Chapter 15 back to the south gate

It should be said that I still have unforgettable memories of Wang Liqiang and Li Xiuying. I returned to the South Gate when I was twelve, and left the South Gate when I was eighteen.I have repeatedly planned to go back to Sun Dang, where I have lived for five years. I don't know whether Li Xiuying's life can continue to this day after losing Wang Liqiang. Although I do heavy physical work in their home, they can often give me a sense of kindness.When I was seven years old, Wang Liqiang decided to let me go to the teahouse alone to turn on the water.He said: "I don't tell you where the teahouse is, how do you get there?"

This question made me sweat profusely, and I finally found the answer. I said happily: "I'll ask someone else." Wang Liqiang laughed as cheerfully as I did.When I was ready to go out with two hot water bottles, he squatted down and tried to shorten his height to be equal to me.He told me over and over again that if I couldn't lift it anymore, I would throw away the thermos.I was very surprised at the time that he asked me to throw away those two thermos bottles, which were very expensive items in my mind. "Why throw it away?" He told me that if I couldn't lift it and fell to the ground, the boiling water in the bottle would burn me.I see what he means.

I put two cents in my pocket and walked out proudly with two thermos bottles. I walked along the stone-paved street, and asked others where the teahouse was in an extremely loud voice.I didn't care if the enquiry was superfluous, I still shouted in a high-pitched voice.My little trick worked so quickly that the grown-ups on the side of the road looked at me in surprise.When I walked into the teahouse, I handed over the money in a louder voice. The old lady who collected the money was startled. She clutched her chest and said: "Scared me to death." I giggled at the sight of her, and she quickly turned to wonder.

When I walked out with two bottles of water, she said fearfully from behind: "You can't lift it." How could I throw away the thermos?Their suspicion of me only increased my self-satisfaction.Wang Liqiang's instructions when I left home turned into hope on the road.I hope to describe such a situation for me in my imagination. When I brought two bottles of boiled water home, Wang Liqiang was so ecstatic. He called Li Xiuying loudly, and the woman on the bed also came over. praise me. Just to get this, I gritted my teeth and walked home with the two bottles of boiling water.I always encourage myself, don't throw it away, don't throw it away.I just took a break in between.

But when I got home, Wang Liqiang disappointed me without showing any surprise, as if he had known that I could take it home, and took the water bottle.Looking at the back of him squatting, I reminded him with my last hope: "I only took one break." He stood up and smiled a bit, as if it wasn't a big deal.Completely frustrated, I stepped aside alone.I thought: I thought he would praise me? I was beaten for foolishly inserting myself between the nights of Wang Liqiang and Li Xiuying.Strong Wang Liqiang and weak Li Xiuying, their nights are disturbing nights.When I first came to their house, every few days after I went to bed, I would hear Li Xiuying's pleading and moaning.At that time, I was always terrified, but the next morning I heard them talking softly again, and the voice of question and answer came to my ears so kindly.

One night, I had already undressed and went to bed. Li Xiuying, who had been lying on the bed for a whole day, suddenly screamed at me sharply, asking me to go over. I was wearing shorts and tremblingly pushed open the door of their room that winter night. Wang Liqiang who was taking off his clothes blushed and kicked the door shut angrily, telling me to go back.I didn't know what happened, but I didn't dare to walk away. Li Xiuying was calling me desperately inside.I could only stand at the door cold and scared, shaking all over. Later, Li Xiuying might have jumped out of the quilt on the bed. This woman who would have a fever when wearing wet underwear was desperate at that time.I heard Wang Liqiang shouting in a low voice:

"You don't want to die." The door was opened with a bang, and before I could understand what happened, I was dragged into bed by Li Xiuying.Then she stopped shouting, but panted and said to Wang Liqiang: "The three of us will sleep tonight." Li Xiuying hugged me and pressed her face against mine, her hair covering one of my eyes.Although she is skinny, her body is warm.With my other eye, I saw Wang Liqiang angrily saying to me: "You get out for me." Li Xiuying leaned into my ear and said: "You can't tell." At this time, I was completely conquered by Li Xiuying. Of course I didn't want to leave her warm body, so I said to Wang Liqiang:

"I'm not going out." Wang Liqiang grabbed my arm, lifted me into Li Xiuying's arms, and threw me to the ground.At that time his eyes were red and terrible, and when he saw that I was sitting on the ground without moving, he shouted to me: "You're not going out yet." My stubbornness came up at this time, and I also shouted: "I just won't go out." Wang Liqiang took a step forward to lift me up, but I immediately hugged the bed leg tightly, no matter how hard he pulled, I would not let go.An angry Wang Liqiang grabbed my hair and hit me on the bed.I seem to hear Li Xiuying screaming sharply.The severe pain made me let go, and Wang Liqiang threw me out, and then locked the door.At that time, I was also crazy. I got up from the ground, beat the door hard, and cried loudly, cursing:

"Wang Liqiang, you bastard. Send me back to Sun Guangcai." I cried out heartbroken, hoping that Li Xiuying would stand up and help me.At first I could still hear Li Xiuying arguing with Wang Liqiang inside, but after a while there was no sound.I continued to cry and yell, and then I heard Li Xiuying calling my name inside, and she said to me weakly: "Go to bed quickly, you will freeze to death." I suddenly felt so helpless that I could only walk back to my bedroom whimpering. In that winter night, I gradually fell asleep with hatred for Wang Liqiang.When I woke up the next day, I felt pain on my face. I didn't know that I had a bruised nose and a swollen eye.Wang Liqiang, who was brushing his teeth, was startled when he saw me. I ignored him and picked up the mop from beside him.I struggled to break free from his hand, and carried the mop into Li Xiuying's room.Li Xiuying was also taken aback, she muttered accusing Wang Liqiang:

"Hands are so heavy." This morning, Wang Liqiang bought two deep-fried dough sticks and said they were for me.The fritters were on the table, and I was on a hunger strike when I suddenly had a delicious breakfast. No matter how much they persuaded me, I didn't take a bite, but wept and said: "Send me back to Sun Guangcai." Rather than begging, I might as well be threatening them.Wang Liqiang's repeated gestures due to guilt only strengthened my determination to confront him. When I went out with my schoolbag on my back, he followed suit. He tried to put his hand on my shoulder, and I quickly twisted away.So he gave me another dime, and I also resolutely refused his bribe, shook my head and said stubbornly:

"don't want." I have to really taste the taste of hunger.Wang Liqiang's anxiety about my hunger strike boosted my confidence to continue.I took revenge on Wang Liqiang by torturing myself. At the beginning, I was even a little proud. I swore I would never eat Wang Liqiang's food again. At the same time, I thought that I would starve to death. At this time, I felt so proud of myself with tears in my eyes.My death from starvation was the most powerful blow to Wang Liqiang. But after all, I am too young, and my will will be extremely strong with me only when I have enough food and clothing.Once hungry dizzy, it is difficult to resist the temptation of food.In fact, I was and am not the kind of person who is willing to die for my beliefs. I worship the sound of life flowing in my body.I can find no other reason to live than life itself. That morning, the classmates all saw my bruised nose and swollen face, but no one would know that the hunger that came after me was even more frightening.After I walked out of the house on an empty stomach early in the morning, I couldn't stand the third class.First, there is a feeling of emptiness, the inside is as lonely as an alley in the middle of the night, with nothingness like the wind blowing around.Immediately, it spread to the whole body, and I felt weak in limbs and dizzy in head.Then I had a real stomachache, a debilitating pain worse than a bruise on my face.I finally made it to the end of get out of class, and I hurried to the tap water stand, caught the tap with my mouth, and drank a full belly of water.So I gained a brief peace, the hunger left for a while, I leaned weakly on the water frame, and the sun made my whole body soft.The water is quickly digested and absorbed in the body, and I can only drink the cold water in winter until the class bell rings. After I was far from the water shelf, the reappearance of hunger made me helpless, and then I had to bear more severe torture than before.My body collapsed on my seat like a sack of rice thrown on the floor.I had hallucinations, the blackboard was like a cave, and the teacher was walking up and down the entrance of the cave, and his voice buzzed like an echo hitting the cave wall. While my stomach was aching with emptiness, my bladder was giving me a torment of fullness, and I drank so much water, they came back with their vengeance.I could only raise my hand and beg Zhang Qinghai to allow me to pee.It was only a few minutes into class, and the teacher reprimanded me very dissatisfied: "Why don't you pee after class?" I walked cautiously to the toilet, I didn't dare to run, the water in my bladder gushed back and forth as soon as I ran, and after urinating, I seized this opportunity to drink another full stomach of cold water. The fourth class that morning was perhaps the most difficult moment in my life. Not long after I went to the toilet, my bladder swelled again, making my face turn purple.I couldn't hold back anymore, so I had to raise my hand again. Zhang Qinghai looked at me suspiciously for a while, and asked me: "Going to pee again." I nodded in embarrassment.Zhang Qinghai called out National Day and asked him to follow me to the toilet to see if I really had urine to urinate.After peeing this time, I didn’t dare to drink any more water. After returning to the classroom on National Day, I reported loudly to the teacher: "Longer than cow urine." Amid the chirping laughter of my classmates, I sat down in my seat blushing. Although I didn't drink any more water, it didn't take long for my bladder to bulge again.At that time, hunger was insignificant, and the bladder was getting bigger and bigger.This time I didn't dare to raise my hand easily. I endured the severe pain and looked forward to the bell ringing sooner after class.I didn't dare to move my body, as if my bladder would burst if I moved.In the end, I really couldn't do it anymore. Time passed so slowly, and the bell for the end of get out of class didn't come for a long time.I raised my hand a third time in horror. Zhang Qinghai was a little annoyed, he said: "You want to drown us." The students roared with laughter.Zhang Qinghai didn't let me go to the bathroom anymore, but asked me to go around the window and pee against the classroom wall. He wanted to see for himself whether I really pissed.When I flushed the diaper against the wall, he believed it and walked away a few steps to continue the lecture.My urination may have been too long, Zhang Qinghai suddenly interrupted the lecture and said in surprise: "You haven't finished spreading yet?" I blushed timidly and smiled at him. After school in the morning, I didn't go home like other students. I continued my hunger strike.I lay under the water shelf all noon, and as soon as my hunger got stronger, I got up to drink a full stomach of water, and then continued to lie there alone and mourn. At that time, my self-esteem was just a decoration, and I hoped that Wang Liqiang would find him.I lie in the sun, and the grass grows joyfully around me. When Wang Liqiang found me, it was already afternoon, and my classmates from school were arriving one after another.He found me by the water stand.I didn't know that he had been anxiously waiting for me to go back after lunch, Li Xiuying told me later.When he lifted me up from the ground and gently touched the bruise on my face, I burst into tears. He put me on his back, supported my thighs with both hands, and walked towards the school gate.My body swayed gently on his back, and the self-esteem that was so strong in the morning was replaced by an attachment.I don't hate Wang Liqiang at all. When I lean my face on his shoulder, what I feel is the excitement of being protected. We walked into a restaurant, and he put me on the counter, pointed to a blackboard full of different types of noodles, and asked me which one I wanted.I stared at the blackboard without saying a word, the remnants of my self-esteem still lingering inside me.Wang Liqiang ordered me a bowl of the most expensive three fresh noodles, and we sat down at a table. I can't forget the look in his eyes when he looked at me. I will never forget it in my life. After so many years after his death, when I think of his eyes at the beginning, I feel sore.He looked at me with shame and love. I once had such a father.But I didn't feel this way at the time. After he died and I returned to the South Gate, I gradually realized this. Compared with Sun Guangcai, Wang Liqiang is more like his father in many ways.Now when everything is so far away, I realize that Wang Liqiang's death has already constituted my long and lasting sadness. When the noodles were served, I didn't eat them right away, but looked at the steaming hot noodles greedily and anxiously at the same time.Wang Liqiang, who understood my thoughts, immediately stood up, said he was going to work, and walked out.As soon as he left, I immediately devoured it.But my small stomach was satisfied prematurely, and then I picked up chicken nuggets and fried fish with infinite melancholy, looked at it and put it down, and then picked it up again, unfortunately I couldn't eat it anymore. I'm back to being the exuberant self of my childhood, and the unpleasantness has long since vanished.So I was able to pay attention to the ragged old man opposite. He ate a bowl of the cheapest noodles. He paid so much attention to my actions of picking up chicken nuggets and frying fish. I felt that he was expecting me to leave immediately. Go, eat the delicacies in my bowl. The cruelty of my childhood came up, I deliberately didn't go away, and repeatedly picked up the food in the bowl, while he seemed to eat very slowly on purpose.We had a secret fight between the two of us, and after a while I got tired of this game, but I thought of another one.I slammed my chopsticks loudly, stood up and walked out swaggeringly.As soon as I got outside, I secretly peeped at him by the window. I saw him look towards the door, and then poured his own noodles into the bowl I left behind with amazing agility, and poured two more bowls. After switching places, he ate as if nothing had happened.I immediately left the window, re-entered the hotel with a high spirit, walked up to him, and looked at the empty bowl pretending to be surprised for a while. I felt that he seemed very disturbed, so I was satisfied and walked out happily. After entering the third grade of elementary school, I became more and more playful.With the gradual familiarity with and affection for Wang Liqiang and Li Xiuying, the fear at first came gradually disappeared.I often lost track of the time when I was playing outside, and then I suddenly remembered that I should go home, so I ran back desperately.Naturally I would be scolded, but that scolding didn't scare me anymore, I worked hard and sweated as hard as I could, and their scolding stopped abruptly. For a while, I was obsessed with going to the pond to touch shrimps. Guoqing, Liu Xiaoqing, and I ran to the countryside almost every afternoon after school.Then one day we had just walked into the field, and I was shocked to see Wang Liqiang walking slowly one after the other on the field ridge with a young woman.I ran back quickly, and Wang Liqiang had already seen me. I had to stand still after hearing his shout, and watched Wang Liqiang stride forward uneasily. I didn't go home when I was supposed to go home.Guoqing and Liu Xiaoqing immediately explained to him that we went to the countryside to touch shrimps, not to steal melons. Wang Liqiang smiled at them. To my surprise, Wang Liqiang didn't blame me, but covered my head with his thick palm and asked me to go back with him.Along the way, he kindly asked me about school affairs. He didn't mean to blame me at all, and I gradually became excited. We ended up eating popsicles standing under a department store ceiling fan.This was a happy moment in my childhood. At that time, there was no electric fan in Wang Liqiang's house. I was so surprised to see this spinning thing, which was as bright as water pouring, and it was so round.I stood on the edge of the wind zone, walking in and out, feeling the wind and the absence of the wind. That time I ate three popsicles in one go, Wang Liqiang was rarely so generous.After eating the third one, Wang Liqiang asked me if I still wanted to eat it, and I nodded again.But he hesitated, and to my disappointment he said: "You'll eat your body." I got other compensation, he bought me candy.Then we left the shop and walked towards home when Wang Liqiang suddenly asked me: "Do you know that aunt?" "Which aunt?" I don't know who he is talking about. "It was just walking behind me." I just remembered that young woman on the field ridge. When she disappeared, I didn't notice it at all. At that time, I was nervously trying to escape from Wang Liqiang.After I shook my head, Wang Liqiang said: "I don't know her either." He continued: "I stopped you, and when I looked back, there was another person behind me." The look of surprise on his face was so funny that it made me giggle. When he was about to get home, Wang Liqiang squatted down and whispered to me: "Let's not say that we went to the countryside, but that we met at the entrance of the alley, otherwise she will be unhappy." I was very happy at the time, and I didn't want Li Xiuying to know that I was playful again after school. But half a year later, I saw Wang Liqiang and that young woman together again, and this time it was hard for me to think that they didn't know each other.Before Wang Liqiang found me, I ran away.Later, I sat down on a rock and meditated. At the age of eleven, I was already able to use my head to think hard.I gradually understood the ambiguous relationship between Wang Liqiang and that woman. I was suddenly surprised that Wang Liqiang was so obscene, but when I stood up and walked home, I kept silent.It is difficult for me to find out all the reasons for my silence at that time, but one thing I still remember is that when I thought about telling Li Xiuying about this, I suddenly trembled with fear.When I was an adult, I would often have such childish thoughts. If I had told Li Xiuying about it, Li Xiuying's pale and insane behavior might have prevented Wang Liqiang from dying because of it. The silence made me take full advantage of myself later. When I thought I should be punished, my threat to Wang Liqiang made it possible for me to escape justice. I finally broke the shot glass that was on top of the radio.When I turned around while mopping the floor, the handle of the mop swept the wine cup to the ground, and it was just broken.The sound of the destruction of the only ornament in that poor home made me shudder for a long time.Wang Liqiang would snap my neck like twisting a cucumber. Although this was my fear when I first came here, and I knew he would not break my neck, but his furious appearance and harsh treatment of me were the facts that I was about to accept.I use my childhood struggles to get rid of this bad luck. I want to threaten Wang Liqiang first.Li Xiuying, who was in another room at the time, didn't notice all this. I quietly put away the broken wine cups and put them into the dustpan.Then when Wang Liqiang came back from get off work, I suddenly cried due to excitement and nervousness.Wang Liqiang squatted down in surprise and asked me, "What's the matter?" I made a trembling threat to him: "If you hit me, I'll tell you about you and that aunt." Wang Liqiang's face turned pale at that time, he shook my body and said repeatedly: "I won't beat you, why should I beat you?" I just told him: "I broke the wine glass." Wang Liqiang was taken aback for a moment, and then he understood the reason for my threat. A smile appeared on his face, and he said: "I don't want that wine cup long ago." I doubted him and asked him: "You won't beat me up?" He gave me an affirmative answer, so I was completely relieved, and to repay him, I leaned into his ear and said: "I won't talk about that aunt." That evening, after dinner, Wang Liqiang took my hand and walked down the street for a long time.He kept saying hello to some acquaintances. I didn't know that this was the last time I walked with Wang Liqiang. At that time, I was so obsessed with the afterglow of the setting sun hanging on the eaves on both sides.My interest infected him, and he told me a lot about his childhood. What I remember most is that when he was fifteen years old, he was so poor that he was often naked.At that time, he sighed and said to me: "People are not afraid of poverty, they are afraid of suffering." Later we sat down by the bridge, and that time he looked at me for a long time, and then said anxiously: "You're a goblin." Then he changed his tone: "You are indeed a clever boy." In the autumn when I was twelve years old, Liu Xiaoqing's elder brother, the flute player whom I admired so much, died of acute jaundice and hepatitis. At that time, he was no longer an idle boy, but an educated youth who jumped in line.But he still wore a peaked cap, and put the flute in his coat pocket. It was heard that he jumped in line with two daughters of other people on the boat, and the two strong girls fell in love with him almost at the same time.He played the flute so beautifully, how could he not move them on a lonely night in the country.But life there was unbearable for him, and he would often go back to the city and sit at his window and play his flute, and when we came home from school he would play the ditty of selling pear jelly, and he liked to see us running past As such, he did not want to go back to the country that suffocated his life, although there were two girls waiting for him with a love net. The last time he came back, he might have stayed a little too long.His angry father reprimanded him all day long and wanted to drive him back to the country.Several times I passed by his window and heard him crying.He told his father so pitifully that he had no strength at all, and he didn't want to eat, let alone work. At that time, he didn't know that he had hepatitis, and neither did Liu Xiaoqing's father. His mother boiled two eggs for him and advised him to go back to the countryside.After he returned to the country, he fell into a coma only two days later.It was the two strong girls who took turns carrying him home.When I came home from school that afternoon, I saw these two sun-tanned girls with muddy legs walking out of Liu Xiaoqing's house with mournful faces.He died that night. I still remember the gloomy look on his face when he left home. He was carrying the bedding, holding two eggs in his right hand, and walked slowly towards the ship pier.In fact, he was already lifeless at that time, staggering like a dying old man.Only the flute in his jacket pocket shook when he walked, and seemed a little angry. This dying man wanted to play tricks on me again when he saw me approaching.He asked me to get close to his ass to see if there was a tear there.I've already been fooled by him once, so I yell at him: "I don't want to watch it, you will make me eat bad farts." He chuckled, let out a limp fart, and walked slowly toward eternal death. The horror of jaundice and hepatitis was greatly exaggerated. When Liu Xiaoqing came to school wearing a black gauze, all the classmates shouted and avoided him.The kid who just lost his brother walked towards his classmates playing under a basketball hoop with a flattering smile on his face. The group of people fled to another hoop like bees. They cursed him at the same time, but he still flattered them. laugh.I was sitting on the stone steps outside the classroom, watching him standing alone under the empty ball rack, with his hands hanging down, looking at a loss. Then he came slowly towards me, and he stood near me, pretending to look away.After a while, he saw that I didn't go away, so he sat down beside me.Since the incident with the slogan, we haven't spoken again, and we haven't stayed so close together.The sudden loneliness brought him to me, and he finally spoke to me first, asking: "Why don't you run away?" "I'm not afraid." I replied. Then both of us were embarrassed, buried our heads in our knees and laughed.After all, we've been ignoring each other for a while. In two days, I experienced two sudden deaths in my childhood. The first was Liu Xiaoqing's brother, followed by Wang Liqiang, which caused my childhood to shake violently.I can't judge how much impact this has had on my future, but Wang Liqiang's death has indeed changed my destiny.I had just resumed my old friendship with Liu Xiaoqing, and before I had time to shake hands with National Day, Wang Liqiang was gone that night forever. He and the young woman were destined to end like this from the beginning. They lived in fear for two years and were caught that night. The wife of one of Wang Liqiang's colleagues was a loyal defender of morality in that era. According to her, she had suspected them long ago.The mother of two used her impeccable chastity to spy on other people's infidelity.When the woman's husband was on a business trip, Wang Liqiang shared an office with them. He brought the young woman here in the dark night, put the supplies on the desk on the floor, and started their bitter happiness with the desk instead of the bed. The woman who made the surprise attack quickly opened the door with her husband's key in hand, and turned on the light with equal speed.The lovers on the table were stunned. Amidst the attacker's loud reprimand, Wang Liqiang and his partner on the table knelt down at her feet, begging her in every possible way, without bothering to put on their pants.Wang Liqiang, who was so awe-inspiring and inviolable in my eyes, burst into tears at that time. How could this woman who had been under surveillance for so long and finally achieved results let them go so easily?She made it clear to them that it was useless to beg for mercy, saying: "It was hard for me to catch you." Then she went to the window and opened it, cooing like a hen who has just laid her eggs. Wang Liqiang knew that nothing could be changed, so he helped his lover put on his clothes, helped her to a chair and sat down.After his colleagues from the Armed Forces Department came up from downstairs, he saw the political commissar and said with shame on his face: "Political commissar, I made a life mistake." The political commissar asked several soldiers to guard Wang Liqiang and let the girl go home. Wang Liqiang's lover had been weeping for a long time, and she still covered her face with her hands when she stood up and walked out.At this moment, the beaming woman shouted at her viciously: "Put your hands down, why don't you blush when you sleep with a man." Wang Liqiang walked to her side slowly, waved his hand and slapped her across the face. I can't know more about the situation at that time. After the ecstatic woman was hit by Wang Liqiang suddenly, her madness can be imagined.When she opened her fingers and rushed towards Wang Liqiang, she tripped over a chair and fell to the ground.Her anger immediately turned into grievance, and she burst into tears.The political commissar asked Wang Liqiang to be taken away quickly, leaving a few people to persuade the woman who was sitting on the ground and refused to get up, and went back to sleep by herself. Wang Liqiang sat in a dark room until midnight, then stood up and told a soldier guarding him that he was going to the office to get something.The soldier, who was dazed from sleepiness, looked at his superior with some embarrassment.Wang Liqiang said he would be back soon, so he went out.The soldier did not follow, but stood by the door, watching Wang Liqiang walking towards the office building under the moonlight, his tall figure blending into the huge shadow of the office building. In fact, Wang Liqiang did not go to the office, but opened the weapons room in charge of him, took two grenades and went down the stairs.He stuck to the house, walked silently to the family building in the shadows, then walked up the stairs to the second floor, and stood in front of a window on the west.He had been to this room many times and knew where the woman was sleeping. He clasped the string with his little finger, smashed the glass hard, threw the grenade in, and ran to the stairs by himself.The grenade exploded at this moment, and the old building was shaken with a loud noise, and dust fluttered down on Wang Liqiang who ran out.He ran down to the wall and crouched in the shadow of the wall. At that time, there was chaos in the Armed Forces Department as if there was a war. He heard the political commissar who was woken up for the second time yelling at the soldier who failed his duty, and someone shouting for a stretcher.In Wang Liqiang's blurred eyes, this chaotic scene was like a mass of rolling locusts.Then he saw three stretchers being carried out of that building, and he heard someone say over there: "Still alive, still alive..." He was taken aback immediately.When the stretcher was loaded onto the car and drove out, he immediately climbed up the wall and climbed out, knowing that he should run to the hospital. In the early hours of that day, a man with a grenade and a murderous look on his face appeared in the hospital in the town.When Wang Liqiang walked into the inpatient department, the surgeon on duty was a bearded northerner. As soon as he saw Wang Liqiang, he knew that it was related to the three people who had just been sent in. He was frightened and ran around in the corridor, yelling at the same time: "The Armed Forces killed people." The bearded surgeon couldn't even speak clearly.It took about half an hour for him to calm down a little. At that time, he stood with a trembling nurse, watching Wang Liqiang carrying a grenade and searching the room next to him.The surgeon was suddenly brave, and he suggested to the nurse that they should jump up and hug him from behind together.This reminded the nurse. Seeing Wang Liqiang getting closer, the nurse begged the surgeon in horror: "Go and hug him." The surgeon thought for a moment and said: "Let's report to the leader first." Saying that he opened the window and jumped out, and fled. Wang Liqiang searched the rooms one by one, and the terrified screams around him made him upset.He came to the nurse's duty room, just opened the door, a force blocked the door, his left wrist was hit hard by the door, and then was caught there, the pain made him frown, he hit the door hard with his body Open, the four nurses inside cried and yelled at him, but the woman he was looking for was not there.He comforted them that he would not kill them.But they only knew how to cry and yell, and simply ignored what he was saying.Wang Liqiang shook his head helplessly and withdrew.Then he walked into the operating room, where the doctors and nurses had already fled.He saw two boys lying on two operating tables, and he recognized the woman's sons, bloody and dead.He looked at the two boys very disturbedly, not expecting that they were the last ones to die.He withdrew from the operating room, the deaths of the two boys making it impossible for him to look for the woman again.He walked slowly out of the hospital, stood at the door for a moment, thought for a moment that it was time to go home, and then said to himself: "never mind." After a while, he found himself surrounded, and leaning his body against a wooden pole, he heard the political commissar shouting to him: "Wang Liqiang, put down your weapon, or you will die." Wang Liqiang said to him: "Political commissar, when Lao Lin comes back, please tell him that I'm sorry, I didn't mean to kill his son." The political commissar could not care about these, he still shouted: "Put down your weapon, or you will die." Wang Liqiang replied bitterly: "Political Commissar, I'm at the end of my life." Wang Liqiang, who has lived with me for five years, loved me like a real father, and beat and scolded me, suddenly felt unbearable pain in his injured wrist when he was dying, so he took out a handkerchief from his pocket , carefully bandaged it up, only to realize it was meaningless after bandaging it up, he said to himself: "Why should I pack it?" He smiled wryly at his wrist, and fired the grenade.The wooden telephone pole behind him was also blown off, and the brightly lit hospital was suddenly dark. The woman that Wang Liqiang wanted to blow up to death was actually just a little bit of flesh and blood.On the afternoon of the day Wang Liqiang committed suicide, she was discharged from the hospital. This woman who was still in shock was crying when she was discharged from the hospital.It didn't take long for her to return to her old self-satisfied demeanor, and when she walked out of the hospital half a year later, she was a little arrogant. The examination by the obstetrician and gynecologist proved that she was pregnant again, and it was a twin.During those few days, she would say to everyone: "Two were killed, and I'll make two more." After Wang Liqiang's death, the disaster caused by this fell on Li Xiuying's head.This frail woman seemed nonchalant when she was under such tremendous pressure.When a former colleague of Wang Liqiang came to tell Li Xiuying on behalf of the Ministry of Armed Forces, Li Xiuying successfully withstood the first blow.She wasn't panicked at all, she looked at the visitor for a long time without saying a word, which made him panic. At this time, her shrill voice suddenly sounded: "Wang Liqiang was murdered by you." 把那人搞得措手不及，当他再度解释王立强是自杀时，李秀英挥了挥她的细胳膊，更为吓人地说： “你们，所有的人杀死王立强，其实是为了杀我。” 她离奇的思维使来者痛苦不堪地感到，无法与她进行正常的对话。可是有一个实际的问题又必须征询她的意见，他问她什么时候去领王立强的遗体。 李秀英半晌没有声音，然后才说： “我不要，他犯别的错误我要，犯了这种男女错误我就不要。” 这是她唯一一句像是正常人说的话。 那人走后，李秀英走到目瞪口呆的我面前，愤恨地对我说： “他们夺走了我的活人，想拿个死人来搪塞我。” 随后她微微仰起头，骄傲地说： “我拒绝了。” 这是怎样艰难的一天，又逢是星期天，我呆在家中，杂乱无章地经受着吃惊、害怕、忧伤各种情感的袭击。王立强的突然死去，在年幼的我那里，始终难以成为坚实的事实，而是以消息的状态，在我眼前可怕地飘来飘去。 整整一天，李秀英都呆在自己屋中，细心照料着自己的内衣内裤，在移动的阳光里移动着那些小凳子。可她经常发出一声令人毛骨悚然的喊叫，把我吓得浑身哆嗦。这是我记忆里李秀英唯一表达自己悲痛和绝望的方式。她突然而起的喊声是那样的锋利，犹如一块玻璃碎片在空中呼啸而去。 那个白昼对我来说，是极其恐怖的。我在李秀英肆无忌惮的喊叫里胆战心惊，后来我实在忍不住了，偷偷打开李秀英的房门，我看到她安静的背影正俯向自己的内衣，没一会她的身体就挺直起来，仰起脸又喊叫了： “啊棗” 李秀英第二天一早就回娘家去了。那时候天还没亮，我被一只摇晃的手弄醒，在刺眼的灯光里，我看到一个戴着大口罩，全身裹得严严实实的人正俯向我，我吓得哇地一声哭了起来。接着我听到李秀英的声音： “别哭，别哭，是我。” 李秀英对自己的装扮深表满意，她近乎得意地问我： “你认不出我吧。” 我来到孙荡五年后，李秀英第一次走出了家门。在冬天还没有来到的凌晨，李秀英穿着冬天的衣服走向轮船码头，我打着一把小凳子费力地跟在她的身后。 天亮前的街道空空荡荡，只有几个吃早茶的老头，大声咳嗽着走过去。虚弱的李秀英只能一口气走出一百来米，当她站住脚喘气时，我就立刻将小凳子放到她的屁股下面。我们在潮湿的晨风里走走停停，有几次我刚开口想说话时，她就“嘘”地一声制止了我，轻声告诉我： “一说话，别人就会发现我。” 她的神秘让我浑身紧张。 李秀英在人为的神秘里离开孙荡。当时对于我漫长的过程，现在回忆里却只是短短的几次闪亮。这个古怪的女人穿着雍肿的衣服通过检票口时，回过头来向我挥了挥手。后来我就扑在候船室破烂的窗口，看着她站在岸边不知所措，她要走过一块狭长的跳板才能抵达船上，那时候她就不顾是否会暴露自己，接连叫道： “谁把我扶过去。” 她进入船舱以后，就开始了我们也许是一生的分别，直到现在我都没再见到过她。我始终扑在窗口，等到船在远处的河流里消失，我才离开窗口，这时候我才发现一个要命的现实我怎么办？ 李秀英把我给忘记了，过多的悲伤使她除了自己以外，忘记了一切。十二岁的我，在黎明逐渐来到的时候，突然成了孤儿。 我身上分文没有，就是我的衣服和书包也被紧紧锁在那个已经不存在的家中，我没有钥匙。我唯一的财富就是李秀英遗留的那把小凳子。我把凳子重新扛到了肩上，然后哭泣着走出码头。 出于习惯，我回到了家门前，当我伸手推一下紧团的屋门后，我就把自己推入了更为伤心的境地。我在门旁坐下来，哭得伤心欲绝。后来我就在那里发呆，那时候我脑袋里一片空白，一直到背着书包准备上学的刘小青走过来时，我重新哭泣了。我对前天才恢复友情的刘小青说： “王立强死了，李秀英走了，我没人管了。” 戴着黑纱的刘小青热情地对我叫道： “到我家住吧，你就睡我哥哥的床。” 然后他就飞快地跑回家中，可过了一会他就垂头丧气地走回来。他擅自的决定不仅遭到父母的否决，而且还饱尝了一顿训斥。他尴尬地朝我笑一笑。我是那时候决定返回南门的，我要回到父母兄弟那里去。我这样告诉了刘小青，可是我没钱买船票。 刘小青眼睛一亮，叫道： “去向国庆借。” 我们在学校的操场上找到了国庆，刘小青叫他时，他说： “我不过来，你有肝炎。” 刘小青可怜巴巴地问他： “我们过来，好吗？” 国庆没再表示反对，我和刘小青走向了这位富翁。如果不是国庆的慷慨帮助，我不知道自己回到南门会有多么艰难。 我的两位童年的伙伴，将我送上了离开孙荡的轮船。我们向轮船码头走去时，国庆神气十足地对我说： “以后缺钱花，就给我来一封信。” 刘小青则是憨厚地替我扛着那把凳子，跟在我们后面。可我后来却遗忘了这把凳子，就像李秀英遗忘了我一样。轮船驶去以后，我看到国庆坐在那把凳子上，架着二郎腿向我挥手，刘小青站在一旁正向他说什么。他们置身其上的堤岸迅速地消失了。 我在深秋的傍晚踏上家乡的土地，离家五年之后重新回来时，我只能用外乡人的口音向人打听南门在什么地方。我在那条狭长的街道走去时，一个比我小得多的孩子扑在楼上的窗口，一声声叫我： “小孩，小孩。” 我听到的是完全陌生的方言。幸亏我还记得南门，和我父母兄弟的名字，还有我的祖父。六岁时残留下来的记忆，使我可以一路打听着走去。我就是在那时候遇到了我的祖父孙有元，这个背着包袱，怀抱油布雨伞的老人，在我叔叔家住满一个月以后，正准备回到南门，风烛残年的祖父在那条他应该是最熟悉的路上迷路了。我们是都忘记了对方的模样以后，在路上相遇。 那时候我已经走出县城，来到了乡间，一个三岔路口让我无从选择。我当时被落日的景色迷住了，所以我没有立刻焦急起来，那是让我的童年震惊的景色，我看到翻滚的乌云和通红的晚霞正逐渐融为一体，一轮红日已经贴在了远处的地平线上，开始它光芒四射的下沉。我站在落日的余辉之中，对着太阳喊叫： “快沉下去，快沉下去。” 一团巨大的乌云正向落日移去，我不愿意看到落日被它吞没。 落日如我所愿地沉没以后，我才看到了祖父孙有元，他就站在我的身后，和我贴得那么近。这个年迈的老人用一种恳求的眼神望着我，我就问他： “到南门怎么走？” 他摇摇头，嗡嗡地告诉我： "I forgot." 他忘记了？孙有元的回答让我觉得有趣，我对他说： “不知道就是不知道，为什么要说忘记呢。” 他谦卑地向我笑了笑。那时候天色开始黑下来了，我赶紧选择一条路匆匆走去，走了一阵我发现后面那个老头正跟着我，我也不管他，继续走了一会，我看到稻田里有一个扎头巾的女人，就问她： “前面是南门吗？” “走错啦。”那个女人挺起腰来说，“应该走那条路。” 那时天色马上就要黑了，我立刻转回去，老人也转过身来往回走，他对我的紧跟引起了我的注意，我立刻撒腿跑开了，跑了一会回头一看，他正趄趄趔趔地急步追来。这使我很生气，我等他走近了，就对他说： “喂，你别跟着我，你往那边走。” 说完我转身就走，我走回到三岔路口时，天已经完全黑了，我听到了打雷的声音，那时一点月光都没有。我摸上了另一条路，急步走了一阵，发现那老人还跟着我，我转回身向他喊叫： “你别跟着，我家很穷的，养不起你。” 这时候雨点下来了，我赶紧往前奔跑过去。我看到了远处突然升起一片火光，越来越大的雨点与那片火纠缠起来，燃烧的火不仅没有熄灭，反而逐渐增大。就如不可阻挡的呼喊，在雨中脱颖而出，熊熊燃烧。 借着火光，我看到了那座通往南门的木桥，过去残留的记忆让我欣喜地感到，我已经回到了南门。我在雨中奔跑过去，一股热浪向我席卷而来，杂乱的人声也扑了过来。我接近村庄的时候，那片火光已经铺在地上燃烧，雨开始小下来。 我是在叫叫嚷嚷的声音里，走进了南门的村庄。 我的两个兄弟裹着床单惊恐不安地站在那里，我不知道他们就是孙光平和孙光明。同样我也不知道那个跪在地上嚎啕大哭的女人就是我的母亲。他们旁边是一些与火争抢出来的物件，乱糟糟地堆在那里。接下去我看到了一个赤裸着上身的男人，秋夜的凉风吹在他瘦骨伶仃的胸前，他声音嘶哑地告诉周围的人，有多少东西已经葬身火海。我看到他眼睛里滚出了泪水，他向他们凄凉地笑了起来，说道： “你们都看到大火了吧，壮观是真壮观，只是代价太大了。” 我那时不知道他就是我的父亲，但他吸引了我，我就走到他身边，响亮地说：“我要找孙广才。”