Chapter 29 evening

I know I'm all crazy at one level, and I can only show the parts that aren't crazy.As long as you leave me for a minute, my madness will start, and it will make me run around, looking at every street, every window, every tree.It's been like this twice already, and you're only out for a while.I'm not alone now, I don't have a sane thing, I just have a thin shell, a smile, a few words, talking to people, it's like sitting at a ticket window, the rest of me has gone mad. I looked straight at my island, and it seemed that the trees on the island had lost their leaves and were growing black powder.It was like this in my dream, those black powders piled up on the ground, people with big tongues and big white eyes walked there.Their feet are round, and they trampled my home down little by little.

The two times I left Yinger, both were crazy, and both were 10,000 kilometers.You could have died the first time, but you could have lived the second time. If there is anything I regret in this life, it is this.I have no regrets, but if someone asks, I will say this: I regret this.I left my island, my home, my home.I should have died there; I should have believed in nothing, wanted nothing, moved like a mad tree in all winds.It stands there unless broken.It can't float around in the sea, in the mud.Ray, you know what, it was like a sharp shovel shoveled in my heart.What I have been trying to do for so many years, the impossible thing, I did it, but it is gone.

I became something worse than death, a normal lunatic.Let me die three times on the island. It shouldn't be so difficult for me to live like this.Every day and every night, poison is used to prevent decay. I am a dead man who cannot rest, and I still have to do the work of the living and live like the living, because the shovel has shoveled deep.Not only did it destroy my life, but it destroyed the deepest root of my being, my dreams. I must let this wound heal, not the wound of my life, but the other, the wound of my death.What a difficult thing this is.thunder.When I want to regret, I will cry, but I know that it is useless.It didn't help at all.

It was the first time I actually did such a useless thing.My blood is cold and stimulates my nerves. I wish it would be cold and not warm and rotten.Because I'm already crazy, a dead person can't be corrupted, just like a dead tree can't be turned into firewood, some soft and disgusting moths, gnaw on it.There is nothing worse than corruption, so the thing I pray for is fire. "People who are about to die are hungry. He looks at those who are still alive. Their faces wrinkle as soon as the rope is pulled. They don't know him, and he doesn't know them anymore. He can't understand what he is saying." , and say hello, he can still read a few words, so he can say hello to them, and he will smile when the children pick up the ball for him

one They live very attentively. Living is not so much an instinct as an interest.Ray, it is.If you have no interest in living, you should die. I walked slowly in the afternoon wind, looked at the people on the street, and changed into summer clothes.Those old people, old people and new people; I look at the children, they also look at my hat, they still know a little bit, smile at me, I continue to maintain my bewildered appearance.This started from a very young age, and it was shown again in front of these foreign children, but they knew it.What I think, no one knows. I don't know how many days I have left, but this evening lights up sad lights like wine, one by one pig iron lampposts.Sometimes I really feel that there should be the sound of the piano, and it should be played in the evening, so that the wind can blow like that, and the heart can make a sound.