Chapter 11 Chapter 4.5

I chased her under the sea, tried my best to follow her, tried my best to get close to her, but I couldn't overtake her no matter what, couldn't shorten the distance between me and her, let alone get close to her.I wanted to cry out in despair, but the sea water poured into my mouth, choking my voice in my throat.The sea water is not salty, but sweet.Sweet and full-bodied with the mellow aroma of century-old wine.Also has a low stun power.That kind of intoxicating power mixed with that kind of strong mellow fragrance permeates my heart and brain... After a while, I slowly opened my eyes.Because I heard low sobs.Her face was on my shoulder in the dark, and she was crying.Her bare arms were still around my neck.However, it has lost its original enthusiasm and impulsive strength.They cling to my chest.My hands caressed her waist up, caressing her shoulders, they shrugged slightly.Agitated by her unceasing weeping, which she struggled to suppress...

Confused and uneasy, I asked, "What's wrong with you?" She slowly turned her face on my shoulder, turned sideways to my face, and said in a choked voice, "It's nothing..." In just three words, it sounds like it contains endless grievances, but it also seems to contain endless satisfaction... "Then why are you crying?..." "I don't know... I just want to cry..." "Let's go inside, shall we? . . . " "it is good……" She answered very well.However, she didn't move, she was still nestling in my arms like a little lizard crouching on a tree trunk...

I said again, "Let's go into the house..." She said: "Help me into the house... I... feel like I've just been rescued from drowning, and I've lost all energy..." I think, in our long kiss, for her, it was just a time of "going all out", right?For me, why not? So I hugged her and went into the house. There is only one room.It can be vaguely seen that besides the bed, there is also a pair of sofas. "Help me to the bed..." I helped her to the side of the bed.After she sat down slowly by the bed, I took off her shoes, and she curled her legs up on the bed and pointed to the window.

I understood what she meant and walked over to close the curtains. I silently retreated to the sofa, did not sit down immediately, stood there, looked at her vague figure, and asked tentatively: "Would you like to turn on the light?..." She vaguely shook her head at me. "There is a cool cup on the coffee table, and there is water in the cool cup, pour me some water..." I poured her half a glass of cold water, then walked up to her and handed it to her. She took the glass and drank slowly, while I quietly waited by the bed. She drank all the water in the glass, put the glass on the bedside table, raised her face, and asked in an embarrassed tone: "I'm sorry, did you look down on me?"

I said, "How can you think like that!..." So I sat next to her and hugged her... She said: "I am not a frivolous woman..." I said, "I didn't think so at all..." She said, "But I'm also a woman after all..." I said, "I understand..." "I'm really scared..." "If I'm not afraid of anything, what are you afraid of?..." "It's not that I'm afraid of anything else, it's that..." "What are you afraid of?..." "I'm afraid you'll look down on me. I think that if a woman takes the initiative to commit herself to a man, that man will often despise her after getting her, and will often regard her initiative as an urgent need for lust and sexual desire..."

"I'm not that kind of man. I swear I...in fact, I'm more like that to you..." I am speechless... She put her hand over my mouth again... "I understand. Not long after you appeared in front of me, I understood from the look in your eyes that you wanted to look but didn't dare to look at me again... But after all, I am willing..." She also rested her head on my chest... "But after all... After all, I'm also a woman! Between the two of us, don't always think that you are so different from me. Don't emphasize this point again and again, at least it doesn't conform to the facts. It's not that you want to get, and I just give, no, it's not like that, I'm the same as you, I want to get from you too. I also hope that you can give me a lot, a lot. We are not husband and wife, It can't be a husband and wife, it's just a kind of fate. As long as you and me worry too much, this kind of fate will be missed. Once you miss it, you will never be able to find it again. Even if you have an opportunity like today , that is another fate. It seems to be the same, but in fact it is very different, very different, just like a person most wants to take a walk on a certain day, like a person most wants to travel in spring in April of a certain year, but But he didn’t go. Even though he went for a walk the next day, even though he went for a spring outing in April of the next year, does that mean that he also went for a walk that day, and did he also go out for a spring outing in April of that year? How is that? Two different things, two different things! You think, I think too. What you think is also what I think. You have so many worries. I understand that your psychological barrier must be more serious than mine. So I also have some Pity you, it’s better now, now we have finally grasped this time, this kind of fate that belongs to us. It’s not you who finally grasped it, nor me alone, but the two of us finally grasped it. Live. In everyone's life, how many times can there be fate..."

I caressed this woman nestled in my arms as tenderly as possible, and listened to what she told me without saying a word, as if I was devoutly accepting her hypnosis of my happiness. My heart was full of love for her. Affection for her, filled with sweet, tender lust for her, burning with desire to make love to her.If it weren't for her eloquent words that also played a wonderful role in indirectly satisfying my lust and sexual desire, I don't think I'm just embracing her... "I have read almost all of your novel collections. I have read several novels more than once. Frankly speaking, it is not because your novels are well written. It is not because I like your novels the most. It is because , I want to find his shadow in your novels. To know the old man, who I didn't know. When I realized that he started to abandon me, I was very sad. I don't understand what is between me and him What . A shadow, isn't it? . . . "

I say yes……" She went on to say: "But, the more I read your novel, the more confused I am about him now. The more confused, the bigger, the more incomprehensible, and this confusion gradually turns into disgust for him, just like He despises me as much. In your later novels, he no longer appears, does he?..." "Yes. After he was transferred from our company, we separated. After more than 20 years..." "In your early novels, sometimes the male protagonist has more of your shadow, and sometimes the male protagonist actually has more of his shadow. You two have many similarities, don't you?..."

"Yes, when we were young, we were all children of poor families. We all had the ambition to be poor, we were both kind and filial, and we all had deep feelings for the poor..." "So, later on, I stopped seriously analyzing which one is you and which one is him in your novels. I feel that every hero I like is both you and him. The more I Disgusting him who completely changed my destiny and lost my personal prospects, the more I like the male protagonists in your early novels. So when you appeared in front of me, they became one person. Become one The real you, I feel that I am not unfamiliar with you at all, not only not unfamiliar. It seems that I have known each other for a long time, I have known each other long ago, I have been close to you long ago, and I have long been in love with you. As if. Do you understand? . . . "

"clear……" "No, I think you still don't quite understand, and I don't quite understand. I can't make it clear, it's different..." "And what?..." "It's different from some girls who read the novel and imagine the hero in the novel as the man who wrote the novel, and are obsessed with it. I am not their kind of girl. No matter how shallow I am, I will not As for the degree of superficiality. I think—I told you, don’t be angry. I think you should be him, and you should be him. It’s him who I fell in love with, who came back from the past life. And, I will tell you I repent, ask for my forgiveness, and love and sympathize with me again. Several times I almost called you by the wrong name, and almost called you by his first name. Are you really not angry?..."

"I am not angry……" "Don't be angry, and don't think that I want to treat you as him. That's not the case. He is already a person who has nothing to do with me. I just want... want... want to treat me I am a woman who has been married for fifteen years, but I only had a husband in the first few years, and only in the first few years. I had the feeling of being a happy wife in the past year. I was too young and innocent at that time. Why can't I take a man who I think I have known each other, understood each other, and loved me for a long time... as... ...Think... as your own husband?..." She cried again. I bowed my head, kissed her hands, her bare arms, her fair neck, her eyes, and all the tears on her face... She suddenly held my head with both hands, so that my face was facing hers, she stared at me with tears in her eyes and asked, "Do you think I have such a right?" I couldn't help it anymore and cried. I said: "There is..." "Do you still need to say that you want to get...that kind of words from me more?" I said, "No. I won't say that again..." "Me too. As much as you want, I want as much. Caress, kisses, lust, sex, I want it. Very... want, want... much, much. Since neither of us missed this fate tonight , I have seized it. We are stingy, that is our own stupidity! I am sorry for fate, I will give you a lot, and I have saved a woman who is a wife but is not actually a wife for more than ten years. I will give you all my love and desire. I also want you to give me a lot, if you really feel that you are so eager to get from me..." I stopped listening to her, and slowly made her fall on the bed, and then fell on top of her.My man's hands and lips began to greedily "harvest" all the naked parts of her body, as if plundering.Moreover, began to attack under her shirt and skirt impatiently... I feel like a wild sheep running down from the bare cliffs on the plateau, a hungry wild sheep.After running down, he came to a piece of green grass after the rain, and it seemed as if he would devour the grass inch by inch... "Don't..." Her hands grabbed mine, preventing them from reaching under her bra. "You greedy kitten..." She grabbed my hands and gently pushed me away, leaning over. "Sit on the sofa first?" I hesitated for a moment, then tried to throw her down again. "obedient……" I obediently retreated to the sofa and sat down reluctantly. Her two slender legs were close together, and she drew an arc in a graceful posture on the bed, and she was standing on the ground in a blink of an eye. "Sit still, don't follow me..." Her face was looking at me, and she said that as she walked towards the door. I nodded and she had gone out and closed the door. I am very willing to listen to her, I sit honestly, thinking back to what she said to me just now, I think that what I am lucky to meet is not only a good-looking woman, but also the most worthy of my inner obsession. And the most real woman, the most sincere woman, the most frank woman.No matter how embarrassing things are said from such a woman's mouth, I will never look at her with frivolous eyes.I always feel that her words are worth listening to a hundred times like poems... Ten minutes later, her voice came from outside the door: "Are you still sitting there?" I said, "I'm still sitting obediently..." "You didn't turn on the light, did you?" "Yes, I didn't turn on the light." "Now... close your eyes..." "why?……" "Don't ask why, is it closed?" "Closed..." "I won't tell you to open it, but you are not allowed to open it." "Row……" "No peeking with half-open eyes either." "Row……" I feel the door open. Felt her entering the room again.As if, it also brought a subtle coolness...＠ "There is a lamp on the coffee table, the switch is on the lamp holder, put your hand on the lamp holder." My hand is on the lamp stand. "Did you touch the switch?" "I touched it..." "Now, you count five in your head, and then you press the switch." I counted silently in my heart-one, two, three... The desk lamp came on. My eyes widened, and I was stunned for a moment - as if a wax figure of the same height as the human body was placed in front of me, it was her completely naked.Yes, except that the slippers on her feet are something other than the body.And all her clothes were piled up at her feet.The white skin of her whole body was also like waxy fat, and under the soft light, it looked extremely moist, so moist that it seemed to be able to wipe off water.Every curve of this woman's body transitions into the curves of other parts of the body just right.And these and other curves, strangely undulating, become the most beautiful parts of a woman's body.From the sides of her neck to her shoulders, and around her waist, between her full breasts, they reflected the vivid charm of a graceful figure... She looked like a beautifully contoured bottle. Like a jug containing the life of the future. I held my breath and looked at her. For some reason, I thought of spring and summer, the two seasons I miss the most.Think of the solar terms of spring equinox, grain rain, Qingming, summer solstice, Jingzhe, Bailu... Reminiscent of the verses in the Greek epic "Odyssey"—— when i see you I thought I saw the ivy next to the altar of Apollo As if every branch, every leaf, All indicate an oracle... Thinking of Hugo's verse A woman's skin is so holy unbelievable when passion is like fire The beauty that clings to is God... It seems that these verses that have long been accumulated at the bottom of my memory, the verses that I used to recite over and over again when I was a teenager and youth, hiding alone in some place where there is no one, are just for that day, that moment, in my mind been preserved.Once they emerge from the bottom of my memory, they seem to radiate brilliantly, and every word seems to be shining.So my mind was brilliant and bright, as if countless candles were lit in my mind at the same time.And she, the woman with a beautiful face and a beautiful body and a completely naked body, that woman who looks like a mermaid transformed from a silver dragon fish, seems to be just to strike out the splendor of those fragments of poetry, to prove that she is worthy of them, to Proving that she was originally the same kind of thing as them, she calmly showed her self to me at a glance... Of course her bun was already untied, her long hair was black and thick, and the left half of her hair hung down on her chest, covering half of her shoulders.The ends of the hair are like curtains, sparsely covering the top of the left breast.But he couldn't cover half of his shoulders tightly, and he couldn't cover the top of his left breast evenly, so from under the hair, a white and moist complexion like embroidered lace was carved through.Her right half of long hair hangs down her back, setting off her right shoulder, making her look more moist and fair.Just now she clearly went to wash her face, maybe even wiped her body roughly.This made her face look especially handsome.A pair of eyes became clearer and darker, and the lips became more flushed... I stared at her blankly, she looked at me quietly, there was no smile on her face at all.Relieved with a thoughtful silence, it is like the full moon slowly moving out from behind the thinnest dark clouds after the rain has passed.It made me imagine that kind of tranquility must be like her state of mind at that time, thinking but not thinking, calm and quiet, relaxed and quiet.Instinctively happy and instinctively quiet... Her waist was slightly bent forward, and her left arm was bent along with it, wrapping the half lock of long hair on her chest, and flicking it back.So her upper body leaned back slightly, her head was also raised back, and the half lock of long hair on her chest was thrown behind her.She shook her head from side to side, as if to spread out the two strands of long hair and combine them evenly.Then, she raised both arms backward at the same time, and put her long hair on top of her head with her hands behind her head.In an instant, it became a fluffy black cap-like bun... At this time, she turned around and walked lightly towards the bed... And her eyes were still on me sideways... Only then did she smile at me calmly and charmingly.In an instant, I felt that the brightness of the desk lamp was ten times brighter.The serenity on her face sets off the unique charm on her face, just like a lotus leaf sets off a flower bud... She sat on the bed first, and then curled her legs up on the bed, with her feet resting on the edge of the bed.She leaned her body, stretched out one arm, took off one slipper from her foot, and then took off the other slipper, leaned her body towards the edge of the bed, and put the two slippers under the bed... I can't understand why she put the slippers so straight... She bent one of her arms, propped it on the pillow, rested her cheek on her hand, and stretched out the other arm towards me.It is about to fall, the palm is up, and the fingers are slightly bent, as if I don't hold her hand immediately, her arm will immediately hang down... At this time, she smiled even more charmingly... Her eyes became clearer and brighter... The beauty that clings to is God. Clinging to a woman who melts your whole heart into her, even the most devout believer of God will forget the existence of God at that time... Besides, I never believed in the existence of God... If there is a God, if he's looking out of his heavenly palace at me, at me and her, at us, he'll be sorry he's God... "Are you crying?..." Yes, I cried as we cuddled in silence.Like a child, I buried my face in her chest and cried. "why?……" "I'm jealous……" "Who?……" "he……" "He is not worthy of your envy..." "He deserves..." "why?" "Why is he your husband?..." "Even if he is not, others will be. And it is because of him and not others that we have this kind of fate..." But her words couldn't comfort me. It was at that moment that my jealousy towards Zhai Ziqing swelled to the so-called extreme. I am like a child who has been treated the most unfairly. My jealousy makes me lose my self-esteem at all. It is like a child who has come into contact with something that he thinks there is no other thing in the world that can replace it. Convinced of its irreplaceability, it belongs to other children.Other children have the privilege of discarding it, but he himself will never have the chance to touch it again... Such children generally behave at such times by banging their heads against the wall. At that time, I hugged her tightly and refused to let go... Men's jealousy towards men, on the surface, can be seen in all kinds of ways.However, all the aspects related to money, fame, the so-called sense of accomplishment, and their respective advantageous positions on the social coordinates have been removed. In the final analysis, it may be caused by different relationships between different women and different women. right?After all, what men are fighting for is their ability to dominate one, a few, or even many women in a world that is clearly still dominated by men's will, consciousness, and ability and skill.If there are no women in this world, why do men need money?What are men still doing for fame?Why are men still chasing after the so-called sense of accomplishment?Why do men care about their social status? ... When men's lust and their jealousy and their thoughts are mixed together, there is only one thing that evolves into, and that is hatred, unprecedented hatred.It is not at all surprising that it sometimes leads to murderous thoughts, but thoughtful envy is the most terrible.Because it makes you think that you are innocent even if you destroy the other party... I said, "I want to kill him..." She got up, held my face in her hands, kissed me, kissed the tears on my face.Like I once kissed the tears from her face. Under her kiss and caress, my state of mind gradually calmed down. She said, "The best of all his stuff is me..." I said, "You're nothing to him!" She cupped my face in her hands again, staring at me... "Of course not, of course not, I'm just using your man's thinking logic to point out my relationship with him..." "It's his logic!" "Of course. First of all, it's his logic, and then it's yours. Finally, it's all of you men. Don't stare at me angrily. If you admit that you are a man, don't be angry, and you don't have to be angry. Women don't Knowing this about men is naive. Knowing this about men and hating men is ridiculous. Psychologically abnormal. I know this about men and don't hate men. You are so miserable I can understand how jealous he is. Completely understand, know what I think about this in my heart?..." "I feel... so pitiful..." "A little bit, but the main thing is that I am touched by our fate. I am so moved in my heart at the moment, so moved! If you don't envy him at all, then I...you Put yourself in my shoes and think about it for me, what's the difference between me and a slut? What's the difference between a free one-time whore? His best moment is all yours, poor him, not you ! If you hate him out of jealousy, haven't you actually retaliated against him, trampled on him by that?  …" She was still holding my face in both hands, still gazing at me tenderly, but I couldn't help lowering my gaze.Her sincere, sensible, and infinitely comforting words to my soul made me hardly have the courage to look at her again... "Actually, I also hate him, despise and hate him at the same time. At this moment, I feel a little more pity for him. In fact, pity for him is superfluous and completely unnecessary. It just proves that I am too kind. You take revenge for me I killed him, and I took revenge on him for myself. Although it may not hurt him, it is fairer to me, and fairer to other men, such as you..." "Why on earth didn't you divorce him?..." I lowered my gaze and asked in a calm tone as much as possible. "So what?" "You can marry someone else." "If I say I want to marry you, can you divorce me?" "can……" I was silent for a moment before answering, and my voice couldn't be lowered. "Look at me." "..." "Look at me." I slowly raised my eyes. "You lied, didn't you?" "yes……" I had no choice but to admit it honestly, and then lowered my eyes again... "What kind of man should I marry again? I am already thirty-seven years old. It is impossible for me to find a husband again from men in their thirties. An old lady is probably only suitable for one of them." mistresses of some people. And, probably, men in their thirties who have the so-called 'Oedipus complex.' If I were to be their wife, they would keep me at arm's length, although I understand that I don't like men Still attractive. Contrary to what the newspaper articles are grandstanding to tell people, the so-called 'modern idea' of men in marriage is that the younger the wife, the better. It fits the facts of the men..." Her body fell down again... I lay on her chest again, snuggling... "Besides, I look around and there are not many men in their thirties in China, including almost all men who are considered to have a high knowledge structure and high level. I think I will be happy if I marry them. It's like something The combination toys produced on the assembly line are called 'Saint Seiya' and 'Transformers'. Fame, fortune, and sex. Sex ranks third among their urgent needs. In the process of chasing fame and fortune In the midst of busy schedules, they just take a break from their busy schedule to satisfy their own sex. It seems that they don’t know how to love anymore, and they don’t have any lust anymore. What is love without lust? Time has disintegrated and sucked their lust dry, leaving only Pure sexual ability. And people in their forties are husbands, and I don't want to play the role of a third party. Do you think that once a 'big money' wife gets divorced, she will be better than a rural widow? Is it easier to find a husband? If she can get a lot of money from the 'big money', maybe it's different, but he won't give me money, don't look at the girls who claim his virginity It's kind of generous, but not to me, because he would feel that he has lost a lot. This is the main reason why he never initiates a divorce. He has completely destroyed me. I know that after divorcing him, I will What the hell is going on. The so-called decent good men will treat me like a 'big money' tired pet. They will also have a deep desire to sleep with me, but it must be sneaky. And those who are considered perverts Men like those who treat homeless cats and dogs like some children, trying to lure me to do whatever I want without scruple, then I will never have peace. What he said also has a certain truth, money is a bit different from human dignity today. They are inseparable. But I will not ask for his money. One day he will be merciful, and he will not give it to me..." "Then... what can you do?..." "I bought his shares with my own private money. Now I pray every day that he will make more money. The more the better, then I will have dividends in the future. When I have a sum of my own money, Waiting for his mother... When the old man is gone, I will be free, I have my own money, I have my own charm, I will calmly find the fate that belongs to the rest of my life..." "Why do you have to wait for aunt...to wait for his mother to be gone?..." "The old man treats me so well and treats me like his own daughter. The actual relationship between me and him is still kept in the dark. I can't bear to break her heart when the old man is alive. The old man can't stand the sad Something's wrong... Oops, I have to check my watch, you can read it for me..." I didn't move. I want to fall asleep on her like that... "obedient……" She gave me a little push... I had to leave her and go to the coffee table to get my watch - it was five minutes to twelve... "It's so late?..." I went back to bed and handed her the watch to see for herself... I said: "Since it's so late, I can't go back to the hotel. The road is quite far away, and I may not even be able to take a taxi..." In fact, I am reluctant to leave her, I think she can understand this, She said, "How can I get you back to the hotel?..." I laughed…… She also said: "You can sleep at my place tonight, you can get up later tomorrow, when the adults in the neighborhood have gone to work, no one will find you leaving my place, you go again, okay ?……" I said: "OK..." I leaned on her again, wrapped my arms around her waist, and let her soft body press down on my hands... "But I have to go. I have to go to see the old man. I don't feel at ease when the old man sleeps alone. What if I get out of bed again, and what if I fall and touch it? Usually, I have my little aunt to accompany me. Today I let it go again." Auntie's leave, allow her to come back in three days... Besides, I promised the old man to go back and spend the night with her, so I can't keep my word to the old man, can I?..." I said: "This time is an exception...". She arched her slender fingers and scratched my nose lightly: "Be obedient, let me get up. I promise you...there will be next time, okay?..." I said: "Not good..." hold her tighter... "I can hardly breathe..." She scratched my nose again with her finger... "You, you men... well... I'll give you... another half an hour, are you satisfied?..." I said, "No..." "Forty minutes..." I said, "No..." "Do you think I'm willing to leave here right now? At most one hour, I must let me go after one hour, huh? I will give you three chances to repay you. I won't lie to you, do you think I can lie to you? ? I can do it without hurting the old man's heart while she is alive, but I can't make myself suffer for her old man. I have already figured it out..." I said, "A hundred times..." She chuckled, and said in a gentle and charming tone that a mature woman would instinctively have under very special circumstances: "A thousand times, let's hook up. After a thousand times, you can Just forget about me... It doesn't take a thousand times for me to stop being someone else's wife, I swear..." In the lingering and inseparable love scene between grown men and grown women, what they murmur to each other are only young men and women whispering to each other at such moments with bursts of lustful nonsense, If it doesn't prove that they never really fell in love at the best age of love, then it proves that their love was too unforgettable. In the former case, they are instinctively making up for the most regrettable loss in life.Just as people who lack a certain nutrient in their bodies instinctively don't eat enough of the most nutritious food, in the latter case they are instinctively revisiting the past.Just like those who swam incessantly when they were young, after several years or even ten years, they plunged into the water again with passion for water. The excitement and passion of swimming often make them act like children playing in the bathtub. Lovely all kinds of situations come... That's how we were at the time... Later, I recalled her again, and recalled the night when it seemed to rain but it never rained, and then I understood myself and that beautiful woman at that time... I never imagined that at the age of forty-four a woman would compensate my life with lust and sexuality that seemed eternal to me... That night, she was the God of Love in my mind, and she took care of my God of Love with the body of a beautiful, lustful and gentle woman... That night is unforgettable to my heart, I am saddened to remember it, and saddened to think about it... We murmured so many simple and fiery nonsense to each other.What repeats each other over and over again seems to be the magic words that men and women must say at that moment.Inspired by the nonsense we talked to each other, we gave each other so many kisses, so many caresses, so much satisfaction, so much, so much... When I was left alone in "her own home", I felt as if I had actually attached to her and gone with her, and I felt that all that was left was a wandering mind of mine body like... I feel like it's been a long, long time before I've calmed down from the violent shockwaves of a stormy love and I'm able to think again... For a man, sometimes lust itself is thought, and it is the truest, least pretentious and most consonant thought... I said to myself——a good-looking woman turns out to be crucial to you as a man, and it turns out to be crucial to all men.When you cannot obsessively possess such a woman, and when there is no such woman to complete your obsessive possession, the eyes you look at all women are actually obscene.When you verbally say that you "appreciate" their beauty, what's raging in your subconscious mind is the desire to rape them.You are actually a conscious criminal against women who suppresses himself by reason.And other men, all men will not be better than you.If there is no law, no moral shackles, no imprisonment and death penalty, what causes men to kill and kill each other in this world is not wealth first, but women must be.But one good looking woman will change at least one man's awareness of women.When he is obsessed with her and has her love, she is actually teaching her to appreciate all the beauty of women. Maybe only under such circumstances, his eyes on other women will no longer be obscene Bar?The bottom layer of his consciousness will no longer have lust for them, right?Although good-looking women seem to be in various poses, each with its own beauty and charm, but for ordinary men, maybe they are actually the same style, regardless of style?For example, after loving a flower, you can really appreciate the pleasure of appreciating it by setting your eyes on the colorful flowers, right? ... Human beings are evolving to be more fit and beautiful, and women are becoming more charming and graceful, does it mean that God has realized something? ... As I thought about it, I began to look around "her own home".这个已作了别人妻子的女人“自己的家”，是一个简单得不能再简单的家。仅就居室而言，任何方面都没装修过。墙上没贴壁纸，当然也没进行过刚刚时髦起来的喷涂处理。如果非说喷过，喷的也只不过是石灰，一种蛋青颜色的石灰粉，大概搬进来住之前喷的，起码已住了四五年了吧？原先那一种冷调的蛋青色，和她的裙子同样深浅的蛋青色已变暗了，接近是最浅的苍蓝色了，地上也没铺地板块儿，没铺塑料地板革什么的，只在沙发前铺了一块地毯，床前也铺了一块小小的踏脚地毯，都是没图案的，深紫色的，看去是价格挺便宜的那一种，吸得很干净，四周和房间的边边角角，裸露着没经很好打磨过的水泥地面。床的一侧是床头柜，另一侧是书架。只有大书架一半高的小书架，白色的，第一格疏散地排列着几十本书，第二格放着一台左右带两个小音箱的“燕舞”牌收录机。第三格，也就是最底下一格，放着筒装或瓶装的奶粉，咖啡、饮料果粉、一盒糖，还有些大大小小的药瓶儿。我顺手从书架上抽下两本书——竟是《德国古典中短篇小说集》，和一本不知哪儿弄来的打印的诗集。自封面上打印着《咀嚼》两个字。她竟看古典小说，而且还是德国的！在1993年的中国，大概只有中国社会科学院外国文学研究所的秃顶或半秃顶的研究员副研究员们，才在开什么研讨会之前翻阅德国的古典小说集吧？我们已经“现代”得快没救了。许许多多的人已经连一丁点儿古典的什么都不打算为自己保留着了。我将小说集放回书架，心不在焉地翻开了那本诗集。于是一首诗吸引我不禁默默读起来： 问人 人说 人有人性 并喜爱一切 通人性的 animal 而它们 被人喜爱之后 便统统 没了自由 于是人说 瞧——它们更通人性了…… 问女人 如果只剩 两种爱情 for love 而不畏死的 和为爱 而不畏活的 你交付给谁 你的心灵…… 问金鱼 谁把你们搞成 古怪的模样 在你身上 丑和美 竟那么和谐地统一着 供人观赏的时候 你们是否 也把观赏者观赏…… 问自己 活着的时候 我是我 死掉的时候 谁是我 当谁都可能 是我的时候 who am I 当谁都不再 是我的时候 谁是我……