Chapter 3 Chapter 1 Pre-marital check-up.2

Yin Xiaotiao didn't know why the upper berth insisted on talking about fruit peels and virgins together, as if whoever wants to be a virgin doesn't deserve to eat fruit peels.She also felt harsh about the "finally" of "I'm not a virgin anymore", feeling a kind of hectic and impetuous.In any case, that "finally" should not be the highest hope of the upper bunk for youth.Maybe that's her exaggeration, when one era desperately wants to replace another, everything exaggerates, everything, from a novel to a virgin.But the passion and excitement of the upper bunk still infected Yin Xiaotiao. Under the nagging of the upper bunk, she was like a muddleheaded, stupid, imbecile, mentally retarded, and uneducated village girl, an idiot who couldn't keep up with the times and let her youth drift along. Two hundred and five.It was indeed an era of ideological liberation, liberation, liberation, liberation.Yin Xiaotiao was engulfed by the trend, she seemed to be pulled by the upper bunk, reprimanded, joked and pointed at, her body also seemed to be full of fresh and ambiguous desires.She therefore had to do something, even if her "doing" itself was a kind of blind exaggeration.But what should she do?She is not in love, and there is no one on campus who is worthy of her trouble, so let's get out of the campus.One day Shangbun said that she wanted to introduce someone to Yin Xiaotiao. She said that although he was not a writer or a poet, he was very close to a poet. He was an editor of a poetry magazine.She said it would be interesting to listen to him chatting.She said that at a party, he read a poem called "My Ass" to everyone: "My ass, my ass, why did I sit on the side of the bourgeoisie? The bench of the proletariat, I implore you, I implore you to accept my ignorant ass—even if it is a cold bench..." Yin Xiaotiao didn't think this could be called a poem, maybe the author intentionally imitated those people who were crazy about self-criticism in previous criticism meetings.This "poetry" only made Yin Xiaotiao subconsciously think of her butt, and the sneaky and proud time when she used a feather pillow as a sofa.She had never heard that butts can be talked about in poems. After all, not everyone is worthy of Mao Zedong's momentum. He can write butts into poems.Instead, she met the editor, as if deliberately looking for a thrill.After all, she was just a student, and the other party was the editor of a poetry magazine.The status of an editor is second only to a writer, and only a little lower than a writer, a little bit.

It was a cold night, in front of the art museum, they shook hands somewhat stiffly, introduced themselves to each other, and started walking back and forth.They were all wearing thick down jackets with jeans that tightly wrapped their legs, looking like two ostriches wandering around from a distance.Yin Xiaotiao has never dated a man alone, especially with such a "close to the poet".When the two parties began to walk back and forth in a somewhat cautious manner, Yin Xiaotiao was the first to discover the meaninglessness of all this: What is she doing?Where does she want to go?When the upper bunk introduced the editor to her, didn't he tell her that the editor was a man with a family?She told her that she wanted her to relax, meaning that you can fall in love or not fall in love, and you don’t need to have any mental burden-can’t a man and a woman meet alone without falling in love?In a previous era, in the 60s or 70s this might have been absurd, not now.From the point of view of the upper bunk, it seems that only by letting an unmarried female student and a married male editor continue to date at night can it prove the openness of an era and the freedom of a person's body and mind.And at this moment, she is helping her implement her idea through Yin Xiaotiao, a living person.Unfortunately, Yin Xiaotiao didn't feel free physically and mentally. She felt very nervous, and when she was nervous, she would talk endlessly.She talked about the boys and girls in the class, about the food in the cafeteria, how the gentleman who was talking about modern literature walked into the classroom with his shirt buttoned wrongly... She talked in a hurry, as if she didn't care. The choice is thoughtless and therefore not sophisticated, smart, funny or humorous.

Her heart was blank, and her blank heart calmly reminded her over and over again how ridiculous it was for her to meet this "ostrich" next to her, and she was punishing herself with this endless nonsense This ridiculous date.She was talking endlessly, but her heart was so anxious, because she was inexperienced, and she didn't know how to end the meeting that should have ended at the beginning.She even foolishly thought that as long as she kept talking for a moment, the meeting would be over as quickly as possible.Finally the editor interrupted, and she realized that he had a very guttural voice.She didn't like men with voices like that, which made the speaker look like he was putting on airs, as if he were practicing the way he spoke.The editor said, are you planning to go back to your place after graduation—your place is Fu'an, right?Although it is an ancient city, it is a province after all.I advise you to try to stay in Beijing. This is the cultural center, and I have a deep understanding of this.

Yin Xiaotiao was a little disgusted with the editor's statement, what qualifications did he have to say "your place" and shut "your place", the upper bunk said that he was only transferred to Beijing from the Loess Plateau in the Northwest a few years ago, and now Like a master in Beijing, he showed compassion towards Yin Xiaotiao from Fu'an.Where were you when Yin Xiaotiao was drinking red bayberry soda and teasing cats in the alleys of Beijing? The past is vivid in my mind, everything in the past, when she first entered the city of Fu'an as a young Beijinger, what kind of difficulties she experienced.She had her grievances, but also her pride.She once tried to blend into that city, maybe she blended in, but her blending gave her energy and energy, and she bravely defended her Beijing accent with a few of her close friends in that quaint and extremely xenophobic city.Beijing, Beijing has never known that there are such a few girls who once tried to bring its civilization to a strange city beyond their means.Although Beijing Shuiyuan doesn't need them to be like this, and never needs them to be like this, Yin Xiaotiao and the others stubbornly sway their infatuation.But this person in front of him, what has this person done for Beijing, he is already calling himself a Beijinger.Besides, Yin Xiaotiao was displeased with the graduation assignment when he opened his mouth. Could it be that she would really talk about her private affairs-graduation assignment with a stranger.In short everything is wrong.She resented the eyesight of the upper berth, and she resented her frivolity—she wanted to use this word to describe herself.She was a little bit sad, throwing herself because of her disorientation; she was also a little sober: she suddenly felt that she had not drifted her youth along with the current, she suddenly realized that what she treasured was still precious, she Be thankful for being able to hold them with restraint.In many ways, she is not as good as the top bunk, and she can't keep up with the top bunk, so let her "lag behind" like this!

She waited for the last train to arrive in this increasingly clear train of thought.There were a lot of people on the train, and she grinned at the editor as a farewell smile as she ran towards the station.Then, she desperately squeezed towards the already crowded car door.At this moment, the editor was still following her, apparently to take care of her to squeeze into the car and leave, so she turned her head and shouted at him: "Hey, can you push me hard!" He pushed hard After giving her a push, she finally got into the car, and the door slammed shut behind her. Standing on the last train, she suddenly smiled secretly, she thought, just now she asked him to push her hard, so it turned out to be the sentence she wanted to say most tonight.She also thought, in fact, this editor is an honest person.But she also felt that, just as she didn't like him, he didn't like her at all.

It wasn't that she didn't want to reply to Fang Jing's letter, she didn't write the reply letter for a long time because she didn't know how to reply to this letter.Maybe all of this happened too suddenly, anyway, she couldn't take Fang Jing's letter from San Francisco as a note.She read the letter carefully over and over again, weeping silently again and again.She had never read such a good letter, and she had no reason to doubt the sincerity of the writer. So she began to write back letters to him: "Teacher Fang Jing, hello." She wrote. Then she tore off the letter and started over.But he was too tall and she was so small.She lacked self-confidence, and was very afraid of showing her timidity in front of him—how could she write a reply letter of the same standard as that of a celebrity like Fang Jing?That's impossible, she doesn't have the talent for writing, nor is she emotionally prepared for Fang Jingxin.But just based on this letter, Yin Xiaotiao felt that she had fallen in love with him, and she must also fall in love with him.Because she already believed that she was in love with him, and she was lucky to be in love with him, she thought selflessly.At her age, and with her experience, she was temporarily unable to distinguish admiration from love, nor could she judge how vanity-driven emotions quickly gained the upper hand.At those times, she might have thought of her upper bunk in her senior year. Compared with Fang Jing, the "talented" writer on the upper bunk was nothing, and how could it compare to Yin Xiaotiao's secret heart at this moment? Life.In the college days, there was a lot of enthusiasm that came and went quickly.

She started to write back to him again, but it was still just those few words, "Hello, Mr. Fang Jing." She ran out to see his movie at the theater showing the second round of movies, and met him on the screen.She listened to his voice, studied his features, read his expressions.She tried her best to remember his appearance, but when she got home and lay on the bed, she found that she had forgotten his appearance at all.It made her terrified and anxious, with ominous foreboding; when she cut in to go to the movies the next day, she stared at him on the anvil like a lost relative.She still couldn't write a reply, but received a call from him in the office.

That was the time when the editorial department was full of people, and the director said to her: "Yin Xiaotiao, your uncle's phone number. She went to the phone and picked up the receiver, and immediately recognized his Mandarin with a slightly southern flavor. He couldn't help but said the following passage a little bluntly: Is this Comrade Yin Xiaotiao? I'm Fang Jing. I know there are many people in your office. Don't make a sound and don't call me Teacher Fang Jing. Just listen to what I have to say. I have already returned to Beijing, and I have not received your letter or phone call. It is very likely that you are making fun of me in your heart. Don't be afraid of me, I don't want to be rude to you. I just want to see you, listen to me - I have a meeting in the Beijing Hotel these days, can you find a chance to travel to Beijing to collect manuscripts, I know many editors are I run in Beijing all the year round. You come, let’s meet, and I’ll give you my phone number at the meeting. You don’t have to answer right away—of course, I really want to hear you answer right away, in the affirmative. No, no, you Let's think about it first. Finally, I want to say a few more words: I know I look very calm, but I can't control myself, which is very rare for me, but I would rather believe my Intuition, so please don't reject me easily, don't reject me easily. Now I read the phone number, can you remember it, can you remember...

Her number concept is poor, but she only heard Fang Jing's phone number by heart once he said it.On the third day she went to Beijing and met him in his room at the Beijing Hotel.When she was alone with him he seemed to her taller than when she first saw him, so that, like all tall men, he was a little stooped; Known to be somewhat arrogant and nonchalant.Yin Xiaotiao thought that it was natural for him to walk into his room, and Fang Jing seemed to be infected by this unnaturalness.He smiled happily at her, but obviously he no longer had the free and easy expression of talking and laughing in the seminar.

He poured her a cup of tea, but somehow the tea bubbled out and burned Yin Xiaotiao's hands, as well as his own.The phone rings again and again—that's the way celebrities are, always being chased by the phone.He kept answering the phone, and lied to the person on the phone without changing his face and heartbeat: "No, not today, now'! Not even now, I'm going to watch the samples right away. Tomorrow, I'll treat you to dinner." Big Three No'... Yin Xiaotiao sat on the sofa and listened quietly to Fang Jing's lies, feeling a kind of close understanding, perhaps also a kind of novelty like in a dream.She thanked him for this series of skilled and slick lies, thanked him for rejecting him (her) for her.That was the lie he lied for her, all for the reunion with her.Her unnatural mood gradually became natural and relaxed, and it was someone else's phone that gave her a little buffer.

After finally finishing the phone call, Fang Jing walked up to Yin Xiaotiao and knelt down.He squatted down, facing her.He squats very abruptly, but his posture is natural and simple, like a farmer who is waiting to harvest crops in the field; like an adult who often needs to squat down to talk to a child; or a person who sometimes likes to squat down to observe a small Animals: ants or scarabs.Given his age and his status, he squatted like this and showed a kind of childlike naughtiness.He squatted down and said to Yin Xiaotiao who was sitting on the sofa, or else we should go out, these phone calls are confusing people. They left the room and went to the lobby bar for coffee.They chose a quiet corner and drank coffee, he still holding his wooden pipe.There was a brief silence, but he spoke first.He said, what do you think of me? She said, I respect you very much, I like your movie "A Beautiful Life", I am like many people... that is to say, many people like me, admire your talent very much, in the editorial department, you are often topic of discussion.us…… He interrupted her and said are you going to talk to me like that all night?Are you right? You said? She shook her head and nodded, she was trying to use this shaking of the head to calm the excitement in her heart, she had found that she was very, very willing to be with him. At this time, he suddenly said without thinking, you stood outside the crowd at the seminar, a little silly, but also so thoughtful.I saw at a glance that you were the one sent by God to watch over me.I need to be watched by someone like you, and no one else can watch me.I can't lie in front of you, I am willing to tell you everything.Me, me, me... He took a deep puff of cigarette: I wrote to you all in my heart, you know?I never write to women, never.But when I saw you I couldn't stop writing.I am well aware of my talents and talents, and I also know that they are far from unfolding.My fame should be much greater than it is now.One day, just watch it.I also want to tell you about my attitude towards women, which I basically don't refuse.Most of the women came here for my fame, and money.Of course, there are still a group of people who are willing to sacrifice themselves for nothing.They're pathetic, because in many ways... I'm actually pretty dirty— I hope my words didn't scare you. His words actually startled her a little.Being naked is scary, and why would he be so naked to her.She felt sorry for him for that "dirtyness" and thought she was going to hear a lot more romantic than this.What kind of person is he?What is he going to do to her?Yin Xiaotiao was puzzled, but knew that he did not have the ability to control the conversation.She is passive, she has been passive from the very beginning, she could never have predicted that she would develop a passive evil nature later on. Therefore—he said, taking a drag on his cigarette, therefore I am not worthy of you.Now it looks like I'm chasing you, how could I be chasing you!You are the one who can't be chased—nobody else.But you and I will be together sooner or later. She finally opened her mouth, she said, what basis do you have for speaking like this?As she asked, her heart skipped a beat by his explicit expression. But he ignored her question at all, and continued on his own: You and I will be together sooner or later.But I want to tell you that even if one day I love you like crazy, I will still have many women when we are together.And I will never hide from you, I will tell you everything: who they are, what happened... I will let you judge me and punish me, because you are the woman I love most, only you It deserves me to be so frank, so true, so worthless.You are my god, I need a god.You remember my words, maybe you are too young now, but you will understand in the future, and you will definitely understand.Ordinary people will think that I am a hooligan language - maybe it is, maybe it is not at all. Yin Xiaotiao listened to Fang Jing's unheard-of language, she didn't want to call him hooligan language, but what did he say?Does he, a man with a family and business, say such things to an innocent girl?In this situation, Yin Xiaotiao, as if he had been spellbound and cast a spell, became more and more immersed in his nonsense, trying his best to understand his "thoughts", and followed his "realm" ", the eccentric strength conjured up by his blindly assertive and arrogant self-confidence, and the occasional traces of coldness in his warm eyes also deeply moved her. Even in order to keep up with his thinking, she has already involuntarily started to judge and evaluate herself, discover and affirm herself: what kind of person she will be, what kind of person she might become, what is her attraction to this celebrity? Where is it…… The strange thing is that the more he talked, the closer he was to Yin Xiaotiao. He leaned back, and the more he talked, the more distance he was from Yin Xiaotiao.His voracious desire for her was not achieved through simple, impatient touches and physical closeness, nor was his adequate physical distance the seasoned knowing of a man spoiled by a woman. Yin Xiaotiao left the Beijing Hotel very late, and Fang Jing insisted on taking her back to her guest house. They walked back, the night breeze in late spring and the wide Chang'an Street made Yin Xiaotiao feel a lot more relaxed, and she realized that being with him is very tiring, it has always been tiring, but she has been willing for many years This tiredness accompanies her. Sometimes he walked on her left, sometimes on her right, he said Xiaotiao, I still want to tell you something. What?she asked. You are a good girl.He said. But you don't know me. I really don't understand you, but I am confident that no one can understand you better than me. Why? You know, because at the end of the day, it's determined by unknowable forces.You and I have many similarities, such as sensitivity, such as the magma-like enthusiasm under the cold appearance... How did you know I would have magma-like enthusiasm?You also describe my cold appearance, do you think my respect for you is not enough? You see, you are going to quarrel with me.He said a little excitedly: Your arrogance has also come—no, it’s not arrogance, it’s pride, pride is not mine, pride is unique to you. Why is it unique to me?She softened her tone: If you don't have pride in your bones, how can you say what you just said in the Beijing Hotel. He suddenly smiled sadly and said, do you really think that is pride?In my bones, it is more of a rogue spirit, you know the rogue spirit, right? She could not agree with his statement, or allow him to describe himself in this way.Although it was years later when she recalled the beginning, she realized that his self-analysis was pure and appropriate, but at the beginning, she still strongly opposed him.Only then did she begin to tell him how she felt about him bit by bit, from reading his two letters to going to watch his movies over and over again for fear of forgetting his appearance.She spoke very hard, and she was afraid of expressing the meaning with the words.When she talked about his scarred arm in the film, she couldn't help crying again.She stopped talking and insisted on holding back her tears.He didn't let her talk anymore, but she insisted on going on.Not to move him, but to be moved by myself.She vaguely felt that she could afford everything he wanted in front of this tormented man. If he was forced to reform again, she would definitely suffer and suffer with him for the rest of his life, just like those of the Russian Decembrists. Wife, willing to go to Siberia with her husband to stay together for the rest of her life.Heh, to prove her steadfastness, bravery, loftiness and detachment, she can't wait to repeat the time that tortured Fang Jing again, let that time weigh her heart - but who is she?Fang Jing has his own beautiful wife and daughter. As she spoke, the guest house arrived.She quickly stopped talking and held out her hand to him.He held her hand, looked her in the eyes and said, I'll say it again: you're a good girl. They said goodbye, he went back the same way, and she walked through the door of the guest house.But soon she ran out the gate and into the street again, and she called him. He knew what she wanted, he told her later. Now he stands there motionless, waiting for her to pass.She trotted over, stood in front of him and said, I want to kiss you. He put his arms around her loosely, loosely so their bodies weren't touching.She lifted her face on tiptoe, kissed him, then quickly left him and ran into the guest house. Fang Jing could never forget Yin Xiaotiao's first kiss, because it was so sketchy and far-fetched that it wasn't really a kiss at all, at best it was half a kiss, and it could only be half a kiss.Like a flying feather lightly brushing the corner of his mouth, like a thin snowflake melting without a trace on the hot stove.