Chapter 5 05

The heavy gong sounded sadly in the snow-covered street at night.The two sedan chairs followed behind the sound of the gongs, and the bearers walked very slowly, as if afraid of losing their solemn companion if they overtook the sound of the gongs.But after two streets had passed, the sound of the gong finally turned away, leaving only a regrettable lingering fading away, in the ears of the bearers and those in the sedan chair. Zhang Sheng, a servant in his forties, led the two sedan chairs in front with a lantern.He shrugged as he walked, as if he couldn't stand the cold.Now and then he let out a short cough or two, breaking the somewhat frightening silence.The bearers did not speak, but silently lifted the burden on their shoulders, and strode without paying much attention.Although the cold air surrounded them and the icy snow stung their bare feet in straw sandals, they were used to such an environment.They walked, stepping calmly and regularly, sometimes changing shoulders, or putting a hand to their mouths to breathe hot air.The hot blood gradually circulated through their bodies, and their backs even sweated, which began to wet the old thin cotton jackets they were wearing.

Qin's mother, Mrs. Zhang, was sitting in a sedan chair in front of her. She was only forty-three years old, but her body was already showing signs of aging.After playing mahjong for twelve rounds, she felt very tired.She sat in the sedan chair, drowsy, thinking of nothing; sometimes the wind blew the curtains of the sedan chair, but she didn't feel it. Jean, in contrast to her mother, was wildly excited.She thought about the first big event of her life that was about to happen soon.The great event was lying before her like a lovely thing, shining brightly.She decided to take it, but she knew that someone would stop her if she stretched out her hand, and she was not sure if she could get this thing.She decided to take it. Although she decided, she still had a little worry about failure.So she was still a little timid, and she was afraid to reach out.Then complicated thoughts came to her mind, making her happy by turns and melancholy by turns.She doesn't notice everything around her.She was immersed in her own thoughts until the sedan chair was put on the hall after entering the gate.

As usual, she followed her mother inside, first went to her mother's room, watched the maid Li Aunt help her mother change clothes, then folded the new clothes for her mother and put them in the closet. "I don't know why, I'm so tired today," Mrs. Zhang put on an old lake crepe leather jacket, and fell on a rattan chair in front of the bed, sighing. "Mom, you played too many cards today," Qin said, sitting down on a chair beside the table, looking at her mother who was sitting diagonally across from her with a smile. "Playing cards was too exhausting, but you still played twelve rounds."

"You always blame me for playing cards. You don't know, at my age, what can I do if I don't play cards?" Mrs. Zhang said with a smile. "Otherwise, I'd be like your mother-in-law chanting scriptures and chanting Buddha all day long. But I can't do it." "I'm not telling Mom not to play poker, I'm just saying that it takes a lot of energy to play poker," Qin argued. "I know this too," Mrs. Zhang said kindly.She suddenly noticed that Mrs. Li was still standing listlessly in front of the closet with her head down, so she said to her, "Sister-in-law Li, go to sleep, you're fine." Mrs. Li responded and was about to turn around and walk out when Mrs. Zhang He asked again: "Is the tea simmering?"

"Yes, simmer on top of the 'Wu Geng Chicken'," Mrs. Li replied, and then went outside Mrs. Zhang continued: "What did you say?—Ah, you said that playing cards takes too much energy. This level I know that too. But my energy is wasted if it doesn’t cost me. I don’t have anything to do all day, so it’s not interesting to live like this for a long time, and it’s annoying if I live too long.” After she said these words, she closed her eyes. Close your eyes, fold your hands on your chest, as if you are going to sleep. The room was very quiet, except for the ticking of the pendulum.

Qin had something important to say to her mother, but when she saw her mother close her eyes, she knew that there was no chance to speak tonight, so she stood up, trying to wake her up and go to bed to avoid catching cold.As soon as she stood up, Mrs. Zhang opened her eyes, looked at her and said: "Pour me a cup of tea." After Qin answered, she walked to the coffee table, took a teacup, and simmered it He took the teapot off the "Wu Geng Chicken", poured a full cup of strong tea, brought it to his mother, put it on a low stool beside him, and said, "Mom, here comes the tea." But she didn't go away. , still standing next to her mother, looking at her excitedly.She felt that the opportunity had come, but she was still a little timid, and when the words came to her mouth, she took them back. "Qin'er, you are tired today too, so go to bed too," the mother said softly, picking up the teacup from the low stool and taking two sips one after another.

"Mom," Qin didn't walk away, but called affectionately. "What's the matter?" Mrs. Zhang looked up at the piano. "Mom," Qin called again, while lowering her head and playing with the corner of her clothes, she continued slowly: "Second cousin said that their school will recruit girls next semester, and I want to apply for the exam." "What are you talking about, the boys' school accepts female students! You still have to apply for the exam?" Mrs. Zhang was taken aback, suspecting that she had misheard, she asked in surprise.

"Yes," Qin replied in a low voice, and then explained: "This is not surprising. The famous Peking University has admitted three female students, and there are schools in Nanjing and Shanghai where male and female students are enrolled." "The world doesn't know what it's going to be like! It's not enough to have girls' schools, and there are male and female students!" Mrs. Zhang sighed. "When we were girls in the past, we never imagined that there would be such tricks!" These words poured on Qin's body like a ladle of cold water, and she felt cold all over.She was silent.But she was not quite in despair, her courage was gradually restored, and she said the following again:

"Mom, the times are different now, and it has been more than twenty years since then! The world is changing day by day. Men and women are the same people, why can't I study in the same school as male students?..." She went on talking, but her mother stopped her.Mrs. Zhang laughed, and said: "I don't reason with you. I can't reason with you. You have studied in school for the past few years, and you will naturally speak. You will find out the big truth in your new book to refute it. Me, I know you're going to call me a corrupt old man." Qin also laughed, but she begged again: "Mom, promise me. You always trust me. You never promise me anything!"

Mrs. Zhang was a little soft-hearted, and she replied: "It is because of this that I have suffered a lot of gossip. However, I am not afraid of people gossiping. I trust you very much. ... But this matter is too big, your mother-in-law will be the first There will be objections, and relatives will also gossip." "Mom, didn't you say that you are not afraid of all the gossip?" Jean said enthusiastically. "My mother-in-law lives in a nunnery, and it's rare to go home for two or three days a month. She hasn't come back even once in the past few months. Who cares what she says! Since she usually doesn't care about family affairs, as long as you make up your mind , as in the past when I was allowed to be a female teacher, my relatives have no reason to object. They gossip, we just don’t hear it.”

Mrs. Zhang was silent for a while, and then said dejectedly: "I used to be very courageous, but now that I am old, I don't want to listen to the gossip of my relatives anymore. I really want to live quietly for a few years, and I don't want to make any more troubles." You see, I am not a mother who is inconsiderate of my children. Your father died too early, and you are the only daughter left, and the responsibility rests on my shoulders. I never asked you to bind your feet. I let you when I was a child I went to your grandpa’s house to study with my cousins. Later you were going to school, and I sent you to school again. You see, your fifth aunt’s fourth cousin’s feet are very small, and she doesn’t even know a few words. Your eldest aunt's third cousin, she stopped studying very early! I finally feel sorry for you." She wanted to continue, but her exhaustion made her stop.She looked at Qin silently, saw Qin's expression that was so desperate that she was about to cry, and felt unbearable, so she said gently: "Qin'er, go to sleep. Fortunately, it is still early, it will be next autumn, we We will discuss it in the future. I will always find a solution for you." Qin sadly agreed with the word "yes", walked out disappointed, walked through the small main room and returned to her room.She was disappointed, but she didn't complain about her mother. Instead, she was grateful that her mother had been very considerate of her. The room looked very desolate, as if all hope had flown away, and even the face of her father, hanging on the wall, cried to her.She felt her eyes wet.She took off her skirt and put it on the bed, then walked to the desk, adjusted the wick in the tin lamp on the desk, and sat on the square stool in front of the desk.The lights suddenly turned on brightly, and the three big characters "New Youth" on the desk came into her eyes.She casually flipped through a few pages of the magazine, and accidentally saw the following words: "...I think the most important thing is that I am a person, just like you...or at least I will try to be a person . . . I can't believe what most people say. . . . Everything should be thought by myself and solved by myself. . . . " It turned out that she was turning to Ibsen's play "Nara" . These few words became a revelation to her, and her eyes suddenly became brighter.She understands that her work is not hopeless, whether she can succeed or not depends on her own efforts.In short, there is still hope, and the hope lies in oneself, not in others.Thinking of this, she felt that all the despair and sorrow disappeared at once. She happily picked up the pen and wrote the following short message: "Sister Qianru: Today my cousin told me that the 'Foreign College' has decided to recruit girls next fall.I decided to take the exam in the future.What do you mean?Are you really going with me?I hope you don't worry about it.In any case, we must fight resolutely to open up a new path for the future sisters and create happiness for them. If you have time, please come to my house to play, I have something to talk to you in detail.Your mother welcomes you too. Yunhua. ××day" She wrote the letter, read it herself, dated it, and added modern punctuation.Although vernacular letters are "longer than classical Chinese and unbearable vulgarity" according to her mother, she likes to write vernacular letters recently, and she writes them very neatly, even using "的", "身" and "地". The usage of the three words is also clear.In order to learn to write vernacular letters, she once carefully studied the correspondence column of "New Youth" magazine.