Chapter 55 The fifty-fifth chapter is Qingchang.masochistic

She saw her face in the mirror aging in an instant.A grown woman's face, battered by rain and disappointment. Push open the door and walk through the hotel corridor.If ever there was such a strong feeling of loneliness, there is no escaping it now.Every part of the body is being pierced and disintegrated.This fragmented consciousness, this fragmentation, destroyed her.As if there is no one else on earth at this moment, only herself.She had never had such a determined rebellious heart to fight against all this.She would rather put her heart in an iron cage than let anyone or anything hurt her.

She thought there would be no more love and being loved.Even if there is no love, you still have to pretend that you can survive without love.It's a determination to fight. Passionate about tattooing, feeling the pain of needles piercing the skin.Go to remote and dangerous areas, climb mountains and ridges, and hike long distances.Close to the heaven and the earth with the flesh, feel its violence and baptism.Repeatedly falling in love, trying to connect with others, persistently longing for emotion, not caring at all, self-abuse and others.Open up your whole body and mind, throw yourself into the work, give it your all.Try and practice all means, let life become a rough and vicissitudes of linen that has been repeatedly beaten and rinsed in the river until it becomes light and bright.Youth was so cruel and intense.

Meet together, get married, migrate.Gain the opportunity to leave the small town that cannot be looked back.She has always wanted to pack up the past, start over with a blank identity, hold the hope of departure, and transcend the constraints of life with rational and realistic actions.Even if reality frustrates you time and time again, you never give in. The love affair with Qingchi is like a mirror, allowing her to see her own existence clearly again.Although she is strong and tenacious, her inner fear and longing for emotions have not been healed.Expect love, need love, long for love, depend on love.It's like grasping the flowing water droplets, the speed of the wind, the weak self, and the changing emotions.Like catching flowers in the sky and the moon in the water.This is the void that has long been doomed.

In the diary, she saw that he went to France to take Yu Jiang with him. They are in Paris together.During Yu Jiang's birthday, he took her to the south for vacation.She was photographed in the endless fields of lavender in the white Chanel dress he had bought for her.Write gorgeous sentences and record the romantic journey in France.Even though Qingchi told Qingchang that because he proposed to break up with her, she cried and ran away from home many times, but in the diary, she never revealed any signs of conflict.She deliberately ignores pain and emphasizes pleasure, or in other words, tries to convince and confirm that she has a future with infinitely extended emotions.Yu Jiang continues to seek a future with pure ignorance either by nature or pretend.This is her strength.

From a certain point of view, she defeated Zhou Qingchang with this strength.At the very least, the person who is with Xu Qingchi in France now is her, not Qingchang. Qing Jiu looked at the photos for a long time.Yu Jiang's young face was smiling like a flower, and she tried to imagine the situation and mood of Qing Chi standing by the lavender field and holding a camera.He told her nothing.She thought she didn't know to conceal it deliberately, or felt that this was something that had nothing to do with her.He chose to escape again. At this moment, she only felt cold and peaceful in her heart.If he and Yu Jiang were in a situation where he was willing to hide after escaping, why did she insist on letting him take sides.How can inappropriate people spend 4 years together without incident, and under the reality that each other has no prospect of marriage.Unsuitable people will not be so difficult to separate.This girl is innocent, gentle and full of vitality.She is not as violent and stubborn as Zhou Qingchang, and she questions and tortures men.She knows how to please the docile, more than anything else.

And she, pushing him again and again, is really strong, aggressive, determined to go her own way, unable to tolerate his balanced self-protection, doing nothing, as it should be.She didn't want to replace Yu Jiang, let alone Feng Enjian.All she wants is confirmation.Confirmation that the relationship between them is pure and real, that they belong to each other.Her idealistic and dangerous tendencies collapsed in front of this man who was so close to her life.She insisted on pursuing his attitude towards this relationship, even if it was just a gesture.On the material and worldly side, she has no ambitions and desires, but the only requirement for empathy and maintenance is such an incompatible pride.

In such an ambiguous and humble world, how can pride and pure emotion survive? It is doomed to be damaged, frustrated, and frustrated. Fiona said to her before, Qing Chang, you are doomed to be lonely because you always try to stay awake.When the water is clear, there will be no fish, and when people observe it, there will be no disciples.Needless to say friends, even a man who loves you deeply will be confused about how to get along with you for a long time.You blame the other person and yourself for the darkness you perceive, and never forgive. Fiona is correct.Blessed are those who are confused or pretend to be.Qing Chang would rather be blind in a relationship, seeing nothing, seeing nothing clearly.But the truth is, she sees too much, sees too clearly.And never be able to pretend to turn a blind eye.

Various forms of relationship are nothing but entanglements that wrap their respective fantasies and desires.Skim the falsehood, exaggeration, expectation, self-narcotics, greed, attachment, delusion... what else is left.The relationship between people cannot withstand such deep interrogation, excavation, analysis, and decomposition. The truth is never pleasing to the eye.The selfish and weak human nature is reflected like a mirror in the fight. In the form of adults, children's core needs to be tolerant and cared, to bear and give, to be motherly and fatherly, to last forever, but they are lacking and falling, unable to heal and fill each other.The cruelty of this relationship is gradually filtered out, and finally the other party is driven to the corner, squeezing out the viciousness and lack of protection that are carefully hidden in each other, and it is destroyed in this way.

Relying on needs in spirit and body, transcending reality.But this kind of dependence demand was finally attacked by reality.This cannot but be said to be a natural defect held by human emotion.If you fall in love with the outlines of flaws and inadequacies, you can't stick to each other, it can only be broken.We yearn and love what flies and shines in the sky, but we can only stand on the ground. Qingchang realizes that her relationship with Qingchi is doomed to be contradictory.Such a no understanding of reality, a hopeless situation with no way out. Qing Chi sent text messages or called, but she no longer answered.Just one text message to him: We drag each other out for hours.I decided that I didn't have a middle ground in my relationship.I also see you make choices.Let us each live in peace.No contact.

After sending it out, she changed her mobile phone number.He will definitely continue to look for her, but it is useless.He no longer has the strength to bear and accommodate her presence in his relationship.She was too heavy for him.He was too weak for her.That's all. She only wants a pure feeling, a pure lover.Ching Chi taught her to open herself up to the energy and soul of another being, a painful practice that hurts.His physical body in the world is just like her, which is full of holes, weak, greedy, evasive, evasive, and unable to bear.Even if she sees through his contradictory emotional characteristics as a worldly man, even though she already knows that this relationship breaks the worldly rules and is difficult to understand, there is a part of their relationship that is always beyond it.