Chapter 13 Chapter Thirteen

One day, when I was walking on the road with white hair, I heard the sound of crying loudly behind me.My heart throbbed for a while, what happened to me?I looked back, but saw a scene that surprised me: a teenager, about 11 or 2 years old, was riding a bicycle, and a little boy was on the back seat, and the teenager was riding the bicycle quickly while twisting his waist , while opening his mouth wide and pretending to cry.Because I saw the smile on his face and heard the little boy in the back seat giggling.The young man pretended to be so resembling that he attracted the attention of many passers-by.He proudly "cries" all the way away.

At that moment, my heart was filled with tears.I knew the child was crying because of happiness.There is such happiness in the world, if you want to express it by crying, it cannot but move me. I know that in your minds I am an unfeeling person, even an emotionless one. You seldom see me laughing and crying, and you must have doubts about me, thinking that I am not a woman.In fact, many times, tears have filled my heart, but they don't want to flow out.They are as thick as blood water. If you are like me, losing your loved ones one by one and enduring such pain again and again, I believe your hearts will be forged and hardened.

That evening, when Xiao Zhou and I supported each other and finally reached the regiment headquarters, I passed out on your father's bed without knowing anything.The fatigue, exhaustion, and physical discomfort of the past few days, coupled with the mental shock of Xiao Feng's accident, have pushed my physical and mental endurance to the limit. I don't know if I can survive if we can't reach the destination that evening. .According to your father, after I fell down that evening, I slept until the evening of the next day before waking up.I was having a high fever, and I was talking nonsense, repeating a few words: go find Xiao Feng...he fell...hold him quickly...

Later, in a haze, I heard someone whispering in my ear, don't worry, Captain Ou has already taken people up the mountain. Why is the voice so familiar?I gradually woke up and felt a cold forehead, as if someone was applying ice to me.The voice said again that she seemed to have a fever. I tried my best to open my eyes, and was surprised to see that it was Dr. Xin who spoke.In any case, I never thought that the first person I saw after waking up would be him, Xin Ming.Apparently he was by my side all the time, of course as a doctor at the patient's bedside.Seeing me open my eyes, he shouted happily: "She's awake!"she woke up!

I looked at him, momentarily unable to recover. He said, congratulations, Comrade Bai Xuemei. I don't know if he is congratulating me on waking up or congratulating me on getting married? I finally said, why are you here? He said, don't you know?I was transferred to the health team of this regiment.I work with Head Ou.I respect him a lot.He said, you have been sleeping all day and have a fever.He said that leader Ou took people up the mountain last night.Do not worry.He said, seeing you in a coma really frightened me. He seemed so talkative all of a sudden, I remember he didn't like to talk.

I was silent like aphasia. Later, your father came back.His head and body are covered with snow, he is like a snowman. Xiao Feng could not be found. Although this ending is in my expectation, I am still very sad.I felt pain in my heart and wept silently.I thought, Xiao Feng stayed in the snow mountain, and stayed in the snow mountain alone again.Can he keep company with Liu Yurong and the administrator?How many comrades-in-arms do we have to leave before we can walk across this snow mountain?How many lives must be sacrificed before we can reach Lhasa? Your father is sitting on the edge of the bed smoking a cigarette. Without a chair, he can only sit on the edge of the bed.The so-called bed is nothing but the floor.He was so big, it was hard to sit there curled up.I took a look at the room, and at a glance, I knew it was a Tibetan cattle house, and there was a smell of cattle in the house.It's nothing, as long as I can shelter from the wind and rain, I can go anywhere...

After a while of silence, your father said, I know you are very sad now, and so am I.Xiao Feng is like my child.However, what I want to tell you is that we must get married tonight. I asked in surprise, why? Your father says, because... because you have no place to live. Did I say I just live here? Your father said, of course you can live here, you can only live here, this is where I live. I have nothing to say.I thought of Xiao Feng.Think of his outstretched hands, raised face, and the words stuck on the cliff.Facing Xiao Feng, do I still have the right to be picky about my life? In the evening, some comrades in the regiment came to the hut one after another to congratulate us.Among them was Dr. Xin.

His expression was calm.He said again, congratulations, Comrade Bai Xuemei. Your father told me, thanks to Dr. Xin, otherwise you might not be able to wake up right now.He watched over you all night, keeping you cool with ice cubes.You burn like coals. He saved my life again.I thought, why always him?Why do I always owe him? I said, thank you, Dr. Xin.That's all I can say. He said, no thanks.It's just that there are too few medicines, and it all depends on your own resistance.Then he turned to your father and said, Chief, please take care of Comrade Bai Xuemei to rest these days.Her body is very weak and sick, and if she doesn't rest well, it will cause pneumonia.

He left after speaking. I sat there and continued to welcome and send off the comrades who came to see me one by one as a bride.My body is still very weak and I can only sit.I smiled and accepted everyone's congratulations. After all the people had left, I couldn't restrain myself anymore, and threw myself on the bed, crying loudly.Tears drenched the bedding, cold and cold. Your father saw me crying like that when he sent the guests back, he was at a loss for what to do.He walked back and forth in front of me twice, frowning and saying, don't cry.I know that this kind of marriage has wronged you, but now there is only this condition.

When I heard it, I cried even harder. I think he didn't understand me at all, and he didn't know why I was crying. My cries finally upset him, and he said sternly, you are a revolutionary soldier, how can you be so fragile? This sentence made me hold back my tears.But I still sat there stubbornly, not moving. Your father went to make the bed and was shocked to find that my quilt was just an empty sheet.He said where is your cotton wool? How can it be so thin?I don't say anything.He asked again, and I said loudly angrily that I had already pulled out the cotton wool for use.Seeing that he didn't understand, I added another sentence, saying that we lesbians are all like this.

He froze for a while, and finally understood what was going on.He said that's how you spend the winter?Is this how you have lived in the snow-capped mountains?He threw down the quilt and came over, stared at me for a while, then suddenly hugged me into his arms, holding me so tightly that I couldn't breathe. He said, don't be sad, I promise to treat you well in the future and promise not to bully you. The wall in my heart suddenly collapsed, and my body, which had been stiff all along, finally softened. I suddenly remembered what Captain Su said, he is a good man. To be frank, your father and I didn't have any wedding night, because even if we lived together that night, I was in a very weak state of health.Not only that night, I couldn't get out of bed for several days, like a sick person.Although your father slept next to me, he never touched me. He just kept getting up at night to tuck me in until my body fully recovered. I have more respect for him in my heart. That night, when we finally had our wedding night, we felt a little self-conscious about each other.I sat up, quickly put on my clothes, and wrapped myself in a quilt.I was ashamed to expose myself in front of him.I touched my cheek with my hand, it hurt a little.What did he say?I said your beard is really prickly.He touched his beard, smiled and said, okay, I promise to shave you once a day from now on. He sat opposite, smoking a cigarette and looking at me.There is no light, but the moonlight is very good, and the moonlight like water shines in from the small hole that cannot be called a window.I said, Xiao Feng, tell me you have a gunshot wound on your stomach, okay?He said it was ready.I said, can I take a look?He twisted his waist and moved closer to the moonlight. I have never seen a gunshot wound, and in the eyes of girls in our time, a man with a gunshot wound is heroic. I want to find the feeling of a hero in him, so that I can accept him. In the moonlight, I saw a black flower on his waist.I wanted to pet it, but I didn't feel like it.I said how did you get here?He said that he was lucky to hit here, and it would be over if he went up.I said that I will take good care of you in the future.He smiled and said, you'd better take good care of yourself for me.The way you looked that day really scared me enough.I think if something goes wrong with you, I will never marry a wife again in my life. My eye circles are red.I turned my face away and said, what will I call you in the future?Also called number 1 like they do? What did he say?You should call me bro.He also said, but don't call me Lao Ou when there are comrades present. I felt embarrassed, but I said yes anyway. But for decades, in the long marriage life, I have never called him brother, not once.I can't cry out.Just call him Old Ou.Whether it is in front of people or behind people.The conversation on the wedding night became nothing more than an emotional expression. The next morning, when I walked out of that room for the first time in days, I saw the long-lost sun, and I felt a sense of renewal.At the same time as I saw the sun, I saw Dr. Xin.He came over with the medicine box on his back. He said, Hello, Comrade Bai Xuemei.Is your body fully recovered? He said as he held out his hand to me. I wasn't prepared for it, and even though I knew I'd run into him again, and often, I was still surprised by his presence, especially after being married to your father.I calmed down and said, hello.Doctor Xin. But I didn't take the hand he extended.I am weak.I put my hands in my pockets, as if afraid of the cold. His hands lost their support and fell down. I think it's finally over between us.The first time he didn't shake my hand, the second time I didn't shake his hand. We'll probably never shake hands again in our lifetime. We stood there talking, our eyes avoiding each other.He asked me about other comrades, and I told him one by one.But I didn't ask him anything.When we didn't meet, I always wanted to ask him why he didn't write to me after he was transferred. But when he stood in front of me, I didn't ask. It is no longer necessary. He left with his medicine box on his back, and he always had a lot of work to do.He is not only the doctor of the officers and soldiers of the whole regiment, but also a good Monpa of the Tibetans stationed there.His hustle fills every minute of the day with little time for sentimentality, and if there is, he lets work undo it—that's what I surmise.I went back to the room and closed the door, feeling as if a knife was stirring in my heart.But I told myself not to do this, I'm married, I already have a husband. Your father has been in a good mood since we got married, and his face is always sunny.Commissar Wang joked that he was 10 years younger, like a young boy.He is also just happy.He's not offended by all the jokes, just happy. Within a few days, he received a notice and went to the division to hold a meeting with Political Commissar Wang. As soon as I heard that he was going to leave for a few days, I felt a kind of joy that I didn't realize.I wanted to be alone for a few days and clean myself up well.Your father was very worried and told me this and that over and over again.For example, you need to start exercising gradually, otherwise your body will be overwhelmed by the next step; you also need to read more books and strengthen your studies.He prescribed some bibliographies for me, just like I gave you homework when you were young.I also need to write down notes. In fact, your father is not a careful person, he is as strict with me as he is with his subordinates.Of course I also care, but it is a comradely concern.He didn't pay much attention to my heart and didn't know what I was thinking. He thought I was still the young female soldier he saw in Ganzi, carefree. Looking back, from the very beginning, your father treated me like a child.And I, for his care and obedience more than love and understanding. he's gone.I really took it easy the first two days.I read by myself and think about my thoughts.Sometimes I would go out alone to the woods and stand in front of Xiao Feng's tomb for a while.The strange thing is that I didn't cry anymore. On the plateau in May, although there are no trees and flowers everywhere, it is still full of spring.In the place of Karma, the hillsides and river ditches are covered with green weeds and scattered wild flowers.On the field in the distance, the highland barley is green.There are many birds flying in the sky. I often like to go to the woods by myself to see Xiao Feng, the trees, and the birds.Whenever I hear the cheerful calls of birds, I feel the vitality of life.I don't know where these little birds went when the snow was overwhelming.Will they still bark happily?I suddenly thought, Xiao Feng, and administrator Liu Yurong, maybe they have all turned into birds too. In that forest, I got to know several special birds on the plateau, including snow dove, sparrow hawk, Tibetan snow chicken, merlin, and rufinch.They are full of vigor and tactful singing, and their voices are as good as mine.They are not vigilant to people. Sometimes when I stand there, they will fly to my shoulders and head, scratching my head there, and taking a short nap.My favorite is a little bird called the black pheasant, which has a black metallic luster and a long tail.There was a black pheasant who was almost a friend of mine, who was seen in the woods every day, and I knew him from the sudden redness at the end of his long tail, like a little girl with a knot in her braid. a red silk. This black pheasant reminded me of the group of girls who kowtowed their heads on the road from Ganzi to Qamdo, the girl with little red flowers in her bun.I don't know where they are now, are they all right? One evening when I was standing there, Dr. Xin came over.He probably just came back from a doctor's visit, and he still carried the medicine box on his shoulders.He stood with me in silence for a while.Later he said something, something that made me feel relieved, which should be a double relief.For that I am deeply grateful to him. He said, I know you don't really accept your fate.However, the world is not formed by rejection, just as fate cannot be shaken off by rejection.Some people's lives exist in the way they should be, and some people's lives exist in the way they must.No matter the way, everyone must bear their own destiny, especially the suffering in it, and strive to overcome it.A person can refuse many things, honor, status, money, enjoyment, and even love, but he cannot refuse suffering.Suffering is optional.Since we have no choice, let us face it calmly. His words surprised me, moved me, and made me unforgettable.He made me understand that there are many things in this world that are more important and sacred than personal feelings.I immediately felt much better in my heart, and even felt a sense of relief.I looked at him, the first time I looked at him so honestly, and I said thank you, Dr. Xin. I walked back to the dilapidated hut and began to wait for your father calmly.like a wife. Many days have passed, and your father has not returned.I started to worry.I thought of the terrible Chaba Mountain, the Chaba Mountain that took Xiao Feng's life.Every morning after getting up, I immediately opened the door to look at the sky. I was afraid of a sudden snowstorm, and I was afraid that black clouds would accumulate on the top of the mountain in the distance.Fortunately, every day is sunny. But your father still hasn't come back, far past the originally stated date. My heart draws closer to your father in the days of anxious waiting. I dreamed of your father again.But this time, I can't recall any plot or details other than an uncomfortable, oppressive, anxious feeling.I can only be sure that it was not a good dream, otherwise I wouldn't be sweating profusely in such a cold little room in the dream. When I woke up from that dream, I was worried and scared.I was lying on the bed, not knowing what time it was, and it was pitch black all around.I tried hard to recall the scene in my dream, but I couldn't recall it.Just feel sad.I was very scared, afraid that my dream would have some omen.If the disaster—the disaster of life and death falls on my head again, can I still bear it?The administrator, Liu Yurong, and Xiao Feng, all the kind faces that broke my heart appeared in the dark night. I was overwhelmed by fear and sadness, and I couldn't breathe. Just then I heard a knock on the door.At first I thought I had heard wrong and didn't answer.Then the knock on the door got louder and I could hear it clearly.I asked, who is it?The voice outside the door said, it's me.European Army.I quickly got up and moved the bar that topped the door. A cold wind swept your father into the house. I was stupid there. Your father said, why, you can’t even hear my voice? I didn't answer.I lit the lantern, and when I was sure that the person in front of me was the one I was waiting for, my whole body relaxed, and a kind of joy and happiness filled my heart immediately.I thought it was great, it turned out that all the terrible things were just dreams, the bad luck did not fall on my head, and he came back to me again.how lucky i am. Your father said, why are you in a daze?I hid it and said, nothing, I didn't know you would come back at night.As much as I miss him, I'm not used to expressing such feelings.Your father said, I was supposed to come back tomorrow, but I didn't want to delay any longer, so I came back overnight. I think he must have come back overnight because of me. As your father said, he took off his fur coat, came over and took me into his arms.My body was like a cloud full of water mist, which completely melted into water the moment he touched it.I suddenly realized that I couldn't do without him. When I was with him, my heart would be at ease, as if I had the whole world. Your father noticed it, and he said why are you crying? I didn't speak. He said stop crying and tell you good news.Captain Su has been transferred to our regiment. I immediately laughed and said, is it true? Your father said it was true, and she came with us. Captain Su and I hugged each other tightly, as if we hadn't seen each other for many years.In fact, we have been separated for less than a month.I called Captain Su, but I couldn't say anything. Captain Su is stronger than me after all, she patted me on the back and said, we will be together from now on.I will take good care of you. When we sat down to talk, I found that Captain Su's face became more haggard, and a deep sadness filled her sunken eye sockets. I suddenly remembered that when we broke up, she said that she had sent people to Ganzi to find Huzi. I said Captain Su, is there any news about Hu Zi? Captain Su, who was always smiling, suddenly disappeared.She said sadly, no.The comrades who went to Ganzi brought back news that Zhang's mother died of illness after we left.Ram took the child away, but he didn't know where he was going. I froze, I didn't expect such a situation.I comforted her and said that Ram is a good person, and she must have a reason for taking Huzi away.Captain Su said, I think so too.When I left, I told her that if something happened, I would go to Chengdu to find the 18th Army's garrison. Maybe she went to Chengdu. Many years later, I found out that after Mama Zhang died of illness, Lamu was afraid that something might happen to Huzi, so he decided to send him to the garrison of the 18th Army in Chengdu.She took the tiger in her arms and boarded a car, and traveled to Chengdu after bumpy rides. After arriving in Chengdu, due to the unfamiliarity of life, I was trapped in a hotel.Seeing that the money was used up, she carried water and chopped firewood for the hotel during the day, and lived in the kitchen at night, giving the tiger cubs what she had to eat, and often scooping up scum for food. Fortunately, the proprietress of the hotel was kind-hearted, and asked her why she was wandering in Chengdu?She pointed at Huzi and said a lot, but the proprietress only understood three words: Eighteenth Army.With the help of the proprietress, Lahm finally found the 18th Army's stay, entrusted the child to the comrades there, and then left. I still don't know whether Lamu has returned to Ganzi or not, and I still don't know whether her later life is good or not.But I think, if the Lord Buddha can really bless people to be safe and happy, the one he would most like to bless is a kind person like Ram.I often wish her from the bottom of my heart: a good person has a safe life. Five years later, when I took Mulan out of Tibet for the first time, I met Huzi in the nursery of the Eighteenth Army.Huzi came over and said to me timidly, "Auntie, write down my name and ask my mother to come and see me..." At that time, his mother, my dear Captain Su, had died for 4 years. Life after marriage is very peaceful. We build roads, produce, and wait.Waiting for the peace talks between the central government and the local government of Tibet in Beijing, and the signing of the agreement on the peaceful liberation of Tibet. I said that I like to wait, and I like the state of mind when I wait, especially when I am waiting for something that I am looking forward to.The waiting process is indeed long and anxious.Especially in a difficult place like Qamdo, we lived there for 10 months.But in order to show our sincerity for peace, we can only wait. Of course, for me, these days are not just a day of simple waiting.During these days, I experienced a major turning point in my life.From a simple female soldier, I became a soldier's wife, and entered a long married life.This turn, important as it was, started out of the ordinary.Compared with the great movement of our march into Tibet, it is just a small episode.Maybe it's not even an episode, just a simple note. I wait in peace. We are all waiting. Finally, on May 28th, we received the good news from Beijing that the peace talks between the central government and the Tibetan local government were finally successful, and the 17-point agreement for the peaceful liberation of Tibet was finally signed.The day when the agreement was officially signed was May 17, and we got the news 10 days later.After all, from Beijing to Changdu, in the era of backward communication, thousands of rivers and mountains are separated. I was taking a nap when I heard the news. I was awakened by your father.I sat up, a little nervous.Your father has already lost his temper once about my sleeping.He said what's wrong with having time?Reading, exercising, learning Tibetan, visiting fellow villagers, but you just like to sleep!How do you improve like this? !He was so fierce, it made me feel wronged. But I don't know why, I was always sleepy and sleepy during that time.I was reading a book that day, but fell asleep at some point.I am very afraid that your father will be angry. He usually treats me very well, just like a child.But once I encountered a problem that he thought was a matter of principle, I became his subordinate and comrade, and he would criticize me mercilessly. But when I sat up, I found that his eyes were shining with joy and excitement, and his face was smiling like a child. He said to tell you good news, the agreement for the peaceful liberation of Tibet has been signed! really?I also became excited all of a sudden, and my tiredness disappeared without a trace. We've been waiting for this day! I know that the signing of the agreement means that our great strategic march to peacefully liberate Tibet will officially begin, it means that the thousands of rivers and mountains we have crossed have not been in vain, and it means that the blood of those comrades who fell in the snowy mountains and glaciers has not been shed in vain.Most specifically, it means we will leave Qamdo and head towards Lhasa. At that moment, I thought of Liu Yurong, the administrator, and Xiao Feng again.They can no longer go to Lhasa with us, joy and sadness are intertwined, and my eyes are moist. Your father said, what's wrong with you, aren't you happy? I said why not happy?It was because I was so happy that I couldn't help but want to cry. He shook his head in puzzlement, and then said seriously, you have to strengthen your training quickly, the road ahead is going to be tough. The signing of the peace agreement made the entire army hot.The officers and soldiers of the whole regiment immediately devoted themselves to the intense preparations for the march and physical training. From Qamdo to Lhasa, there is still 1,100 kilometers to go, and there are 18 snow-capped mountains in the middle, of which 6 are 5 kilometers high.There are also 24 mule and horse post stations left by the historical mountains, which are called "eight stations for poor, eight stations for rich, and eight stations for neither poor nor rich".It is said that in the area of ​​"Poor Eight Stations", there is not even a single firewood to be found.Its level of difficulty far exceeds the long journey we have traveled. But no matter what, no matter the difficulties and dangers, no matter bloodshed or sacrifice, we must move forward bravely. Snow mountains and glaciers cannot stop us, high cold and hypoxia cannot stop us, hunger and poverty cannot stop us!We must go to Lhasa, and we must let the five-star red flag fly over Lhasa! ——In early June, at the marching mobilization meeting held by the whole regiment, what your father said made the officers and soldiers of the whole regiment excited. Like everyone else, I am actively involved in the work of preparing to go.I am even more active and harder than others, mass publicity, food preparation, study of the 17 agreements, physical exercise, and so on.I don't want people to think that I have become a family member. I can't do it anymore. I want to continue to be a female soldier and a soldier. But at this moment, I found out that I was pregnant. My pregnancy reaction came almost at the same time as the news of the deal was signed. In fact, my lethargy is a kind of pregnancy reaction, but I don't know it, I don't have any knowledge about it.I thought it was because I was in poor health and that I wasn't working hard enough.Your father always got up very early, no matter how late he went to bed the night before, even if he lay down in the early morning, he would get up on time the next day.He continued this habit until he was old, until the morning of his death. Your father came back from the exercise and saw that I was still sleeping on the bed, so he shook me awake and said, what's wrong with you, still sleeping? I was ashamed and blamed myself in my heart. Everyone was training in full swing, but I was sleeping on the bed.But after waking up, I still feel sleepy and tired, and I don't want to eat. I had no other choice, so I had to go to Dr. Xin.I told Dr. Xin that my stomach was upset and I couldn't eat anything. Dr. Xin listened to my heart and said it didn't look like there was a heart problem.It is probably because the digestive system is not good, and what I eat hurts the stomach.But I don't have any stomach medicine here, only human pills. I said, then I will eat human pills. I took a pack of Rendan and left.I still don't want to be alone with him. I ate the whole packet of rendans, but nothing worked, and I still felt like something was wrong. When I woke up one morning, I felt nauseous and couldn't help throwing up.At this moment, Captain Su came to see me, and she immediately understood.She said silly girl, you must be pregnant! I didn't understand it for a while, so I froze there.She said, I mean you are a mother, you have a baby! This time I understood, and I leaned against the wall, feeling shy and anxious.I said how is this possible?I don't want it.Captain Su laughed and said, that's up to you, he's already here. I think we're about to set off soon, and we'll walk to Lhasa entirely on one pair of feet. How can we do it with a baby? 3 thousand miles is no joke.I said anxiously, this child came at a very bad time. Captain Su comforted me and said, it's okay, am I still pregnant on the way to the Southwest? I wanted to say it, but you can't find him now.But I dare not say.I was afraid of the birth of my child. Apart from worrying that I would not be able to go to Lhasa, I was also worried that I would not be able to raise him properly.Huzi's disappearance made me feel scared, and I was afraid that such a thing would happen again.On the road to march, all this is unpredictable. But Captain Su was very happy, as if she had a child.She repeatedly told me to take a good rest, and she said that from now on, you should not take part in such intense training, otherwise the child will be miscarried.She also said don't worry, I have experience.After the baby is born, I will take care of it for you. But I made up my mind in my heart that I don't want this child. I kept this matter a secret from your father. Not only did I not stop training, but I increased the intensity of training, carrying a heavy backpack and supplies to climb the mountain every day, exhausting myself half to death.I think in this way, the child will not be able to keep it. During that time, your father was very busy, almost working day and night, and could not take care of me.He just let the new correspondent take care of me.The correspondent was Xiao Song, who was not very old like Xiao Feng.Xiao Song saw that I was so tired every day, and didn't understand why I tossed myself so much.He said, Comrade Bai, you don't need to memorize so many things, and I will take care of you when the time comes.Besides, you can also ride a horse.I said I don't need you to take care of me, I don't ride a horse.Let me take care of you then. Whenever I see Xiao Song, I think of Xiao Feng, so I am afraid that he will say such things.I don't want to be the so-called family member of the head of state.I am a soldier.How can a soldier ask someone to take care of him? One morning, when your father went out, he saw that I was still loading rocks into my backpack, and couldn't help but say, you don't need to carry so many things.And me.And Xiao Song. I said no, I will recite as much as others recite. Your father glanced at me, said nothing, and went out. I gritted my teeth and carried a backpack that weighed dozens of kilograms. I couldn't stand upright, and sweat dripped down the ends of my hair.I gritted my teeth and thought, hold on, hold on.At this moment, the door opened suddenly, and your father turned around again. He looked at my sweaty face and said, put down the backpack.What am I asking?He said I have something to tell you.I said you just say so. Your father looked straight at me with a serious expression on his face.He said Xiaobai, listen carefully—he has called me Xiaobai since we met—there is something I have always wanted to tell you. I didn't know what he was going to say and waited. He said, I may never say this sentence again, you must listen carefully. I got nervous, I wondered if he knew about the child? He looked at me, and after a while finally said, I love you. After speaking, he opened the door and walked out. I stood in the middle of the room in a daze for a while, and then I smiled alone.I don't know if I blush or not, I just know that there is a kind of warmth and happiness in my heart that I have never had before.Whether I love him or not, I want to hear him say he loves me, I don't want him to marry me just to start a family. Your father really was like that, and from then on, I mean from then until he died, he never said that thing again, that made both him and me blush. Even though your father said that to me, I still stubbornly climbed the mountain carrying something heavier than myself. When I came down from the mountain, I deliberately jumped twice. However, everything remains the same.The "old friend" I was so afraid of on the march was no longer here. I finally know what life is all about, its growth and death are beyond our control. The child in my stomach is growing up stubbornly. No matter how much I don't welcome him, he will stay with me stubbornly and never leave.I had to admit defeat.When the troops were ready to go in mid-August, I knew that all my efforts were in vain and I had to take him on the road.So I told your father the news of my late arrival. Your father's surprise was beyond my expectation, and he blushed.He stared at my stomach in disbelief and said, why didn't I see it? I said, Captain Su said, it will take more than 5 months to see it. He said, good, good.This is a good thing.Why are you telling me now? I hesitated and said, I didn't want it. Your father widened his eyes and said, what?You do not want?How can you have such thoughts?Do you think it's just about you?Do you want it or not? I saw that he was angry and whispered, but he was on me.I'm afraid... afraid that he will become a burden. How could a child be a burden, he exclaimed?If children are cumbersome, why should we be revolutionary? Don't we just live through our lives?How can you have such a bad idea?You are... so disappointing! I was also angry, and I said, I am not afraid of suffering myself, I am afraid of dragging everyone down, I am also worried that the child will have nothing to eat after birth, and I am afraid that he will be like a tiger...not found... My throat choked, and tears were already in my eyes. Your father froze for a moment, walked over and took me into his arms, and said, don't worry, I'm here.You know what, I love kids, I'm going to be a father, I'm going to be a father to lots of kids.Don't you want to be a mother?Don't you want to have lots and lots of kids?We're going to have a ton of kids! I can't answer, at that time, frankly, I was not mentally prepared to be a mother. Your father said, well, stop thinking about it, from now on, your task is to be a mother.If you drop the baby, I'll punish you. After speaking, he strode out the door.The regiment is waiting for him to hold a mobilization meeting, and he doesn't have much time to love his children.But soon he turned around again like last time, and he said that he had forgotten his notebook.他在屋子里转了一圈也没找到本子，我看见那本子就在他的手上。他站在门口说，这是真？You are right? 我说那怎么可能？已经3个月了。 他说好好，等到了拉萨，我们就是一家三口了。 他说这话时，突然发现他要找的本子就在手上。他不好意思地笑笑，走出门去，但又一次倒了回来。这一回他表情严肃地说，我得向你检讨，前段时间我老是批评你爱睡觉，看来是我不了解情况。从现在开始，你就好好吃，好好睡，不要再参加爬山训练了，你一定要把我们的孩子平平安安地生下来。 看到你们父亲欣喜的样子，我有些内疚。我抚摸着腹部想，以后我再不胡闹了。 我要把他好好生下来，好好地做个母亲，在拉萨建一个真正的家。 又是一个8月28日。 一年前的这个日子，我们离开四川眉山，开始了向高原进军的伟大行程。现在，我们又将迈开我们的双脚，向着我们进军的最终目的地拉萨进发。和平解放西藏的战略进军，此时正式拉开了帏幕。与我们同时开进的，还有青海、云南、新疆等方向的部队，可谓浩浩荡荡，势如洪流。 出发时，我已有4个多月的身孕了。但因为人本来就瘦，加上没什么营养，把军装一穿，一点儿也看不出来。除了你们父亲，还有苏队长和王政委外，没人知道。 我也不希望被人知道。此次上路，不能够像以往那样为大家作鼓动宣传工作，我已经觉得很遗憾了，再让人照顾我，我会觉得比生病还难过的。 我怀着孩子，跟大部队一起上路了你们的父亲把他的马让给我骑，自己和战士们一起步行。他步行，走得比马还要快，看得出他心里充满喜悦。我怀上孩子这事，真让他浑身是劲儿。因为路途坎坷，我骑在马上颠簸不已。我想象着腹中的孩子也被颠来倒去，有些不忍，就下马来走，但刚走两步，你们父亲就看见了，他大声说，你给我上马去！我有点儿生气，我想是我怀孩子又不是他怀，他怎么知道我的感受？我就是不上马。他的脸色变了。 苏队长看见了，走到我身边小声说，还是上马吧，你得保存好体力，今后有你累的时候。 苏队长的话我不能不听。 好像是专为了考验我似的，上路后我们第一个要翻越的，就是著名的丹达山。 丹达山海拔6300米。同时又叫夏贡拉，汉语的意思是东雪山。关于这座山，历史上有许多传说，总之把它说得十分可怕。说它终年积雪不化，说它雪化时常常有冻僵的人和兽直立着。但对我们来说，只有一个传说，那就是我们的先遣部队已经翻过去了。 当然，我们还是非常慎重地对待它。头天晚上我们好好地吃了一顿饱饭，酥油茶，糌巴，然后好好地睡了一觉。第二天一早，把所有的牛马和骡子，加倍地喂了饲料。 我们上山。 对我来说，心情与以往任何一次翻山都不同。虽然从出发到现在，已走过了那么多的路，翻过了那么多的山，越过了那么多的河，可现在却有了完全不同的感觉。 因为我不再是一个人往前走了，我是带着一个新生命在一起往前走。这种感觉非常奇特。 队伍蜿蜒着上山了。 好在是9月，山上的积雪没有冬天那么深。你们父亲将他的马让给我骑，自己和战士们一起步行。丹达山虽然高，却不像恰巴山那样绵延上百里。它有三个非常明确的山峰，过一个就少一个，让大家觉得很有信心。过第三个山峰时，我骑的那匹马已经有些力不能支了，走两步就站一站，大气喘得像拉风箱一样。我想起了那匹倒在恰巴山上的马，无论如何也不愿再骑它了，我就下来走。通讯员小宋上前来，一边为我牵马，一边照顾我。看到他我总是想起小冯，我不要他照顾，自己低着头，一步一喘，努力地攀登。 山峰刺进了苍穹，我不敢抬头望那个在云雾中遥不可及的山顶，我只把前面几步远的一块石头或者峭壁当做目标，一点点地向前移。大团大团的白云在身边飘来飘去，我又有了在恰巴山上那种感觉，人不是在山上走，而是被云托浮着在天上飘。 我不知道你们有没有过这样的感觉？累到极致时，就不再感到累了。四肢和心脏好像都不是自己的了，整个人失重般地飘起来。 这时的雪山已不复美丽，它就像一座浑身披着白毛的狮子，蛮横地卧在我们的面前。它让我们又怕又无奈。我们只能往前走，我们必须往前走。 我是在上山的时候，看见她的，那具倒在路边的尸体。如果不是她的脸被破布盖着，我会以为她不过在睡觉。她的瘦小的身材，和散落在雪地上的黑色头发，让我判断出她是一个女人。其实一路上，我们好几次遇见倒毙在路上的人，他们可能是因为寒冷，可能是因为劳累，可能是因为饥饿，再也走不动了，就那样倒下了。 但看见这个女人时，我的心里一动，我想起了在甘孜到昌都的路上遇见的那5个叩长头的女人。不知为什么，我断定她是其中一个。自从那次遇见她们后，我的心里一直在惦记着。我想当我们停留在昌都时，她们一定继续在往前走。如果顺利的话，她们现在应该到拉萨了。我常常想，不知她们怎么样了，是否都活着？ 我蹲下去，掀开她脸上那块布，我想，千万别是那个小红点儿姑娘。 还好，她不是，她的年纪看上去比较大。但的确是叩长头的女人中的一个。她的手上还缠着厚厚的牛皮，那是为了双手一次又一次在地上匍匐而缠上的。 我默默地看了她一会儿，继续向前走。 我无论如何没想到，我还会再见到她，再见到尼玛。更没有想到我们的命运会交织在一起，会有着那样刻骨铭心的记忆。 有时候面对离奇的命运，我这个唯物主义者也不能不感到困惑。我不知道如果没有命中注定这个说法，许多的事情该如何解释？ 深深的积雪，崎岖不平的冰雪小路，让我们每一个人都张大了嘴，拼命地喘气。 牛也喘气。每迈一步，所付出的体力都是巨大的。我感觉自己的两条腿就好象焊在了雪地里，怎么也拔不出。我真恨不能一屁股坐下来，或者索性躺下来。我大喘着气，望着马，马也望着我。它好像看出了我的心思，它有些同情我。我拍拍它，我想告诉它我能行。但我说不出话来，也拔不出我的脚来。 进入冰山雪岭之后，上级怕我们得雪盲症，给我们每人发了一付简易墨镜。但我喘不过气来时，就觉得它也碍事，索性取下来塞进口袋里，好像眼睛也需要喘气似的。 这时有人从我身边走过，拉了我一把。我抬头，看见了辛医生那双熟悉的眼睛。 他一边拉一边说，你的眼镜儿呢？赶快戴上。我喘得说不出话来，拍拍口袋，他从我兜里把眼镜取出来重新给我戴上。他说坚持住，走过去就好了，走过去前面就是平路了。really?我大喘着气，我明知他是安慰我，还是鼓起了几分勇气，又往前迈了一步，但后面的腿又像焊在了雪地里，怎么也拔不出了。那时我真想死在这座山上算了。埋在这么洁白的雪里，也不算冤。 忽然，我觉得心里一阵恶心，好像有什么东西正从嗓子里往外涌。我一张嘴，哇地一声，竟吐出一口黑黑的血来。怎么是黑的？我一紧张，就摘下了眼镜，血一下子变得鲜艳无比了，仿佛在洁白的雪地上，开出一朵大大的花来。我马上下意识地捂住了肚子，我怕腹中的小东西会随之吐了出来。 我听见后面传来一声惊叫：小白你怎么了？ 我连忙用脚踢了几块冰雪，想把红红的血迹盖住，别让苏队长为我操心。但苏队长还是看见了。那血红得刺目。她从后面赶上来，心疼地望着我，一声不吭地将我的背包接了过去。We did not speak.我们不用说话。 persist in.我在心里对自己说。坚持就是胜利。 也就是那一次，后来我没再吐过血。只要不再吐了，我就立即把已经吐过的血忘到了脑后。好像它们已和我无关。一直到许多年后，我才有机会到医院作了一个肺部透视。医生告诉我，我的肺部有钙化点，说明我曾经得过肺结核。 但是是什么时候得的，又是什么时候好的，我一概不知。 木兰曾奇怪地问我，你那时候就没有出现过咳嗽、脸色潮红等症状？ 我说没注意。也顾不上。这没有什么可奇怪的，身体里有许多事情是说不清楚的。也许我吐血，只是为了在雪山上留下个纪念吧。 终于到了峰顶！峰顶上覆盖着两尺厚的冰雪，尽管阳光照得人睁不开眼睛，却依然寒风凛冽，上山时背上出的汗很快就结了冰。 整个队伍充满了喜悦和欢笑。 最让我和苏队长惊喜的是，我们在山顶遇见了吴菲和小赵！她们还在师宣传队，她们是提前上去做鼓动工作的。精疲力尽的我已经发不出惊喜的叫喊声了，只是和她们紧紧地拥抱在一起。我们像那些战士一样，互相给了一拳。 我忽然发觉苏队长脸色不对。也许是因为耀眼的阳光，也许是因为白雪的映照，我忍不住叫起来，我说苏队长你怎么啦？ 苏队长靠在雪墙上，喘着气说，我怎么啦？我没怎么呀。 你的脸……我上前去用手摸她的脸。她的脸不但没有了光泽，而且浮肿。 她笑笑说，没关系。她马上问，你怎么样？没事儿吧？ 我下意识地摸摸腹部，点点头。 吴菲见我神情异样，问，你怎么啦？你的脸色也很不好？ 我小声说，我有了。 吴菲瞪大了眼睛，半天说不出话。 苏队长说，你眼睛瞪那么大干什么？跟牦牛似的。有了孩子也值得那么大惊小怪？ 我问吴菲，你怎么样？ 吴菲眼底浮出笑意，说，我坚持要到拉萨再结婚，他同意了。 我心里一下觉得很委屈，吴菲多幸运呀。 这时小赵跑过来说，雪梅姐，快看我们写的标语。我抬头，看见了峭壁的雪墙上，刻着诗一样的标语：丹达山高六千三，进军拉萨第一关。 英雄踏破千里雪，红旗飞舞映高原。 我心里的委屈被自豪压下去了。望着眼前的山峰与白云重重叠叠的景色，我想，不管怎么说，我上来了，我的孩子也上来了，我们母子一起登上了6千米高的雪山。 我对小赵说，写得真好。就是那个“飞”字不太清楚。我一边说，一边拿起旗杆往那边去，想把字再刻清晰一些。小赵说，我来我来。她来抢旗杆，我一下没站稳，脚一滑，整个人一屁股坐了下来，顺着山坡朝下滑去。我想完了完了，今天算是完了！小赵也吓坏了，愣在那儿不知所措，连叫喊声都发不出来。 我一下子滑出二十多米，终于在一个雪窝里停脚，我发现，自己一点儿事也没有，我赶紧站起来，冲着傻站在上面的小赵吴菲和苏队长说，滑下来吧，像我这样，舒服着呢！ 苏队长她们见我真的没事，松了口气，也学着我的样子开始往下滑。虽然途中难免磕着碰着，可毕竟省力气呀。下山的路没法骑马，通讯员小宋见状，也索性陪着我往下滑了。他让我用背包垫在屁股下面。我一段一段地滑，他一段一段地在下面接。 滑到山下后，我们几个人的脸都摔青了，还擦出了血，样子很生动。大家乐不可支，跟检了什么便宜似的。在后来的岁月里，我时常做这样一个梦，梦见自己站在山顶上，四周全是白雪皑皑连绵不止的山峰，我总是找不到下山的路，最后只好坐在一团云彩上，飘然而下。大概就是那次滑下雪山留下的记忆。 不过每次从这样的梦中醒来，我都很快乐。 眼看要到山脚下了，突然遇到了你们的父亲。他本来是在前面带部队的，看着部队差不多过完了，就停下来等我。当他一眼看见我从山上滑下来时，拔腿就冲了过来，一边扶起我一边大声冲小宋吼道：你干什么呢？告诉你不要让她摔着，你怎么偏偏让她摔了！ 他以为我是摔下来的，或者说滚下来的。 小宋被骂得莫名其妙，他不知道我的情况，他只是觉得好些人都是这么滑下来的，干吗我就不能滑？ 我心里有气，说，不关小宋的事，是我自己要滑下来的！ 他看着我的脸，好一会儿说，你这个样子，真让我难过。 这话让我软下来。 晚上，你们的父亲把辛医生叫来了，要他看看我的情况。 在此之前，我一直不愿让辛医生知道我怀孕的事。我也说不清是因为什么。但现在，只能告诉他了。辛医生听了后似乎比我还不好意思。但很快，他就恢复了作为一个医生的冷静和沉着。他问我有没有发现出血？I said no.他松了口气，为我听了一下胎音，然后对你们父亲说，眼下还没事。 你们父亲这才松了口气，忙工作去了。辛医生让我躺下休息，他说，但你不能再摔跤了。不能再像今天这样了。 I nod. 他又说，你只能自己多保重了，我这儿没有任何能给你吃的保健药。 他说这话时显得很难过。我安慰他说，不要紧，前两个月我那么折腾他都没事儿，这孩子肯定是个命大的孩子。 他看看我，说，要不从明天开始，你留在后面和病号一起走吧，我可以照顾你。 我说不，我又不是病号，不要你照顾。 说实话，我真不忍心再给他添麻烦了。需要他照顾的人很多，那么大一个团，就他和卫生员两个人。我发现他明显地瘦了，胡子拉喳的，比起出发的时候，不知长了多少岁。我又加了一句，我说你把你自己照顾好吧。 他看了我一眼，说，我会的，我会把每个人都照顾好的。他说每个人时加重了语气，我想我听懂了他的话，他是说包括没出世的孩子。 几十年后，我依然能感觉到我当时的心情。 那是一种除了想流泪，什么也说不出的心情。 但我没有流泪，我已经很少流泪了。在经历了那么的日子之后，在跨越了那么多的山水之后，我变得坚强起来，硬朗起来。我把所有柔软的细微的忧伤的感觉都压在了心底，不让它们露出头来。 但是我不知道，还有那么多的泪水在前面等着我。 我不知道，那些泪水是由不得我的。 尽管辛医生说，目前母子都没问题，看不出有小产的先兆。你们的父亲还是很担忧。他看我面黄肌瘦的样子，还有那么多那么高的山要爬，真不知会怎样。而且，那时我们的粮食已不宽裕了，别说营养，就是让我吃饱都很困难。腹中的孩子靠什么生长呢？ 但他除了担忧，也没有别的办法。还有更多的人需要他操心，还有更多的人需要他担忧。他只是把我托付给了苏队长。 苏队长说，你放心吧，我会照顾好她的。 苏队长说这话时，又像母亲那样看着我。我心里一下觉得很踏实。有时我会有一种感觉，好像苏队长就是为了照顾我才进藏的。我是想说，如果没有苏队长，我的进军路程也许会是另外一种样子。 从那天起，苏队长寸步不离地和我在一起。 直到有一天她病倒了。 我不知道如果没有我的拖累，苏队长是不是会好一些。 我不知道如果我没有怀着一个小生命，是不是也会像她一样倒下。 我不知道如果早些发现她的浮肿，是不是能挽救她。 在后来的岁月里，我曾反复想过这些问题，我有太多的疑问留在了那条路上，永远找不到答案了。我却因为这些个不知道的答案而自责，而内疚。但你们的父亲说我不应该自责。王政委也说苏队长的生病和我无关，辛医生还说即使他早早发现了她的病也无药可医。但无论他们怎么说，我还是自责，并且有一种无法摆脱的悲伤。 那么长那么长的路都走过来了，那么多那么多的山都翻过来了，为什么偏偏在快要到达拉萨的时候，我失去了她，我母亲一样的苏队长？ 苏队长的病是从翻越丹达山时就开始了的。或者还要早，从昌都，从甘孜。长期的营养不良，长期的劳累，长期的忧郁，这就是病因。但我以为她能挺过去，只要到了拉萨，就会好。何况她总是微笑着对我说，我没事。 我就以为她真的没事。她从来都很坚强，她能为了抗婚而砍掉手指，她能为了继续留在进军的部队而丢下孩子，她能领着我们走那些我们不敢走的险路，她在我心目中就像一个铁人。她怎么会倒下呢？ 可是我却亲眼看到，生命从她的身上一点点的流失。 远山在落雪。 这句富有诗意的话对当时的我们来说，只有一个意义，那就是更艰难的路程正在前面等着我们。尽管如此，落雪的远山在我的眼前依然是美丽的。对我这个重庆人来说，雪山因为陌生而充满魅力。我总在想，它像什么呢？像银子？水晶？白玉？ 羊群？还是裙椐飘飘的仙女？不不，都不像。这些形容都不准确。 这么多年来，我是说我和雪山认识这么多年来，从来就没找到过一个对它最恰当的形容。我想那是因为我太多太多地遥望它，以至在它身上赋予了比积雪更难融化的东西。 我说的是西藏的雪山。 当我一次次地遥望它时，其实是在一次次地怀念，我怀念留在雪山上的一个个亲人。苏队长，刘毓蓉，管理员，小冯，你们都还好吗？ 又一座大山耸立在了我们面前。 它叫努贡拉，汉语的名字是西大山。从这个意义上说，它和丹达山是兄弟。向导说，它没有丹达山那么高那么险，但它的路糟透了，全是累累乱石，无论是人还是牲畜，走起来都很费劲儿。 果然，那座山很奇特，山峰是嶙峋高耸的石壁，山路是凸凹不平的石堆，好像是为了区别于其他山似的，整架大山都是由石头堆积起来的。大的如磨盘，小的如拳头，圆的像鸡蛋，尖的又像锥子。没有一脚能踩到踏实的平处。幸好我们穿着厚厚的胶底鞋，否则不知会划出多少血口。马可就遭罪了，蹄子常常被卡在石缝里，半天出不来。为了减轻它的痛苦，我不忍再骑它，只是拉着它的尾巴走。但走得再累，都没法坐下来歇息。真是连能够坐下来的平地都没有。偶尔碰上平一些的石壁，我和苏队长就站下来靠一靠，喘口气。但不能坐，坐下再起来，你得费十倍的力气。 路况太糟糕，你们的父亲顾不上我们，他和战士们在一起。他和王政委一头一尾地走在队伍中。我和苏队长终于被辛医生收编到病号队伍里去了。苏队长的浮肿病越来越厉害了。不仅仅是脸，她的腿也肿了。 靠在石壁上歇息时，我看见苏队长的脸色蜡黄，人像一张纸贴在那儿，心里感到异常难过。就像我们不知道管理员是什么时候病倒的一样，我们也没有注意到苏队长是怎样病倒的。在那样的路途上，我们太容易忽略自己的身体了，只是使用它，只能使用它。等辛医生看出她的病情时，她的脸已经肿得很明显了。 辛医生告诉王政委，苏队长的病是过度劳累加上营养不良造成的。 其实我知道还有一个原因，就是对虎子的思念和牵挂。 王政委听了默默的没有说话。我知道他心里一定很难过，就好象一个医生诊断出了病情却无药可医一样，在当时的情形下，他既没有办法叫她不要劳累，也办法给她加强营养，他唯一能做的话，就是让她自己多保重。 但苏队长像没事一样，总是反过来照顾我。她还开玩笑说，她照顾的不是我一个，而是三个。一个是我，一个是孩子，一个是欧团长的命根——那就等于是欧团长。 听她开这样的玩笑，我顿时放松了许多。我想也许苏队长真的没事，她会挺过去的。就像以往任何时候遇到困难一样挺过去。 老天爷真是和我们过不去，为了翻越这座努贡拉，我们已经耗尽了所有的力气，没想到它还觉得不够，还要给我们霜上加雪。 刚爬到山顶，天就阴了。大团大团的白云不知何时变成了黑云，压在头顶上。 有经验的同志说，可能马上会下雪。我不相信，这才是9月，即使是在西藏，也没有进入冬天呀。但我们还是不敢歇息了，赶紧下山。果然没走两步，大雪从天而落，季节一瞬间从秋转到了冬。 漫天的雪花飞舞着，好像要吞噬掉我们这支蠕动在雪山上的队伍。雪花落在我们的帽沿上，眉毛上乃至睫毛上，因为体温化成水，再因为寒风而变成冰凌子。鼻子和面颊都冻得发麻，外面的军装已经结成了冰，像牛皮一样硬，以至我们走起路来喀嚓作响。幸好我们是在不断地走，生命在运动着，否则我想我们也许会冻成山上的一排冰柱。 雪越下越大，风越吹越猛，真可谓风雪弥漫，我的牙齿被冻得的的的地响，手脚麻木地不听使唤。我感觉到了饥饿，以前我就容易饿，现在怀上了孩子，更容易饿了。可是我知道，不到宿营地是不可能吃上东西的。 因为害怕马摔跤，我早已从马上下来，拉着马的尾巴一步步地走。但一不小心，还是滑倒了。我的墨镜就是在那时候掉到山下去的。部队离开昌都时，给每个人都发了一付简易墨镜。但每当我喘不过来气时，就会觉得那墨镜碍事，好像眼睛也需要喘气似的。我常常把它取下来塞在口袋里，没想到它掉了。我当时也没当回事。 苏队长来拉我，可她自己反而倒下了，而且比我摔得还重。我拉着马尾巴努力地站了起来，她却怎么也站不起来了。她的腿肿得有些发僵。我急得大叫。辛医生赶上来，把她搀扶起来，然后扶到马上。 我想也许就是这场雪，加重了苏队长的病情。 连我都不知道接下来的路是怎么走完的。我像失去知觉一样麻木地往前走，肆虐的风雪冻住了我所有的念头。当听见前面传来就地宿营的喊声时，我一下子就倒在了地上。 那天夜里，部队在一片山坡的雪地上露营。 你们的父亲想为我和苏队长找一个避风的地方，实在太困难了，只好放弃。我们也住进了用雨布搭起的帐篷中。为了让我和我腹中的孩子多吃一点儿，你们的父亲把他那份儿可怜的糌粑让给了我，自己只吃了两个元根萝卜。我当时不知道，竟狼吞虎咽地吃了下去，终于缓过劲儿来。 但苏队长却病得很厉害，她躺在帐篷里，什么也吃不下，腿已经肿得弯不过来了。王政委守在她的身边呆怔着。他的神情让我知道了什