Chapter 14 Bana (14)

i finally forgave her Life is still so good. When I was taking a shower, I looked at the pot of ferns on the windowsill.It really only needs a little water to live so happily and thrive. ROSE wanted me to write a longer novel, and promised me a surprising remuneration, so I started writing a novel.Maybe after writing.next year.I will have money and time to start a long trip. I still live alone.No one to touch my curled knees in the dark, no one to straighten my twisted body...but what does that matter. I started going to the gym every weekend to prepare for my trip. Traveling makes it feel like you can start all over again.

That Irish chocolate guy who calls me a fairy, dates me once a week.Once he asked me if I would like to see his native plain, where the shepherdesses sing beautiful ballads.He's a chocolate agent.From that mysterious coastal country in Europe, where rainy season and beautiful music abound.I didn't answer.Because I want to give him the freedom to appear and disappear.Only in this way can I preserve my own freedom. In order for a person to get something, he must first give something.This is the truth. I am used to calling him around 12 o'clock in the middle of the night.I told him that this is the time when fairies in Chinese legends sneak down to take a bath.

little fairy.He said, can you find your way back to heaven? Is there any chocolate in heaven to eat? Maybe there is. Then what do I go back to do.It's already here. Our conversations are often silenced by each other's sleepiness.Then wake up, and talk again.I know that after the age of 25, the chances of women encountering love will gradually decrease, but the chances of encountering legends will increase.Because, they began to insist on their dreams again. autumn.There are tall sycamore trees beside the old roads in Shanghai, and the withered and yellow leaves are falling, making the rustling sound very pleasant.I started to reduce the amount of alcohol, nicotine, and sedatives so that I could stay awake for a longer period of time at night.I've been writing all the time.In my dark and silent room.Only at noon there, the sun shines through the leaves of the sweet-scented osmanthus tree and falls sporadically on my computer desk.

When I get dizzy from writing, I put my bare feet on the table, stretch my white toes, and let them bask in the sun.Then he lit a cigarette and looked at the tropical fish in the fish tank, swimming back and forth expressionlessly.They have healthy and strong hearts, they don't need love, and they never shed tears.They are always my role models. For a long time, I have not shed tears for Juansheng.Maybe she had a premonition of her death, or the shadow of death was always too close to Juansheng.Seeing her bloody face, it makes people feel that she is a child who got dirty and didn't have time to wash it.A broken and innocent face.

All of Juansheng's belongings are in my house. When her parents came to carry them, they cried several times and fainted to the ground.It is true that Juansheng had mentioned to me before that she had a cold relationship with her parents and had grown up like an orphan since she was a child, but seeing the pain of the old man, what I felt was Juansheng's constant suspicion of people.She needs affection, because she has never had it, so she begins to doubt everyone... Something else was missing, still in her room.The scattered photos were taken after she came to Shanghai.In front of the old buildings on the Bund, Juansheng, with his unique taste of going his own way, smiled lightly in the sunshine.With that man, in his arms, smiling like a child, showing big white teeth... and a diary, each page recording what happened in her day.Happy, sad, troubled.She narrated in a plain tone of running account, succinctly, with a light sentence.

She is thorough.It's just a person who easily feels lonely and wants to anesthetize himself with certain hallucinations. A woman who clings to the void always ends up letting herself down. On the seventh day after her death, I finished writing the novel in the middle of the night, when I suddenly heard a voice in Juansheng's room.It's not the sound of osmanthus leaves rubbing in the wind that I often hear in silence.It seemed to be a slight laugh.I didn't turn on the light, and walked through the living room in the dark, pushing away from her room.The white moon shines on the empty big bed in the middle of the room.

I saw Juansheng, wearing her white skirt and barefoot, sitting on the edge of the bed smoking a cigarette.Her seaweed-like hair was damp and disheveled, and her dark eyes were dark and bright.She smiles at me.I said, why don't you come back, Silk Health.Do you think you're taking revenge on him like this?If he doesn't love you, he doesn't care at all. Silk laughed and walked on the floor without making a sound.Her cigarette is still Double Happiness.This is the card we often draw.She seemed unwilling to come and argue with me.She finally let go of everything.I burst into tears.I said, silk students.At least you can love yourself.I hate that you never know how to cherish.

My tears finally fell. On New Year's Day, I went to the Bund alone to watch the fireworks, and squeezed into the crowd to watch the fireworks bloom all over the sky.The river wind was bitingly cold, and the empty tall buildings looked chilling.I watched halfway through and started to get scared, wondering if I might run into that man in the crowd.Or he'd show up with his new partner, hug her from behind, kiss her hair in the cold...so crowded it didn't seem like much of a possibility.Later, he laughed at himself.Everyone has their own destiny, and everything has nothing to do with others.Too many people and too many things are just our excuses and reasons.

In the crowd, couples of young lovers were tightly entangled with each other, kissing like no one else was there.Love is so beautiful, it seems that it can be hugged and warmed until the morning.We could have gone on like this, closing our eyes, hugging each other, not letting go and not needing to distinguish. Because once you open your eyes, all you see is a firework rising from the other side.Can't touch, can't last forever... At this moment, I realized the silk life.In the cold heavy rain, in the arms of that man, she saw the prosperity like a piece of brocade, and the dust and smoke were all gone.In dark lust she longs for the end of the world to escape.In front of the glass window on the 30th floor, she sat barefoot on the window sill and watched the lights of Wanjia downstairs.her abandonment.

I finally forgave her.