考虑。我暗示说吕军与法国女郎缔结姻缘乃是男人的魅力所致，并非如闻山所言出于迫害他的目的。当然，如果是一位德国女郎那就很难说了。正像闻山说的，德国人比较古板，而法国人一向浪漫。这些因素也不是不值得考虑的。我的意图是将闻山从患得患失的情绪中转移出来，想想别的可能和易被忽略的因素，而不要把注意力集中在诸如背叛出卖这样耸人听闻的事情上—一况且他本人因类似的问题受害匪浅。我明显地在避重就轻，或者避轻就重，关键要看到底什么是闻山的敏感所在了。是背叛出卖？还是女人方面的无能？如果他两方面都很在乎那就完蛋了。闻山也许会自怜自文地想：自己被同族同性的朋友出卖了，同时也得不到同族和异族的异性的怜爱，不仅被别人出卖，还要担上出卖他人的恶名。看他此刻的神情，似乎敏感之处飘忽不定用p 自我辩护的激情和慷慨只能说明他已经破罐子破摔了。他试图将所有不利的结论据为己有。如果闻山真的要这样做，并坚持下去，那就不可救药了。为阻止他如此极端和毁灭性做法，还是让我们谈谈莉莉吧。转向对于具体失败的分析也许不失为一个有效的办法。 于是我们再次谈起莉莉，谈起他们的南京之行。间隔了这么长的时间，闻山的说法又有变化。他拒不承认自己的做法有任何问题，关键在于没有热情。与莉莉的结合其实并不是他的想法，按闻山的说法，自己不过是在执行“一个集体的阴谋”。 出狱后他显然在国内呆不下去了——由于众所周知的原因。了解和同情他的朋友毕竟是少数，无力为他申辩，他们只是适时地抛出了锦囊妙计：与那个叫莉莉的女人结婚出国远走他乡。他们甚至将一切安排妥当，制定了计划方案和具体的日程，确立了实施的地点——南京本人的住处。因为我有一套空房，最近又和女友分手了，一个人鳏居。我是闻山的亲密好友，又有足够的空间能够让他施展手脚。而在他自己的城市（北京），闻山尚住在集体宿舍里。同情他的朋友又各有家小，住房并不宽裕。况且当地人多眼杂，行动起来也极不方便，难保不会节外生枝。如此周详的考虑并非出自闻山个人的智慧，甚至也不会是某个具体朋友的主张，而是集体决议。 一来朋友们的情面不便违拂，二来，此事说到底是为了闻山，因此后者无法退缩，除了执行决议外别无选择。也就是说此事虽然发生在闻山身上，但本质上他是一个局外人，虽然在具体操作，心情上却感到与己无关。闻山不仅是一个局外人、一个旁观者，同时也是一件冷漠的工具。要是他真的爱上了莉莉那就另当别论了，就会有足够的热情，事情的结果也完全是两样的了。作为工具闻山已经尽心尽力，虽没有完成任务但也已经问心无愧。从某种意义上说，他再一次被别人出卖了。不同的是这次出卖他的不是文坛或者吕军，而是关心和同情他的莫名的集体。虽然他们的动机是纯良的，但没有考虑到他的心情、感受、人格和个性，没有考虑到他的感情。 在此意义上他们强迫了他、委屈了他、出卖和背叛了他。“你以为如何呢？”闻山再次振作起来，并渴望得到我的赞同。 所以说我们永远不要为别人担心，尤其是为革命者和闻山担心。即使他们身处绝境，压力重重，似乎已无路可走，就要承认自己的失败，但总能靠自己的力量和智慧站立起来。在女人问题上是这样，在其它问题上也是这样。我们不必为其担惊受怕，用庸人的柔肠试图去体恤怜悯，那是对他们的侮辱和我们自己的轻狂。一个革命者是特殊材料制成的人，是我们这些平凡的存在、精神和意志的贫困者所无法度量的。 1999．12．9 —2000.1．17—2000．1 ． twenty three