Chapter 71 Section VI

Outside the window, the night is dark and rainy; inside the house, Shun Quan is sleeping soundly. I didn’t drink the prepared medicine in the end, and it was already cold. Seeing him sleeping soundly, I couldn’t bear to wake him up. For cancer patients, sleep is more precious than taking medicine.Immediately after I came back, I suggested that Shunquan be sent to the hospital for treatment.Liying said that he was not willing to do so. Whenever a car passed by the door, he would look terrified, thinking that he was going to be dragged to the hospital. The scene like a child afraid of leaving home made people feel sad, so it is not good to force it.I said that human life is a matter of heaven, how can we rely on dying patients!Liying seemed to have something hard to say, and she said after a long time that her aunt didn't know that one injection of medicine for Shunquan's disease cost thousands of dollars, and the little money for death was gone.I said why Brother Seven is so downcast, what about his paintings?Everyone knew the reputation of Seventh Master Shun back then!Liying said that those paintings "Cultural Revolution" were copied and burned, and there was not much left. In addition to daily use, most of them came from this. He had never been in a state unit, and he didn't even have a pension or medical expenses. He only relied on her to weave socks every month. The factory's pension... I blamed myself for my carelessness. I always thought that Shunquan would live well by selling paintings for a living. Isn't there a lot of money in the painting and calligraphy circles now?With Shunquan's skills, he will never be unable to support himself.But I ignored Shunquan's strict painting style, and I ignored that he is good at meticulous meticulous painting of flowers and birds. Nowadays, time is measured by money, and when everything is in a hurry, who would care to appreciate the wren he painted The fine feathers of the wren, the tender pistils of the begonia... Looking at Liying, who has several strands of silver on her temples, I feel a little sorry for her.I have always thought that she and her natal family are too common and practical, and are not at the same level as the elegant and elegant Shunquan. Don't you know that when the elegance reaches the old and sick, what you can rely on is not elegance but reality.

I walked to the door and listened to the sad rain outside. The water from the eaves was dripping on the stone steps, just like my chaotic thoughts.Waiting for a loved one who is seriously ill in the long night is a necessary process in life, a kind of bitter happiness, and also a kind of helplessness.The pot lid on the stove made a popping sound, and the spout also made a whining sound. In a trance, some kind of harmony was added, and it was faintly heard. Barren hills, like a lonely bird mourning on the beach, rushing and slowing down, appearing and disappearing, weeping unceasingly, gradually disappearing... I opened the door of the room and called Liying to listen, but the lights in the flower hall had been turned off, presumably the person had died Go to sleep, the silent courtyard is filled with autumn rain that calls people's names, and the piercing wind makes people tremble from the bottom of their hearts.Turning around and entering the room, I suddenly heard the breathing of two lives on the kang. I was so horrified that I held my breath and stared at the sleeping Shun Quan. Under the light of the fire, his face had clearly changed, becoming distant and unfamiliar.All this tells me that the small heap in the garden is not only shrouded in one person's dream—the aunt and grandmother who cut off her own blood vessel, who was unbearable to be lonely, depressed, and tortured by illness, was lying in the same position in Shunquan's position, leading With infinite worry, indignation and despair towards the world, he left with hatred.

In this family, the only grandparent I have ever seen is my great-aunt.It is said that this aunt had an astonishingly beautiful appearance when she was young.When my father returned from Japan, he brought a German camera and took pictures of everyone in the family.Only the aunt and grandmother were "forgotten", so that everyone in the family, including the grandmother's lap dog, had photos left behind, but the aunt and grandmother didn't have any.It was only when the whole family was attending the funeral for their grandmother that I found this Jiangnan woman in the corner of the back row in a general photo taken before the funeral.At that time, although my aunt and grandmother had passed middle age and were dressed in onyx, she was still graceful and eye-catching.There are many female relatives in the relatives, and there are not a few handsome ones, but the rouge of the North is not as good as the gold powder of the Southern Dynasty. Compared with the aunt and grandmother, they are all lacking in beauty.

When my aunt and grandmother were bought by my grandfather from the Qingyin small class in Bada Hutong, he was twenty-six, and my grandfather was already an old man with beard and beard and shambling feet.The beautiful aunt and grandmother were carried from the brothel by the grandfather in a green cloth sedan chair, and when she appeared at home in Han Chinese attire, dozens of members of the family were stunned.The servants said that instead of biting the grandmother's aunt, the grandmother's lap dog jumped off the grandmother's lap and stood upright in front of the aunt and grandmother to worship her. It can be seen that dogs also like beautiful people.

The aunt kowtowed to the grandmother, and the grandmother asked her what her name was with a cold face, and the aunt said that she could call her whatever she wanted.Grandma said, cats and dogs are still famous, how can a living person be unknown?It's ignorant not to answer a question!The aunt and grandmother didn't say a word, just bowed their heads and shed tears. When they first entered the house, they experienced the majesty of the eldest lady. One can imagine the days to come.Some people said that my aunt and grandmother just didn't understand the rules of the big house, so there was no reason why the superiors didn't answer the questions directly, and they were obviously waiting to be reprimanded.Some people also said that it is not easy to report the flower names in the kiln to the old lady, and it is even more disrespectful to pollute the old lady's ears.

The grandfather thought that taking a concubine was not a big deal, but the grandfather ignored the grandmother's aloof and strong character, and the grandmother had a big fight with the grandfather over this matter.Grandmother said, taking a concubine is licentiousness if you are not an heir. You already have four sons, which are enough to support your family, so why bother!My grandfather was also a stubborn person. In a fit of rage, he went to live in Tantuo Temple in the west of Beijing. He discussed scriptures with the old monk every day and never returned home.Grandma said that since grandpa likes to be bald, she might as well follow the monk's example and cut off the black hair to win his love.True to her word, Grandmother chased her to Tantuo Temple.He cut off his hair in front of his grandfather, and he kept saying that he wanted to imitate Empress Nala of Qianlong, and used the act of cutting hair to admonish the emperor to favor folk prostitutes.

According to the "Compendium of Qingjian": "Thirty years in February, the emperor was in Hangzhou, and tried to go ashore late at night. Later, he stopped, and wept. The emperor called him crazy. He ordered him to return to Beijing first." In Qianlong My own words: "I respectfully entrust the Empress Dowager to make a tour of Jiangsu and Zhejiang. At the time when she was having a good time, the Empress's nature suddenly changed, her traces became crazy, and she was caught in the wrong. She cut her own hair, which is taboo because of the custom..." separated by one hundred and six For more than ten years, two hair-cutting incidents of exactly the same nature ended in completely opposite endings.Empress Nala died in the second year because of "sudden change of sex, and crazy obsession with traces". After her death, there was no place to bury her. sacrifice.Li Yuming, the censor who dared to speak for the queen, was also dismissed from office and exiled to Yili, never to return.Jinxian students were beheaded because of their injustice.A Yong'a, the servant of the Ministry of punishment, was banished to the north and garrisoned in Heilongjiang.Jin Rucheng, Shangshu of the Ministry of Justice, was stripped of his crown and returned home to "do his filial piety"... The uproar caused by the haircut in the 32nd year of Qianlong ended in the Queen's defeat.

However, the hair-cutting incident in my family in the first year of Xuantong ended with the victory of my grandmother: the aunt and grandmother were not given the title of wife, and she was relegated to the west side courtyard, the courtyard door was locked, and the key was kept by the grandmother. Miscellaneous people are not allowed to come close if they have nothing to do, and they eat three meals a day, which are the same as the servants, and they are passed in from the wall.Later, people learned from friends of my grandfather that the reason why my grandfather dared to ignore my grandmother's vinegar rain and sour wind and let my aunt and grandmother in was mainly because of her soft and tender Kunqu opera.However, my aunt and grandmother have been locked into the side courtyard since entering the house, and she changed her old style when she met her grandfather occasionally.The grandfather was very annoyed, but there was nothing he could do, and soon lost interest in his aunt and grandmother, leaving her to fend for herself.

Many years later, my fifth sister went back to live with her husband and lived in a side courtyard, and my aunt and grandmother were moved to a small house in the back garden, where they still had no access to the family.As a daughter-in-law who was born in a family in Tongcheng and older than this mother-in-law, she naturally had no common language with her aunt and grandmother who was born in Qingyin's small class, and her contempt was undisguised.Later, my aunt and grandmother could also go out of the room to eat with the servants in the kitchen, but she never chatted with anyone, she came and walked silently, and never went out of the backyard hut for nothing, so outside Few people know that there is such a person as my aunt and grandmother in the family.

It is precisely because of my great-aunt's youth that I had a short reunion with her in this family.My mother said that when I was still learning to climb, I was taken care of by my aunt and grandmother. At that time, her lower limbs were already paralyzed, and she leaned on the earth kang in front of the window all day long, watching the movement of tree shadows and counting the birds flying down.Whenever I was hugged by my mother to her side, her cold eyes became a little angry. To her, I was a living thing after all, a harmless living thing to her. Since she entered this house, after all, There are also useful things to do - look after the granddaughter.I was able to give joy and comfort to an old woman who was dying in my ignorance when I was young. I cannot but thank my mother who came from a poor family. To my aunt and grandmother.Before my mother left, she blocked the edge of the kang with long pillows, so that if I, who was able to roll and climb well, fell to the ground, my aunt would not be able to "fish" me up.

On this kang, how many days and months have I rolled with my aunt and grandmother, I can’t remember clearly. I heard from my mother that my aunt and grandmother had some kind of disease. , except for my mother, no one even entered the back garden.When it was difficult, my aunt and grandmother shouted with all their strength: It hurts—someone come and see me! ——The hoarse and miserable call lingered in the back garden for several months, but no one went in, let alone a doctor.The aunt and grandmother, who could not bear the suffering of the illness, finally used scissors to pierce the blood vessels in both wrists, and let the blood flow slowly, slowly seeping into the kang below her body. Until it runs out, penetrates. When I grew up, I once inquired about my great-aunt's name and place of origin. This is what my grandmother asked and was rejected when I first met her.To be rejected was somewhat of a pity in the grandmother's heart. Although this regret was insignificant to the grandmother, it undoubtedly defended the reputation and self-esteem of another family to the great-aunt.She never talked about her family background and background to anyone, but she was sold into a prostitute at a young age, which shows the poverty and misery of her family, and the hidden pain in her heart must be hard to tell.It's just that my mother told me that once when my aunt and grandmother were chatting with her, she accidentally mentioned that when she was a girl at home, her nickname was "Suifeng".I always feel that this name is too weird, not like a person's name, especially not like a girl's name, so I asked my mother if she remembered it correctly.My mother said absolutely not, it was my aunt who said, "follow the wind", not anything else.There are always slips of the tongue, not to forget that my aunt and grandmother had Su Bai, who made my grandfather fall in love with her words, and the situation of unclear words has to be considered. I wrote these stories into an essay.