Last year, I went back to northern Shaanxi like a dream. I want to go back to northern Shaanxi, and go back to the place where I jumped in the queue. I have been thinking about it for almost ten years. There is nothing wrong with my spirit, and I have always understood that it was just a dream.The place where I jumped in the queue was thousands of miles away from Beijing. I took the train and then the train, reversed the car and reversed the car, and then there were dozens of miles of mountain roads that were not accessible by cars.The only good thing about me is that I am sane, and I expressed my abhorrence for the two broken legs; then I came back to reality.What's more, this is not the only regret that these two legs give me.

I wrote a novel about queue jumping the year before last, and many people said it was still the same.I just talked about my dream with a few friends who also write novels.People say that I have always had many dreams, but this time it may not be true. If the Writers Association is willing to help, some of their brothers are willing to carry me back to northern Shaanxi on their backs.I'll always be gold in making friends, too bad there's no competition.The comrades of the Writers Association said why I didn’t say it earlier, I said that if I knew it, I would have said it a long time ago, and everyone said “cough——!”

Insomnia for several nights.Head by head, I thought about the appearance of the cows I had fed, wondering if any of them were still alive.The lifespan of farm cattle is generally only ten years.I thought about the fellow villagers in the village one by one. Some of them must have been too old to recognize, and some had grown up and changed their appearance. Of course, the baby born after I left would not recognize it.I also thought about the old stone kilns we lived in back then, wondering if they still exist.I also thought about the names of those mountain ridges, hills, and ravines, some of which I couldn't remember clearly.I have held cattle for two years. In order to know where there is good grass, I have traveled all over those mountain ridges, mountain grasses, and ravines...

The trip date was quickly set.I take a tablet of Valium every night to recharge my batteries.I also thought of a friend of mine who jumped in the queue in Jinzhong and is now a screenwriter for a theater troupe in Beijing. He married at the age of 32 and took his wife to the place where he jumped in the queue to travel and get married. He didn't speak again, and the closer he was to the village he stayed in, the greener his face became.When I entered the village, I met the first person, and I recognized him at a glance. The bearded boy burst into tears without saying a word. I think many people who have jumped in line can understand, but probably no one can explain why they cry.But I think I'd better not be like that.But our gang of literature and art seems to be a bit mentally ill.But I don't see it that way.

A group of seven people, except me, have never been to northern Shaanxi, and five of them are very excited. I don't know where to learn a few folk songs in northern Shaanxi, and sing them hummingly.I said, what you sang has been tampered with and lost a lot of human touch.There is only one exception. If it wasn't for me, why would he go to northern Shaanxi? "I might as well use this half-month leave to go back to Taihang Mountain." He served as a soldier in Taihang Mountain for several years.Along the way, he always talked about his Taihang Mountain, saying that his Taihang Mountain was much more magnificent and beautiful than my Loess Plateau.I said maybe the opposite.He said: "The folk songs are not worse than yours," he said, so he stretched his neck and sang: "It's really good to be a good girl," and I sang with him: "Walk like floating on water..." "Nonsense! This is obviously a folk song from northern Shaanxi." "Nonsense!" He also said, "Of course it's from the Taihang Mountains."

After a while, someone will remind us: Taihang Mountain is also part of the Loess Plateau. "Northern Shaanxi is just a part of the Loess Plateau." He said that it seemed to have found a little balance. When I left there more than ten years ago, my fellow villagers said that I must never know whether I will see it again in this life.At that time, I only had pain in my waist and legs, and it was difficult to walk. When I returned to Beijing to see a doctor, I didn't expect it to be so severe.The villagers did not expect that my legs would be disabled, but they already expected that I would not go back.It was spring, and there was little rain that spring, and the yellow wind was blowing all over the mountains and plains.The sun was dim and rising from Dongshan.The people who suffered in the mountains were carrying old shovels, hoes, and curved wooden plows, standing on the high earth cliff at the head of the village and looking at me from afar.I can guess what they are saying: "Why, go back to Beijing." "Why, don't be tortured here." "These will go sooner or later." The villagers collectively refer to the educated youth as "these" or "those".

Zhong Wei helped me load my luggage into the donkey cart and tie it up.He and Sui Sui sent me to the county seat.The dolls chased across the river, forcing our donkey cart to run, and finally couldn't catch up, so they all stood still and watched us go away.The donkey cart walked along the Qingping River, which was only a few feet wide.I drove the car along, always worried that it would cost a lot of money to stay in the county, and wanted to return the same day.Zhong Wei said: "A round trip of 160 to 70 miles, even if you beat the donkey to death, you won't be able to drive it back. Don't worry, you don't need to pay a penny of the rent and meals."

Sui Sui breathed a sigh of relief, and said to me: "I'm afraid I won't be able to return after I leave." Sui Sui was a few years older than me and had studied for three years. "Do you have to go back? I'm afraid I won't remember it." He tapped the cigarette pot on the sole of his shoe, and the upper of the blue cloth shoe was densely covered with a cloud-like pattern with white threads.I just said, "How could I forget? No." On the high dirt cliff at the head of the village, there seemed to be someone standing there looking at us... It has been more than ten years, and I want to go back and have a look at that place and the people there, not for anything else.