Chapter 6 Chapter 3.2

In fact, I have been watching him from the sidelines.That day I discovered that Ziqing turned out to be a very handsome young man.How strange it is that your best friend, a person you are always with, a person you think you know well, yet you never pay attention to his physical characteristics and temperament characteristics.You think you know everything well, but it's just that person's heart and disposition.What you're ignoring are the most specific aspects of that person that make the most impression on others.You actually got your attention from other people's eyes and impressions!If both you and the other party are women, of course you will get to know each other again from the eyes and impressions of men.If you and the other party are both young men, of course you realize from the eyes and impressions of the girls what you have always neglected and how important it is.

Yes, Ziqing turned out to be a very handsome young man.At the same time, he is a young man with a good temperament.At that moment, when I had to admit this in my heart, I couldn't help feeling a little ashamed in front of him.He is in good shape.Dressed in shabby and shabby clothes, it seems that he deliberately hides and eliminates his own superiority.When he removed the indecent "disguise" of his body, when he wiped himself in the dormitory, it turned out that his body was so worthy of appreciation by both the same sex and the opposite sex.There is a certain element of arrogance and aloofness in his temperament.This point has already been possessed in his middle school days, at an age when our common peers are actually not temperamental at all.After going to the countryside, there is a certain element of being drunk and sober.There was an element of melancholy in his eyes that he never seemed to bother telling others.There are more ingredients that seem to be good at calculating.Of course, you can also think that it is not an element of sophistication, but a precocious and mature element.After his expression of indifference and indifference to any situation around him, it seemed that there was another expression - another expression of helplessness, perseverance, and ready to compromise when necessary.Coupled with the unique bookish temperament on his face, all these temperaments are mixed together, and it should be a unique charm in temperament.And the most important thing is that there is always such an expression on his face-as if telling you silently, no matter how shabby he is dressed, no matter how dirty and tiring he is doing, no matter how tired he is. Surrounded by what kind of discrimination and contempt, he always knew, always confidently and clearly, that he was indeed different.There is, indeed, a wit and charm disguised with deliberately eccentricity and dullness.This can only be concluded by a very careful study of his face.And I was looking at him with such research at that time...

"Didn't look at me?" - He put the towel on his shoulders, and said firmly: "But I think you are obviously studying me." I turn my head away.Blushing and muttering: "I'm studying what you are doing!" He tried a basin of water heated on the stove with one finger, and said, "The temperature of the water is just right. I heated it for you. You can wash it too!" In good conscience, Ziqing has always cared for me.Compared with him, I am much lazy.I often don't wash my face in the morning, and use the water that others have washed their faces to wash my face a few times indiscriminately.At night, I often sleep under the covers without washing my feet.The dirty clothes that were changed were never washed in time, but thrown into a big cardboard box.When you have no more clothes to change, choose one from the cardboard box that doesn't look too dirty and wear it for a while.The clothes are so dirty that they can't be washed without washing, and they are often washed once reluctantly.Not once, but wash one or two pieces first and wait for them to dry before putting them on.

Ziqing is different from me.He is actually a clean man.A hard worker.A person with strong self-care ability.In summer he went to the creek to bathe almost every day.When we returned to the dormitory, we had to wipe our body with warm well water that had been poured in advance.He didn't seem to be able to bear the fact that his shirt was dirty too.Although they are almost all patched.He couldn't bear the greasy inside of his quilt even more.He unpacks and washes bedding the most times among male educated youths.When he washes his clothes, he always drags my cardboard box for storing his dirty clothes to his basin, and he will wash them all for me.After drying, I folded them neatly and put them on my bedside.Sometimes even my socks and underpants are washed for me.Sometimes he mends my shoes and clothes.If I put on my clothes or shoes on a Monday morning, I should not be in the least surprised to find that the hole has been repaired with a fine needle and thread.Not to mention foolishly asking everyone who is "doing good deeds like Lei Feng".Because it must be and can only be made up by Ziqing quietly taking time out on Sunday.I was probably lounging somewhere, enjoying a moment of rest or sleeping with my head covered.He may have worked overtime that Sunday as usual...It seems to be his duty to prepare my face wash water in the morning, or prepare a basin of foot wash water for me in the evening.One of the male educated youths in the same dormitory once said something like this to me - "Others are here to reform their minds, but you are lucky, and you have a personal servant! How much do you pay him every month?"

Thinking of Ziqing's brotherly care for me, my conscience is very disturbed.I know it's wrong to be jealous of him, but I can't completely eliminate the jealousy in my heart. According to the requirements of the company, the pig number must be repaired within five days.I delayed for two days with the excuse of insufficient preparation.I was expecting Bao Weihong to ask me for something.Every time I see her, I get the feeling that she must be asking for something from me.She didn't speak because she still had concerns.It's because she's still hesitating.It's because she doesn't trust me enough.I know that after seven days, it will not be so easy for me to see her again.What do you, a male educated youth, go to Zhuhao without a valid reason?What's more, in today's terms, she is a "hot spot" figure in the company.I think she can also understand my good intentions of procrastinating for two days.Even in those days, I still didn't have a chance to get in touch with her much.Under the watchful eyes of the whole class, it is impossible for me, the class monitor, to avoid everyone's sight and "detour" in front of her.Occasionally, for a short while, I have a serious mental block at the same time.Everyone seems to be watching each other.It seems that anyone who goes to the hut where pig food is boiled is suspected of "stealing incense and jade".She didn't reach out to us either.It’s just that sometimes her figure appears at the door of the hut where the pig food is boiled, her eyes seem to be looking at us, and it seems that she is not looking at us, but beyond us, looking at the distant mountains behind us...

Before leaving get off work on the seventh day, Mr. Jiang came to us.He didn't come straight up to us.He stopped between us and the hut where the pig food was boiled, and shouted towards us: "Squad leader, come here!" All the eyes of the class were cast on me, as if Mr. Jiang was going to give me a treasure. I said to everyone: "Call work, you all go back!" But no one left, as if they were all waiting to see what kind of treasure Old Jiang gave me. I yelled at Boss Jiang: "Come here yourself!" Old Jiang was furious: "You fart! The old poor and lower-middle peasants called you over, but you still yell at me? There is no way to teach something!"

I just got up and walked towards him. When I stopped in front of him, he said in a low voice: "Tell Zhai Ziqing that after eight o'clock tonight, no matter whether he is free or not, he must come here once! Just say that I want to talk to him!" " "Are you talking to him?..." "Let you tell him that, you tell him that!" "What if he doesn't come? . . . " "If he dares not to come, I will settle accounts with him in the future! If you dare to embezzle my words, don't tell him, I will settle accounts with you in the future!"

Mr. Jiang, who is in his sixties, is no ordinary old man.At that time, he was the guerrilla leader who was so powerful in that area.The Japanese Kwantung Army stationed in Heihe offered a reward for his head.The local government once awarded him the "First Class Anti-Japanese Hero" certificate.He is also the father of a martyr who resisted US aggression and aided Korea.The head of the regiment respected him three points when he saw him.He lost his temper and trained our company commander and instructor like a child.None of the educated youth dared to offend him.It's too late to curry favor with him.If he doesn't like anyone, then the future of this educated youth is likely to be "no hope".The year before, the company was short of hygienists, and it was planned to send an educated youth to the logistics hospital of the Shenyang Military Region for training, because Mr. Jiang said that he was a young master, and the training was useless, and he would not be a good one in the company in the future. The hygienist, in the end, he just messed up other people's beautiful things...

I never dare to offend Mr. Jiang, I only have to keep talking. Going back to my group of brothers, they asked me guessing one by one, what did Mr. Jiang say to me? I answered them—Boss Old Ginger was quite satisfied with the tasks we completed, and praised us a few words... Of course they didn't believe my words... After dinner, I quietly told Ziqing what Old Jiang had said.At that time, he was about to leave the dormitory. After hearing what I said, he couldn't help but stop, turned his head left and right, and looked around. No one is paying attention to us. I said, "Why are you so cautious? It's Mrs. Jiang who wants to talk to you, and it's not she who wants to have a tryst with you..."

He interrupted me in a low voice: "Shut up!" I said, "Anyway, my glorious mission has been completed, so it's up to you to go or not!" Of course, I knew very well in my heart that the one who really wanted to "talk" to him was Mr. Jiang! He gave me a hard look, and walked out of the dormitory without saying a word... The next morning, when I left the dormitory with my lunch box in my pocket, I heard a shout: "Stop for me!" I looked up and saw that it was Mr. Jiang, who was already glaring at me like a king kong. I immediately understood in my heart——Ziqing definitely didn't go to Zhuhao last night.

I quickly laughed and said, "Master, if you get angry, don't send it to me. If you asked me to tell it, I will tell it truthfully..." He said, "You won't lie to me?" I said, "How dare I lie to you!" He asked again: "Then it's none of your business, you go." I ran away quickly... When I returned to the dormitory with my lunch box in hand, I found that everyone in the dormitory had a festive expression of joy that couldn't be hidden. I asked one of the educated youths in the class—what happened in such a short time to make everyone happy? He said—as soon as Ziqing left the dormitory, he got a big mouth from Mr. Jiang... I was taken aback.I think Ziqing has been "faltered" now, not only the matter between him and Bao Weihong will become an open secret of the whole company from now on, but also his aloofness will definitely be slapped on his big mouth by Mr. Jiang Swept away.Wouldn't he lose his aloofness as a stag loses his beautiful antlers?No one understands better than I how important his aloofness is to him.That was the last piece of armor for him to protect his dignity!He must be hiding somewhere and weeping... I didn't care about eating, so I put down my lunch box and went looking for him everywhere.He wasn't in the hole behind the cafeteria.Eventually I found him by the creek, on the sandy beach where I had our first unpleasant argument with him.The beach was already covered with snow.However, the snow surface has already been destroyed many times.I don't know how much time Ziqing spent on that "blackboard".When I found him he was sprawled on his back in the snow. I didn't realize his eyes were closed until I sat down next to him.He opened his eyes to see me, and then closed them again.Not only did not sit up.The body didn't even move.On one side of his face, there was still a faint fingerprint of Mr. Jiang's boss. I said, "Ziqing, do you still consider me your best friend?" He said, "You know it yourself." I said, "What do you mean by that?" He said, "Besides you, do I have a second friend?" His two hands were clutching in the snow, red from the cold.I felt distressed when I saw it, and grabbed his hand and rubbed it with mine.When it was hot from rubbing, he unbuttoned one of his clothes for him, and put his hand into his bosom for enlightenment.Then he grabbed his second hand and rubbed it non-stop. I asked Ziqing under what circumstances did he first meet Bao Weihong? Ziqing said that when I went back to Harbin to visit my home, the propaganda team of the fifth company came to our company for a friendly performance.Bao Weihong is not only the hygienist of the fifth company, but also a propaganda member of the fifth company.She performed "Li Tiemei" on stage, and Ziqing was one of the audience, so she naturally recognized her. I asked Ziqing who was the first to talk to whom among them? Ziqing admitted that he was the one who took the initiative to talk to her first.Admitting that he was the one who walked up to her after the performance. "If I didn't take the initiative to walk up to her, it would be impossible for her to find out that I was in this company." "She was glad she recognized you, wasn't she?" "yes." "What did she say?" "She said she really didn't expect that." "and after?" "Later she said—'I must be transferred to your company!'..." "what do you say?" "I said—that's great!—At that time, I never thought that she would transfer to our company to feed the pigs without being a hygienist..." "But this has become a fact." "yes……" "And you can't deny it—she was called for you." "But I did not reveal such a wish to her!" "What do you mean by that?" "I don't have to take any responsibility for her decision." "You don't like her?" "talk!" "like." "You still say you like it!" "Four or five years ago, when we were still middle school students, I fell in love with her after we met her a few times in that little bookstore. After I went to the countryside, I also imagined that if I could share a room with her What a great company..." When Ziqing spoke, he kept his eyes closed.I think he must have reached the point where he has to tell one person about it.Otherwise, he would never have been so patient and candid to ask and answer me.Only I will accompany him like this.Mr. Jiang's big mouth seems not only necessary, but also works very well and has a positive effect! I said, "Ziqing, let's stop playing around. Don't use words like whether you like her or not. You should just open the skylight and speak honestly, and answer my question with the most clear and straightforward words—do you love her or not?... " The word "love" came out of my mouth for the first time.Of course, I have said this word many times before, but it is always said together with "unlimited love" and "class friendship".Yes, until that day, at the age of 21 and 22, I have never said a word "love" alone.I can't remember for a long time that I learned this word in a few grades of elementary school.I think I must read it aloud in unison with the whole class of my elementary school students, following the teacher's pointer on the blackboard every time.I must have written this word carefully and meticulously in the homework book.You must also use "love" or "friendship" to make sentences.But in the future, the word "love" has indeed never been uttered from my mouth alone.Not to mention who loves another person.So much so that I said this word, as if I accidentally said a dirty word, I first felt ashamed and blushed... Ziqing finally opened his eyes.He opened his eyes but didn't look at me.He looks at the sky.He didn't answer for a long time. I will not ask a second time.And no longer rubbing his hands.I put his other hand, which was warmed by my rubbing, into his chest.I waited silently.I secretly made up my mind that if he refused to answer frankly, I would get up and leave him.In the cold winter, I have no obligation to accompany him to endure the cold. Just when I was about to get up, Ziqing finally spoke. He said, "Don't you think she's a nice girl?" I said, "If I were you, since she transferred, I would feel that I am very happy!" He said, "If you were really me, you wouldn't have gone on a tryst with her last night." I said, "So you still don't love her?" I think, for me, a girl who is very worthy of love may not be really worthy of his love for Ziqing?He just liked her and admitted that she was a good girl?No wonder the book always emphasizes that love and liking are not the same thing.If this is the case, then it seems that Ziqing should not be blamed too much.No one has the right to compel him to love! Unexpectedly, Ziqing said: "I love her..." I couldn't help but look down at him, face to face, eye to eye.Suddenly I grabbed his collar and pulled him up. I said bitterly: "Then why didn't you go last night? A girl was transferred to our company because of you, she would rather feed pigs than work as a hygienist because of you, and she was under the pressure of so many discussions every day because of you. But you? You love her clearly in your heart, but you pretend to have nothing to do with her and this matter all day long, but you deliberately avoid her, making her look like a girl who has lost her unrequited love in the eyes of others. Yes, isn't that fair! Don't you think you're mean? To tell you the truth, I was secretly jealous of you once for a girl who loved you so much. I admit I was mean to be jealous of you, but now I feel You are more despicable than me! Ten times despicable! If Mr. Jiang doesn’t slap you in the face, one day I will slap you in the face!…” As soon as I let go, he lay down on the snow again.He closed his eyes again. He closed his eyes and said, "She is the daughter of a senior official. Her father is a deputy commander of the provincial military region. Her mother is a cadre of the Education Bureau. If you were me, what would you think?..." It turned out that he was at work because of this kind of psychology! I looked at him and laughed. I think my Ziqing became a little cute again at that moment. I said: "What's wrong with that? Your father-in-law and mother-in-law are all high-ranking officials, and I will have a good time with you in the future!..." He said: "But have you thought about my mother? If they can't respect my mother like their daughter's mother-in-law in the future, they will look at my mother with the same eyes as they look at the poor people even once, even if they only have one look at my mother. What does that mean to my mother if I said a word to my mother with the tone of the last name?..." There is some truth to what he said.I was so touched at that time——In this matter, Ziqing still thought of his mother in his heart, you have to admit that out of a hundred male educated youths, you can't pick a few good sons like him! I was silent for a moment, and said, "I think she is a good girl, and her parents are not as bad as you think, are they?" He sat up slowly, but his hands were still folded in his chest.To be able to sit up slowly like that requires basic sports skills. He said word for word: "You are wrong. Her parents are exactly the kind of people I thought. They have written to her a few times because she is no longer a health worker, because she is actually in love with a poor boy. This letter is a big lesson! She has shown me all these letters." I said earnestly: "Then she is under more pressure! Then you should be more sympathetic to her!..." He said firmly, "I don't!" In a hurry, I pushed him down again and shouted, "Why don't you? You are so hateful!..." He lay there on his back, looking at the sky, and said calmly: "I can't lightly change my design of my own life just because of her." After hearing his words, I suddenly realized everything. I asked again in a low voice: "So, in the final analysis, are you afraid that the matter between you and her will affect your future university studies?" I also asked quite calmly. He doesn't speak anymore... I stared at his handsome face, which always had an expression of aloofness, and for the first time found that there was something cold beneath his aloof expression. It seemed that all the reasons why he treated her so unfairly were not special reasons, all the reasons were not special reasons, everything was just an excuse, a statement that he thought made sense.There is only one reason and one reason is the truest reason—his college dream.In order to realize his dream, he can ignore anything.You can give up anything.Including a girl's so infatuated, so passionate and so reckless love for him... And he actually admitted that he loved her! I suddenly grabbed a handful of snow and rubbed it on his face.It also doesn't make me feel relieved.Then I rode on top of him and punched him left and right.He doesn't fight back.Let me support him.Try not to look at me with both eyes, looking at the sky.This annoys me even more.I pushed his head down into the snow.There have been several heavy snowfalls.The snow there has accumulated more than a foot thick.His head was almost buried in the snow nest by me.I continued to grab the snow and rub it on his face.Do that non-stop.And put snow in his mouth. "Call you sober! Tell you sober! I'll smother you to death!..." Before I knew it, I was crying.It is Bao Weihong.Also for myself.Why did she give her so infatuated, so passionate, so reckless love to this lonely and cold Zhai Ziqing! ... Ziqing still didn't resist.He didn't even take out one of the hands that were stuffed into his chest crossed... When I left the small river, Ziqing was still lying there on his back, with his head buried in the deep snow nest.I looked back and felt that he was like a headless corpse, the motionless situation was a little scary... Ziqing's bunk and mine were separated. That was the first time I publicly distanced myself from him.To me, that's just distance.When Ziqing returned to the dormitory, he found that my quilt was no longer next to his bunk, but had been standing in front of the Nanda Kang for a long time.At that time, I was sitting cross-legged on the bed on the Peking Kang that I forcibly squeezed out.I looked at his back and realized that he was obviously stunned and stunned. He turned slowly towards me and gave me a sad look.There were quite a lot of people in the dormitory at that time.He probably thought I had broken openly with him.As soon as he thinks so, the emotional blow from me is obviously much more serious to him than Old Jiang's big mouth slapped on him in public.It is not even comparable in terms of severity.He shook his head slightly at me.I didn't quite understand what he meant by that.Confession perhaps.Perhaps it is a deep condemnation of me.He then left the dormitory with his head down.It's like it's never coming back... We stopped talking to each other.It seems like two strangers who live in the same dormitory, and each swears that they don't want to have any contact with each other... Before long the situation on the border became more tense.The company mobilized two educated youth platoons to build roads for war.Ziqing was among them.The serious topic of "war", which seemed to erupt suddenly every day, was like a huge broom, sweeping away all the gossip in the company at that time.Bao Weihong finally got relief from gossip.She's not a "hot guy" anymore.She was spared by people's tongue.No one pays attention to her anymore.No one mentioned her again.No one talks about her anymore.She was abandoned by "public opinion" at the Zhuhao at the east end of the village.It's like people spitting out chewing gum today.Only I occasionally think of her.But I never went to see her once.I don't want to become a piece of chewing gum again, and become a victim of people's tongues in extraordinary times.It's just that when I think of her occasionally, I secretly feel sad for her for a while... One day at noon, Mr. Jiang greeted me at the entrance of the cafeteria. He said, "Come with me." I asked: "Where are you going?" He said, "Where else can I go with me!" So I followed behind to go to the Pig. On the way, I couldn't help asking again: "What's the matter?" Without turning his head, he said, "Just as long as there is something to do!" Of course I knew it in my heart - it must not be that he was so bored and panicked that he had a sudden whim and wanted to talk to me about something.Bao Weihong must be looking for something for me.I secretly mustered up my courage, and planned to take this opportunity to face her and say: "Sometimes the wrong choice can be corrected in time! I am willing to help you make such a determination. As long as you are willing to give me more opportunities like this..." Bao Weihong was not in the small mud hut in the Zhuhao. Old Jiang pulled out a boxy thing wrapped in a red scarf from under his mattress.I recognized at a glance that the red scarf belonged to Bao Weihong. He said, "You give this to Zhai Ziqing." I asked, "Did Xiaobao hand it over?" He nodded, sat on the small stool, and started to smoke the pipe. I asked again: "What is it?" "I haven't seen it," he said. "Is this you begging me, or is it Xiaobao begging me?"—Although I took the thing, I felt very reluctant. "If I'm begging you, it's also if she's begging you." "Is she begging me? Then you ask her to come and beg me face to face!" Mr. Jiang glanced at me, and said sadly: "She's gone. I can't beg you face to face. But she told me before she left that if I don't want to hand it over to Zhai Ziqing personally, then I can only entrust it on her behalf. One person is you. Apart from me, she seems to trust you no longer..." Holding that thing in my hand, I was puzzled for a while, but didn't immediately understand what was going on. Old Jiang took a few more puffs of his cigarette, and muttered in a low voice: "I slapped that kid in public, how can I go to him again and hand it over to him?" I asked, "What did the company send Xiao Bao to do?" Old Jiang said: "It's not that the company sent her to do something. She was called to be a medical soldier. She won't come back. For whom?..." Suddenly, I feel that the world has become very boring.Every time I think of her, I weave a fairy tale with both suspense and major plot twists in my heart, which is brought to a dull end by the words of Old Jiang. I can't help but smile wryly... "Lian Li was afraid of affecting the minds of other educated youths, so she intentionally kept it secret until now. The day before she left, she told me in tears that as long as that bastard Zhai Ziqing made it clear that he loved her, or made it clear that he didn't love her, She will reconsider whether to go or not. She begged me to find that bastard kid for her, or just talk to her a few words. I looked for it. I couldn't find it anywhere. That bastard boy!..." "But you can't find him, why can't you find me?!" "Looking for you? What's the use of looking for you! Besides, I'm willing to let her go if I think for the girl! If she doesn't go, what's the matter with the girl in the eyes of everyone? In the future, which young man will still Waiting to see her?..." A word spit out involuntarily from my mouth is - "I..." Old Jiang looked at me again, knocked on the cigarette pot, and said in the tone of a guardian: "Ha, you... you! You don't even look in the mirror, you look like a skinny monkey, and the toad wants to eat swan meat! " Judging from his tone, he didn't regard me as a "young guy" at all. I felt inferior and sad, and wanted to cry. Holding the things in my hands, I silently retreated to the door. Old Jiang asked loudly again: "Tell me, is she a good girl?" It seems to be asking me, and it seems to be asking himself. I whispered: "Yes..." Leaving Old Ginger's place, I hid in a secluded place, crying unceasingly. Bao Weihong came to our company in a "vigorous manner", which disturbed the hearts of all the boys in the company, caused some jealousy, speculation and suspicion among each other, and left our company quietly, suddenly They just disappeared from the group of educated youths in our company, as if they had never been transferred to our company.And all this is because we even have a male educated youth named Zhai Ziqing.But more and more educated youths still don't know exactly for whom she was transferred.Ziqing seems to be playing the role of an outsider with his cold rationality.Her soul is destined to leave some deep hurt scars from now on.It was Ziqing who attracted her to be transferred to our company, and it was Ziqing who forced her away... I opened her red scarf, and saw that inside was a large "book" bound by myself with glossy white cardboard. On the cover page of the "book", there is a line of eye-catching artistic characters written in colored pens - "Footprints of a Future Writer". I opened it lightly, and many pages were pasted with poems and essays cut from "Boyhood", "Selected Compositions of Middle School Students", as well as "China Youth Daily", "China Youth", and "Northern Literature" magazines. , Composition, short novel, "thought spark" and so on.They were all published by Ziqing back then.In the blank space of each page, I also wrote a line of "feelings after reading" in meticulous handwriting... When I told Ziqing that she was gone, and handed Ziqing her red scarf and her big thick "book", Ziqing didn't say anything, but took a deep breath, He let out another long breath. He does that, it seems to me, to say - thank goodness it's over... At that time, I really wanted to slap him a big mouth. I said coldly, "You'll never see her again!" Ziqing still didn't say anything.He put his hand into my pocket, took out my cigarette and put one in his mouth, and squatted facing the stove, without getting up, and kept squatting there smoking.As far as I can remember, that was the first time he smoked, and he couldn't stop coughing... I kept staring at him behind his back, wishing I could kick him a few times. He couldn't hold on to the cigarette and flicked it through the mouth into the stove. When he stood up, his eyes were full of tears... He said: "This smoke..." Those were the two sentences we said to each other after what seemed to be a long "age and death" days.If what Ziqing said was meant for me... In the spring of the following year, news spread throughout the Great Northern Wilderness that the mentality of the educated youth was no less than that of a Category 12 hurricane—higher education institutions across the country began to recruit the first batch of students from among the educated youth! One night, a piece of "Bingtuan Warrior News" with this news was passed around in the dormitory, one read a few sentences, and the other read a few sentences. Ziqing was about to leave the dormitory with a lunch box in one hand and a small bottle of stinky tofu in the other. Hearing what everyone was reading, he didn't go out and sat in his bunk instead.After a while, I squatted at the entrance of the kang to bake steamed buns. Afterwards, of course everyone could smell the burnt smell.Then someone yelled a warning - who baked something burnt! I walked up to Ziqing and kicked his ass: "Hey, you're deaf!" Only then did he realize that while he was concentrating on listening with his ears upright, his steamed bun had almost burnt into a black charcoal ball... I added in a low voice: "Congratulations..." The tone is not friendly... However, the educated youths in our company did not really suffer from the "hurricane".It seemed to sweep over our company.The spectacle of psychological turmoil among our educated youths has become a mass mediocrity.The whole group was only lucky enough to be allocated three places.We didn't even get a spot.Some people's dreams are just dreams. In the second year, our company was allocated a spot.It's not a place in any college.It's a post and telecommunications school.Nine out of ten young people in the city have gone to the countryside, and the number of letters between the city and the countryside has increased by hundreds and thousands of times, but the number of employees in the postal and telecommunications system is scarce.Cities desperately need youth postal workers.After three months of training, they will have to work on the top job.It was not a Harbin educated youth that we sent off in the reelection.But a Shanghai female educated youth.There has not been any mass election and deliberation.It is a decision made by the company's party branch.Because the Shanghai female educated youth is the company's "Five Good Soldiers" and "Maoist Model".Lianli believes that the decision of the party branch undoubtedly represents the democratic will of the educated youth.And unquestionably fair.Of course, the party branch’s decision also has special and deeper considerations—if it is selected among the educated youths in Harbin, it may be tantamount to throwing a bone into the pack of dogs that have long been stimulated by the desire to possess. .Although that's not a bone that smells so good.This is often the case. Fortunately, the educated youths in Harbin secretly fought each other, and they lived in peace.Everyone seemed to admire Lian Li's wise decision.It is really high. Only one Harbin educated youth felt greatly lost.It is Ziqing.Naturally, he didn't bother to fight for a place in the post and telecommunications school with his teeth and claws.His wish is not to return to the city, but to go to a university, a prestigious university. "Dream of returning to the city" and "dream of university" are the essential differences between his wish and the wish of many other educated youths.He had been secretly prepared at the earliest, and he was the best able to taste the taste of being ignored by the opportunity that he wanted to look forward to every night.He probably thinks that if he doesn't take the initiative and attract the attention of relevant parties, then next year's opportunity and the next year's opportunity will truly represent the opportunity he has been pursuing so hard since he was a teenager, that is, the broadcasting of a certain famous university. Once the opportunity of the educated youths comes to the company, they may still have to pass him, Zhai Ziqing. On the day I sent off the female educated youth from Shanghai, Ziqing muttered to me in dismay: "Damn it, how could this happen!" I snatched him away: "What do you think should be?" He not only sullenly but also resentfully said: "Don't all college students in the future have to pass the exam?" 我说：“你真有意见，往北京写信去问啊，别在我跟前念这种没用的经！” 一个半月以后，连里召开了对子卿的批判会。他真的给当年的“全国招生委员会”写了一封信。真的在信中直陈了他区区一个知识青年，对今后全国大专院校招生方针政策的困惑、质疑和他自认为的“合理建议”。他的“建议”当然是主张以考试成绩作首要招生原则的。他的信中自然也流露出了强烈的不满情绪。于是他这一个小而又小的小人物的一封信，成了当年两条招生路线斗争的一个实证。他当然地被划到了代表资产阶级招生路线的“社会基础”中去了。据说当年的许多地位显赫的大人物，包括江青本人在内，都对他的信作了措词严厉的相反的批示。于是这样的一封信被转至了兵团总司令部。从兵团司令部一级级转到了师里，转到了团里，最后转到了连里。使连里的领导们如临大敌，那几天惶惶不可终日。对于我们连来说，这是一个天大的政治事件。保密工作做得空前绝后地严格。可悲的子卿，那几天却被蒙在鼓里，浑然不晓。天天到连部去等信，巴望着有一封从北京寄给他的信带给他佳音和福音，带给他一大片光明的希望和前途。直到开会那一天，直到点他的名将他唤起来的时候，他还懵里懵懂的。当时我也懵里懵懂的。全体知青都懵里懵懂的。没有哪一个知青预先知道那次会的内容。有师里的团里的几名或穿军装或穿便衣的领导坐阵，气氛相当之严重。还有佩带明枪暗枪的团保卫处的人在会场四周警卫，使气氛不但严重，甚至还杀气腾腾…… 就在那一天，就在那一次会上，团里代表师部和兵团总司令部两级党委郑重宣布——永远剥夺叫翟子卿的一名哈尔滨知青上大学的资格。一切推荐，哪怕他能获得百分之百的满票，都将被视为无效…… 那一天，那一次会，宛如当众宣布了子卿的死刑…… 散会后，别人都走完了，子卿仍低垂着头，呆如木桩地站地那儿。仿佛被人从头顶凿了个洞。用水泥或铁水浇灌在那儿了。 子卿完了——我望着他，心中顿生无限同情和悲悯。 "Ziqing..." 我走过去轻轻叫他，他没反应。 "Ziqing..." 我碰了他一下，他仍无反应。 “子卿！子卿你怎么了？……” 他的样子使我害怕。使我以为他是被突如其来的惩罚打击傻了。我不禁地搂抱住他，哭了。如同另一个我自己当众被打入了十八层地狱，而我一心想把另一个我自己从地狱中拯救出来，却又束手无策…… “他们……他们究竟要把我怎么样？……” 他终于开口说了一句话。在我听来那是一个完全陌生的人的声音。声调暗哑而机械。嗓子里还丝丝拉拉的。仿佛一个被破坏了音带的人在说话…… 分明的，他是完全地懵懂了。连对他的处置都没记清楚…… 当时我没忍心告诉他——他被调离了我们连，发配往一个最偏远的，还没有公路，须翻山越岭才能到达的新开发的连队。那里集中着全团犯了这样或那样错误的知青。都是被打入“另册”的知青。我们把那个连队叫作“劳改集中营”…… 三天后，子卿被勒令离开连队。 一辆马车停在宿舍前。只有我一个人默默地帮他往车上搬放他的东西。知青们聚在宿舍门口两侧，一个个冷眼望着我们。他们眼里没有同情的目光。脸上也没有同情的表情。三五个男知青怪声怪调地唱： 种瓜的得瓜呀种豆的得豆 谁种下仇恨他自己遭殃！ ... 车老板挥起鞭子那一刹那，我也跳上了马车。 他低声说：“你上来干什么？” 我说：“我送你一程！” 他眼中蓦地泪光莹莹。 他又说：“你别送我，千万别告诉我娘实情……” 车轮滚动了，他把我推下了车…… 马车渐渐地遥远在我的视野里，拐过一个山脚不见了…… 从此我竟再也没能见到他——因为后来我自己侥幸上了大学，正如我在我的另一本小册子《从复旦到北影》中写的那样。 我从大学给他写过许多封信，却连一封回信也没收到过。他仿佛从我的情感圃林中消失。好比我情感圃林中的一棵树，被伐倒了，被拖走了，只剩下了一截树桩。在我的记忆里……