Chapter 19 Chapter 19 What Ushikawa Can Do That Ordinary People Can't

On a windless and calm Saturday morning, Ushikawa woke up before six as usual and washed his face with cold water.He brushed his teeth while listening to NHK broadcast news, and shaved his beard with an electric shaver.I made cup noodles with boiling water in a pot, and drank instant coffee after eating.Scoop up your sleeping bag and sit down in front of the camera by the window.The eastern sky was still bright.Seems like a warm day. The faces of people who go to work in the morning are now all engraved in their brains.There is no need to take pictures one by one.On the road in front of the apartment, the noise of children going to school in groups reached Ushikawa's ears.The children's voices reminded Ushikawa of when his daughter was very young.Ushikawa's daughters had a very happy life in elementary school.Learn piano and ballet, and have many friends.In the end, Ushikawa couldn't accept that he had such an ordinary child.Why would I be the father of those children?

After the working hours were over, hardly anyone entered or exited the apartment.The children's noisy voices disappeared.Ushikawa put down the shutter remote control in his hand, leaned against the wall and smoked Qixing, and stared at the entrance through the gap in the curtain.As usual, after ten o'clock, the postman came on a small red bicycle and delivered the letters to the mailboxes in the entrance.From Ushikawa's point of view, almost half of them are spam.All can be thrown away without opening.The sun was almost in the sky, and the temperature rose rapidly. Most people walking on the road took off their coats.

Fuka-Eri appeared at the entrance of the apartment after eleven o'clock.She was wearing the same black turtleneck as the day before, a gray jacket over jeans and sneakers, and dark sunglasses.A large green satchel was slung over his shoulders with tuused sleeves.There seemed to be a lot of sundries in the bag, which bulged crookedly.Ushikawa moved away from the wall he was leaning against, and went to the camera on the tripod, peering through the lens. This girl was going to leave here, Ushikawa understood.All the luggage was packed in the bag, and I planned to move to another place.Never going back here again.That's the breath.She decided to leave here, maybe because she noticed that I was hiding here.Thinking of this, my heart beat faster.

The girl stood still after leaving the entrance, looking up at the sky as before.Between the intertwined dots and transformers, seek for something.The lenses of the sunglasses shone brightly in the sun.She was looking for something, or didn't find anything, and couldn't see the expression because of the sunglasses.For about thirty seconds, the girl stood motionless and looked up at the sky.Then, as if remembering something, he turned his head and cast his gaze at the window where Ushikawa was hiding.She took off her sunglasses and put them in her coat pocket.Then frowning, the focus falls on the camouflaged telescope lens in the corner of the window.She knows, Ushikawa thought again.I hid here, and I was secretly observed, and that girl knew about it.And on the other hand, he observed Niu He retrogradely through the lens through the lens.It's like water flowing backwards in a curved pipe.Goosebumps appeared on the skin of both arms.

Fuka-Eri blinked from time to time.The double eyelids slowly raised and lowered like standing silent creatures.But the rest of it remained motionless.She just stood there, twisting her neck like a tall, slender bird, looking straight at Ushikawa.Ushikawa couldn't take his gaze away from the girl.The whole world is at a standstill.There was no wind, and the sound stopped vibrating in the air. Finally Fuka-Eri stopped staring at Ushikawa.He raised his face again and looked at the sky that he had seen just now.But this time the observation ended after a few seconds.His expression didn't change.He took out dark sunglasses from his coat pocket and covered his face again.Then go to the road.Her steps were smooth, without the slightest hesitation.

Should I go out immediately and chase after her?Tengo hadn't returned yet, and there was plenty of time to confirm the girl's whereabouts.Wherever you go, there is no loss if you know.But Ushikawa couldn't get up from the bed for some reason.The body seems to be paralyzed.Her sharp gaze transmitted through the lens seemed to take away all the power necessary for action from Ushikawa. Forget it, Ushikawa said to himself while sitting on the bed.All I had to find were green beans.Although I am very interested in Fukada Eriko, she is just an off-topic existence.Just random passers-by.If you leave here, just let her go.

Fuka-Eri walked on the road and quickly headed towards the station.Not once did I look back.Ushikawa watched that figure from behind through the gap in the sunlit curtains.After the green satchel swinging from side to side behind her was no longer visible, Ushikawa walked away from the camera in front of the bed as if crawling, and leaned against the wall.Wait for normal strength to return to the body.Put seven stars in his mouth and light them with fire.Inhale the smoke deeply.But I can't feel the smell of cigarettes. The strength can't be recovered no matter what.There is still numbness in the hands and feet.And when he noticed, a wonderful space was born in his body.It was pure emptiness.That space means the only lack, and I am afraid there is nothingness.Ushikawa sat down in the unprecedented void created inside himself, unable to stand up again.I can still feel a dull pain in my chest, which is not pain to be precise.It's the pressure difference between missing and non-missing checkpoints.

He sat for a long time in the bottom of the hollow.Leaning against the wall, smoking a tasteless cigarette.That space was left after the girl left.No, maybe not like that, Ushikawa thought.It was already in my body, she just told me about its existence. Ushikawa noticed it, and his whole body trembled because of that girl named Eriko Fukada.Her motionless, deep and sharp gaze not only shakes her body, but Ushikawa's very existence.It's almost like a person who has broken up with a fierce lovelorn.It was the first time in his life that Ushikawa experienced such a feeling. No, not like that, he thought.Why do I have to fall in love with that girl?An unsuitable combination like me and Eriko Fukada simply doesn't exist in this world.There is no need to go to the bathroom to look in the mirror.No, not just looks.From head to toe there is no one so far from her as I am.I'm not attracted to her because of the sexual aspect either.When it comes to sexual desire, Ushikawa once or twice a month is enough to have an acquaintance with a prostitute.Calling a hotel room and having sex is like going to a hairdresser.

That's probably a problem with the soul.After thinking about it, Ushikawa came to this conclusion.What happened between Fuka-Eri and him was the exchange of souls.Although it was almost hard to believe, that beautiful girl and Ushikawa stared at each other from both sides of the telescopic lens, understanding each other's existence in a deep and dark way.In such a short time, he and the girl opened up their souls to each other.Where did the girl go after that, leaving Ushikawa alone in the empty cave. The girl knew it. I watched her secretly through the telescopic lens through the gap in the curtain.I also know that I have been following her to the supermarket in front of the station.Although she didn't look back once at that time, she undoubtedly knew of my existence.Even so, there was no sense of blaming Ushikawa in her eyes.Ushikawa felt that she understood me in a distant and profound place.

The girl appeared in a flash and disappeared in a flash.We came from different directions and met by chance on the road, but our eyes met for a short time, and then we left in different directions.I will never meet Eriko Fukada again.This is the only time.If I meet her again, what else can I ask of her besides the current situation?We are once again standing on opposite ends of the world.Nowhere are languages ​​combined with each other. Ushikawa just leaned against the wall, checking the people entering and leaving the entrance through the gap in the curtains.Maybe Fuka-Eri changed her mind and came back.Maybe remember forgetting something important in the room.But of course the girl will not come back.She made up her mind to leave here.Won't be coming back no matter what happens.

Ushikawa spent that afternoon surrounded by a deep sense of powerlessness.That sense of powerlessness has no shape or weight.It slows down the flow of blood.A faint haze covered the field of vision, and the joints of the hands and feet became tired and heavy.Closing his eyes, he could still feel the pain left by Fuka-Eri's gaze on the inside of his ribs.The pain came and went and came and went like a steady wave on the shore.It's not that the pain is so bad that you have to wrinkle your face.But at the same time, I can feel the tenderness that I have never experienced so far.Only then did Ushikawa realize it. Whether it was his wife, his two daughters, or a house in the middle of the forest with a lawn, Ushikawa had never been warm.There is an unmelted iceberg in his heart all the year round.He sent away the past life together with this hard and cold inner core.And it never felt too cold.That was [normal temperature] for him.But for some reason, Fuka-Eri's sight melted the frozen inner core in a short time.At the same time, Ushikawa began to feel a dull pain in his chest.It must be the coldness of the inner core that blunts and paralyzes the pain there.It's like a mental defense.But now he accepted the pain.In a sense, welcome the pain.The warmth he felt came together with the pain.Without accepting pain, there will be no warmth.Like some kind of transaction. In the small sunlight in the afternoon, Ushikawa savored the pain and tenderness at the same time.The mind is calm and the body remains motionless.A calm winter day with no wind.Pedestrians on the road pass through the warm sunshine.But the sun was slowly setting, the building fell into shadow, and the daylight finally disappeared.Lost the warmth of the afternoon and finally visited on a cold night. Ushikawa sighed deeply, his body leaning against the wall seemed to have been ripped off.Although there is still some numbness left, it is no longer a serious problem to move around the room.It was almost time to stand up, Ushikawa stretched his arms and legs, twisting his stubby neck in all directions.Clasp and release both hands several times.Then stretch Xundong on the tatami.The joints of the body made a dull sound, and the muscles regained their flexibility little by little. The time has come for people to return from work and school.I have to continue the monitoring work, Ushikawa said to himself.It's not a matter of likes and dislikes.It's not a question of right or wrong.Once you start you have to stick to the end.What is there is also my own destiny.At the bottom of the void, it's not okay to be lost in endless contemplation. Ushikawa sat down in front of the camera again.It was dark and the lights in the entrance were turned on.It must have been set up to light up when the time is up.People stepped into the entrance of the apartment like birds returning to their poor and dilapidated nests.Kawana Tengo was not among them.But he'll be back here soon.In any case, it is impossible to take care of the sick father for a long time.Probably he will return to Tokyo at the weekend, and go back to work.In the days that followed.No, today or tomorrow.Ushikawa's feeling told him. Maybe I'm a bug squirming in the damp inside of the stone, a damp and dirty existence.But at the same time, I'm more capable and patient than anyone else, a stubborn bug.Will not give up easily.As long as you get a clue, you will continue to seek it.I can climb even tall, vertical walls.Once again the icy core must be retrieved.I need that right now. Ushikawa rattled his hands in front of the camera.Now realize again the lack of freedom in the movement of the hands and ten fingers. There are many things that ordinary people in the world can do but I can't.That's true.Playing tennis, skating is one of them.Working in a company, running a happy family is also.But on the other hand, I also have some things that ordinary people in the world can't do.And that's something I'm really good at.Not expecting applause and throwing money from the audience though.Let the world see my methods. After half past nine, Ushikawa ended his surveillance work for the day.He heated a small pot with fuel and cooked a can of chicken soup, and drank it carefully with a spoon.Then they ate two sweetbreads together.He ate an apple with the skin on.Pee, brush your teeth, spread your sleeping bag on the floor, get in your underwear.Zip up to neck and curl up like a worm. And so Ushikawa's day ended.Not to mention any gains.If I had to say it, I confirmed that Fuka-Eri left here with her luggage.Don't know where she went.Where did you go.Ushikawa shook his head in his sleeping bag.Where I go has nothing to do with me.Soon the frozen body in the sleeping bag warmed up, and at the same time, his consciousness gradually became thinner, and a deep sleep came.Finally, the small frozen inner core firmly occupied his soul again. the next day.Nothing to write home about happened.It's a Saturday.A warm and calm day.Most people sleep until noon.Ushikawa sat by the window, quietly turned on the radio, listened to the news, traffic conditions, and weather forecast. Before ten o'clock, a big crow came and stood on the steps of the empty entrance.The crow looked around vigilantly, moving its head as if nodding several times.The plump beak went up and down in the air, and the bright black feathers glistened in the sun.The old acquaintance of the postman came riding a small red bicycle, and the crow reluctantly spread its big wings and flew up.It made a short call as it took off.Postmen distribute mail to mailboxes.This time a group of sparrows came.They frantically searched here and there near the entrance, but after finding nothing decent, they immediately moved to another place.Then a cat came to visit.It looked like a cat raised by a nearby family, with a flea collar on its neck.Never seen a cat.Cats urinate in withered flower beds.Sniff after peeing.Nothing seemed to attract attention, and the beard vibrated lifelessly.Then it cocked its tail straight and disappeared into the house. During the day, several residents left from the entrance.From the point of view of dressing up, it is nothing more than where to go to play, or to go shopping nearby.Now Ushikawa can record all their faces by himself.But Ushikawa wasn't interested in these people's character or life at all.Never even imagined what it would be like. Your life must be of great significance to you.It is also an irreplaceable and precious thing.I understand that.But to me it doesn't matter.To me, you are just paper-cut painters walking past the scenery of the set.There is only one thing I ask of you, 【Don't hinder my work.Just do it like paper-cut drawing people]. "It's like this, Big Pear-san." Ushikawa called the middle-aged woman with her butt swollen like a pear who passed in front of her, taking her own nickname. "You're just a paper-cut person. There is no entity. You know what. Oh, it's a bit fleshy to be a paper-cut person." Thinking about it this way, everything including the scenery became [things that don’t make sense] and [things that don’t matter at all].The scenery that exists there may not be a real entity in the first place.Thinking of this, Ushikawa gradually became uneasy.Nested in an empty room without furniture, under constant surveillance day after day.Nervousness has also become strange.Careful attention must also be paid to making as little noise as possible. "Good morning, Uncle Long Ears." He greeted the tall and thin old man who appeared in the camera.The old man's ears protruded from his white hair like horns. "Are you going to take a walk next time? Walking more is good for your health. The weather is also very good. You can enjoy it. I really want to exercise my hands and feet and take a walk. Unfortunately, I can only sit here and do nothing. Monitor the entrance to the porch." The old man stretched his back in a cardigan and woolen trousers.A white dog would be a better match, but dogs are not allowed in the apartment.After the old man disappeared, Ushikawa once again fell into a deep sense of powerlessness for unknown reasons.Maybe surveillance ends up being so uninteresting in the end.Maybe my intuition is worthless, and I can't go anywhere, just killing my nerves in this empty room.Like a passing child touching the head of Bodhisattva Ksitigarbha, it gradually wears away. In the afternoon, Ushikawa ate an apple, cheese and crackers.I also ate a rice ball with plums.Then take a short nap against the wall.No dreaming, short sleep.When I woke up I didn't remember where I was.His memory is a narrow, pure empty box with four corners.It is blank to put in the box.Ushikawa looked around the blank space.But at first glance it was not blank.It was a slightly dim room, empty and cold, without a single piece of furniture.unknown places.There was a leftover apple core in the newspaper next to it.Ushikawa's head was confused.How could I be in such a strange place? And finally, he remembered that he was watching the entrance of Tengo's apartment.That's right, there's a camera with a telescopic lens on it.I also thought of the old man with white hair and long ears who went out for a walk alone.Like a bird returning to the woods after sunset, memories slowly return to empty boxes.And then two solid facts emerge from there. (1) Fukada Eriko left from here (2) Kawana Tengo has not returned here Kawana Tengo's room on the third floor is currently empty.The curtains were drawn, and silence enveloped the empty space.Apart from the occasional sound of the refrigerator starting up, nothing broke the silence.Ushikawa could imagine the scene.Imagining an empty room is similar to imagining the afterlife.Then suddenly, the paranoid knock on the door and the NHK toll collector came to mind.Although I kept watching, I didn't notice the mysterious toll collector leaving the apartment.Did the toll collector happen to be a resident of this apartment.Whoever lives in this apartment pretends to be an NHK toll collector to deceive other residents.If that's the case, why do you have to do such a thing?Even the disease hypothesis.But what else could account for this curious state of affairs.Ushikawa couldn't find it. Kawana Tengo appeared at the entrance of the apartment at four o'clock in the afternoon that day.Before dusk on Saturday.His well-worn windbreaker had its collar turned up, his blue baseball cap was on, and his travel bag was slung over his shoulder.He didn't stop at the porch, nor did he look around, he walked straight into the house.Although Ushikawa's consciousness was still a little fuzzy, he didn't miss the tall figure passing through his field of vision. "Ah, welcome back, Mr. Kawana." Ushikawa coughed, and pressed the camera's remote shutter three times. "How is your father? He must be very tired. Please rest well. It's nice to be back at home. Even in such a dilapidated apartment. By the way, Ms. Eriko Fukada, when you are away, clean up The luggage has left." But of course his voice did not reach Tengo's ears.Just talking to himself.Ushikawa looked at his hand and made notes on the sticky note at hand.Tengo Kawana returned from his trip, at 3:56 p.m. Seeing Kawana Tengo appearing at the entrance of the apartment, a door finally opened, and the sense of reality returned to Ushikawa's consciousness.As if the atmosphere is filled with a vacuum, the nerves become clear and clear in an instant, and fresh vitality swims through the whole body.He participates in that concrete world as a useful component.The jingling sound reached the ears.The speed of blood circulation increased, and the right amount of adrenaline went to all parts of the body.That's good, it can't be better, Ushikawa thought.This is who I am, what the world is. It was after seven o'clock when Tengo reappeared at the entrance.The sunset wind began to blow, with a sharp chill.He wore a leather jacket over his windbreaker and faded blue jeans.Walk out of the porch, stop and look around.But he saw nothing.Of course, he also looked at the place where Ushikawa was hiding, but he didn't catch the watcher.Unlike Eriko Fukada, Ushikawa thought.She is special.Can see things that others cannot see.But Tengo-kun, you are an ordinary person who is neither good nor bad.You can't see me. After confirming that the surrounding scenery remained the same as usual, Tengo pulled the zipper of his leather jacket up to his neck, put his hands in his pockets and walked on the road.Ushikawa immediately put on his knitted hat, rolled up his scarf, put on his shoes and followed Tengo. After Tengo went out, although he wanted to follow immediately, it took him some time to prepare.Tailgating is of course a dangerous choice.Ushikawa's body shape and appearance were so distinctive that Tengo knew it right away.But the surrounding area has become dim, and as long as you keep a certain distance, it is impossible to easily find it. Tengo walked slowly on the road, turning his head several times to look behind him.But Ushikawa was very careful not to let Tengo find himself.That broad back looks like he's thinking about something.Maybe he was thinking about something Fuka-Eri couldn't see.From the direction it seems to go to the station.Maybe where to go by train next.That would be troublesome to follow.Not to mention that the station is very bright, there are not many passengers on the bus on Saturday night.And Ushikawa's appearance is fatally eye-catching.In that case it is still wise to forego tailgating. But Tengo was not the station he was going to.After walking for a while, I turned a corner in the direction of leaving the station, walked for a while on the road without pedestrians, and finally stopped in front of a shop called [Maitou].It's like a small bar for young people.Tengo checked the time on his watch and entered the store after thinking for a few seconds. 【mai tou】Ushikawa thinks.Then shake your head.Really.What an inexplicable name for this store. Ushikawa stood in the shadow of the electric pole and looked around.Tengo probably planned to drink some wine and eat something there.Then it will take at least thirty minutes.Maybe I have to sit for an hour.He was looking for a suitable place to keep an eye on the people coming and going and pass the time.But there are only milk sellers, a small meeting place of Tenri Sect, and rice shops around.And they all pulled down the shutters.Oh, yes, that's true, Ushikawa thought.A strong northwest wind was blowing the clouds in the sky.The steady warmth of the day is all a lie.In such a cold wind, standing for thirty minutes or an hour doing nothing was not welcome by Ushikawa. Let's forget it, Ushikawa thought.Tengo was just eating here.There is no need to spend effort on tailgating.Ushikawa himself wanted to go to a restaurant somewhere to eat, and then return to his room.Soon Tengo would be back too.This is a very tempting option for Ushikawa.Imagine yourself entering a heated store and eating parent-child rice bowls.In the past few days, I haven't eaten anything decent in my stomach.It's good to order Japanese sake that I haven't drunk for a long time.such cold weather.If you take a step outside, the wine will wake you up immediately. But consider other options.Maybe Tengo was meeting someone at Maitou.Such a possibility cannot be ignored.Tengo left the apartment and came to the store immediately without any hesitation.Check the time on your watch before entering the store.Maybe someone was there waiting for him.Or it will come to Maitou next.If that's the case, Ushikawa couldn't let that one go.Even if both ears are frozen, you have to stand on the side of the road to monitor the entrance and exit of Maitou.Ushikawa gave up, and put Oyakodon (Oyakodon, Chicken and Egg Donburi.) and Japanese sake out of his mind. Maybe it was Fuka-Eri who met.Possibly green beans too.Ushikawa's heart tightened at this thought.Anyway, I am also a patient person.With a few clues, you can overcome difficulties.It doesn't matter if it rains or the wind blows, even if the sun is scorching, you will never let go if you are beaten with a stick.Once you let go, no one will know whether you can seize such an opportunity next time.Because he has a deep understanding and endures the pain in front of him. There are more painful things in this world than this. Ushikawa leaned against the wall, hiding in the shadow of the utility pole and the JCP's billboard, monitoring the entrance of Maitou.The green scarf was rolled up under his nose, and his hands were in the pockets of his double-breasted military coat.Except for taking out a tissue from his pocket to wipe his nose from time to time, his body didn't move at all.From time to time, the announcement of Koenji Station came along with the wind.Passers-by watched Ushikawa lurking in the shadows, and nervously quickened their pace.Although standing in the shadows, I can't see the facial features clearly.But this round and chunky body looks like an ominous decoration in the dark, which makes people feel chills. What was Tengo drinking and eating there?The more I think about it, the hungrier I get.The body froze.But don't want to.Anything is fine, even if there is no hot wine, or if there is no parent-child rice bowl.I want to go somewhere warm and eat ordinary meals.Compared with standing in the dark place where the wind blows and being cast suspiciously by the citizens passing by, such a thing can be tolerated no matter what. But Ushikawa had no choice.He had no choice but to freeze in the cold wind and wait for Tengo to finish his meal.Ushikawa thought about a house in the central forest and the dining table there.There will be a warm food bar on that table every night.But what it was, I couldn't remember.What did I eat at that time?It's almost like a lifetime ago.A long, long time ago, a fifteen-minute walk from Chuo Linma Station on the Odakyu Line.A newly built house with warm dining tables.Two little girls playing the piano, a small courtyard with a lawn, and a puppy with a pedigree running around. Thirty-five minutes later Tengo came out of the shop alone.Not bad.At least there is the possibility of worse.Ushikawa said to himself.A woefully long thirty-five minutes.Much better than a miserable hour and a half.The body is frozen, but the ears are not frozen.During the time Tengo was in the store, no customers came in or out of Maitou that attracted Ushikawa's attention.Only young couples go in together.No guest came out.Tengo drank a little wine by himself and ate something.Ushikawa took great care to keep a distance from Tengo just as he had done when he came.Tengo walked on the way he had come.I'm afraid I plan to go back to the apartment room next. But Tengo turned a corner halfway and walked on a road Ushikawa didn't know.Looks like he won't be going home right away.Seen from behind, his broad back remained unchanged, as if immersed in thought.I am afraid that it is deeper than before, and I no longer look back.Ushikawa observed the surrounding scenery, read the house numbers, and tried hard to remember the way.For myself, I can return to the same road alone in the future.Ushikawa had no impression of the neighborhood.However, judging from the constant flow of cars and the strong noise that can be heard endlessly, it is speculated that it is probably near the circular line 7.This meant that Tengo's pace quickened, and he was probably getting closer to his destination. Not bad, Ushikawa thought.What is this man heading for.That's fine.In this case, it is worth following specially. Tengo walked quickly on the road in the residential area.A cold Saturday night.People are in warm rooms, sitting in front of the TV with warm drinks in hand.Hardly anyone walks on the road.Ushikawa kept a certain distance.Tengo was an easy target to follow.He is tall and burly, and he will not miss it in the crowd.When walking, never do anything other than walk.He lowered his head slightly, as if he was always thinking about something in his head.Basically a straightforward and honest man.Not someone who can hide things.For example, it is completely different from me. The object of Ushikawa's marriage is a woman who likes to hide things.Even if you ask what time it is, it won't tell you the correct time right away.This is different from Ushikawa.Ushikawa only hides when necessary.Just being forced to do it as part of the job.If someone asks himself the time, if there is no reason to lie, he will of course tell others the correct time.And it's very kind.But the wife will lie about everything, no matter what happens, under any circumstances.If there is no need to conceal what is necessary, he will be eager to conceal it.He concealed his age by four years.I understood it when I saw the documents for marriage registration, so I could only pretend not to notice and keep silent.Why did he have to lie when he knew when it would be exposed, Ushikawa didn't understand.And Ushikawa doesn't care about age difference, there are many other things he has to care about.Even if his wife is seven years older than him, what's the problem? It was already very far away from the station, and the figures of people became sparse.Finally Tengo entered the small park.An unremarkable children's park in a corner of a residential area.There is no one in the park.Of course, Ushikawa thought.There are definitely not many people in this world who want to spend the nights of December in the children's park with the cold wind blowing from time to time.Tengo walked across the cold fluorescent light and walked straight to the slide.Then stepped on the stairs and climbed up. Ushikawa hid in the shadow of the public phone booth and watched Tengo's movements.slide?Ushikawa's face twisted.Why would an adult have to go on the slide in the children's park on such a cold night? It wasn't too close to Tengo's apartment.For what purpose did he come here?It can't be called how attractive the park is.Small and narrow.Slide, two swings, small climbing frame, sand field.There is also a mercury lamp that seems to have illuminated the end of the world several times, and a thin zelkova tree that has lost all its leaves.The coin-operated toilets are covered with canvas to prevent graffiti.There is nothing here to calm the mind or stimulate the imagination.Maybe there was something like that on a cool May afternoon.But on a windy December night, definitely not. Was Tengo waiting to meet someone in this park?Not waiting for someone to come here.It couldn't be like that, Ushikawa judged.From Tengo's actions, he couldn't see such aura.Walking into the park, I didn't pay attention to other amusement facilities, and walked straight to the slide.It seems that the only thing on the mind is the slide.Tengo had come here to climb the slide.Ushikawa could only see this, Thinking about something on the slide may have been this man's hobby from a long time ago.As a place to consider the plot of the novel and think about mathematical formulas, perhaps the slide in the night park is the most suitable place.The surroundings are dim, and the wind is getting colder and colder. The park is also a secondary product, which may promote the activity of the mind.What the world's novelists (or mathematicians) think, Ushikawa's imagination cannot be compared.What his practical mind told him was that no matter what, he must refrain from spying on Tengo's actions.The hands on the watch pointed to exactly eight o'clock. On the slide, Tengo folded his bulky body and sat down bent over.Then look up at the sky.For a while, he turned his head here and there, and finally stopped his sight in one direction.Then just stare at it.The head is also motionless. Ushikawa remembered a sad song by Kyu Sakamoto, which was very popular in the past. "Look up at the stars in the night sky, little stars" such a paragraph.Don't know the lyrics after that.Don't particularly want to know either.Sentimentality and sense of justice are areas that Ushikawa is least good at.Was Tengo also on the slide, looking up at the stars in the night sky with sadness? Ushikawa also tried to look at the sky.But the stars are not visible.It is conservative to say that Kouenji Temple in Suginami District, Tokyo is not a place suitable for stargazing.The neon lights and road lights dyed the entire sky in wonderful colors.It may vary from person to person, and you may be able to find a few stars if you look closely.But it should require supernormal eyesight and concentration.What's more, today's clouds are still so frequent.Even so, Tengo curled up on the slide and looked up at a certain corner of the sky. What a troublesome man, Ushikawa thought.On such a windy winter night, what is there to think about climbing up the slide and looking at the sky.But from his standpoint, Tengo couldn't be blamed.Ushikawa just took it upon himself to monitor Tengo and follow him.It turned out that no matter what cruel things happened to him, it was not Tengo's fault.Tengo was a free citizen who had the right to gaze at the sky wherever he liked in spring, summer, autumn and winter. It's still cold like this, Ushikawa thought.And I wanted to pee before.But I can only endure it.The public toilets are firmly locked, although no one passes by, and you cannot stand and urinate by the phone booth.Why can't we get out of here earlier, Ushikawa thought while stomping his feet.Whether it's thinking about things, being immersed in sadness, or observing astronomical objects, Tengo-kun, you must be cold too.Come back to the house early to warm up.Even though no one is waiting for you when you go back, it's still better than being here. But Tengo made no intention of standing up.He finally stopped looking at the night sky.This time, he looked at the apartment on the side of the road.Six-story new building, half of the windows were lit.Tengo gazed eagerly at the building.Ushikawa also tried to look at the building, but found nothing that caught his attention.Very average apartment.Although not particularly advanced, the grade is still very high.Good design, exterior tiles also cost a lot of money.The porch is bright.It was completely different from the dilapidated apartment Tengo lived in before it was rebuilt. Tengo looked up at the apartment, wondering if he could live in it himself?No, not like that.As far as Ushikawa knew, Tengo was not the type to stick to where he lived.It's like not sticking to what clothes to wear.There must be no dissatisfaction with the cheap apartment I live in now.It is good to have a roof to shelter from wind and rain.That's the kind of man.He must be thinking of something else on the slide. 凝视了公寓的窗户后，天吾又一次将视线落回到天空上。牛河也同样看着天空，牛河藏身的位置因为榉树树枝和电线还有建筑干扰，只能看见天空的一小半。天吾望着的天空是哪一角他不知道。无数的云来了又来，像是军队一般。 终于天吾站起，像是严密的夜间单独飞行结束后的飞行员似的，沉默着爬下滑梯。然后横穿过荧光灯的灯下，从公园离开。牛河犹豫着，没有再继续跟着。天吾大概就这么回自己房间了吧。而且牛河不管怎样都想小便。他在确认天吾的身影消失后走进公园，在公共厕所的背里人看不到的阴暗处，对着花丛站着小便。他膀胱的容量已经超越了极限。 长长的货运列车穿过铁桥的时间左右小便终于结束，牛河拉上裤子的拉链，闭上眼睛深深的叹息。手表的指针指向八点十七分。天吾在滑梯上待了15分钟左右。再次确认看不见天吾的身影后，牛河走向滑梯。然后用短小弯曲的腿爬上阶梯。在冰冷的滑梯高处坐下，望向天吾看过的大致方向。他那么热切的究竟在盯着些什么呢，牛河想知道。 牛河的视力不算坏。不过有散光，所以左右两眼的视力有些不对称，平时不戴眼镜日常生活也没有多大障碍。可是再怎么凝神细看，还是看不见一颗星星。与此相对的是中空浮起的三分之二大的月亮引起了牛河的注意。月亮像是斑点一样昏暗，在穿过的云间满溢着。如同死者的眼睛一眨不眨，静默的浮在空中。 牛河吞下口气，就那么暂时忘了呼吸。云端上，稍稍离开之前那个月亮的地方，浮着另一个月亮。比以前就有的那个月亮要小，生着苔藓般的绿色，形状也有些歪曲。不过毫无疑问是月亮。那么大的星星哪里都不存在。也不是人工卫星。它一直静静的停在一个地方。 牛河闭上眼睛，几秒之后再次睁开。Must be an illusion.不可能在那里有那种东西。可是不管闭上再睁开几次眼睛，新的小月亮还是浮在那里。云飘来时躲在身后，云飘过时还是出现在同样的地方。 那就是天吾眺望的东西，牛河想。天吾为了看这个景象，或者是为了确认那个的存在，才到的这个儿童公园。他从以前就知道天空中浮着两个月亮。no doubt.而且看到的时候没有任何惊讶。牛河在滑梯上深深的叹息。这究竟是个什么世界，牛河对自己问道。我究竟是个怎样的零件组合进这个世界的呢？答案哪里也不会有。无数的云在风的吹拂下流淌着，大小两个月亮像谜语一般浮在夜空里。 有一件事是毋庸置疑的。这里不是我原本所在的世界。我知道的地球只有一个卫星。毫无置疑余地的事实。可是现在这里是两个。 可是牛河终于，注意到自己对这幅光景有着既视感。我之前在什么地方看到过同样的景象。牛河集中意识，从何处来的这份既视感，他拼命在记忆里搜寻。歪斜着脸，露出牙齿，两手的意识的幽暗水底摸索。终于想到了。是《空气蛹》。那部小说里也有两个月亮登场。在故事接近尾声的时候。大的月亮和小的月亮。母体和子体产生时，空中漂浮的月亮变为两个。深绘理写了这个故事，天吾加上详细的描写。 牛河四下张望。可是他眼里的是与平时相同的世界。马路对面的六层公寓的窗户拉着白色的窗帘，背后有着安详的灯光。没有任何可疑的地方。只是月亮的数目不对。 他一面确认着脚下一面小心的爬下滑梯。然后像是为了逃避月亮的目光似的快速离开公园。是我的脑袋出问题了？不，应该不是那样。我的脑袋一点问题都没有。我的思考像崭新的铁钉一样的硬，一样的冷彻，一样的一针见血。以正确的角度切实的打进现实的内芯。我自身没有任何问题。我非常的理智。只是周围的世界出了差错。 而且我必须找出差错的源头。anyway.