Chapter 17 Section 17

When they got married, my aunt discussed with Ye Lingfeng that they would no longer have children, at least not for the time being. My aunt lost her children time and time again. She gave birth to them like cutting her own body, but she couldn't keep them.Every time the labor pain came, she would resist subconsciously. Every time the umbilical cord was cut by knife and scissors, she would feel a sense of fear, a kind of heart palpitation from the depths of her heart. Lifting herself up, to see if her children were with her, to see if they disappeared from her immediately after the sound of the knives and scissors.Auntie is like a fruit tree that controls her heart but cannot control her body. She thinks that children are like the fruits on the tree. After the stalks fall, they quickly disappear and leave far away. She, let her never be found again.She wondered over and over, why is this happening?Why let her lose them, the lost children, after the unknowable conception, the long October pregnancy, the painful and determined delivery?Why can't they stay by her side and make her their forever mother?She was frightened by this kind of thing, and she didn't experience it anymore.If you can't keep the fruit on the tree, then just make a tree that doesn't bear fruit. This is my aunt's idea.

Ye Lingfeng was very considerate of his aunt, and as soon as his aunt raised the idea of ​​not wanting a child with him, he agreed.Ye Lingfeng said, we all have careers, and we should do them well and be an impressive person. If you don't mention this, I don't plan to have children for a while. My aunt was very grateful to Ye Lingfeng. She looked at Ye Lingfeng with tears in her eyes and said with a choked voice, "Lingfeng, you treat me so well, you are the best man in the world." Not long after we got married, once my aunt came to see Ye Lingfeng from her work place in the village where Ye Lingfeng was beautiful. After dinner, the two of them were holding cattail fans and chatting under the melon stand in the yard. Ye Lingfeng suddenly Said, May, I was wondering if we were going to have a baby.

My aunt was unprepared for a while, she was taken aback, stopped the cattail fan in her hand, and said, didn't we agree, don't we want children? Ye Lingfeng said, yes, you really don't want it? My aunt looked at Ye Lingfeng's appearance and saw that he was serious and not joking, so she moved the futon forward, sat close to Ye Lingfeng, took his hand, and said to him from the bottom of her heart, Ling Feng, you should understand me. My children have left me one by one. I really feel pain in my heart. I am very scared. I am afraid that after our children are born, there will be some bad fate.

Ye Lingfeng also stopped the fan in his hand. He took his hand out of his aunt's hand, stared into her eyes, and said, do you believe me?Do you think I will be irresponsible to you like those men before? My aunt shook her head and said, no, Lingfeng, you are different from them, you know how to love, I know you really love me. Ye Lingfeng said, then why are you worried? My aunt shook her head gently again, and said, I'm not worried, I was tortured by this kind of thing, and I don't want to go through this kind of thing again. Ye Lingfeng was a little unhappy, and said, after all, you still don't trust me.

My aunt raised her head, and her beautiful face had a very moving silver light under the moonlight.The aunt said in a begging tone, Lingfeng, can we not talk about this matter? Ye Lingfeng looked at his aunt's upturned face.His face was against the moonlight, so he couldn't see clearly in the dark.After a while, Ye Lingfeng said sullenly, that's all right. After that, Ye Lingfeng's mood was not high. When my aunt went to him, he talked much less, his face was blank, and he looked a little distracted.After dinner, he always stays in the house, writing his things, or reading books. My aunt took a futon and waited for him in the yard, but he didn't go out. When my aunt came into the house and called him, he said, you are outside by yourself. Sit down, I have some things to tidy up, so I won't accompany you.He stopped reading poems to his aunt, and he stopped telling her the stories he had collected.There is always an element of melancholy in his eyes. Sometimes he leans on the threshold and looks at the landlord's child, staring blankly for a long time.

That day my aunt came to Ye Lingfeng's village again, and at night, after washing and tidying up and going to bed, my aunt asked Ye Lingfeng, if people look at her with eyes closed these days, is there something on her mind? Ye Lingfeng took off his clothes and said flatly, I'm fine, what can I do? My aunt looked at Ye Lingfeng's face under the lamp. There was a black cloud floating on Ye Lingfeng's face, and the cloud did not disperse. My aunt knew that Ye Lingfeng's words were not true, and he really had thoughts , is unhappy.Thinking about it again, the two are simply in love with each other, have never had any quarrels, and can't find any reason to be unhappy. If there is any problem, it can't be anything else, it must be the child's problem.

Auntie sat on the bed with her clothes on, waiting for Ye Lingfeng to come to bed and talk.Ye Lingfeng took off his clothes, got on the bed, blew out the oil lamp without speaking, got into the bed, turned his face outside, and remained motionless. After sitting for a while, my aunt also took off the clothes on her shoulders, got into the bed, and opened her eyes to see the moonlight moving little by little outside the window lattice.After watching for a while, I couldn't help the emptiness, and said, Lingfeng? Ye Lingfeng remained silent in the darkness. Auntie retreated from her quilt, lifted Ye Lingfeng's quilt, got in, stretched out her arm, wrapped around his waist from behind, buried her head, and rested her chin on his shoulder.

Ye Lingfeng didn't move, and after a while, he said, it's getting late, you have to go back tomorrow morning, go to sleep. Auntie's face was pressed against Ye Lingfeng's back, she could feel Ye Lingfeng's tranquility, she could feel the coldness of his skin inch by inch like fish scales, she knew that he would not have any desire at this moment.After a while, she let go of her arms, retreated from his quilt, returned to her own quilt, tucked it up, opened her eyes and looked outside the window lattice, watching the moon in the clouds move westward little by little, and then Gradually dimmed.

The next morning, my aunt woke up very early, and when Ye Lingfeng got up, she had packed up and was ready to go back to work. Ye Lingfeng put clothes on his body and complained, "Look at you, why didn't you call me?"It's not too late, is it? My aunt walked over, sat by the bed, stopped him, and said, I'll go back by myself today, so don't send him off, and sleep a little longer.Then she looked at Ye Lingfeng and said, Lingfeng, tell me, do you really want a child? Ye Lingfeng stopped, with one arm in his sleeve and the other exposed, and glanced at his aunt.He saw her pair of bright eyes, looking at him with such clarity as water.He looked away and honestly said yes.

The aunt nodded and said quietly, well, then we will. My aunt decided to give Ye Lingfeng a child.But my aunt's decision cannot be implemented by her alone. She cannot give birth to a child by herself. This kind of thing depends on Ye Lingfeng, or mainly depends on Ye Lingfeng.My aunt has made all the preparations, she is like a graceful grass under the blue sky, she exposes herself to the wind, naked, waiting for Ye Lingfeng to cultivate. But Ye Lingfeng didn't let his aunt conceive a child. They tried many times, but my aunt never got pregnant. Ye Lingfeng felt incredible.He couldn't figure out why this happened.Once, Ye Lingfeng couldn't help it, and said to his aunt, how is this possible?What happened?

Ye Lingfeng stood there, looked at his aunt's stomach, then at his hands, turned around as if looking for something, suddenly stood there, as if his memory had been lost, then turned around and looked at Auntie, ask, you will have no problem, will you? My aunt giggled and covered her mouth with a smile, and said, what problem can I have?I have had three children, and I can have three hundred more. Ye Lingfeng didn't want to cooperate with his aunt at all, and didn't smile at all. He frowned tightly and said, why can't you give birth now? My aunt also felt that this was wrong, there must be something wrong with her and Ye Lingfeng, otherwise she would not have worked so hard and still not be able to conceive a child.Ye Lingfeng pouted his head, smoked fiercely, and said, I really don't understand, you can make other people's seeds grow, you can make other people's seedlings grow one after another, how can you make my seeds grow? Just let them have no news? Auntie's face turned pale.She put down the clothes in her hand, stared at the thin thread behind the nose of the needle, paused for a while, and said, I don't know why, and I am also very anxious. Ye Lingfeng said coldly, what's the use of being anxious?If you are really in a hurry, you can let me see hope, and you can conceive my child. My aunt said in a trembling voice, Lingfeng, I didn't do it on purpose.I worked hard.I did everything.You know that. Ye Lingfeng became a little irritable, and said, you said I know, you said you did everything, but you just couldn't conceive my child, is this the truth, I didn't make it up, what did you say about it? think? My aunt said, you can't push the matter to me alone. Ye Lingfeng said, then who do I blame? My aunt was suddenly angry.She broke the thread, dropped the clothes in her hand, stood up and said loudly, Lingfeng, what do you mean?You mean that I deliberately did not conceive your child? Ye Lingfeng glanced at his aunt, threw the cigarette butt away, and said, you said this yourself, I didn't force you to admit it, why are you in such a hurry.In addition, don't yell loudly, what is the use of yelling loudly, I don't want to quarrel with anyone, I never quarrel with anyone. After Ye Lingfeng finished speaking, he got up, put on a dress, went out with his notebook, and left his aunt there alone, crying.