Chapter 6 six

The old seedlings are here.My wife is also here. Lao Miao asked me ominously how I feel? I say it feels great! Without waiting for him to ask any more questions, I took his hand with both hands, pretended to be extremely ashamed and said——Old Miao, Chairman Miao, we have been together for so long, don't you know me?Sometimes I like to create something out of nothing, scare people, and play pranks!What kind of aliens, what kind of "truth rejection syndrome", what kind of punishment from another planet, they are all made up by me in my idle time!After more than a week of introspection in the hospital, with the help of doctors and nurses, I have realized that it is very vulgar to make such a joke...

Lao Miao and my wife looked at each other. My wife asked in a tone similar to that of a female police officer interrogating delinquent teenagers in a police station: "Then, where did you get the two sets of police uniforms?" I said that I borrowed it from a certain film crew, and the purpose was to tell the fake as if it were true... The wife asked again: "What about women's personal things?" I said I bought it from a stall during my morning walk. My wife said it didn't look like I bought it from a stall.Like something you can only buy in a "boutique house"!Why are you still lying?Why are you willing to buy such high-end things just to deceive people?Are you saying that you have "withheld" family income and have a "small treasury"? ...

I swear with all my might, there is absolutely no such thing as a "little treasury"!It is not a waste of money to say that you bought it, wife, do you wear it! The wife turned to Lao Miao and said, Lao Miao, listen to you, is he talking like a human?Don't believe him, I think he's just a little crazy!If you want him to be discharged from the hospital, just take your "Writers' Association" directly!I don't live with a psychopath!Miao, can you guarantee my personal safety? I said, wife, you are not good, you have to allow your husband to make mistakes, and you have to allow your husband to correct them!If you push me to a mental hospital with an excuse, don't you think you are framing your husband!

Lao Miao wrestled his hand from mine, and said in annoyance, Come on, come on, both of you, please be quiet! My wife stared at me bitterly, with gloating elements in her eyes.It can be seen that I was treated as a mental illness, and she was quite relieved in her heart.She had hoped for a long time that I would make myself a little ugly, and make myself a little less manly. Lao Miao also stared at me, and asked coldly, "Do you think your joke was too much?" I even said it was too much, it was too much! "Are you angry or not?" I even said exasperating and exasperating, it is too exasperating!

"The most irritating thing is that you still want to harass the leaders of the city! I have been severely criticized! I have been criticized for not caring about writers at all! You are crazy and you can't see it! Tell me, are you crazy? , or fooling around?" I can't even say I'm not crazy!Everything stems from the childish psychology of oneself who likes to play tricks.Said that I must change my past, and I must learn a profound lesson from this nonsense! Lao Miao slapped the table: "You have to write a written inspection to the city leaders! Also seek some justice for me during the inspection!"

I lowered my eyebrows and said pleasantly: "I write, I write, I will definitely write the inspection! Don't worry, Lao Miao, I will definitely seek some justice for you during the inspection! The severe criticism you received is entirely due to my vulgarity and boredom. Well! Completely innocent!" I pretended to be extremely ashamed, extremely guilty, and even very sad. At this time, my wife said to me with a smile: "Dear husband, congratulations! - The news that you have mental illness has been published in the newspapers today! Now you can become a 'hot spot' in this city again for a few days. Yes. When I came, I heard people talking about it on the bus..."

I asked, "The news was posted so fast? Did you mention it in the newspaper?" The wife smiled even more happily: "Who else treats you so well besides your wife? Aren't you always afraid of being forgotten by the public?" "What did they talk about?" "They said that you must have learned from some foreign writers, pretending to be crazy, making news, and getting famous! They say you are crazy or not, so no one cares about you!" I felt as if someone had stuffed a big caterpillar in my mouth.I tried to spit it out, but it tried to crawl up my throat.Its stinging and poisonous hairs, like a ball of fine brown hemp, have sealed my throat...

O my sacrosanct reputation! Oh, my image of a serious writer in the eyes of the public! I blurted out, "Damn it!" The wife smiled and asked, "Honey, are you scolding your wife, or the readers and the public?" I said bitterly, "None." Lao Miao was upset, and asked angrily, "Then you are scolding me?" I hurriedly declared: "Old Miao, how can I scold you? You come to visit me in your busy schedule, if I scold you, wouldn't it be too ignorant?" Lao Miao said, "Anyway, you are scolding someone." In fact, I was scolding those two dogs and men from extraterrestrials.I hate them.They do their science, and I do my literature. People living on the two planets, well water does not interfere with river water, have no grievances in previous lives and no enmity in this life, so why do you have to feel sorry for me!

I said, "Of course!"—but I didn't dare to say that I was scolding those two alien bastards. Lao Miao actually became serious.He said that you didn't scold your wife, you didn't scold the readers, and you didn't scold me—then you must have scolded the leaders of the city? I am anxious to say Lao Miao Lao Miao, you must not think so!I'm scolding myself, can't I scold myself? Lao Miao said that he was just accompanying my wife to visit me.Who told him to be the chairman of the "Writers Association"?He said that without asking the city leaders for instructions and without the consent of the city leaders, he can't take me out of the hospital on his own initiative...

After my wife and Lao Miao left, I thought back and forth and became suspicious, guessing that they were probably not human beings.What I mean is——I suspect that the wife was transformed by the alien female guest, and the old Miao was transformed by the alien male guest. I am secretly glad that I did not admit to my face that I scolded them and hated them... The next day, I wrapped the numbered suitcase with a bed sheet and tried to slip out with it.As soon as he left the ward, he ran into Xiaoyue.She stopped, hugged her arms to her chest, and looked at me with a half-smile.Seeing it made my heart tremble, and I returned to the ward without saying a word.

Xiaoyue and Ren, with their arms still folded in front of their chests, still looked like a half-smile. I said Xiaoyue, what do you want to do? She said this is what I should ask you, why do you ask me back? Want to sneak out of the mental hospital, don't you?Wearing a patient uniform, slippers, and a suitcase wrapped in the bed sheets of the ward, with 150,000 in the suitcase, can you get out of the gate of the mental hospital? I said I climbed over the wall. She said look what you can do!Can you climb over a wall more than two meters high?Why don't you give me the suitcase, and I'll keep the 150,000 yuan for you, and then settle down for a few days, and wait for my sister-in-law and the leaders of your "Writers Association" to pick you up and leave the hospital... I hugged the suitcase tightly and hurriedly said that I don't need you to keep it! She said that you have already given me half of it, so can I still think badly about your half?Believe me or not! ... After finishing talking, he left in a fit of anger. Then I suspected that Xiaoyue was not human either, and was also transformed by that female alien.Otherwise, why is she accustomed to wrapping her arms around her chest like that female alien? I dare not slip out again.Afraid of being punished by Professor Wang, he was sent to the intensive ward... A week later, my wife and Lao Miao came again.It was Xiao Shao who accompanied him.Xiao Shao said that he came to visit me on behalf of Deputy Secretary Qu of the Municipal Committee. I said thank you for your kindness to me. Xiao Shao said I was fat. Lao Miao agreed that I was fat. My wife also said I was fat. Xiao Shao also said that I was innocent. The old Miao said too much. My wife said that's not it, this one is fat and white, obviously younger.It seems that the food here is good and the life is regular, which is suitable for him.Then just let him live for a few months! I said my wife, you are not the leader, what can you do?Can you just stay on the sidelines? I presented a copy of the inspection hands to Lao Miao.More than a dozen pages, more than 4,000 words.It is the first time in my life to write a check.During the inspection, I scolded myself a bitch.It was also the first time to show respect to the leader in front of Lao Miao.And with my fucking wife there! She blushed for me and turned her face away in embarrassment. The old Miao wiped the saliva with his fingers and twisted the paper.After wiping a page, flipping through it for a while, the old man slyly didn't express his opinion, and handed it to Xiao Shao.Xiao Shao flipped through it for a while, then winked at Lao Miao, they got up at the same time, and went out. The wife said: "My son misses you." I said, "Then you still instigate them to put me in a mental hospital for a few months?" The wife said: "But I feel that there is no one in the family, and my heart is very quiet." Lao Miao and Xiao Shao came in. Xiao Shao smiled and said: "Why did you write a review? It's not worth it! There's no need for it! A writer's imagination is boundless, and it's common to go crazy! It's also the most forgivable. What’s the matter! The British writer Stevenson’s "Dr. Jekyll" was born of a dream! Balzac wrote "Eugenie Grandet", and he was once unable to distinguish between reality and imagination. The guests who came to his house shouted 'You, you, you forced this poor girl to death'! Writers are imaginary animals! But since you have written it, I will send it to Secretary Qu for you. You know , Secretary Qu loves talents, likes literature, respects writers, and has always had a good impression of you. He thought you were sick, so he severely criticized Lao Miao Yitong. Now that you are proved to be healthy, he will definitely be overjoyed!..." Almost brazenly, I squeezed out two tears, and said with half sobs and sobs: "I am neither sick nor sick, everything is a prank! I am boring, I am vulgar! It is a manifestation of spiritual emptiness! Xiao Shao glanced at Lao Miao, and said beseechingly, "Then, let him be discharged from the hospital today?" Lao Miao said: "You are here on behalf of Secretary Qu, you have the final say. I have no problem whatsoever!" Xiao Shao looked at my wife again, and asked democratically, "Sister-in-law, what's your attitude?" The wife said: "Let the two leaders decide everything! As a family member, I completely follow the arrangements of the leaders." So I jumped up and took off my patient clothes... The wife stared and asked, "Hey, where's your vest?" With my upper body bare, I said, "The vest, take it away and wash it. Forget it, I don't need a vest!" My wife said: "I didn't expect you to be discharged from the hospital today. I didn't bring your clothes. You can go back in whatever you wore. After you get home, you can take a shower and change." I said, "OK! OK!" So my wife packed things for me. She pointed to the number box and asked: Whose is this? I said of course it's ours! The wife said it was not ours at all.On the day I sent you to the hospital, I didn’t bring a suitcase——turning to ask Lao Miao: Lao Miao, you accompanied me to send him here that day, didn’t I bring a suitcase? Lao Miao thought about it, and said with certainty that he didn't bring it. My wife asked me, how did this fine suitcase get cut?Who did it?What did you do?What's in it? As she spoke, she was about to open the suitcase. I hurriedly held it down with both hands, not allowing her to open it.Said that there is nothing else in it, just a few idle books. If my wife is willing to believe it, she must open it and read it.Obviously, her suspicion and curiosity were stimulated by me instead. Lao Miao and Xiao Shao, one on the left and the other on the right, twisted my hands back, saying that it doesn't matter if it's your suitcase or not, it's in your ward anyway, it doesn't matter if your wife opens it to see what's inside! I am not an idiot.I can see it—their suspicion and curiosity are more than my wife's. The suitcase fell to the ground, and the lid slammed open the door.I used a knife to pry it for a long time without prying it open, but unexpectedly it fell open.What a ghost suitcase! Money—bundles of money, scattered from the suitcase. I looked down for a moment and froze. My wife, Lao Miao and Xiao Shao.He also looked down for a moment and was stunned. My wife said inexplicably, "What are these?" I answered mechanically with one word: "money". Lao Miao and Xiao Shao said almost at the same time: "Money?"—they couldn't help laughing. My wife said, "It's money! But where did you get so much money?" I said angrily: "It's obviously money! What do you mean it's worth it? Can't you see that it's all brand new money in bundles of 100 yuan? I sold a kidney, how could I have so much money?" ?" "Sold a kidney? Stand still and raise your arms!..." So Lao Miao untied my belt, so my trousers fell to the ground, so he lifted up my skirt to check whether there was a knife on my body.The result can be imagined. Lao Miao said, "Ha, ha, you lied again! You sold a kidney, why don't you have a knife on your body?" I had to lie further, saying that I had pre-sold a kidney, and the money was a deposit paid in advance by the hospital... Lao Miao glanced at Xiao Shao, and the two couldn't help laughing again. My wife grabbed a bundle of money from the ground, patted Lao Miao a few times, and Xiao Shao a few times, and said with tears in her eyes, "Look, you can see clearly! It's obviously a bundle of white paper. He insisted that it was all money! He even claimed that he had pre-sold a deposit for one of his kidneys! I think he is insane, but why do you leaders agree to let him leave the hospital today? You can’t be so disrespectful to him. Be responsible!" I rub my eyes.Staring at the bundle of money in his wife's hand, it's not bad to stare at it-it's obviously, absolutely, a bundle of brand new hundred-dollar bills!Why in my wife's eyes, in the eyes of Lao Miao and Xiao Shaozi, is it just a bundle of blank paper? I lifted my trousers and fastened my belt silently.Squatting down, picking up a bundle of money from the ground, I patted my wife and asked her, "Is there something wrong with your eyes? Isn't this a bundle of money?" My wife stared at me and asked back: "You have something wrong with your eyes? Where is a bundle of money?" Lao Miao and Xiao Shao also stared at me.Although neither of them said anything, I could tell from the expressions on their faces that they were saying the same thing as my wife was thinking. Xiao Shao scratched his head and said to Lao Miao: "It seems that the problem is a bit difficult to solve! How about I ask Deputy Mayor Qu for instructions before deciding whether to take him out of the hospital?" Lao Miao said: "Shao Shao, please don't. We can't push all unexpected situations to the leader! Maybe this guy is making fun of us again, let me ask him first So he took out his cigarette and took one in his mouth.He even threw me one, and held the lighter to light my cigarette... I put the money bundle by bundle into the suitcase.Including the bundle in my wife's hand, I also snatched it and put it in the suitcase.After that, he sat on the ground, hugged the suitcase, and watched the old Miao puff.I secretly made up my mind that the head could be broken, the blood could flow, and the 150,000 in the suitcase must never be lost! Lao Miao asked coldly: "Did you hear what Secretary Shao said just now?" I nod. He asked again: "The bundles in the suitcase are money or blank paper?" I hesitated for a moment.I dare not insist that it is money.But he also refuses to say that it is a bundle of blank paper.If even I admit that they are nothing but bundles of blank paper, aren't they even money?Wouldn't I be unable to spend them? Seeing my hesitation, Xiao Shao then said insinuatingly from Lao Miao's words: "Mr. Liang, in front of my sister-in-law, I think I have to explain to you more solemnly. The purpose of Lao Miao and I coming here is to pick you up and leave the hospital." But if you don't insist that the suitcase is full of money, not blank paper, it will be too embarrassing for both of us!" Lao Miao said again: "Yes, yes, then you still have to live in this mental hospital." I asked in a low voice, "How long will you live?" Lao Miao said: "At least until the day when you no longer regard bundles of white paper as bundles of money, right?" My wife said: "Yes. I agree. He has to live at least until that day, otherwise he is at least a sane person?" I scanned them one by one.Weighing the pros and cons secretly, he decided to change his mind as the best policy. I laughed.First he smiled silently, and then he laughed so hard that he couldn't control himself, rolling on the ground with his suitcase in his arms.I couldn't breathe from laughing.They laughed so much that they looked at each other, and looked at me dumbfounded, and they were a little uneasy. My wife was especially disturbed.She even asked Lao Miao if she should go to a doctor or a nurse. I stopped laughing immediately.What kind of doctor and nurse are you looking for dear?What are you all taking for real?I'm just teasing you again!I opened the suitcase, pointed to bundles of hundred-yuan bills, and said seriously, where is the money?Lao Miao, when the money is given to you for nothing, what do you want?Surely you don't want to?Xiao Shao, when the money is given to you for nothing, what do you want?You definitely don't want it either!These scraps of paper were brought to me by a friend who works in a printing factory when he came to visit me.If I do it for record cards.It can only be used as a record card, right?How come you have no sense of humor? So Lao Miao also laughed. So Xiao Shao also laughed. The old Miao said, then I will make a bundle.I also use it as a note card! He unceremoniously took a bundle and stuffed it into his purse. Xiao Shao said, I also want a bundle.Great to use as a record card!He also took a bundle and stuffed it into his purse. Everyone!Two bundles of brand new hundred-dollar bills Wow!Each bundle is 10,000, and two bundles are 20,000!Just like that, it was taken away by others as two bundles of blank paper!150,000 has become 130,000!I'm 20,000 fucking less than Xiaoyue!My heart ached so badly that my liver quivered.I feel so distressed that I want to cry!I feel so distressed that I want to fight Lao Miao and Xiao Shao! But can I not allow them to put my money into their respective purses?From their point of view, they are just two bundles of blank paper, so what can I do?What can we do to them? I had to pretend I didn't care, and said take it, take it, and each person can take another bundle! Lao Miao said, since you are so generous, I will take another bundle! He, he, the fucking bastard, Miao, actually grabbed another bundle and stuffed it into his purse! Xiao Shao said, this paper is really good.A bundle seems a little too little for a secretary like me.Lao Miao, in fact, I use more paper for recording every day than you... Greedy Xiao Shao also grabbed another bundle! All of you!Helplessly, I lost another 20,000 yuan!I have already lost 40,000 yuan in just a few words!Forty thousand, everyone!Doesn't this mean it's an obvious robbery!150,000 turned into 110,000 in an instant! I can't wait to strangle them both so that my 40,000 yuan can be returned to its original owner! My wife got angry.Said I'd have to throw your bundles of paper out the window... She really came to grab the suitcase.How can I let her take it away! I cried and said, wife, wife, my dear wife!I have never really liked anything in my life, but as soon as I saw these bundles of paper, I fell in love with all my heart!If you don't allow me to take it home, then I won't live!Why don't you just let me jump off the building with my suitcase in my arms and fall to my death! Impulsively, I rushed towards the window with my suitcase in my arms. Lao Miao and Xiao Shao hurriedly blocked me. Lao Miao said, siblings, writers, it's normal for them to like paper.It's better than him liking another woman, isn't it?For my sake, let him take him home!Anyway, it's not a bomb or a drug or something.Just treat him as a child who fell in love with a certain toy... Xiao Shao said, yes, yes, sister-in-law.We don't think he's crazy anymore, but his spirit is after all, after all... I mean, let's not stimulate him too much... I lost 40,000 yuan that day and finally got my freedom. When I left the senior cadre ward, I felt a sharp pain in the sacrum... Everyone, everyone! ——The process of our human beings growing their tails is like geckos and lizard-sized reptiles born without tails. It is a very different omen! We all know how important the tail is to geckos and lizard-sized reptiles!If there is no tail, how can they save themselves from danger by performing the superb trick of "docking their tails to survive" when they encounter natural enemies?The tail is simply their magic weapon!Small geckos and small lizards that were born without tails must be in panic all day long, huddled in the cracks of the wall and dare not come out easily, right?Must be so depressed that they cry a lot - if they could cry like a human being. But what is the use and significance of the tail to us?Isn't it completely useless and completely pointless?Our ancestors 15,000 years ago never had a tail!Didn't scientists have long suspected that human beings were not mutated from monkeys with long tails?Isn't the explanation of the so-called "atavistic phenomenon" too far-fetched and unjustifiable? The uneasiness and fear of a person who first discovers that he has a long tail is a hundred times greater than the uneasiness and fear of geckos and lizards born without tails.Because we are bound to think--oh God!What's wrong with me?Why am I different from others?They don't think about it that way... At first I thought I had just a bone spur in my sacrum and didn't pay much attention.Forty-six or seventy-six people, it is not surprising that there are bone spurs here and there.It's nothing more than not being able to sit for a long time.Sedentary pain.But I didn't write anything in those days, why should I sit for a long time?As for reading, I have always been used to reading lying on my back. Then I started to pay attention.I can't help it, because the top of the hard lump at the sacrum is starting to point.It is impossible to even read on my back—it hurts when I land on the bed. My first thought was cancer.Of course, it is not surprising that people in their forty-six or seventeen years old get cancer.But if it happens to oneself, after all, it is not as easy to think about as it happens to others.So don't care, so it doesn't matter. I dare not tell my wife.Although she has always had an all-or-nothing attitude towards me, a husband who is only good at climbing the grid and has no other skills to speak of.But I guess, once I'm really gone, life without me will never be better than when I was there.She is also a woman in her forties, and it is definitely not easy to find a husband again.Nowadays, if a man in his forties in China loses his spouse, I think other men don't have to cry with him.Even if the relationship between husband and wife was good, the sadness of the man who lost his spouse will soon pass.Once the sadness is over, their eyes will be more unrestrained than before, and they will only look at the girls in their twenties who are full of summer clothes with bare arms and legs and winter clothes.This fact is obviously quite unfavorable to widows or divorced women in their forties.Both disadvantageous and unfair.And it will become more and more unfavorable and unfair!I don't want my wife to hate the degeneration of the times because of me! So I went to the hospital for an examination with my wife on my back.In the waiting room of the surgery, I met the person I didn't want to see—Lao Miao. If you don't want to see him, you have to take the initiative to say hello! I said, "Lao Miao, are you coming to see a doctor?" He said, "I'm not here to see a doctor, but to accompany your sister-in-law to see a doctor." "Where is she?" "Already entered the outpatient room." "Where is the problem?" "Maybe it's a bone spur. The sacrum. Of course, it's not ruled out that it's cancer." He sighed melancholy. I sigh too.On the one hand, it expresses sympathy for others, and on the other hand, it is for yourself. I comforted him: "I want to open up a little bit. A few ten-thousandths of a ratio, how can it be so coincidentally spread on my sister-in-law?" He sighed again.Muttering: "Yeah, how could it be so coincidental to spread on her?" Judging from his tone, it seems that his melancholy and his sighs are all due to his wife's lack of cancer. A nurse with beautiful eyebrows and beautiful eyes, with a rosy face and a pink face came slowly from the end of the corridor.As soon as Lao Miao found her, his eyes were immediately attracted. I had nothing to say and said, "Sister-in-law is still emotionally stable?" Lao Miao just looked at the female nurse and didn't listen to me.He got up suddenly and said, "I'm sorry, I know that girl, I have to ask her a few words! Xiao Gao! Xiao Gao! Xiao Gao, you are getting more and more beautiful! You look like a big girl, you have grown up completely..." He couldn't wait to go up to him, and dealt with the young and beautiful nurse enthusiastically.He looked happy like a carefree boy, and he didn't have the reserved energy of a respectable elder in the "Writers Association" organization. Alas, a person in his sixties is still wishing to catch the "tail of youth"!Is it not a blind man who lights a lamp in vain?It's not a "big money", but a city-level "leader" of "a handful of reptiles". Even if they try their best to act like a carefree teenager, the ladies don't care about "being next to" you!Why don't you even have such a little bit of self-knowledge?What's more, my wife is still set up in the outpatient room, the conclusion is still unknown, and she has not been clearly sentenced to death!After all, I am twenty years younger than him, and the wrinkles on my face are obviously less than his, so I can't help being secretly proud.Also because of his powerlessness when he was a carefree boy, he felt a kind of pleasure. At this time, Mrs. Miao's fat and huge body slowly moved out of the outpatient room.Her eyes were in a trance, and when she saw me looking at her, there was a distraught and reluctant wry smile on her face. I walked up to her, pretended to be concerned and asked, "Sister-in-law, isn't it cancer?" She said: "The doctor can't come to a conclusion for a while, so let me do a slice next week" - talking about the red eyes, and she was about to cry. I said, "Sister-in-law, don't think of the bad in everything. Don't think of the bad. There is one in the definition of the devil-the more you think of the bad, the result will be more and more bad." She said gratefully, "I'll listen to you. I don't want to think badly. Have you seen our old Miao?" I pointed and said, "Isn't he there!" She looked in the direction I pointed, raised her eyebrows immediately, and cursed in front of some people: "This old and unscrupulous person! He doesn't care about my life and death at all, and is just laughing and hanging around!..." She rushed over like an angry hippopotamus, grabbed the dry and thin old Miao by the ears, and twisted him so that he screamed strangely.That situation was like a mother punishing her son. I held back my laughter and prayed secretly—God bless Lao Miao's wife never get cancer!Bless her to live longer than Lao Miao, even if she only lives one day longer than him! ... He took my 20,000 yuan as two bundles of blank paper. Is it tolerable, why not?As long as his wife lives one more day than him, he can't expect another day of happiness! Shouting in the outpatient room: "No. 43, surnamed Liang!" I quickly responded. Two middle-aged doctors, a man and a woman.The man was calling my number again, and the woman asked me with a serious face, "What's wrong?" I said there was a lump growing on the sacrum. "How long?" I said not long.The last few days. "Lie down on the bed." I will do so.The plastic surface of the narrow bed was warm.No doubt it was because Lao Miao's wife's fat and huge body had just passed over. "Take off your pants!" I did it again. "You don't understand what I say? You even take off your underpants! Think I'm an X-ray eye?" I swallowed my breath.Follow orders for fear of being late. "Hey, come here." So the male doctor left a young man he was dealing with and came to the bedside. "It looks the same as that fat woman just now, right?" "Well. It's the same." Something poked in my bag.I don't think it's a finger, but a pencil that the male doctor is holding in his hand. I grinned and said, take it easy, it hurts! The female doctor said: "Don't be so delicate, hold on!" The male doctor said, "That's right! I used the end of the eraser, not...hey, why did the tip of my pencil break?" The female doctor just chuckled. I said, "Doctor, can I ask you a question?" The male doctor said: "As long as it's not a vexatious issue, it's okay for you to talk about it." I asked: "Our ancestors, that is, the apes didn't have long tails. Why is our place, that is, the place where I have a long bag, called the root of the tail?" The female doctor was the first to get annoyed on behalf of the male doctor: "I told you not to ask vexatious questions, but you still did! If you don't understand, go back to school!" The male doctor poked my bag again with a pencil with a broken point: "Your bag is so special! It must not be a good bag! I'll prescribe two plasters for you first!" The lad who was left there to wait protested.Why is his bag so special?Do two doctors have to come over?I also grew a bag there, bigger than his bag!Everyone should be equal before Bao! ... The two doctors stared at each other. As soon as I got home from the hospital, I took out the number box from under the big wardrobe, opened it to look at the bundles of money inside.Money is so beautiful!so cute!It's really hard not to like something that people can't help but smile at!The eleven neat bundles look to me like eleven babies sleeping in the same stroller squeezed against each other.Damn old Miao who steals and plunders!Damn it's no joke, Xiao Shao!They took my four lovely babies by force!It also said that it was four bundles of paper, which were used as record cards!Why did all the bad luck and disadvantages come to me? I gently took the bundles of money out of the suitcase and put them in a paper bag.I think I have to save the 110,000 first.Of all things, only this is the greatest.I pried through the number box with a knife and couldn't get it out.Others will be suspicious of me when they see it.I think this 110,000 must be the biggest deposit in my life.Prices are rising every day, the renminbi is depreciating every year, and there is no deposit of more than 100,000 yuan. It would be strange if my wife and I had a bleak evening scene! There were many people in the bank that day.I filled out the deposit slip and waited patiently for more than half an hour to get to the window. I'll hand in the deposit receipt first.Salesman, a young man wearing glasses looked at the deposit receipt: "110,000?" I nodded: "Yes. One hundred and ten thousand." The girl who was sitting across from the young man, who was inspecting money with a money detector, glanced up at me and exchanged a quick wink with the young man. I understand the meaning of her wink—oh, I'm very proud. Saving money feels so damn good! I mean, of course, the feeling of keeping a large sum of money in one's personal bankbook. In recent years, I have been trying to find a good feeling.But it felt as if it didn't exist at all. I sifted through the 365 days of the year and 24 hours a day, but I never found it.It's hard to say how good it feels to win an award.Last year I won five prizes, big and small, and the sum of the prizes was only 6,000 yuan.Moreover, some literary awards are actually sponsored by the "generosity" of the manufacturers of cigarettes, monosodium glutamate, shoes, and women's sanitary napkins.The one sponsored by the latter manufacturer is called the "Shu Eryin" Literature Award.I guess even if I write at the age of 80, I probably won't be destined for a pure literary award without any advertising color.Because such a literary award, like some kind of good feeling, seems to be practically non-existent.Can only rely on self-deception to experience. Unexpectedly, I really found a good feeling at the deposit window of the bank! It feels good to save money! If you can deposit money in your personal passbook several times a month, and you can save one hundred thousand or two hundred thousand each time, I believe that it will be better if you have a bad temper or a bad mood. Love life and love life!If you don't support this era, you will support this era! "What are you giving me?" - My paper bag was pushed out of the small window again. I say money!What else can it be if it's not money? "Money? Then go elsewhere! We don't charge you this kind of money!" The young man looked at the people behind me and shouted, "Next!" So the people behind me pushed me aside. I'm on fire.He also pushed the man aside vigorously, occupying the window again.What do you mean when I say you comrade?My money was neither stolen nor robbed, why didn't you accept my money? The young man said very professionally: "Is that money for you? Show it out for everyone to see and see! If everyone says you are money, it proves that my eyes have something wrong. I am not suitable for my job. I Automatically resign!" "Okay! You said this yourself, I didn't provoke you, everyone heard it!"——I blushed and pulled out a bundle of money from the paper bag for people to see. Everyone actually said that what I took out was a bundle of blank papers.And it is in my hands, and it is money in my eyes! I handed the money to the girl opposite the young man.When I said it was money, no one should jump to conclusions!I said, girl, anyone's eyes may have problems for a while, please, even if I beg you to check it under the currency detector!If the cash detector proves that this is money, you will not be able to deposit it for me today! The girl frowned and said, "The banknote detector is for detecting counterfeit banknotes! Counterfeit banknotes have to look like money! Can they be called counterfeit banknotes if they don't look like money? But what is that bundle of yours?" That's a bundle of bare cardboard! What the hell are you asking me to do with nothing on it!" nothing? ! —I said nothing? !I pointed and asked, isn't this the portrait of Mao, Liu, Zhou, and Zhu?Isn't this the word "one hundred"?And here... isn't the word "People's Bank of China" here? ... That girl was choked by my words for a moment, opened her mouth, and blurted out three words—"Crazy!" So everyone called me "crazy!" So the guard came up to me and drove me out with a tiger face.I dare not challenge him.Because he was holding an electric baton in his hand. ... After leaving that one savings bank, I went to another five or six savings banks, but the experience in each place was the same. I'm kind of going crazy. In desperation, I had an idea, took out a piece of money from a bunch of money, and stopped a seven or eight-year-old child on the road. I put on an amiable look and said, dear kid, do my uncle a favor.You use this one hundred yuan to buy two ice creams, one for you and one for me.All the money you find is yours! The child happily took the money and ran to buy it.I stood in the shade of a street tree and waited for him. After a while he ran back to me with an ice cream in one hand. I took an ice cream and asked him, "Did you buy it with the one hundred yuan uncle gave you?" He said, "Yes!" I was afraid that he would lie to me and force him to show me his change.He obediently pulled it out and showed it to me. I asked again: "Didn't the old man who sells ice cream become suspicious of money?" The child looked me up and down, and asked unexpectedly, "Then what you gave me was counterfeit money?" I smiled awkwardly and quickly said no. But the kid was already quite suspicious of me.Obviously, I started to think of me as a criminal who specializes in printing counterfeit money. "Even if I haven't seen you, you haven't seen me!"—he ran away in a hurry.Running and running, the ice cream fell to the ground.Turning around to pick it up, seeing me looking at him, I ran away timidly... After I finished sucking the ice cream, I took out another piece of money from the bundle of money, whistled pretending to be calm, and strolled towards the soda cart where the kid bought the ice cream. Walking up to me, I struck up a conversation and said, "It's so hot!" The old man selling ice cream said: "Yes! It's more than 30 degrees today. Would you like an ice cream?" I said, "Ten here, you'd better put them in a plastic bag." As he spoke, he handed over the hundred-yuan bill in his hand. The old man just stretched out his hand to take it, but before he touched the money, he quickly retracted it.He looked up at me, terrified.仿佛我是化作人形的、从阴间来的无常。我手中拿的也不是百元大钞，而是索命的碟牌，他一旦接了，当即就会倒在地上，一命呜呼似的。 老头儿结结巴巴地说：“这位爷，我不收您钱了！我白送给您吃还不行么？” 我说：“这是什么话呀！我于嘛占你的便宜，白吃你十支雪糕哇！” 老头儿说：“不算占便宜不算占便宜，大热的天儿，您这位爷白吃我十支雪糕有什么不行啊！” 他说着，已打开冷柜盖儿，二五一十，抓够了十支雪糕用塑料袋儿装着，硬往我手里塞。 此时又有一位妇女停住自行车买雪糕。她瞧着老头儿对我战战兢兢，低三下四的情形，如同瞧着一个受欺压而又丝毫不敢反抗的可怜老人在地头蛇面前的畏怯。 我受不了她那种敢怒却不敢言的旁观。更不愿被当成在光天化日之下进行敲诈勒索的地痞恶霸。见有更多的行人驻足于周围，于是明智地将手中的钱往冷柜上一拍，大声说：“得得得老头儿，我也不买你的雪糕了，算我是个大傻瓜，白给你一百元钱行不行？”——说罢，明智地抽身便走。 我听到老头儿在我背后嘟哝：“拿一张白纸当一百元钱，非从我这儿买十支雪糕不可！唉，惹不起哇！这是什么世道了呀！” 又听那女人愤愤地说：“你们这些看热闹的大男人，怎么一个个的全没点儿起码的正义感？为什么不把那家伙拧送到派出所去！……” 于是我走得更快。 我终于彻底明白了——十一万，十一捆儿崭新的百元大钞，在我眼里看来是钱，而在一切的别人眼里看来，不过是一捆儿捆儿白纸！成捆儿去存是白纸，单张儿拿着花还是白纸。也许除非让别人替我花才不是白纸。比如那个七八岁的男孩儿替我花，不就顺顺当当地花出去了么？ 路经公用电话亭，我往精神病院给小悦打电话。在电话里，我吞吞吐吐地问她，她那些钱好花不好花？ 她显然觉得我问的奇怪，反问梁老师您那十五万怎么了？ 我说没怎么没怎么！说哪儿有十五万呀，只剩十一万了！ 她说梁老师，您想诬陷我啊？咱俩各十五万，不是你一捆儿我一捆儿地当场对面分清的吗？难道我会变魔术，会使障眼法，昧了你四万不成？ 我说你别误会。千万别误会。我分给了两位朋友四万！现而今，从中央到地方，不是都在提倡共同富裕嘛！ 她说你倒是把话说明白了呀！你分给朋友，那就是你个人的事了！与我无关了。什么共同富裕不共同富裕的，我可没你那么高的风格！ 我说提倡是提倡嘛！允许人的境界在现阶段有高低之分，有早觉悟晚觉悟之分嘛！又问，亲爱的小悦啊，你都开始买什么了？在哪儿买的呀？ 她说她存上了十万。剩下的五万，已经买了一台三十英寸的进口大彩电。和一组高档音响，都是在本市最大的“国华”商场买的…… 放下电话，我去了“国华”商场。打算相机碰碰运气，花出几捆儿“白纸”，买回家大件商品。但有了在银行和买雪糕的教训，毕竟心虚。各个柜台转来转去，不太敢贸然。 不想竟发现了老苗和他夫人。他们两口子也在选电视。而且也看中了一台三十英寸的进口大彩电。老苗见到我时，那副尊容顿时极不自然起来，就像把我往井里推过一次似的。 我说：“老苗哇，这台彩电一万八千多呢，钱带够了么？”不待老苗开口，他老婆抢先替他回答：“够！够！我们带了整两万呢！” 老苗瞪他老婆一眼，生气地说：“问你哪？你不开口，谁能把你当哑巴卖了呀！” 我又问：“老苗，最近出版新书了？稿费收入颇丰啊！” 老苗顺水推舟地说：“对对，出版了两本儿新书……” 我说：“那我应该向你表示祝贺呀！明天我去你家取两本儿签名的赠书，拜读拜读呗！” 他说：“不敢不敢……” 我心里窝火地说：“我非要不可！” 老苗的老婆这时又说：“你听他胡扯！他写的书，得搭上出版费出版社才肯为他出……” 老苗就对她吼：“你少说一句行不行？！” 我心中早已清楚，什么他妈的稿费，明明是用我的两万元来买进口大彩电！可当时自己也承认那是一捆儿一捆儿的白纸不是钱，这会儿自觉理亏，也就只有心里窝火，不便戳穿事实真象。 眼睁睁地看着他们买下了那台进口大彩电，心满意足地离去，我恨不得追上老苗，当众扇他几耳光…… 我始终没敢在商场买东西。 兜里没另外带钱，我也不敢“打的”回家。 我像一个拎着沉甸甸的十一万的穷光蛋。 你有这么大一笔钱，可是当钱花时却是白纸，这是多么巨大的不幸啊！ 我走着走着，忽然发现满大街都是钱！这里一张，那里一张；有人民币，也有美元，而且都是一百元的。 人见钱在地上，还都是一百元的，那是没法儿不动心，没法不弯腰捡的。 于是我东跑几步，西跑几步，凡是眼睛见到的就跑去捡起来。捡也捡不过来。以前我只在梦中捡过钱。没想到那一天梦中的美妙情形变成了现实中的美妙情形！过往行人仿佛全都瞎了他们或她们的双眼，没有一个理睬被车辆带起的一阵阵小风刮过来旋过去的钱。又仿佛都是亿万富豪，一脚踩住了也不屑于弯腰捡似的。但我并非“大款”并非富豪哇！我经常感到最缺的其实不是什么所谓“精神”上的东西而是他妈的钱！有时也说缺的是“精神”上的什么东西那都是说给别人听的。世界上只有两种人才喋喋不休地总在那儿唠叨缺的是“精神”上的东西——那就是钱多得几辈子花不完的人和想有那么多钱却注定了几辈子也有不了那么多钱的人。我还知道作家们十之八九其实和我一样都属于后一种人。这是一个圈子里的小秘密。可是这秘密不能被戳穿，因为作家们十之八九都爱大谈什么“精神”，如果戳穿了，这世界不就太没意思太不好玩儿了么？也可以认为这是一个弥天大谎。是我辈当代中国作家互定了攻守同盟的一个引人注目的弥天大谎。只不过还不到由我们自己戳穿的时候……