Chapter 2 Chapter One
Maybe I've seen her in the past and didn't pay attention.Maybe I never met her.In short, this time, she left a very deep impression on me.
Two months ago, I was transferred from the large group to manage the rice fields.In the reform-through-labor team, I was the team leader. When I was transferred to the field management team, I was still the team leader of the field management team.The captain Wang who transferred me, a local cadre and a little old man from a peasant background, said to me, smoking a self-rolled trumpet cigarette: "The transfer of you to be the team leader is because the leader trusts you. Bear! Those twelve people can't do anything. Difficult to manage! Everyone can do it, and everyone has problems. If you bitch can manage those twelve guys well, you can become the factory director who manages eight hundred people when you go out."
At that time, he was squatting on a high embankment, and I just came up from the mouth of the canal filled with water, and stood in front of him barefoot.He seemed to want to say something more, but finally he didn't say anything, he just focused on smoking.A pensive expression appeared on his wrinkled, skinny little face.Of course I don't know what he is thinking, but I know that this is the expression that any reform-through-labor cadre must show when he assigns a special task to a prisoner.A pensive look expresses seriousness, and seriousness expresses the insurmountable boundary between him and you.This kind of expression also shows that his arrangement is prudent and has been weighed and weighed repeatedly. It is even determined by a higher-level group discussion by flipping through your file materials. At the same time, it also shows the importance of this task.Cadres with a low level of education and who are not good at words often use silence to make you pay attention to his few words.Keeping silent will make you realize that from now on, because of this "trust", the burden on your shoulders will be even heavier.Moreover, because this is not just a general reform of you, but a double reform, it often gives you the opportunity to be rewarded for meritorious service and even released early.Therefore, this is often the key to your life's destiny.
There was as much kindness in his affective silence as he could, which I understood.
He squatted on the canal dam to smoke, and I stood under the canal dam and turned my feet alternately, rubbing the bare insteps with the soles of my feet.When the rice was first sown, the mosquitoes had not yet been born, but swarms of "little bites" gathered together and swarmed up, which would make people upset and irritable.This kind of flying insect, which is smaller than a grain of sand, can penetrate into people's ears, eyelids, neck, armpits, hair roots, crotch... It is almost pervasive.When it bites, a pimple hundreds of times larger than it will immediately swell up on the skin.While rubbing my feet, I waved my arms and danced, looking up at him.
Yet he did not speak.He wore linen stockings, a hat, and a cigarette in his hand, and he had a whole set of defenses against "little bites," so he was in no hurry to go.The brigade has come a long way.At the end of the tall Douqu Dam, where the canal turns, under a few thick willow trees, the golden sunset reflects their black prison uniforms.They lined up, carrying shovels and swinging their arms.Looking at their backs as they go away, I feel that they are full of energy and cute.Where the canal turns, it is passing the village where there is a girl Xifu.Of course, the intimacy with them is mainly because I am one of them.In this world, I belonged to the labor camp, not anywhere else.What's more, there is such a familiar singing faintly heard over there, rippling on the fields that have just been planted in time with the gurgling water of the canal:
Transformation, transformation, transformation so ah!
Come back at night, a big ladle!
hey-hey!Yahohehe!Ya - ho he!
Even though I was bitten by a "little bite", I couldn't help showing a mischievous and understanding smile.These are the last two lines of the "Reform-through-Labor Team Anthem" that we prisoners made up by ourselves. "The Song of the Labor Reform Team" described a day's life of the prisoners in the labor reform camp in a witty Northwest slang, and composed it in the light-hearted and funny tune of "Ningxia Daoqing". The main Shilu showed the optimism behind the barbed wire. "Reform, reform, make such a change!" Singing with a local accent, it is very similar to the Mandarin that is being promoted, "Dump the stove, pour the stove, pour such a stove." And "come back at night with a big ladle", how fragrant and attractive it is A big scoop!The chopped scallions are sprinkled a lot, and the rice noodles are thick and thick. "Guaji", "Guaji", "Guaji"... The cook kept waving his thick arms vigorously, leaning over the steaming vat, with mechanical speed and accuracy, using a short knife the size of a sea bowl With an iron ladle in hand, pour the "rice and flour blend" into the lunch boxes of the prisoners in the labor camp.The "rice noodle blend" is also sprinkled with the sweat of the cooks, so the mechanical sound - "croak croak" and the mechanical movements are really full of human touch.
I want to go back to the ranks, go back to the cell as soon as possible, and enjoy that "big scoop" as soon as possible.How wonderful is the sound of "xiuxiu" eating in that hall!
However, if Captain Wang doesn't speak, I can't leave.This is the rule in the labor camp.I know the whole set of rules, because I've been through labor twice.It is precisely because I have been reformed through labor twice that I entered the palace for the second time, and because I am familiar with the whole set of rules, I was honored to be the leader of the four groups and sixty-four prisoners as soon as I was sent to the labor reform team. .Today is not what it used to be, and this reform through labor is much more beautiful than the previous reform through labor.The reform-through-labor team adheres to a set of concepts and values that are completely different from those of the outside world.This is strange but not strange.Outside, people with political problems are discriminated against and cannot be reused, while people with corrupt morals are often treated as "contradictions among the people" and are considered to be mistakes in life style. An object of unity and education.In the labor reform team, political prisoners can almost always gain the trust of the labor reform cadres. Although this trust is only manifested in a very narrow aspect, it is different from their attitude towards criminal prisoners.What's more, in the reform-through-labour teams, "everyone can make the best use of their talents", and whoever can do what he can do will be assigned to a place where he can give full play to his expertise.The labor camp itself is an independent kingdom.Agriculture, industry, and commerce are all available, including all different labor departments.There was a doctor who cleaned toilets outside all day, but after entering the labor camp, he became an attending doctor of internal medicine.Ah, in this chaotic age, the labor camp is heaven!
Although I, the reform-through-labor prisoner, didn't stand in front of him respectfully, dancing, twisting, scratching my ears and shaking my head, the captain of the reform-through-labour didn't blame him, and continued to inhale contemplatively. That thick and long cigarette.I didn't walk away, because I thought he would reveal some outside information to me.Similar to Captain Xie I once knew, this skinny reform-through-labor cadre is actually a kind-hearted man who loves to talk and laugh.People who have dealt with the loess on the plateau since childhood are naturally as simple-minded as the loess; traditional manual agricultural labor keeps their minds in traditional concepts, and when they suddenly propose that "class struggle should be talked about every day and every month." ’, it’s hard for them to understand at all.For example, when we labor reform prisoners were working in the fields, singing the "reform team song" or telling some obscene jokes, in this era of singing "Quote songs", he squatted on the ridge Just listened, didn't scold us, and took off his hat, patted his bare head, and sighed with a grin, "Oh, you bitches! Oh, you bitches! …" Send out his heartfelt appreciation.He heard that the Vietnamese military and civilians had shot down several American planes, and he also used "these bitches" to praise the Vietnamese military and civilians.We also noticed that he fondled his grandson—on one occasion, he actually carried his three-year-old grandson into the field where the labor camp prisoners were working, also using the word "bitch"!Therefore, whenever the reform-through-labour prisoners hear him calling himself a "bitch", they will feel a kind of family warmth.
Last summer, the first month of the "Cultural Revolution", our labor reform brigade weeded weeds in the rice fields.Captain Wang went to the city with the public security officers to visit the "Exhibition of Achievements of the Cultural Revolution" in the province. After returning, he didn't enter the house. Busy ran to the field.He stood on the ridge and searched with his eyes, and when he saw me, he stepped across two ditches and shouted to me excitedly:
"Oh! Zhang Yonglin, you bitch! That poem you wrote in 1957 was written in walnut-sized characters and hung in the exhibition hall!" He said and gestured with his hands: a walnut is how big.His rough brown thumb and forefinger form a circle.The circle is strong and powerful, without any elegant and distant artistic conception, but it vividly turns the poem into a real material force. "Oh, you bitch! Oh, you bitch! What a big word! You can fucking write..."
At this time, people's understanding was that the meaning of words is directly proportional to the size of words, and they have begun to print any sentence of "Quotations from Chairman Mao" in any article in a bold font that is one size larger.In this way, he thought that the poem I wrote in 1957 must be very important and meaningful, otherwise, why did I write it with the words "big walnut"?Although it was a "criminal evidence" for criticism, it gained a special status in his mind.After hearing his yelling, the other prisoners in the labor camp all looked sideways at me, with a hint of surprise and respect in their eyes.I didn't change my face, I still bent over and lowered my head to pull the weeds, but I couldn't help feeling sad and proud in my heart.Nine years have passed, but people outside still hold me tight and want to show my poems to the public.But on the other hand, doesn't this also mean that I have become a historical figure?A historical figure is actually created by the masses, and it does not depend entirely on his own merits or demerits. As long as he cannot be forgotten in any "mass movement", he will involuntarily obtain a certain historical status.However, the fate of historical figures is dominated by history, not by his own will.I straightened up, tied the weeds in my hands into bundles, and threw them on the field ridge.I see the mountains in the distance, silent and solemn.I bent down and pushed aside the rice seedlings to look for weeds. There were sparkling spots of light on the surface of the turbid muddy water, and the butterflies were changing.what!These two pictures are history: both stable and unstable; as a human being, we should not only respond to changes with the same, but also strive to change to adapt to history!
When I straightened up again and threw another bundle of weeds to the edge of the field, I suddenly felt that I was taller, like a tragic hero.I looked around at the prisoners bending over to weed weeds, just like Jesus looked at the two thieves on the left and right of him on the cross, and thought "I am the Son of God", and I felt a sense of spiritual superiority resulting in mercy.
Thanks for the information he sent me!Man needs self-righteousness and self-importance to support himself in trouble and humiliation.
Sure enough, history has changed surprisingly quickly.In autumn, after harvesting the rice, the prisoners in the labor camp began to carry the bundles of harvested rice to the side of the road, and then they were pulled by carts to the grain field.In Liu Guang's field, under the dense yellow rice stubble, the moist brown primitive land was exposed.Looking from the high Douqu dam, the earth is slowly evaporating water vapor; in the rice fields cut into a checkerboard pattern by vertical and horizontal ditches, canals, and ridges, countless ants-like prisoners in black prison uniforms are running to and fro.We lifted the heavy bundles of rice tied with grass to the edge of the field, tied them on the long ropes laid on the ridge of the field, and then tightened them with knots at the back. We sat down and squeezed our shoulders hard. Go into the back rope that crosses herringbone, and then arch your waist forward vigorously.A pile of rice sticks to his back and he carries it on his back.Of course, I, the group leader, must take the lead. Usually, I recite more than others.Here, there is nothing else, there is no distinction between family background, education level, and history of innocence. "Reform through labor" is our fixed occupation. Therefore, only those who work well and know how to work can get special treatment.I work well and know how to work, so I can manage others and scold others.Then I can gain "trust" and become a free criminal, and when I return to my cell, not only will I have that "big scoop", but in addition to the "big scoop", I will be given a "big scoop".Labor creates man, so man's primitive nature is naturally inclined to physical labor; intense physical labor will arouse the subconscious nature that has been submerged by civilization and has already become human subconsciousness, and suddenly make man go back tens of thousands of years , I feel a kind of psychological pleasure that I am developing, changing, and enriching my own quality.
Go back tens of thousands of years ago to reproduce the process of progress, and enjoy satisfaction and happiness in this process!
Five years have passed since Haixixi and I competed in manual labor, and since I was fed by lantana flowers and became a laborer with normal physical strength, I have enjoyed the satisfaction and joy of returning to my ancestors countless times in labor .
As soon as I put into labor, when the shovel is in my hand, when the sack touches my shoulder, when the rice sheaf sticks to my back, I will be fascinated and go crazy, just like the lovely girl in "Red Ling Yan". Once the heroine puts on those magic shoes, she will keep jumping, jumping, jumping until she dies.
When I carried the rice on my back, I often had a greedy mentality, always trying to measure how much pressure I could bear.There is nothing like the weight on your back to prove the fundamental proposition of the philosophy that the world is made of matter.A bundle of rice is as thick as a cow's loin, and the average prisoner in a labor camp only carries two to three bundles.But five bundles are not enough for me, I have to carry six bundles; six bundles are not enough, I have to carry seven bundles... Passing by Captain Wang, Captain Wang will give him such admiration: "Oh, you bitch, you are worse than a donkey." Can carry it!"
Hey!What is a donkey? !
I am me!
And pack up weak self-pity and self-love,
Bring out another spirit to fight with fate!
Because I memorized a lot, I often got help from Captain Wang.When I tied the bundle of rice, sat on the ground, tucked it into my shoulders, and was about to bend over and arch my back, Captain Wang took the initiative to run up behind me for me.There is a big difference between having this arm and not having it.At the moment of bending over and arching the back, just like the moment when a weightlifter snatches a heavy barbell, as long as the two legs can stand up, he can take a step with heavy things on his back.
"Don't try, don't try!" he said, "If you try and vomit blood, it will be a lifetime thing."
One day, I put my shoulders in the rope, and he ran over again, but he ignored me, lying on the rice that I tied, sighed and said:
"Oh! You bitch, you'd better stay in the labor camp." I heard him smacking his lips behind my back. "What are you doing? I went to the city the day before yesterday, and I saw that the secretary of the provincial party committee and the chairman of the province were being dragged around the streets! Wearing old-fashioned paper hats, and knocking on a broken washbasin in their hands: 'I It’s a capitalist roader——, I’m a capitalist roader——!’ What are you doing? Last time we visited the ‘Cultural Revolution Achievements Exhibition’, the Red Guards said it was done by capitalist roaders to cover up their crimes.” The trick is that our province never had a "Cultural Revolution" at all, and now we have to go through the provincial party secretary, the provincial chairman and the local rich and anti-corrupt rightists. No wonder, on the street, behind the provincial party secretary, There's a long line of your numbers, men and women, beyond count, with paper hats; It was your good fortune to send you to the labor camp! Otherwise, you are outside now, and you are not like those people, and you will be punished to death!"
The tassels of weeds scratched my face, making it itchy.The smell of old tobacco leaves in his mouth is pungent, and when he wants to smoke a cigarette but has no time to smoke, this smell is also enjoyable.Hearing the news he told me, I suddenly felt at ease in my whole body: If history continues to change at this speed, will the turning point for the fate of the whole country and individuals be far behind?
So, I became even more stupid, seven bundles were not enough, I had to carry eight bundles!Captain Wang was taken aback: "You bitch, what's the matter with dying? You have to stay for two years before you can go out. You do most of the work."
"It doesn't matter, you come!" I turned around, untied the back rope, and added another bundle.Even if the weight of the seventeen layers of hell above the head does not lighten, the ghosts who are pressed on the bottom will feel relaxed as long as they swing back and forth a few times.What's more, I have such a good "good luck": in today's world, who would have thought that the labor reform team, which is clearly stipulated in the "Six Articles of Public Security" that "no assaults are allowed", is just a paradise in the world?
...However, this time, he didn't reveal anything to me, he just kept smoking silently.I was very disappointed, and also suffered from the "little bite".The 24-row planter pulled by the tractor was parked on the side of the road. It had been baked by the sun for a day, exuding a smell of motor oil. Modern tools, and repels all its smells, so this pungent oil smell is particularly unpleasant.I finally couldn't bear it any longer and asked him:
"Captain Wang, is there anything else?"
"Well," he turned his head, as if he realized that I was still standing under the ditch where he was squatting. "No more." He said, leaned forward, and handed me the remaining half of his roll-your-own cigarette. "Go back."
"You go back" was telling me to go back to the cell of the labor reform team, not to go back to any other place.I know this.I squeezed his roll-your-own cigarette and pinched off his wet tail.But when I pinched it, the whole cigarette fell apart.Damn, he's not as good at rolling cigarettes as I am.But it doesn't matter now, I have my own cigarettes.The reform-through-labor teams were given a few pocket money every month, and they also sold cigarettes, which was very different from what it was in 1960.I took out an aluminum needle box I picked up from the garbage pile next to the medical office, carefully poured his tobacco leaves into it, and took out a whole cigarette from the needle box, which looked like a silver cigarette case, and lit it. On fire: "Back!"
His long silence revealed more information to me than what he said to me. The chaos outside and the rapid changes in history probably couldn't even be explained clearly by him.If he didn't speak, it proved that he was too confused to speak; if he didn't speak, it proved that he was dumbfounded by the changes.It's nothing I can imagine.All prisoners in the labor camp are Hegelians; "being" can be born from "nothing", there is no empty space and time in the world, and the seemingly empty place is actually full of the most active hope.
His arrangement made me see her.
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