Chapter 13 Chapter Thirteen Ushikawa Is This Returning to the Origin?

Ushikawa's appearance is quite eye-catching.Not suitable for snooping and tailgating.In the crowd, it is as eye-catching as a giant centipede in yogurt. His family was not like that.Ushikawa has parents, two brothers and a sister.My father runs the hospital and my mother works as a hospital manager.Both elder brother and younger brother entered the medical university with excellent grades and became doctors.The elder brother works in a hospital in Tokyo, and the younger brother studies medicine at a university.After his father retired, his elder brother was integrated into a hospital in Urawa City. Both of them were married and each had a child.My younger sister went to study in the United States, and now she is working as a simultaneous interpreter in Japan.Thirty and half are still single.They were all tall and thin, with heads as neatly shaped as eggs.

In this family, no matter how you look at it, especially the appearance, Ushikawa is an exception.He is short, with a big and askew head, and curly hair.Small short legs, bent like cucumbers.The eyeballs protrude outwards as if in surprise, and strange flesh grows around the neck.The eyebrows are thick and thick, as if they are almost connected.It looks like two caterpillars chasing each other.Most of the grades in school are excellent, but there are some flaws in individual subjects, especially in sports. In this wealthy elite family, he is often a [foreign object].Disturbing the harmony, playing the wrong note of dissonance.Judging from the photos of the whole family, he is the only one who seems to have gone to the wrong place.Got in there by mistake.Looks like the careless outsider who gets photographed occasionally.

Everyone in the family can't understand why someone who looks completely different from themselves appears in the house.But there was no doubt that he was the child of his mother in labor pains (which she remembered were severe).It wasn't someone who left the little basket at the door.At that time, I didn't know who it was, but I finally remembered my father's relative who had a tilted head of Fukusuke.A cousin of Ushikawa's grandfather.During the war, he worked at the factory of a metal company in Koto Ward, and died in the Great Tokyo Air Raid in the spring of 1945.My father had never seen that person either, and only had photos in old photo albums.Seeing the photos of the family, I understood "so it is".The appearance of this father's uncle was strikingly similar to Ushikawa's.It's like two melons on a vine like reincarnation.Probably due to the factor of this uncle's birth, some changes were made to create Ushikawa's face?

Without him, the Ushikawa family in Urawa City, Saitama Prefecture would be impeccable in terms of appearance and academic experience.Everyone will envy, very photogenic family.But when Ushikawa is added there, people will frown and tilt their heads.People can't help but feel that there is a bit of the smell of goblins stumbling under the feet of the goddess of beauty.So they tried their best to avoid Ushikawa's appearance in front of others.Even if you have to, treat him as unobtrusively as possible (a useless attempt, of course). But Ushikawa didn't feel particularly dissatisfied with being placed in this position, nor did he feel sad or lonely.He himself does not like to appear in front of people, preferring to be treated unobtrusively.Brother and sister almost dismiss him as non-existent, and even then he doesn't care.He himself doesn't particularly like brothers and sisters.They are good-looking, have excellent academic performance, are versatile in sports, and have many friends.But from Ushikawa's eyes, such a person is hopelessly shallow.Flat thoughts, narrow vision and lack of imagination, only care about the eyes of the world.The healthy skepticism so necessary for the development of deep wisdom is totally inconsistent.

His father is an excellent local physician, but he is a boring human being who makes his chest hurt.Just like the legendary king who can turn stones into gold, all the words that come out of his mouth turn into boring sand.But judging from the fact that he seldom speaks, it's probably intentional.He skillfully conceals his boredom and ignorance from the world.Mother, on the contrary, talks a lot and is hopelessly vulgar.Long-winded about money, self-willed and strong self-esteem.He likes gorgeous things, and shouts bad things about others loudly over trivial matters.The older brother inherited his father's personality, and the younger brother inherited his mother's.The younger sister is very self-reliant, but has no sense of responsibility. She does whatever she wants, and loses her brain when she faces her own loss.The parents loved and doted on the youngest girl thoroughly.

So Ushikawa spent most of his boyhood alone.After returning from school, I got into my room and indulged in reading non-stop.I don't have any friends other than my dog, so I don't have a chance to talk about what I've learned or talk about it.But he has a logical and clear thinking ability, and he is very clear about being an eloquent person.And one person resisted to hone this ability.For example, set a proposition and discuss with one person acting as two roles around this proposition.He on the one side argues fervently in support of the proposition, and she on the other side criticizes it and argues equally vigorously.He is equally strong on the opposite side—in a sense of honesty—assimilating himself, fusing himself.In this way, he unconsciously learned to doubt his own abilities.And for what is generally considered to be truth, I also realize that it is only relative.And he learned.Subjectivity and objectivity, for most people, cannot be clearly distinguished when considering it. If the boundary is not clear, it is not such a difficult task to move and change intentionally.

In order to make the logic and rhetoric clearer and more effective, he immediately filled his mind with the knowledge he had acquired.Useful stuff, thought less useful stuff.What was agreed upon, what was not agreed upon at that point in time.What he pursues is not education in the general sense, but concrete information that can take shape directly in his hands and determine its importance. That crooked Fukusuke head is an information container that is more valuable than anything else.Although it doesn't look good on the outside, it works well.In this way, he is more knowledgeable than anyone in his grade.When he noticed, no one around him could simply refute him.Not just brothers and classmates, but also teachers and parents.But Ushikawa took care not to show this ability in front of others as much as possible.Attractiveness of any kind was not to his liking.Knowledge and ability are just props, not for showing yourself.

Ushikawa felt that he was a nocturnal animal, lurking in the darkness of the forest, waiting for the passage of his prey.Be patient and wait for the good reality.When that moment came, he flew over without hesitation.Before this, the opponent cannot be made aware of his existence.It is important to eliminate the breath and make the other party careless.He has had this idea since he was a primary school student.He doesn't show favor to anyone, and doesn't show his affection easily. If only he could be a little more upright, he thought so.No need to be particularly handsome.It doesn't have to be an appearance to be admired, either.Very ordinary is fine.As long as it's not the unsightly appearance that people passing by on the road look back at.If I was born like this, what kind of life would I lead?But this is just an "if" beyond Ushikawa's imagination.Ushihe is still Ushihe, there is no room for other assumptions.It is precisely because of his large, slanted head, protruding eyeballs, and short, curved legs that Ushikawa is the person he is today.A silent and eloquent boy full of skeptical desire for knowledge.

The ugly boy grows into an ugly youth with the passage of time, and at some point becomes an ugly middle-aged uncle.No matter what stage of life it is, people who pass by on the road will look back at him.The children stared at his face from the front with impunity.Maybe after becoming an ugly old man, he won't be so conspicuous, Ushikawa thought from time to time.Elderly people are generally ugly, so the ugly individual will not be as eye-catching as when he was young.But if you don't actually become an old man, you won't understand.There may be particularly ugly old people who may become special cases.

All in all, he couldn't do the clever disguise of mixing himself with the background.Besides, Tengo knew Ushikawa's face.If he was found wandering around his apartment, it would all be in vain. Such occasions generally employ specialized investigative detectives.Since his days as a lawyer, Ushikawa has maintained relationships with such organizations when necessary.Most of them were former policemen, and they were familiar with the techniques of hearing and following and monitoring.But this is the only exception. If possible, I don't want to introduce outsiders.The problem is too delicate, and it is related to a felony like homicide.What's more, Ushikawa himself could not accurately grasp what the purpose of monitoring Tengo was.

Of course, what Ushikawa was after was to understand the "connection" between Tengo and Aomame.It was not at all clear what kind of face Aomame had.He tried hard but failed to get a decent photo of her.Not even the bat could do it.I looked at the high school graduation album. In the group photo of the whole class, her face was small and unnatural, as if she was wearing some kind of mask.A photo of the company's softball team, wearing a wide-brimmed hat that casts shadows on its face.So even if Aomame walked in front of Ushikawa now, there was no way to confirm that it was Aomame.All I know is that she is about 170 centimeters tall and has a good posture.The eyes and cheekbones are characteristic, and the hair is about shoulder length.The body is strong and compact.But there are countless women like this in the world. In any case, Ushikawa could only complete this monitoring task by himself.Keeping your eyes open patiently, waiting for what happens there, once something happens, instantly judge the corresponding Yingdu.Such delicate assignments are impossible to ask of others. Tengo lived on the third floor of a steel three-story apartment.There are mailboxes for all residents at the entrance, and one of them has a nameplate of [Kawana].The mailboxes were all rusted and the paint was peeling.There is a tentative lock on the small door of the mailbox, and almost no residents lock it.The entrance door is not locked, and anyone can enter and exit the building freely. It was dark in color, and had the peculiar smell of an apartment that had been built for a long time.Stuck rain drains, old sheets washed with cheap detergent, cloudy cooking oil, wilted poinsettia, the smell of cat piss wafting from the overgrown front yard, mixed with other originally unknown smells to form a inherent air.If you live here for a long time, you may get used to the smell.But no matter how long you live, the fact that this is not a heart-warming smell will never change. Tengo lived in a room facing the road.Although it is not very noisy, it is a road with people coming and going.There is an elementary school nearby, and there are many children who come and go from time to time.There are several houses lined up opposite the apartment.They are all two-story houses without courtyards.If there is one in front of the road, add it, and there is a stationery store for elementary school students.Two blocks away was a small police box.There was no place to hide around, and even if he was lucky enough not to be discovered by Tengo when he peeked up at Tengo's room from the side of the road, the people around him would look suspiciously at him.Coupled with Ushikawa's [unusual appearance], the vigilance of the residents directly increased by two bars.Maybe he will be regarded as a pervert who attacked children after school, and the police on duty will be called. To monitor who, you must first choose a suitable place.What is needed is a place where people can observe the other party's actions without being noticed, and ensure the supply route of water and food.Ideally, a room where Tengo's room could be fully seen.Set up a camera tripod with a telescope lens there and look around the room for movement and people coming and going.Twenty-four hours of surveillance is impossible for one person alone.The level of ten hours a day can barely do it.But needless to say, it is not easy to find a place with all the conditions. Even so, Ushikawa was still circling around, searching for such a place.Ushikawa is a person who doesn't give up easily.Walk as much as you can with your feet, chasing the last and last possibility.This persistence is inherent in his personality.But after spending half a day turning every corner around here, Ushikawa gave up.Koenji is a dense residential area with flat ground and no high-rise buildings.The view from Tengo's room was extremely limited.And there was nothing Ushikawa could get in this small corner. When there is no good idea in his mind, Ushikawa always soaks in the warm bathtub for a long time.So when you get home, boil the water first.Then into the resin bath, listening to Sibelius' violin concerto on the radio.Not because I specifically wanted to hear Sibelius.But it's hard to think of a Sibelius concerto as music to listen to while soaking in the bath at the end of the day.Or maybe Finns like to spend long evenings in the sauna listening to Sibelius.But in the two-room apartment in Kohinata in Bunkyo Ward, in the narrow bathroom with a combined shower and shower, Sibelius' music was too emotional.There is too much urgency in the sound.But Ushikawa didn't particularly care.It doesn't matter to him what kind of music is playing in the background.I can listen to Rameau's symphony without complaint, and I can listen to Schumann's "Carnival" without complaint.It just so happened that the FM station was playing Sibelius' Violin Concerto.That's all. Ushikawa emptied half of his consciousness to rest as usual, and the remaining half thought about things.Sibelius, played by David Oistrakh, passes mainly through the emptied part of the field.Enter through the windy and open entrance, and exit through the wide and open exit.Maybe too careless in terms of the way the music is listened to.If he knew that his music was being listened to like this, Sibelius would probably frown his eyebrows, and there would be several tendons on his thick neck.But Sibelius died long ago, and Oistrach went to the underworld.So Ushikawa is now letting the music flow from right to left regardless of anyone, and the half of his consciousness that has not been cleared is thinking without a clue. At this time, he likes to think about things without limiting the object.Let the consciousness run freely as if the dogs were raised in the vast wilderness.It’s easy to go to places you like, to do what you want to do, they say so, and then let go.He soaked hot water up to his neck, squinted his eyes, and stared blankly at the half-heard music.Dogs wandering around aimlessly, rolling on ramps, chasing each other tirelessly, chasing squirrels in vain, muddy and grassy, ​​running back until tired, Ushikawa stroking his head, and putting on collar.At this moment the music ended.The Sibelius concerto ends in about thirty minutes.Just the right length.The next piece was Janácek's Sinfonietta, and the playing music heralded it.I seem to have heard the title of Janacek's "Sinfonietta" somewhere.But I can't remember where.When I tried to recall, my vision suddenly blurred for some reason.Egg-colored mist appeared in the eyeballs.It must have been too long in the bath.Ushikawa pressed the radio switch resignedly, and got out of the bathtub.Wrap a towel around my waist, take a beer from the fridge, Ushikawa lives here alone.He used to have a wife and two young daughters.I bought a house in Chuo Forest in Yamato City, Kanagawa Prefecture and lived there.It's small but has a lawn and a dog.The wife's facial features are very regular, and the children can also be called beautiful.Neither of the two daughters inherited Ushikawa's appearance.Of course Ushikawa breathed a sigh of relief. But suddenly something that can be called a sudden change happened, and now he is alone.I also find it incredible that I once had a family and lived in a house in the suburbs.I also thought that this was due to an illusion, and unconsciously fabricated past memories in order to match myself.But of course this is a reality.He had a wife who shared his bed with him and two children who bleed in his own blood.There is also a family photo of the four of them in the desk drawer.Everyone is smiling happily.Even the dogs seem to be laughing too. There was no possibility of reuniting the family.His wife and daughters now live in Nagoya.The daughters also have a new father.A father with an appearance that his daughters wouldn't be ashamed of even if he showed up on Father's Day at elementary school.The daughters hadn't seen Ushikawa for four years, and they didn't seem particularly sorry.Not even a letter came.Ushikawa himself didn't seem particularly sorry for not being able to see his daughter.But of course, it wasn't that he didn't cherish his daughter.It's just that Ushikawa must first ensure his own existence, and for this he must close unnecessary circuits of his heart. And he understands.Even if the daughters completely forgot about Ushikawa, it was impossible for the blood to get lost in his own body.I am afraid they will retain a long memory.And the Fukusuke head logo will definitely reappear at some point in the future.In unexpected places at inadvertent moments.At that time, people will sigh and recall the existence of Ushikawa together. Perhaps Ushikawa could live to see such an exciting scene.Maybe invisible.But it doesn't matter.Ushikawa was satisfied just thinking about the possibility of such a thing happening.That's not revenge.It is to confirm that the direction of the world inevitably contains a sense of sufficiency after oneself. Ushikawa sat down on the sofa, stretched his short legs on the table, and while drinking a can of beer, suddenly remembered something.Maybe it won't work, but it's worth trying.Why didn't he think of such a simple thing, Ushikawa thought incredulously.Probably the simpler things are, the harder it is to think about.Isn't it the so-called lighthouse that is dark? Ushikawa went to Kouenji again the next morning, walked into the real estate agent he saw, and asked if the rental apartment where Tengo lived was vacant.They were not in charge of that house.All the agents in front of the station manage the apartment. "However, I don't think there will be any vacant rooms there. The rent is cheap and the place is convenient. People who live there won't leave." "But just to be on the safe side, let's try it." Ushikawa said. He visited the real estate agent in front of the station.He was received by a young man in his early twenties.The hair was black and thick, fixed with hairspray like the nest of a special bird.There was a brand new tie on the snow-white shirt.Probably because I haven't been in this industry for a long time.There are still marks of pimples on the cheeks.He looked at Ushikawa's appearance a little timidly as soon as he entered the door, but he quickly calmed down and showed a professional smile. "Guest, you are very lucky." The young man said. "The couple living on the first floor suddenly moved out because of something at home, and vacated the house a week ago. It was cleaned yesterday, and the advertisement has not been posted yet. Because it is just a rubbish, the sound outside may be a little noisy, and the lighting is not good. Expectations are too high, anyway, it is a convenient place. It’s just that the owner considers rebuilding within five or six years, and at that time, he had to move out of the contract conditions after posting the notice half a year ago. And there is no parking space.” No problem, Ushikawa said.I don't plan to live for such a long time, and I don't need a car. "Very good. Since you understand the conditions, you can move in tomorrow. Of course, you want to see the house first before that?" I really want to see it, Ushikawa said.The young man took out the key from the desk drawer and handed it to Ushikawa. "I have a little something to do, but I'm sorry, can you go alone. The house is empty, as long as you return the key." "Sure." Ushikawa said. "But what if I'm a bad guy, just take away the key and make a backup, and then the dove takes over the magpie's nest?" Hearing this, the young man looked at Ushikawa's face in astonishment. "Ah, that's right. I see. Then, just in case, can I ask you to leave your business card or something?" As usual, Ushikawa took out the business card of [New Japan Academic Arts Promotion Association] from his wallet and handed it over. "Mr. Ushikawa." The young man read the name on the business card with a serious face.Then he broke his face and smiled. "It's not like someone who would do bad things." "Thank you." Ushikawa said, and then a smile as meaningless as the title on that business card floated on his mouth. It was the first time someone said that.Maybe it's because it's too conspicuous to do bad things, he explained.The features are simple to describe.Portraits can also be drawn vividly.If identified, he would be arrested within three days. The room was better than expected.Tengo's room on the third floor was directly above it, and of course it was impossible to directly monitor the interior of the room.However, the view from the entrance can be fully included from the window.It was possible to check the comings and goings of Tengo, and to roughly confirm the people who visited Tengo.If you camouflage the camera a bit, you can even use the telephoto lens to take pictures of your face. In order to secure this house, two months' deposit, one month's rent and two months' key money must be paid.Although the rent is not very high, and the deposit can be refunded when the contract is terminated, it is still not a small amount.Because of the money paid to the bat, the remaining money in the account has also decreased.But considering the situation I am in, I can only rent this house even if I am reluctant.There is no choice.Ushikawa went back to the real estate agency, took out the cash envelope he had prepared, and signed the lease contract.Signed in the name of [New Japan Society for the Promotion of Academic Arts].After that, the company's business license registration will be mailed.Responsible youth pay little attention to such things.After signing the contract, the youth handed Ushikawa the key again. "Mr. Ushikawa, so you can stay in that room from today. The electricity and water are connected, and the gas needs to be turned on in person, and there will be a person here to contact Tokyo Gas. What about the phone?" "I will install the phone here." Ushikawa said.It took time to sign a contract with the phone company, and installers would come into the room.It is more convenient to use the nearby public phone. Ushikawa went back to the room on the first floor and made a list of the necessary things.Luckily the previous occupants left the curtains behind.Although it is an old curtain with a floral pattern, as long as the curtain can be hung, it will do.It is indispensable for surveillance. The list is not very long.Food and drinking water will suffice.Camera with telephoto lens and tripod.After that came toilet paper and sleeping bags for hiking.Carry fuel, cooking utensils for camping, fruit knives, can openers, garbage bags, simple toiletries and electric razors, a few towels, a flashlight, and a triode crystal radio.Minimal change of clothes, a pack of cigarettes.That's it.Neither the refrigerator nor the dining table nor the cups are needed.It is lucky to find a shelter from the wind and rain.When Ushikawa returned home, he packed the telescopic lens, the folding camera, and a large amount of film into the camera bag.Then stuff the items on your list into your travel bag.If you don’t have enough, you can buy everything at the shopping street in front of Koenji Station. Fix the tripod in front of the six-tatami-mat window, put the latest MINOLTA automatic camera on it, install the telephoto lens, and adjust the focus on the faces of the people entering and leaving the entrance.Remotely close the lens.Also set the automatic continuous shooting function.The front end of the lens is surrounded by thick cardboard to prevent the lens from flickering when exposed to light.The corners of the curtains were slightly rolled up, and only something like a paper tube could be seen slightly outside.But no one would care about such a thing.No one would have thought that someone would sneak a photo of the entrance of the humble rental apartment. Ushikawa tried to take pictures of several people entering and leaving the entrance with this camera.Thanks to the automatic continuous shooting function, one person can press the shutter three times.With the camera wrapped in a towel, the shutter makes very little sound.After a film is finished, take it to a photoshop near the station.Pass the film to the clerk, and then it will be automatically developed by the machine.Process a large number of photos at high speed, and no one will notice what you take. The effect of the photo is good, although it is not the pursuit of artistry, it is enough to use.The faces of the people entering and leaving the entrance are clearly reflected enough to distinguish them.On the way back from the print shop, Ushikawa bought mineral water and canned food.I bought a Seven Star at a cigarette shop.Hug things to your chest, cover your face, go back to the apartment, and sit in front of the camera.While watching the entrance, he drank water, ate canned peaches, and smoked a few cigarettes.There is electricity, but I don't know why the water doesn't come out.There was some noise inside the gurgling, but nothing came out of the faucet.It will probably take some time.Although I want to contact the agent, because I don't want to go in and out of the apartment too frequently, let's wait and see.No flushing toilets, only peeing in small old buckets that the cleaning staff forgot. Visit at dusk in the rush of early winter.Even though the room was already dark, the lights were not turned on.Rather, Ushikawa welcomes the darkness.The light in the entrance was on, and Ushikawa continued to monitor the people passing by under the dim light. After evening, people coming in and out of the entrance became more frequent.But the number is definitely not much.It was originally a small apartment.There was no sign of Tengo in it.I didn't see a woman like Aomame either.Tengo had classes at a cram school that day.He will be back here in the evening.Tengo rarely stopped by anywhere else after work.Rather than eating out, he prefers to cook by himself and eat while reading.Ushikawa knew it.But I didn't go home for a long time that day.Maybe it was someone I met with after work. All sorts of people lived in that apartment.From young single office workers, college students, couples with children, to elderly people living alone.There are some differences in age and circumstances. They all seem to be tired of life and bored with life.Hope fades, ambition is put aside, sensibility wears down, and then only the blank abandonment and no feeling occupy each other.As if they had undergone tooth extraction two hours ago, their faces were gray and their steps were heavy. Of course, this may be Ushikawa's mistake.Maybe it's actually a joyful love of life.Open the door, maybe there is a breath-taking personal paradise inside.Perhaps it is to avoid the investigation of the tax bureau to make the appearance of a simple life.Of course this is not impossible.But what can be seen through the telescopic lens of the camera is that they are living an unchanging life in the cheap apartment that is about to be scrapped, a group of urban dwellers who will never turn over for a lifetime. In the end, Tengo was not seen either.There was no one who seemed to be related to Tengo. When the clock hovered around ten thirty, Ushikawa gave up.Today is the first day, and the state has not been fully adjusted.It's still a long time.So be it.Stretch your body slowly from all angles and rub the hard parts of your body.After eating a bean paste bread, I poured the coffee I brought into the thermos bottle into the lid and drank it.When I turned on the faucet in the bathroom, I didn't know when the water came.He washed his face with soap, brushed his teeth, and took a long pee.Smoking against the wall.I want to have a sip of whiskey.But I made up my mind not to drink a sip of wine while I was here. Get into sleeping bag with only underwear on.His body shivered slightly because of the cold.The empty room was extremely cold at night.Maybe it's worth getting a small electric heater. One shivered into the sleeping bag, thinking of the days spent surrounded by family members.Not particularly nostalgic but remembered.Rather, it is in stark contrast to the situation I am in now, and it is just an example of the natural imagination in my mind.Ushikawa is also lonely when he spends time with his family.I can't open my heart to anyone, and I also think that such an ordinary life is just passing away.Busy life as a lawyer, high income, a house in the middle of the woods, a wife who doesn't look bad, two lovely daughters who go to a private elementary school, a dog with a pedigree.So a series of things happened one after another, and after quickly destroying the original life, he was left alone.Almost relieved. Oops, there's no need to worry.Just back to square one. Is this the origin? Ushikawa curled his body into a ball like a cicada larva in his sleeping bag, looking at the dark ceiling.Perhaps because of the long-term posture, the joints of the body are aching.Shivering from the cold, eating bean paste bread for dinner, watching the entrance of a poor-quality apartment that is about to be scrapped, secretly taking pictures of people with nothing good in appearance, and urinating in a cleaning bucket.Is this the meaning of [Back to the origin]?Remember what you forgot to do.Little by little, he crawled out of the sleeping bag, poured the urine in the bucket into the toilet, and pressed the wobbly button to flush.Originally, I didn't want to get out of the sleeping bag where I had finally slept warmly, so I thought I'd just let it go.It will be troublesome if you fall heavily in the dark.Then back into the sleeping bag, shivering again from the cold. Is this what you call going back to the origin? That's probably what happened.There is nothing left to lose.Except for my own life.easy to understand.In the darkness, Ushikawa smiled like a thin knife.