Chapter 7 seven

After leaving the short man's house, I walked in the alley against the wall, and my mood gradually became depressed.It was noon at that time, and the sun filled every alley like a tank filled with water, rippling and dazzling, and everywhere was a halo.I went to the street, but I kept turning in circles in the alleys, and another alley opened up in front of me, just like walking on the rotating earth, going round and round, endlessly.I can even clearly hear the hustle and bustle of people on the street a short distance away, the sound of trams running, and the voice of the conductor using the broadcaster, but I just can't go out, and I always run into a block of green brick walls. and alley intersections.There was no one in the alley, I walked in a trance, the sun shining on my face made me unable to open my eyes.At this time, I saw a roll of feces spiraling upwards on the wet soil at the foot of the wall by the roadside, steaming upwards, with an indescribably sharp point... A middle school student was walking towards me with his head bowed and a heavy schoolbag on his back.A middle school appeared ahead, and the playground was empty, with no female students walking silently with their heads down.A middle school appeared in front, the playground was empty, and a basketball with a net was placed under the basket; every glass window on the upper floor of the gray brick classroom was broken, and the black holes in the glass were in various forms... The T-junction ahead A group of snack bars, vegetable shops and barbershops appeared. Some familiar old ladies were shopping for vegetables. They nodded at me when they saw me. I found that I had walked into a familiar alley.Everything here is the same as it was ten years ago.My feet lightened up, and I vaguely felt that I knew what was ahead.Sure enough, in the mid-air ahead, a winged Iron Man with one claw grasping the stone-carved floor appeared, standing on a majestic stone arch.Over the ridges of low houses, one can see the numerous pavilions of the huge courtyard in the arch, the shaded rockery, pavilions and rows of dense tree crowns.This compound was the official residence of a leading figure in the Beiyang government in the early years of the Republic of China, and it was occupied by intelligence agencies in various periods. It was not until the military intelligence agencies moved out during the "Cultural Revolution" that it became the dormitory of another military unit; The palace was divided into small rooms, where families of dismissed military officers lived.As I walked, I became more and more aware of the scenery in this area. Ten years ago, I often came here and gathered here with Gao Jin, Xu Xun, Wang Ruohai and many other men and women.However, I have the impression that this courtyard has been demolished in the wave of construction and urban construction across the country ten years ago. On the original site of Ping, the army built a series of uniform apartment buildings.I walked into the stone arch where Tie He volleyed, but the warriors at the gate didn't stop me.I pass through the majestic triple gate, and walk in along the vermilion peeling verandah; I step across a large garden, bathed in dim sunlight; , the fallen flowers are scattered under the trees; behind the green cypress bushes in the garden, a pear tree and a peach branch are flourishing, and the pink and white hanging down are intertwined, and it is gorgeous under the blue sky.I walked into a dark alley on the side of the hall, and in the alley I smelled the smell of the toilet in my memory.The eyes were bright, and I came to a two-story building in the well courtyard, which was a mixture of Western and Chinese classical styles with cement columns. There were people living in each tall room, and children ran on the corridor. , all kinds of clothes were hanging on the rope between the pillars, I hesitated, because my impression of this scene and another scene overlapped too much, I didn't know where I was for a while, it was like walking into a foreign land.

This patio yard spans yards, and there are doors in all directions. When you open each door, you will enter another patio yard. Each yard is exactly the same as each yard, but the patio is getting smaller and smaller, and finally the blue sky above your head is only a handkerchief. Big and small, looking at it, one feels like being in a deep well. The yard is covered with blue bricks, covered with green moss, and the doors and windows of the surrounding houses are tightly closed, and there is no sound.I have been to this place before, Shi Bian walked to the door of the West Wing and thought, not only have I been here, but I have also repeated this place again and again in my dreams. I can say that I have come back often these years.I knew it would be a pale man who would open the door for me, and would immediately see a room full of smoke billowing in the pale daylight; it was a suite with thick hollow floors.As many beds as possible are placed in the room, piled up with a large number of dirty wine bottles; on the only table, there are crumpled empty cigarette boxes of various brands , the ashtray would be an old fishbowl full of saw marks.I even remembered what I did every time I came back from my dream, what kind of pale man I always played poker with, it was the kind of money-winning game I often played with Fatty Wu and Liu Huiyuan.

I knocked on the west wing door, and was about to knock again when the door opened silently, and a pale man looked at me.Facing the billowing smoke that filled the room, I walked into the room with daylight lights, and the floor creaked under my feet.I sat down in front of those three pale men, they looked at me with glazed eyes, they were my acquaintances and friends, but I just couldn't pronounce their names, every time the words came to my mouth, I felt suddenly deaf Nothing can be heard. "Let's play cards." A pale man said, his voice seemed to come from far away in the tunnel.Another pale-faced man took out a brand new deck of poker and quickly shuffled it, then put it on the table and we moved it one by one. I moved a club 10, which was full, so I drew the cards first.

We played cards attentively. I bid very cautiously, holding half of my hand and going straight. Every time I bid, I was strict, but the seemingly stable cards always fell short. It is not the key card that makes mistakes and plays "Heavenly Break" Q .I remember that I touched a few very beautiful no-trump hands. The four-door interceptor and the long suit lacked the K. Instead, I sat on the two-handed one-door and pierced the finished card. It took a lot of AK to squeeze the cubs to the end Didn't make it down and hit the German car back and forth to change the door and was robbed.I'm obsessed with these broken hands, constantly deducing the correct play in my head, but once I have a card, I can't help but make mistakes-I always know the correct play after the fact.

I remember that while we were playing poker, there was a man and a woman talking in a low voice in the suite, and the words were vague, but the chirping sound never stopped, like a buzzing in the silence, weak but uninterrupted to disturb the attention It made me unable to calm down and concentrate, so that when I recalled the scene at that time, I always had the impression that the room was very noisy.I remember for a while during the poker game I was standing next to a woman watching the poker play.This is a very elegant and dignified woman. In hindsight, she is the woman I have sketched on my face countless times in my mind.I can't remember whether she came out of the back room or not.The whispers in the back room also continued when I stood next to me.We all seem to know her very well, and we talked and laughed with her while playing cards, and she was also smiling, with her lips moving constantly, but I almost forgot what she said.During the whole thing, I only remember one sentence, and I don't know who said it.

"I seem to have seen you somewhere." It was a clear noon when I entered this small courtyard, and the sky was blue the size of a handkerchief, but it was already dark when I came out.I didn't seem to be in that room very long, I only played a few rounds of cards.Talked for a while.I walked through a series of courtyards along the dark lanes, rows of houses with closed doors and windows, and noisy whispers came from the darkness from time to time.I feel that this place is very strange, I have never walked such a winding, dark road, I even feel that the pale men in the dimly lit room and the few games of poker just now do not exist, just like the road Akatsuki's woman does not exist.When I came to the bright Dashijing courtyard, this strange feeling gradually disappeared, and I still couldn't get rid of the familiarity brought by this courtyard.

As twilight fell, a few soldiers played the movie screen in the courtyard. Two rows of benches and bamboo chairs of various styles had been placed in the empty space. Some girls were eating melon seeds and chatting beside the pillars; Men, women, young and old laughed or said that as soon as they entered the aisle, they turned into black shadows walking quietly, and then reappeared after leaving the aisle for a while... I remembered that I had indeed been to this courtyard.It was summer, and movies were also being played in the courtyard, Twilight Courtyard, the time in summer was obviously later.The movie is a black-and-white war film. On the screen, our army officers and soldiers wear summer military uniforms without collar badges and wear "five zeros"

Type submachine gun, obviously it is a film about the War to Resist US Aggression and Aid Korea.We stood at the gate of the courtyard and smoked while talking. The small wooden building behind the screen was outlined by the white light transmitted by the screen. The dialogue of the characters on the screen echoed in the courtyard, and the deafening "rolling" of tank tracks sounded. "Voice.The guns are firing, the arrows are firing, and the crowd is shouting.Standing out above all this is a majestic symphony... People around have the taste of alcohol in their mouths.We just came back from a full meal, where did we eat?My stomach ached, filled with irritating liquids and large amounts of indigestible meat, the symptoms that can only be caused by drinking too much wine and eating fried meat.The upwelling taste I felt was a sweet fermented smell, yes I just had western food.At that time, there were only two western restaurants open for meals in Beijing, and one was near the zoo, which was far away. If I ate there, I would have come back later... I know where I ate.She is standing beside me, I can't see her clearly but I can smell the "Violet" perfume on her body, no wonder I have an inexplicable impulse when I smell the "Violet" perfume now.I was standing in the dark, aroused, which also proved that she was indeed beside me. I felt it, and the scent of "Violet" teased me like the musky scent of a female beast teased the male beast.After that, it was blank until I went to bed. I drank alcohol and was in a trance.What I can think of again is already the middle of the night, the sound of the movie has long been silent, there is heavy rain falling outside the window, lightning sometimes illuminates the room completely, next to me is a body like an white sheep, the rain is silent, someone opens the door and enters , Going out again, the floor creaked and creaked.Oh, I have an impression that her body is as majestic as a horse, it must be the image left by her in a certain position.

Who were those wine-smelling people who were standing with me at the gate of Kuayuan?I couldn't recognize the blurred faces, couldn't sort out the relationship between the chaotic human figures in various poses in the chaotic scene, and couldn't restore my own voice in the intertwined and buzzing words.I seemed to be looking across a loud blank to a dance hall with dimly lit crowds shaking. Even though there were all acquaintances there, all I could see were the backs of strangers. After so many years, the signboard of this restaurant has changed but the negative view remains the same. It is still a long and narrow strip in the square gray brick building, like the corridor of a theater.

The restaurant opened a magnificent side door on another road, and the old-fashioned revolving door in the past was deserted, piled up with boxes full of empty beer bottles and empty Coke bottles, and a row of cars parked under the shadowy trees The windshield is full of dust, the steel is dirty, and various symbols and simple and powerful swear words have been drawn with fingers. I stood across the bustling street and looked at the bright windows where people were eating, drinking and chatting next to the old restaurant, and the faint sound of music came out.I know this is not the high-end restaurant it was back then.The Japanese transformed it into a simple and stylish Western-style fast food restaurant that is easier to make money quickly. There is a long charred vegetable counter in the store, surrounded by shiny stainless steel railings. Line up at the entrance of the station and at the registration office of the hospital.There is no possibility of revisiting old dreams. Just a few days ago, I went to the maze and sat for a long time without any feeling, like cigarettes arranged in a cigarette case.

I sat in the crowd drinking indifferently.Surrounded by dense heads of people, bearded European tourists, students wearing glasses, and girls with smooth cheeks overlap each other.I drink, I am tired, my eyes are full, I open my eyes and daydream, and there are whispers in my ears.I watched a guy with shaved hair, glasses and a knit sweater go to the counter to get food Let's go together." I got up and walked with him, walked through the middle hall without hindrance and entered another hall, where all my acquaintances sat, and Yijiu Kaicun laughed and ate as if he was holding a doujin meeting.I saw Gao Jin, Xu Xun, Wang Ruohai, Qiao Qiao, and Xia Hong; I saw Wu Fatty, Liu Huiyuan, and Fat Girl; I saw the three policemen who came to me, Zhang Li, and Jin Yan, who were irrelevant newcomers He also sat in the crowd with a happy face. I also saw Gao Yang, Zhuo Zhuo sitting at the same table as the stranger in the checkered shirt. I wondered why I didn't notice these people in this hall when I first came in.I think some things can be clarified face to face.But when I walked to their table, there was no sound in my mouth. They just laughed and said nothing when they looked at me.I turned around anxiously, with all kinds of pleading faces on my face, but no one paid any attention to me, Zhang Du waved to me, and I walked towards her, but I couldn't help but sat on another table, next to that An acquaintance with shaved hair and glasses.He poured me wine, the foam was higher than the wine glass and he still didn't hold it, the wine flowed down the glass and overflowed to the table and dripped on my lap, which was cold for a while.He asked me why my girlfriend didn't come with me, and I replied confusedly that a relative had come to her family for something.Then I woke up and said who was it?Who else would he say besides Liu Yan?He then asked me rather strangely, did I just come back from Yunnan and pretend to see the Stone Forest but actually ran out to fool around.Did I go to Yunnan with her?I quickly asked you have evidence?Why are you pretending to be stupid?He said it's just like Liu Yan, it's not that you're like me, you don't know better than me.Liu Yan, I chanted this person's name and tried my best to remember that you were also called Liu Yan.Are you drunk?The man asked me if I was awake from the dream, and I said I hadn't seen her for ten years, and I had forgotten what she was like.The man smiled, his face was remembering, but he couldn't elaborate on his body, it was pretty good, don't worry, you won't be wronged.To elaborate, I said that I want to know the details, I am looking for her, and there is nothing I can do if I don't figure it out, and she can't explain me in detail.The man said, but I may have a photo of her at home.I can find it for you.Go now, go now, I said to come back to eat.The house was in a small alley, and we walked around in the dark for a long time, and finally came to the courtyard again.I've been to this place, I said.I was fascinated by the ruins of the courtyard. The whole place was full of bricks and rubble, and the rockery garden and pavilions were gone, but the broken ridges and walls still showed the pattern of the past courtyard.The hut is isolated, revealing a pale light.We walked in, and the pale man and the woman were gone.The man found a cloth-covered photo album from the bookshelf and flipped through the pages, all of which were yellowed black and white photos.A group photo of men and women of all ages and appearances in various scenes.I see me many times, pouting and wearing a red scarf, rowing in a sailor suit, and smoking with long hair. The people around me kept changing, first my parents, then Gao Yang, Xu Xun, then Fatty Wu and Liu Huiyuan.There are also a lot of forgotten people and people who met by chance.Gao Yang and Joyoung are the ones who take the most photos with me here. They are in photos of almost every period, from having a bald head and small breasts in the early days to wearing military uniforms and plain clothes and smiling subtly in front of places of interest in various places as adults.They almost grew taller and stronger with me, and even their eyes changed from pure and innocent to full of doubts. Then, Zhuoyue disappeared and never appeared again, and then Gao Yang, he disappeared from the row of people s face.More and more I took pictures alone, my face was getting older, and my smile was getting more and more awkward. In the last few photos, I completely lowered my head, and the camera moved away, and I took some empty photos of rocks, broken walls, dead trees and fallen trees. The dark sea of ​​temples, the weedy hills.In these miscellaneous photos, there are some women who are in groups or alone, and the smiles are static or charming. Most of them have clear backs and distinguishable scenery.The only one looks like a woman standing shadowy in a cloudy room, with nothing behind her and her face blurred, and you can only see her facial features when you look closely: her eyes and mouth are slightly open as if trying to say something, and there is a brighter part in the lower part of the photo that is The person being photographed puts hands on each other.I knew it was her, even though the photo was terrible and it was hard to tell.I remember taking the photo down and putting it in my pocket and going back to the restaurant.The restaurant was very hot and brightly lit and still crowded with people.My palms were sweating, Gao Jin and Fatty Wu were still eating and drinking calmly, and the faces of acquaintances were shaking. I looked at them carefully, as if pushing them forward with a telephoto lens, and I found that I I don’t know them, but as the facial features become clear and the pores expand, I feel that the familiar features on each face are fading and disappearing, turning into strange faces with different noses, eyes and mouths. Overlapping.An elegant woman next to me was looking at me, as if I had placed that frame of photo beside me.I don't know whether I entered the photo or she came out of the photo, the surroundings became dark, the indoor scene became indistinct, and it was rainy and cloudy outside the window.We sat lazily opposite each other, her hands under the table looked bright and clean, her untied black hair cascaded down her shoulders, her eyes were slightly open. I seem to strike up a conversation with her for a long time and she remains silent.Don't be so snobby, I told her.I always complain about the lack of opportunity: once the opportunity comes, I don’t know how to be afraid; you have to know who it is, and you won’t be like this.I confessed to her that my heart is an ordinary person. Although I am not reserved when I report my family, and I am suspected of serving famous dishes on the table by myself, but it is rare to meet a bosom friend above the flowing water.I said that I don't agree with the classification of people, why can't celebrities take the initiative to hang the shoulders of the common people?I don't feel like I'm missing anything.She laughed and finally couldn't hold back her smile... Probably this is where the chaos started. I told her that I am a writer and have written,.Don't be silly, she said, I've heard you perform this set once, and it's "not new" in your house.She let me take a good look at her, we've seen you blast me from your house.I was stunned for a long time, and I recognized the other party as Li Jiangyun, the woman who sent the couple to live in my house that day.I wanted to be stopped by her, "Don't be shy, don't pretend to be the first one to do this kind of thing, it doesn't impress people, I know you are an old hand." I forced a smile and looked around, blushing and said: "People There is always a pure side." The back is a little empty, I don't know how to transition.I seem to have sat with Li Jiangyun for a long time, mainly to listen to her ridicule.She said a lot of hidden opportunities, and I wanted to write down the last sentence but didn't remember it.I always seemed to have a more sober intention to walk away and go back to the scene where Li Jiangyun appeared, but I never moved and said that I was still sitting opposite Li Jiangyun.I remember some fragments of what I said myself: "I will greet their leaders and guards...", "When people are not on duty, the subordinates will be much more negligent..." This seems to be what we said later when we were waiting for the subway.But I vaguely remember that I said it while sitting in the restaurant. It seems that we have foreseen that we will have to wait for a long time at the subway station. There are also some words that I don’t know the meaning of. I said it in classical Chinese: " The night is full of deep fog, full of long clouds...Xiang Xing is full of anxious hopes...still abandoned by the poor land...Ning Fu's compassionate heart...." There are also some French nonsense that I don't know How can I say this, this kind of knowledge has always been beyond my reach.I thought I was in a dream, but the surrounding scenery and characters were so real and lifelike that I couldn’t believe I was in a dream. We took the subway home, but I saw the long street clearly The flashing street lights and the dark bushes. Naturally, I went to her hut with Li Jiangyun, ghostly through the dark corridor and flashed into the hanging red flower curtain. On the one hand, I felt that the room was dark and a moist mouth was exhaling hot air on my face. On the one hand, I saw Li Jiangyun's serene face under the lamp wearing a dark red sweater that wraps tightly around his body.She slowly descended from the air like slipping down a slide, and I looked up at her like being wrapped in a warm and soft swaddle. The comfort was like ripples spreading around my body, and the essence of my body was swept away. When it is touched and activated, it is like a ray of waves rushing from far away from the sky, becoming clearer and more powerful.At this time, I was awake, as vigilant as a child with a bed-wetting habit, but my thoughts wandered, I couldn’t control it, and finally let it go—I was holding a lot of thick, firm and trembling flesh in my palm, and the feeling was so real and undeniable.I stayed in the critical state for a long time, tenacious and futile like a cannonball bound to ignite. Fireworks burst and splashed out in the night sky with scorching energy, and the night sky was shaking.I am like a thin and fragile glass tube that is red hot and melts at high temperature—I regret it, and I have no thoughts...