Chapter 58 Chapter fifty-seven

The two were silent for a while, and Cen Jin asked: "You - transferred here - she - isn't sad?" "She herself kept urging me to come—" She couldn't help raising her voice: "You came when she urged you to come? Why are you so stupid? " "Why am I so stupid?" "She—urging you—is to test you. She is afraid that you will think about this, so she pushes you. If she pushes you and you don't leave, then she knows that you love her very much. As a result, when she pushes, you and go away—how you should make her sad—” Zhiqing Gulu said: "I really don't understand women. You are the ones who pushed you, and you feel sad when you push her away. What kind of tactics is this? How do men know what your women are thinking?"

"Do you want to know what a woman is thinking in her heart? It's very simple. What you think about is one thing. I want you to love her all your life, only love her, and don't love others. Whether she pushes you or pulls you, you Don't run away, always wait for her, care about her, absolutely right—" He looked at her and asked, "Are you like this?" "I?" "You pushed me back then, didn't you actually want me to go?" As if being thrown from one dream into another, it took her a while to figure out the relationship between these "she he you you" and explained: "I don't mean I—I mean— Anyway, I was different from Lin Feng at that time—"

He interrupted her: "Yes, I know you are different from her, you had someone in your heart at that time, but Lin Feng had no one in his heart—" "You know that she has no one else in her heart, yet you still leave her? How can you do it? She is alone and unable to have children, and as soon as she pushes you, you run away. Why don't you let her suffer so badly?" "I didn't run away right away—" "It's the same if you don't run right away. Didn't you run in the end?" He bowed his head and did not speak. She asked: "What about yourself? You--come here and don't--miss her at all?"

He said frankly: "How can she not miss it at all? She doesn't know how to take care of herself - she is very - decadent - and she is sick - I am not there - she is probably - eating instant noodles It's-" "Then why don't you go back and take care of her?" "But I can't be a life-caregiver! I also want to have a-normal life-I-want to have a home!" "Don't you have a family with her? Don't you live a—normal life with her?" "How can that be called a normal life?" "Isn't it normal not to have children?"

"It's not just a matter of not having children, she simply doesn't want to -make love with me-" This was beyond her expectation: "Why? Does she—don't love you?" "If you say she doesn't love it, it doesn't look like it. Most of the time, she took the initiative to do it, but when she really did it——she—changed her mind—either crying or—stopping in the middle—" She was stunned for a while, and then she realized that sex might make Lin Feng think about her inability to have children, and feel that no matter how much she did, it was useless.She put herself in her shoes and thought she could understand it. She could only blame that terrible incident, which changed Lin Feng's life, Zhiqing's life, and hers.

Although everyone's lives were affected and changed because of that incident, the combined suffering of her and Zhiqing was not as much as that of Lin Feng.She doesn't know how to help Lin Feng, if there is no Zhiqing in the middle, maybe she will become good friends with Lin Feng, let Lin Feng come to L City to find a job, maybe she can take care of Lin Feng in life, It can also enlighten Lin Feng ideologically. But with Zhiqing in it, it would be difficult for her to make friends with Lin Feng, not only because of her embarrassment, but also because of her emotional embarrassment.

She remembered a report she had read somewhere about a couple. The woman was seriously ill and was bedridden, unable to take care of the family or have sex with her husband. The wife will never leave.Finally, under the persuasion of his wife, the two divorced, and the man married a young and healthy wife.But he still didn't abandon his ex-wife who was seriously ill. The couple worked together to take care of his ex-wife, and the three lived a happy life together. She didn't know if this report was true or not. The country loves to make this kind of tear-jerking report. After the reporter finished the report, he slapped his ass away, but the three of them still had to live.She imagined that she was the ex-wife who was seriously ill. If she had no children, she would definitely die on her own. How could she drag her husband along?Also implicate the newly married woman?Maybe it will be a lifetime thing, how can you bear it?

She has a better understanding of the bride's mood, because her current situation is very similar to that of the bride. The difference is that she has not obtained a marriage certificate with Zhiqing, but they used to be husband and wife, and now they are living together. What's the difference with that bride? Perhaps what is difficult to understand is Zhiqing's mood and plans.What on earth is he thinking?Which end do you want?Do you really want both?But that is beyond his control!He wanted to have both, but neither Lin Feng nor she agreed. She omitted the thought process in the middle, and asked directly: "Then what should I do? You can't marry two women at once, can you?"

"We can only blame fate for being too cruel, otherwise, our——life would have been very simple——" She burst into tears, and she didn't know why. He panicked: "Little boy, boy, what's the matter? Did I say something bad? I didn't say anything. " "I know, you didn't say anything. I don't know why I—tears—probably old—tear glands—developed—" He agreed, "Me too. In the past few years, I seem to have a very soft heart and a lot of tears—" She wept for a while, and suggested: "You'd better—go back to her." "The transfer has been transferred, how can I go back all of a sudden? Now that the economy is in a downturn, it's hard to find a job, especially in my line of work. How can I leave as soon as I say it, and come back as soon as I say it?"

"Then—let her transfer here too?" "That would be a good idea." She didn't know what she was doing, maybe she was getting herself into an awkward situation.But she couldn't bear the thought of Lin Feng eating instant noodles all by himself with a weak body and heart full of trauma.She suggested: "When she comes, you can buy a house in P City and settle down. Now that the housing price is low, it is a good opportunity to buy a house. You have been with her for so long, but you have never bought a house ?” "The house over there is expensive, and she and I are always—parting and reuniting—"

She smiled wryly: "I'm old, and I'm still like two children. They meet and separate later. However, the separation and reunion like you just show that your relationship is still very deep. If we break up, we will divide, how can we reconcile?" In the middle of the night that night, she was woken up by Zhiqing's sobs, and at first she thought he was dreaming, but she turned his face and took a closer look, only to find that he was not dreaming, but awake.She asked with concern: "What's the matter?" He broke down in tears: "I'm so--difficult!" She knew what he meant, but didn't know how to comfort him.Don't look at him as a normal person, but he is still very bitter in his heart.She took him into her arms and let him sob into her arms.He sighed a few long breaths, kissed her, and they made love.She remembered Xiaojin's teasing, and said worriedly: "We won't——make a child?" "Isn't it good to have a baby?" "What's the matter, I'm so old—don't give birth to a—retarded—" "How could it be? You are so smart, and I am so smart. We will never give birth to a mentally handicapped child. Look at Xiaojin, how smart and beautiful! I know a couple from China. The girl is 48 and she is still alive. Had a second child." "Then they are too courageous. They were born at the age of 48, and when they retire, the child will be—a little old. Who will raise it?" "The United States doesn't force people to retire, and they can work for at least 20 years." "Twenty years later, the child is still not independent." Zhiqing reassured: "Don't worry, at our age, the chances of getting pregnant should be very small—almost zero—" She didn't know if her chances of getting pregnant at her age were zero, but she found that it was easier to reach orgasm at her age. She didn't know whether it was because she hadn't done it for many years, or it was really like "thirty as people say" A wolf is like a tiger at forty". On the contrary, Zhiqing is obviously not as good as when she was young. Although she still brags that she wants to do it as soon as she touches her, but when she really does it, it often takes some time to get into the state, unlike when she was young before, how much energy was spent on it? over control.Now Zhiqing seems to be taking it easy every time, never "I'm sorry, I'll take a step first, and I'll do it again later". She always looks like a general who has planned strategies, and after the enemy is dealt with, she calmly takes care of herself. Two people chatting and making love like this can only happen today. If it was in the past, Zhiqing might not be able to bear it long ago.She didn't know if this was a good thing or a bad thing, for her, it should be said to be a good thing; but for Zhiqing, it might not be a good thing, because it showed that he was getting old. After making love, the two lay on the bed, she sighed and said: "I used to hear people say, 'Young couples are old companions', it seems that they are right—" Zhiqing teased and said, "We're not old, where did you experience it?" "Who says we are not old?" "I'm old, but you're not old, you're—younger than ever. People—what a difference!" "What do you mean? Is she—old?" He was silent for a long time, and said vaguely: "Maybe it's because she——the body is broken——" He never explained in detail what Lin Feng suffered when he was exiled in Southeast Asia.But judging from Lin Feng's inability to have children, it should be due to that aspect of suffering.She felt sorry for Lin Feng, and also had a respect for Zhiqing. He knew all of this, but he didn't dislike him at all. He still loved Lin Feng so much. Such a man is still rare. She half-jokingly said: "If we really have a baby today, I will give it to Lin Feng." He didn't say a word, and said after a long time: "That can't lift the big stone in her heart. Isn't Xiaojin the child made by the two of us? If she can accept the child I have with another woman, she should have accepted it long ago. Little Jin-" "I was just joking. If I really want to have a child, I am reluctant to give it to others." "I'm also reluctant to give it to others." He said sincerely and looking forward to it, "Little boy, let's have another one. I didn't take good care of Xiaojin before, and this time I must make up for it twice. Believe me, I will make one." Good father and good husband, I will take good care of you and the children, I can cook now." She brought the topic back to him and Lin Feng: "Can't you find someone—a surrogate?" "It's useless to find a surrogate. You still have to use someone else's eggs, because she has a problem with that and can't ovulate normally." "Then what are you afraid of? She doesn't like your and my——'s child. If you find a surrogate and an egg donor, won't you be able to fulfill her wish?" "You don't know her, she just wants me to have a baby with her, and any other woman--with me--she wouldn't--like--" "Then adopt one?" "She doesn't want to adopt." "Then what to do?" "So it's hard for me to do—" "But it's not a way for you to escape like this?" "Then what do you say I should do?" She couldn't think of a way. It seems that women are more serious than men. The obstacle on the road is only on that road, and the foolish old man will never take a detour. Men are different, one road is impassable, first move down the mountain, if you can't move, then switch to another road. She knew the crux of Lin Feng's problem, but she didn't know how to solve it; she knew that Zhiqing should go back, but she also knew that Zhiqing's going back might not be able to solve Lin Feng's problem, and would make Zhiqing herself very troubled. There is no solution to this problem. The days swung by between having a solution and not having a solution. One weekend night, my daughter and Victor went out to watch a movie.The old couple are used to it, and they don't have to worry about it anymore. They stay at home watching TV and waiting for their daughter. It was almost eleven o'clock when the daughter came home and excitedly reported the content of the movie to her parents. She also ate some dishes carefully prepared by her parents, which moved the two old guys to tears. For some reason, Cen Jin felt that something was wrong with her daughter, but she couldn't figure it out for a while.It wasn't until her daughter went upstairs that she suddenly realized that she went upstairs and knocked on her door. The daughter opened the door and asked, "What's the matter, Mom?" "Did you - when you came back - have two - red hairpins on your head?" "What's the matter?" "I want to see--" The daughter was reluctant: "What's so interesting about hairpins?" She didn't back down at all: "Bring it to me to see." The daughter had never seen such a tough attitude from her mother, and timidly took out two red hairpins from the drawer.When she saw it, she almost fainted. They were two homemade hairpins, and the thin iron wires were covered with red hollow plastic wires. Because of the age, the red plastic wires had faded a bit.She asked tremblingly, "You two hairpins—where did you get them?" "Grandpa - for me." "Nonsense! Grandpa only has one, why do you have two?" The daughter said nothing. She was in a hurry: "You have to tell mom where this red hairpin came from! If you don't tell the truth, mom will - beat you!" The mother and daughter's voice alarmed Zhiqing, and he also ran upstairs: "What's going on? Why did Petal make Mom angry?" Cen Jin said impatiently, "Go, go, it's none of your business here." Zhiqing was too frightened to say anything. Xiaojin was also aggrieved to tears. Cen Jin calmed down and said, "Xiao Jin, Mom just wants you to tell the truth, where did this red hairpin come from—" "Victor gave it to me—" Pointing to her daughter angrily, she said, "Then he——why—why did he lie?" "What did he lie about?" "He's—why did he say his father's name was—Liu what?" "His father's name is Liu—what—" "Then why does he have this red hairpin?" "How do I know? When he saw I had one, he said he—had one too—and then he gave me his—" Zhiqing asked: "What's the matter with the red hairpin? Is it very expensive?" "It's not very expensive, but——, my dad made it for me when I was young." "That's all? Grandpa made it for mom, and petal is wearing it now, what's wrong?" "What do you know! These red hair clips, I gave one to my father, and the other—" Zhiqing's comprehension is extremely high: "Did you give it to him?"