Chapter 24 third chapter

The big green horse was finally bought away.Not the commune official with whom I had spoken, but someone from another commune, supposedly from the southern mountains.They came with four farmers and bought all twenty-four animals. It's the first cloudy day since the beginning of winter, but it doesn't look like it's going to snow.The wind is bitter and dry; dust, yellow leaves, hay and horse dung are constantly stinging and stinging on the roads, empty fields, and the corners of various houses, unable to find a home.Occasionally, a few crows flew over in panic in the hazy sky, and the fields that had been soaked in the winter water began to freeze, shrink, and crack, and the ground was pale.All the branches have lost their leaves, and they are suddenly very old.There are only a few sporadic sandy dates shaking in the wind on some branches of the sandy date trees.Such a cloudy day, such a winter, gives people a feeling that something is frozen, together with memories and expectations, as if the world is like this when people are born, and this world will never change again.

The big green horse was driven away together with its partners in such weather.From the stables, walked up the familiar path, and then branched off to the main road.It also paused briefly, and looked back at me, as if wondering why I hadn't gone with them.But a farmer whipped it casually, and it shuddered, shook its head, and finally went in the direction pointed by the farmer.The other end of the road is hidden in the gray sky.Behind them, the heavy loess slowly rises. do not!My big green horse.You know how many secrets I have, how many times I have poured out my heart to you, you have accompanied me through the moments of depression, and you have seen how I recovered as a person.After you're gone, I'm afraid I'll be gone too.I cannot wait like you to be whipped into prison again, and every indication is that that time is approaching; a very brief period of reprieve is drawing to a close.

We bid farewell to the big green horse and passed the sheep pen on the way back to the company.Beside the flock of sheep that were about to set off into the mountains, I met Zhou Ruicheng. "The cattle are sold, you are relieved!" Zhou Ruicheng greeted me with a smile.His smile is a wry smile, with the expression of a beggar when he is begging for others.I haven't paid attention to him for a long time, but when I saw him today, I found that he was even older.He was wearing an old sheepskin coat, his back was bent, and his body seemed to have shrunk half to the ground.I unconsciously walked towards him and squatted with him under the leeward wall of the sheep pen.

"This is the coat I wore last year." I opened his coat and looked at it. "The ascent to the mountain was postponed this year. At this time last year, we had been on the mountain for a month." "Yes. No one wants to go up the mountain because there is no one to be found." He said, "You have taken off this year—you have a family. This year it's time for me and 'dumb' to go up the mountain." "It's nothing," I said reassuringly, "It's just lonely on the mountain. In fact, life is very good. You can eat mutton as you please..."

"Hey! Is life just eating mutton?" His sharp mouth said with a half-smile. I froze for a moment, this was not like his usual conversation.I patted him on the knee knowingly. "You take the erhu with you, you can enjoy yourself when you are bored. Winter will pass soon." "Yes, winter will soon be over, but spring will never come again." I was even more surprised and squinted at him.It's really "wait and see for three days"!I suddenly understood the meaning of his beggar-like wry smile: what he wanted was me to talk to him.I took out my cigarette, lit it, and took a puff.ask him:

"Is there any result in your appeal?" "Fuck it!" Uncharacteristically, he suddenly cursed. "What are you still complaining about? I really regret it now! Don't you know yet? Beijing has launched another "counterattack against the rightist trend of overturning verdicts". It first started in the education sector. You have no experience in this? Any movement is based on culture and education. Then massacre!" "massacre"!How could he use this bloody and precise verb!I couldn't help but move closer to him so that he wouldn't cry out.

"It's better for you," he continued, "If you get to the bottom, you can go to labor camp, put on your hat, think about nothing, hope for nothing, and feel better in your heart. Like me: high or low Hanging not low, using carrots and sticks to deal with me, it was only in the end that I realized that it was nothing! Do you think this is uncomfortable?! I only now understand the political term they invented - what does 'hanging' mean, That is to hang people!" No matter how bad the situation is, someone will envy it. This is the characteristic of our contemporary life!But since he still thinks that I "don't want anything, don't want anything", it means that I have been pretending to be very good in front of him, and I don't need to suddenly confide in him now.

"Don't think so," I said foolishly, "you've done meritorious service! They will always remember you and solve your problems." "Bah!" He spat hard on the ground.The man had undergone a miraculous change, completely different from the past.He said, "What meritorious service, only a fool like me would do such a thing! They squeezed out what I knew, made me offend everyone, and threw me here like a bean cake!" Seeing that the shepherd does not move, the sheep lie on the ground one by one, or find a leeward corner to meditate there.Ready to go up the mountain today.They are fed in the morning so they are not in a hurry.There is an old sheep looking at me with attached eyes, maybe it can still recognize me?

Zhou Ruicheng's brows were knotted, his eyes were gloomy, his sharp mouth was twitching, and he fell into memories. "It's easier for you to be me?" he said, "From the beginning of the May 1 Loyalty and Confession Movement, I knew everything to say, all the way to the 'Cultural Revolution': report, expose! It turned out to be handed over to the leaders , and later it was handed over to the 'rebels'... Let me tell you, the life of the whistleblower is harder than that of the whistleblower..." "I don't agree with this!..." I hastily argued.I cannot play dumb on this matter.

"Listen to me," he put his hand on my hand holding the cigarette, and I felt his hand trembling, "the person who has been reported feels uncomfortable only when the materials of the report are spread in front of him, but the person who has reported I have been uncomfortable since the moment I wrote the report materials. I have written reports again and again. I can’t remember how many reports I have written in my life. Anyway, the leaders know that I am obedient and know a lot about the situation. They always call me Write, write, write! Take a political campaign to write less than 50 copies, and I have written 500 copies. Every time I write a report, I feel a psychological pressure. Old Zhang, I Tell you, what kind of person was I when I was young? I was very lively and playful! I can play all kinds of erhu, accordion, and violin, and I can play the trumpet twice. I can’t live without it on the basketball court. I am an activist, and I can dance ballroom dancing! But every report I write takes away a bit of my vitality. In order to save myself, so that I can live a safe life, I have given away the most precious things in life. Throwing it away, and finally turned into this kind of person, ghost and ghost. If I knew it, the bastard would write those materials! At worst, I will end up in this situation..."

There was a knife-like crease at the corner of his mouth, resolute and cruel.He was venting anger, not seeking sympathy, but I rolled my hand from under him and took his small, thin, dry hand. "Don't think like that, that's all over!" I said, "As far as I know, some people have framed others, sent them to jail, and even sent them to the killing field, and today he is still enjoying himself. !" "You read it wrong!" He pulled out his hand and waved it excitedly, which aggravated his denial of me. "Is that called taste? I dare say that such people, like me, have never experienced what is carefree and clear-hearted happiness. Maybe they feel good about themselves, but their lives are the same as mine. , is the life of a mouse. When a mouse is not caught by a cat, it feels very good about itself." At this time, "dumb" was carrying a small bag and wearing an old sheepskin coat, and crawled up the slope, coughing against the wind as he walked.This year, "dumb" has become much thinner, although he has been following me, I didn't let him do heavy work.God knows what he's thinking!If he could vent his depression like Zhou Ruicheng did today, maybe he would feel better. However, he has no education, so he can only do nothing. Zhou Ruicheng stood up, shrugged his shoulders, and put on his coat.This action is quite military-like, and I seem to have seen him handsome and unrestrained twenty or thirty years ago. "I asked myself to go up the mountain this time." He said, "I am willing to go. Maybe after I go down the mountain, there will be another world at the bottom of the mountain. Alas, 'A day in the mountain is a thousand years in the world'!" "What kind of world do you expect to become?" I asked him with squinted eyes. "Do you know who they're targeting this time?" he asked me back. "I don't know." I wanted him to say it first. "Zhou and Deng!" He covered his mouth and said three words, then put his hands down.There was a gloomy glint in the small eyes, "When these two fall, the last hope of the Communist Party will be over. At that time, as the saying goes: 'After the three springs are gone, all the fragrances will be gone, and each of them will have to find his own way'." "So what are you going to do?" I asked curiously. "It doesn't matter to me, they won't do anything to me for the time being." He looked at me bluntly. "Because I'm not like you: first, I haven't been through labor reform; second, I don't have a hat; third, I came from the urban poor, while you are a bourgeoisie; fourth, they haven't removed my cadre status yet, and You are the most inferior farm worker. I am also a military student, maybe I will be useful in the future. And you," he resumed his humble and dignified posture, and poked my chest with his finger. "Brother, do you still remember what the captain pointed at your nose and scolded you when we were in prison? He said: 'Zhang Yongqiu, don't dream of turning the world upside down. If there is any trouble outside, you will be beheaded first to show the public!' Of course, he At that time, the meaning was just to scare you and tell you to be honest, but there is truth in what he said, you have to be careful, they kill you like killing a bedbug, and you don’t need to be responsible to any agency or anyone .” "Dumb" hadn't climbed up the slope slowly, and the wind kept catching his feet with his too long coat.Zhou Ruicheng withdrew his gaze, looked at me and continued: "You didn't see? Hu Shimin and Li Yijun are good examples. Hu Shimin was the head of the division's propaganda section. He worked in 1949 and had no criminal record. They killed him. When he was rehabilitated, he apologized and held a memorial service. , the captain lost his official position, otherwise this Cao Xueyi would not be able to come here. I heard that this lawsuit has not yet been concluded. As for Li Yijun, he is just a farm worker on your farm, just like you: he has been reformed through labor, has a hat, and He was killed, who can say a fair word for him now?" This usually cautious and taciturn person actually sees everything in his eyes and keeps everything in his heart! "Yes." I twisted the cigarette butt into pieces. "Actually, Li Yijun died more unjustly than Hu Shimin. It can be said that Hu died of his own illness, but Li was the one who made them die." "Yeah, didn't we all see it with our own eyes in prison?" "Then what do you think I should do?" This person must be scheming, and I really want to ask him for advice. "Brother," although his mouth was ridiculously sharp, his tone was sincere. "It's still true what Chairman Mao said: 'Don't be afraid to smash the pots and pans.' In the past, I was just afraid of smashing the pots and pans at home, so that I could live a safe life. In the end..." He spread his hands and repeated, " It still looks like this! You are a smart person, you should know: "Thirty-six strategies, the best strategy is to walk"; "A person moves to live, a tree moves to die"..." "Dumb" approached.He stopped talking.He walked towards the "dumb", and together with the "dumb", he waved the short whip for herding sheep, and knocked up the sheep one by one. I helped the two of them drive the sheep on the road to the hills with the horsewhip.When we broke up, I smiled and said to him: "You and 'dumb' are very good together. In this year, this kind of person is the safest." "Not necessarily." He turned his head and glanced at me meaningfully: "The day when the 'dumb' speaks is coming soon!" The big green horses headed east, and the flock of sheep headed west, toward the mountains shrouded in dark clouds, and scattered a lot of sheep dung along the way.The mutton smell floating in the cold and dry air finally gradually faded away.Since then, they and the flock have disappeared from my sight forever.