Chapter 7 Where is the township

one The title of this article is taken from the famous line in the poem "Yellow Crane Tower" by Cui Hao, a poet of the Tang Dynasty, "Where is the hometown at sunset? The Yanbo River makes people sad." It seems that Cui Hao climbed the Yellow Crane Tower at dusk , alone, suddenly felt a strong sense of abandonment.Abandoned by whom?Not by someone, but by time and space.In terms of time, the ancients drifted away and never came back, leaving white clouds for thousands of years; in terms of space, although there are clear rivers, sandbanks and lush trees and grasses, where is my hometown?

Cui Hao's hometown is in Kaifeng, Henan Province, which is a little far away from the Yellow Crane Tower, but not too far away. This is known to many people, so why does he still ask such a question?I think any wanderer who left his hometown in his early years will have a duality when he misses his hometown: his hometown in his heart is both specific and not specific.It can be specific to a river bend, a few small trees, and half of the moss; but if it is just that, the thirsty longing can be converted into the action of returning home.However, when I really go back to my hometown, I am always disappointed. Is it true that all this haunts my heart every day?It's like suddenly seeing a too realistic illustration behind a passionate famous poem, and the poetic flavor disappears.Therefore, real wanderers are not very willing to go back to their hometown. Even if they go back occasionally, they will leave quickly, and they will miss endlessly while walking outside, and finally ask themselves where their hometown is.

It is said that when Li Bai ascended the Yellow Crane Tower, he saw Cui Hao's inscription on the wall of the building and admired it very much. He thought that since he had such a poem, he didn't need to write it.I think that if the proud Li Bai really took a fancy to this poem, it must not be because of other aspects, but because of this confused mentality of standing on a high ground and asking himself where his hometown is.Because on this point, Li Bai deeply sympathized. As long as there is a Chinese who knows a little bit of writing and ink, there is probably no Chinese who can recite Li Bai's poem "The moon is bright in front of the window, it is suspected to be frost on the ground, look up at the moon, and look down at the hometown". Everyone has become eager for decades. homesick.But where is Li Bai's hometown?I didn't think about it seriously. In the few years when there were almost no books to read during the "Cultural Revolution", Guo Moruo's "Li Bai and Du Fu" suddenly came out, so hurry up and read it. Guo Moruo's criticism and ridicule of Du Fu are few people can accept, but he The detailed textual research on Li Bai's native place and birthplace made me very sad.Guo Moruo determined that Li Bai's birthplace, Suiye in the Western Regions, was in a place in the Soviet Union. When the book was published, Sino-Soviet relations were tense, so it seemed more distant and more isolated, almost in another world.After seeing Li Bai, is it that place that Mingyue lowered her head to miss?

The strange thing is that the poet who wrote the first nostalgic poem in China never returned to his hometown.Are you busy?No, he has been traveling all his life, and he has not taken on many important tasks that cannot be shirked. It is not too difficult to return home, but he always finds strange roads to trek.At a crossroads, where one road leads directly to his hometown and the other leads to a foreign land, Li Bai may hesitate for a moment, but he still takes the second road cruelly.Japanese scholar Matsuura Tomohisa said that Li Bai tried his best to keep himself in the experience of "being in a foreign land" all his life, so he became a non-stop wanderer, which I think makes sense.The experience of being in a foreign country is very unique.At first glance, when you are in a foreign land, you will be exposed to strange things, and your original self will become more and more fragile, and you will even be assimilated by the foreign land. In fact, things are far from that simple.Everything that is alien to us will elicit thoughts about ourselves from the negative side, and the landscape in a foreign land will remind people of the starting point of our own life. Therefore, the more we are in a foreign land, the more nostalgic it will be.The thicker the nostalgia, the more afraid to go back, the more afraid to go back, the more willing to connect myself with my hometown-it has become a terrible cycle. As a result, I have avoided traveling in my hometown all my life, avoiding all the way, and thinking about the same way.

The sound of someone's jade flute flying secretly, scattered into the spring breeze and filled Luocheng.In this nocturne, I heard the broken willows, who can't afford the love of my hometown! Lanling wine tulips, jade bowl filled with amber light.But to make the master drunk, I don't know where is another land. You see, only when he is completely drunk will he lose his sense of foreignness, and on the surface, he has made his home all over the world. I think that one of the most important things in life is the deep blending of foreign experience and hometown consciousness, and the complementarity of wandering desire and returning consciousness.This flavor, crossing borders and transcending ancient and modern times, is a paradox of life that is always full of charm, which is endlessly fascinating.

Two years ago, the famous director Pan Xiaoyang filmed Ai Wu's "Southern Journey". The scene that moved me the most was the appearance of Ai Wu himself.The old man once shocked the Chinese literary world with his arduous and magnificent travel accounts, but on the camera, he has been tortured by the age, his face is haggard, and he is sitting in a wheelchair with an expression of indifference.A singing sounded outside the screen, to the effect: Mom, I still have to travel far. Nothing in the world is more ecstasy than traveling far.Is this the old man shouting from the bottom of his heart?He could no longer walk, in fact he was close to the end of his life at that time, but in this song his eyes suddenly lit up and trembled like tears.He raised his head proudly, staring hungrily into the distance.The starting point of all travelers is always to say goodbye to their mother, no matter how far they go, they always have a mother in their hearts, and secretly ask their mother for forgiveness along the way, but their end point is aging, no matter whether they settle in their real hometown or not.Their mother is of course gone, and so the returning traveler has changed from one kind of orphan to another.After all, such a return is desolate, but their aging bodies prevent them from leaving again, so they can only express this wish to their mother who is in the dark.It is unavoidable for an old man in his twilight years to call his mother, and it is impossible not to move people. He has spent his whole life calling for return and wandering.

Not long ago I read a short essay by old man Bing Xin titled "Where is My Home?"The ninety-four-year-old writer first attracted the attention of readers as a traveler. She traveled around the world, lived in many different countries and cities, and finally settled in Beijing. I don’t know where is another country” is a liberal.However, the old man has often inadvertently returned home in his dreams over the years. Where should he go home?Logically speaking, a woman's home after she becomes a housewife and has a complete sense of family is the real home. In her dream, old man Bing Xin should go back to any family she made her home as an adult, no matter which city it is in; However, the strange thing is that every time she meets Chang Bahui who wants to go home in her dream, it is always the home of Girls' Generation.A circle that has been going on for a whole century has finally returned to its original place, and the white-haired old man and the innocent girl have merged into one.So, do these old man Bing Xin's dreams of returning home fundamentally negate her life's wandering journey?of course not.If the old man Bing Xin never left the home in the early years, then today's dream of going home would lose any meaning.In a general sense, home is a kind of life; in a profound sense, home is a kind of missing.

Only those who travel far have the ardent yearning for home, so only those who travel far have a home in a profound sense. The song in Ai Wu's heart and the home in Bing Xin's dream echo each other even though they go in different directions.They are all old people of the century, and they all have the good feeling of an artist. They really summed up the big structure of life journey. Whether it is Li Bai, Cui Hao, Bing Xin, or Ai Wu, they are all very good at writing, and we can talk about it with their poems, but in fact, many of the stronger feelings of wandering and homesickness are hard to describe. It can only be fully experienced by a small heart. When this heart stops beating, all these things will be lost, perhaps lost in the waves, buried in the jungle, or condensed in a foreign country. In the window of an old building in a foreign country.So, overall, it's a wordless epic.Every major social change in Chinese history will bring about the migration and travel of many people, either without hesitation or helplessness, but they will all enter this silent epic in the end, choking with sobs and soul-stirring.You can see that no matter how remote the corners of China are, there are white-haired overseas Chinese who come from afar, weeping and crying. They come in a hurry and leave in a hurry. Without asking myself the reason, I wiped away my tears and walked away into the distance with beard and hair fluttering.

two My hometown is Chetou Village, Qiaotou Township, Yuyao County, Zhejiang Province. I was born, grew up, studied there, and left after graduating from primary school.More than ten years ago, this township was assigned to Cixi County, so I don't know how to call the place name of my hometown.It is very embarrassing to always draw a pen and think for a while when filling in the native place on various forms.Sometimes I think that it should be based on the time when I was there, so I fill in Yuyao; but sometimes I think that if I fill it in like this, it will be very troublesome for someone to check Qiaotou Township on the current map of Yuyao but can’t find it, so I fill in it again Cixi.Of course, it is also possible to fill in things like "Original Yuyao, now Cixi", etc., but usually the birthplace column of the form cannot fit so many words, and even if it fits, I will feel bored when I write it myself: how can I even be such a person? Simple questions are answered so hesitantly and ambiguously!

I don't want to blame the officials who changed the action zone too much, they must have their own reasons.But they may not know that it is difficult to estimate the confusion that this change will bring to the wanderers.Just like swallows flying far away, when they come back after a large circle around the mountains, south and seas with the seasons, the nests on the roof beams are still there, but the owner of the house has changed, and the structure of the house has also changed. Chirping, chirping, chirping, circling around, a big Cui Hao-like question mark appeared. In fact, I am even more panicked than those swallows, because I can't even find the old nest.The house where I was born and raised has been sold long ago, and there are no relatives in the village in the strict sense. If I go back like I am now, no one will know me, and I can’t think of a house where I can eat or sleep overnight.This is actually my hometown, my only hometown in this world!On the morning when I left in the early years, the night had not yet faded and the morning mist was misty, and the sleepy eyes of the little boy made the night and morning mist even thicker.With such a sloppy farewell, I always thought there would be a grand reparation, but in fact, everything in the world cannot be made up, so I scribbled on the long journey away from home.

What I left was a very poor village.If a family is so poor that a child accidentally breaks a rough porcelain bowl during dinner, the parents will chase and beat them frantically, and the neighbors take this kind of pursuit for granted.There is no serious habit of sitting at the table to eat. At most, a small crooked wooden table is placed on the mud floor at the door, and the family will set up some dishes after serving the meal there, squatting here and there with the bowl, swaying around. Scrape in the mouth, so there are many chances for the child to break the bowl.Thick black palms swung across the child like a storm, and he carefully picked up the broken bowl pieces and put them together. A few days later, the bowl repairer came with a burden and spent a long time mending the broken bowl.Patchwork and unpatchwork rough china bowls rarely hold a bowl of white rice, despite the abundance of rice here.Occasionally, which one eats white rice, there is usually a bowl of moldy dried vegetables steamed in the rice wok, so the double aroma has been floating in the whole village before the lid of the wok is lifted, and this double aroma is still considered a classic combination until today.The snow-white and crystal-clear rice is topped with a pinch of black and shiny moldy dried vegetables, and the combination of colors is both calm and strong. It is said that it belongs to Yuyao, but it is actually dozens of miles away from Yuyao County.The only thing Yuyao can talk about among the villagers is that there is a hospital called "Healing Life Hospital" that looks like a high mountain. What a style!The villagers sighed, but they never dreamed of going to such a hospital for medical treatment.No one died in the hospital. They thought that they would rather die many years earlier than not die at home.Going out for funerals in the countryside makes the children more happy than getting married, because the destination of the funeral is in the mountains, and they follow in a mighty way, which is a lively group outing.The funeral places in this area are all on the hillsides around Shanglin Lake. The funeral procession fluttered paper banners and wailed melodiously. Once they turned into the mountain cave, they all relaxed, because there was no one in the mountain cave, and the paper banners and crying sound lost sight. object.A gust of mountain wind made everyone quiet and relaxed. The paper streamers that were held upright with both hands just now were casually carried on the shoulders. Apart from the tombs, the mountain was covered with dense layers of red bayberry trees. The villagers were very good at sweeping two Let's talk about this year's bayberry harvest. The harvest season of red bayberry is very short. After one or two days, it will be flooded, soft and rotten, making it impossible to eat.But its ripeness is menacing, and it is not easy to quickly dispose of the fruits gushing out from all over the mountains and plains in an instant.At the time when transportation was extremely inconvenient, the only thing the villagers could do was to let go of their stomachs and eat desperately.I also gave a few baskets to relatives, but the relatives lived not far away. Every mountain in the area was rich in red bayberry, and the gift became an exchange. Under the eaves of every household, there were baskets of bayberry picked from different nearby mountain ridges. They can all squat on the edge and eat slowly for several hours, muttering and commenting on the temper of each mountain this year, which mountain is angry, which mountain is pretending to be stupid, just like commenting on their own children.Where are the children?They all went up the mountain and climbed on any bayberry tree to pick and eat.The bright red fruits will not be touched, only pick those that are so red and black but still hard, put it in your mouth, it is sweet and slightly sour, tough and chewy, take a full sip of the strong flavor The plum core was spat out vigorously, and the one in his hand was pressed into his lips again.These days they can stay on the mountain all day long, full of red bayberries, and the family saves a few bowls of rice, and the parents think it is a good thing.It's just that when I go home in the evening, a white shirt is often stained with fruit juice, dark red and light crimson, as if returning from a bloody battlefield.Mother didn't blame her, and she didn't clean it up. She couldn't wash it off these days, but after the red bayberry season passed, the stains would naturally fade away, and she couldn't see anything after rubbing her clothes in the river water. Azis climbed on the tree to pick and eat plum trees. After a long time, their mouths would change from sweet and sour to numb.They climbed down from the tree, showing their swollen bellies, licking their numb lips, walked to the lake, rinsed their mouths with the lake water, and played on the lake.The water in Shanglin Lake is very clear, and there are shoals near the shore. It is a bit cold to go into the water with bare feet during the plum tree harvest season, but it goes down after a few cheers.There are many slippery and hard pieces under the feet. When I bent down to pick them up, I found that they were porcelain and pottery pieces. It seemed that many utensils had been broken here.Step by step, it's all there.Those porcelain and pottery pieces have been washed by the lake for many years, and the cracks at the corners are no longer sticky. If you look carefully, the glaze is shiny, even in thickness, and exquisite in curvature. It is better than the rough porcelain rice bowls broken at home. up.what the hell is it?Could it be that many rich and wealthy families lived here?But there are no relics of houses here, and there is no decent road around. How do rich people live their lives?Holding the debris and looking back, no one will answer the silent mountain and the dull cloud. The children rubbed the debris with their small hands, then bowed their heads sideways, and threw the debris towards the water to see if it could jump. few times.This game is called water chipping. Several children competed. The mysterious fragments jumped and ran on the lake. The calm Shanglin Lake plowed into ripples. After a while, the ripples returned to calm. And all the secrets they brought with them sank to the bottom of the lake. I had a faint feeling that my hometown might have been a place that was once very successful, but I don’t know when its "big weapon" was broken. It was broken so thoroughly, it was like a landslide, and it was like a family falling down gradually. In order not to make future generations Seeing this kind of trace, all the fragments of dreams are submerged by the lake water, only let the descendants hold a few repaired rough porcelain bowls, filled with some white rice and moldy dried vegetables to live in ignorance. Suddenly, moldy dried vegetables have the flavor of historical relics , I don’t know how many days it has been baked to turn from green to brown, from tender to dry, curly and withered to preserve a little of the aloes of the years. If those old men who mend the bowls come to the lake, the children pick up piles of exquisite If you ask them to make up broken pieces of porcelain and broken pottery, what kind of object will they make up? It must be huge and exquisite, right? Maybe it will buzz or it will be silent? The old men who mend the bowl will be frightened by it again after mending the object, and have to tiptoe and push it to the bottom of the lake again and flee in a hurry. I left my hometown in 1957. After eating red bayberry and saying goodbye to my ancestral grave by Shanglin Lake, I came to Yuyao County. I didn’t have time to pay my respects to the “Yangming Hospital” that I had been dreaming of for a long time, so I immediately got on the train to Shanghai. .I happened to be ten years old that year. I waved goodbye to my uncle who sent me to Yuyao County at the train window, and timidly started my solitary journey.In my small luggage bag, there is a bottle of red bayberry soaked in wine and a package of moldy dried vegetables, which is the most standard Yuyao people.Along the way, I have been regretting that I didn’t pick up a few pieces of broken porcelain in Shanglin Lake and take them with me as a souvenir. three I came to Shanghai to take the middle school entrance examination.My father used to work alone in Shanghai, but the whole family moved here shortly after I arrived. From then on, the necessity and possibility of returning to my hometown is no longer great, and the meaning of my hometown has also become less and less meaningful, sometimes so pale that I can hardly see it. gone. The first step in getting rid of your hometown is getting rid of your dialect.Although Yuyao is not far from Shanghai, the Yuyao dialect is very different from the Shanghai dialect. I believe that a purely Yuyao dialect speaker must have difficulty walking on the streets of Shanghai.Yuyao dialect is different from its neighbors Shaoxing dialect in the west and Ningbo dialect in the east. I remember that when I was in the countryside, I heard a few words with Shaoxing accent or Ningbo accent from the shopkeepers and hawkers, and the children all laughed and bent over. Exaggerated imitation and ridicule, laughing at how there are such people who can't speak in the world.The old people in the village corrected the pronunciation of the outsider solemnly, and then shook their heads and sighed, saying that outsiders are just stupid.This kind of language concept has gradually dissipated since I stepped on the train, because I was surprised to find that the adults who talked to me very kindly had a hard time listening to me, and sometimes they even had to write it down on paper before they suddenly understood, haha Laughing, the voice of my speech in the laughter became smaller and smaller, and finally I didn't even want to talk to them.When I arrived in Shanghai, I could barely communicate with my surroundings in words, and I was depressed all day long. Once an adult took me to a relative’s house. It was a wealthy family with a piano. Sitting next to the piano was a boy who was three years younger than me. I should still call him Uncle Cousin.I think he is also a child and a relative, so we should be able to talk. He was very happy to see me and shook hands with me friendly, but he only said a few words. I can understand his Shanghai dialect, but he listened to me. They didn't understand my Yuyao dialect, so they spoiled each other's fun and played their own way. The saddest thing was my first day in middle school, when the teacher somehow made me stand up and answer questions.I blushed and held back for quite a while and finally poured out my mouthful of Yuyao words. I believe that the teacher and the whole class must have been confused at that time, and they had no idea what I was talking about.When I finished speaking, it was the teacher who held back. His bewildered eyes flashed behind the thick glasses, and finally transformed into a kind smile, and said, "Very good, please sit down." Now it's my turn The students were dumbfounded, but the teacher said it was good?They thought they should answer questions in this strange language when they were in middle school, and they all panicked. Fortunately, the children who were just in their early ten years old were very honest at that time. They played with me immediately after class and never asked me about my language origin. I also quickly learned their accent while playing. Only one month later, when When another teacher asked me to stand up and answer the question, I was already speaking very pure Shanghainese.The short language barrier jumped so quickly that no one of my junior high school classmates knew that I came to Shanghai from Yuyao to sit with them. Looking back on this incident, I am still very surprised. I actually learned the Shanghainese dialect in a month, and the Shanghainese dialect is very difficult to learn.The difficulty of learning Shanghai dialect lies not in the complexity of the language but in the strange mentality of the Shanghainese. Cantonese can tolerate non-standard Cantonese spoken by outsiders. Beijingers can tolerate Beijing dialect mixed with other dialects, but Shanghainese do not. Allow others to speak nondescript Shanghainese.Someone tried to tell it, and almost all Shanghainese would ask him to "help me" so that their ears don't suffer.This gang is nothing to worry about, so that a large number of "cadres going south" who have lived in Shanghai for more than 40 years still dare not speak a word of Shanghainese.The reason why I was able to learn it quickly was because I was young, and my sensitivity to language was strong, but my sensitivity to self-esteem and self-shaming was relatively weak. Instead, I entered a relaxed state, without any hindrance, and learned it as soon as I learned it.I escaped from the self-satisfied psychological defense of the Shanghainese, and became a Shanghainese all at once.Sometimes I also think, why are Shanghainese complacent about their language?Almost all of their predecessors came here from other places, and only after they arrived in Shanghai did they gradually lose their local dialect and adopt Shanghai dialect; and Shanghai dialect is not the original language of this land, the original language is Songjiang dialect, Qingpu dialect, and Pudong dialect. , but was ridiculed by the people of Shanghai.Shanghai dialect is something like "artificial crab meat", but it can force visitors from all walks of life to squeeze out their own freshness and enter its plate. Once a person or a family enters Shanghai, it is tantamount to entering a magic circle. One must carefully wash away any non-Shanghai-style Yinbai, especially if there is still some local accent in the Shanghai dialect that one has learned. Try to get rid of them like flies and mosquitoes.When I first arrived in Shanghai, I could often hear some older people uttering Ningbo accent or northern Jiangsu accent in the market, but this kind of accent basically doesn’t exist in their next generation, and now you can’t learn from it anymore. A young Shanghainese's conversation can judge his origin.Like the accent, the connection between these Shanghainese and their hometown has basically disappeared, but it is impossible for them to write Shanghai when they fill in their native place.As a result, the Shanghainese became a group of rootless people who didn't know where they came from or which piece of land they belonged to. They were proud and pitiful.From this, I became envious of those seniors who still did not change their accents when they were old. They talked about their hometown alive, and announced their own life orientation with a single mouth.I speak Shanghainese every day. Later, with the further expansion of my living space, I began to use Mandarin as the basic language of communication. Yuyao dialect receded farther and farther, and finally it was difficult to speak out smoothly from my mouth.I have finally become a person who basically does not speak Yuyao dialect well. Only during the season when bayberry is in the market in May of the lunar calendar, the fruit stalls in Shanghai will mark all bayberry as Yuyao bayberry. When selling, I will stop for a while and look at it with the eyes of an expert. Looking at the fineness of bayberry, the water, light and cloud shadow of Shanglin Lake appeared in my mind.But in a blink of an eye, I joined the rainy footsteps in the market again. My hometown was just lost by me.My hometown just lost me like this. Four It was after I went to college that I picked up my hometown again, but what I picked up were all fragments.I was playing a game of hide-and-seek with my hometown; as if I couldn't find anything, it suddenly stood upright in front of my eyes, and I was about to reach out to grab it but it was empty, and when I turned around, it appeared again in a corner... Soon after entering university, I went to the countryside to work. In those years, I went to the countryside to work a lot. I spent more than half of my time in the countryside when I went to university.Of course, the countryside is not my hometown, the same huts and rivers, the same grass, trees and crops, but I have been working endlessly in the soil of a foreign land, so why did I leave my hometown in the first place?Just thinking about this, a bookstore manager who also came to work in the countryside stood beside me. He looked at the land in front of him for a while without speaking, and finally asked me gently: "Where are you from?" "" Yuyao.Yuyao, Zhejiang. "I replied. "Wang Yangming's hometown is amazing!" Many of the bookstore managers at that time were people who had read a lot of books. He seemed to be ignited by something, and suddenly became excited. There is a sign that reads "Worship Wang Yangming for a lifetime"! ①Even Chiang Kai-shek worshiped Wang Yangming, and changed Caoshan to Yangmingshan after arriving in Taiwan!There is probably only one Yangming Hospital left in your hometown, right? " I was in shock, and I became even more flustered when he said Yangming Hospital. "What? Yangming Hospital? Is it in memory of Wang Yangming?" It turned out that the "Yangming Hospital" I had been hearing from the villagers since I was a child turned out to be like this! I didn't care about the manager of the bookstore anymore, and stood alone on the ridge of the field, sighing for Wang Yangming.He fought fiercely for his hometown, but his hometown didn't know him, including me.I, Mr. Wang Yangming, a fellow student who was born more than 500 years later than you, can I start to get to know you and express my apologies on behalf of my hometown and future generations? From then on, I paid close attention to all kinds of information about Wang Yangming.What is irritating is that almost all books and articles in mainland China at that time took a negative attitude as long as they talked about Wang Yangming. reactionary.I don't know any truly first-class university scholars in China's thousands of years of history who were thorough materialists and firmly stood on the side of the peasant uprising. Qi: How could you bully us Yuyao people like this!How can there be such a reason in the world to scold him after gaining his reputation for so many years? I collected everything about him bit by bit, and finally realized more and more that even if he is not from Yuyao, I would deeply admire him, and just because he is from Yuyao, I am sincerely proud of him and my hometown.There are many people who are capable of both literature and martial arts in Chinese history, but Liao Ruochenxing is the one who has achieved the ultimate in both aspects.During the Three Kingdoms period, Cao Cao and Zhuge Liang were both capable of fighting and talented in literature, but they failed to overlook history in the comprehensive creation of culture; who is a master of culture and good at leading troops in battle?Xin Qiji of the Song Dynasty can be regarded as one, but he cannot be said to be an outstanding military strategist.It seems that everything has to wait for the appearance of Wang Yangming before the miracle can really happen.Wang Yangming is an undoubted military genius. For the stability of the society and the court, he fought rebels and rebels. He fought big battles. The neat and beautiful action was also the most important military action in the country at that time.Emperor Shizong of the Ming Dynasty named him "Uncle Xinjian" in recognition of his military contributions.I was fortunate enough to read a greeting letter he wrote to his father on the front line of hand-to-hand combat. This letter described the continuous fierce battle with ease, described the complicated military strategy and political strategy as a game, and described himself in a plagued area. The important matter of finally getting sick is even more indifferent, and the paper is full of the demeanor of a general. "History of Ming Dynasty" said that throughout the Ming Dynasty, civil servants used soldiers, and no one could compare with him.This is certainly good, but he is not an ordinary civil servant, but one of the few greatest philosophers in Chinese history, so his particularity goes far beyond the Ming Dynasty.I think Zeng Guofan in the Qing Dynasty was the one who really used soldiers as civil servants. Zeng Guofan's knowledge was also good, but he was obviously far behind Wang Yangming.In my opinion, Wang Yangming's philosophy, which has been criticized by people, is a major achievement in the history of the development of intelligence in the Chinese nation. There are not many people who are qualified to criticize it.Please listen casually: When you haven't looked at this flower, this flower will return to silence with you; when you look at this flower, the color of this flower will become clear for a moment... What a superb comprehension, what a delicate expression!I know that many smart people will use the "objectivity" of flowers to refute him angrily, but what a clumsy rebuttal!Another example is the eternal proposition of "to conscience" he put forward, so trusting in humanism, so contemptuous of dogma, and even having such earnest expectations for the natural growth of some common human norms, at least for me, there is nothing but respect. Study portion. Wang Yangming's dazzling brilliance also made him suffer a lot. He has been imprisoned, sceptered, relegated, escaped from plots, and neglected. The traveler who traveled to Kyushu Island finally died of illness on a boat in Nan'an, Jiangxi Province. He only lived to be fifty-seven years old.When he was dying, a student asked him his last words, and he said, "This heart is bright, so what can I say?" Whether the battles Wang Yangming commanded in his life is just or not, and whether his philosophical views are correct or not can be discussed, but no one can deny that he is a particularly strong person, and that is why I am proud of him first.It is a matter of chance whether you will encounter a war, but as a strong person, even if you are not on the battlefield, you can be as tough as a general in terms of cultural integrity. I saw an exemplary existence in Wang Yangming, but in order for my life to settle down, I had to add examples.After looking through the historical records for several years, I found that among the few masters who fascinated me the most in the history of Chinese culture after Wang Yangming, there are still two from Yuyao, they are Huang Zongxi and Zhu Shunshui. Both Huang Zongxi and Zhu Shunshui can be called bloody men full of knowledge.Born in troubled times, they use their own skinny and proud bones to support the personality coordinates of the whole society, so they also get a kind of spiritual extradition in troubled times.I have mentioned the deeds of Mr. Huang Zongxi many times in previous essays, and I can see how deeply I admire him, so I would like to say a few more words today.You see, when he was nineteen years old in Beijing, in order to avenge his country and his family, he held an iron awl and stabbed them in the face when he saw the remnants of Wei Zhongxian. He stabbed eight people in a row and caused a sensation in the whole capital. Are you known as the elegant Jiangnan literati?Yes, it is Yuyao scribes in the south of the Yangtze River!The whole body is strong enough to shock the heroes of Qilu and the heroes of Yanzhao. When the dynasty changed, he dared to summon rebels and form a camp. After his failure, he immediately devoted himself to academics, and soon stood upright as a historical master and an encyclopedic cultural giant.Zhu Shunshui is similar. After many years of running and calling in the ranks of soldiers but failed, he resolutely died overseas at an advanced age. He fully promoted the most profound and emotional part of Chinese culture to Japan, and created a Sino-Japanese culture with continuous efforts for more than 20 years. Great achievements in the history of exchanges and the history of Asian cultural development.The gray-haired man stood on the seaside of Japan and looked westward again and again, weeping uncontrollably. He missed his hometown Yuyao until his death, but the Japanese people who worshiped him devoutly kept his remains and grave permanently. . When Liang Qichao talked about Wang Yangming, Zhu Shunshui, Huang Zongxi's family and Shao Jinhan's family in the Ming and Qing academic circles, he couldn't help admiring Yuyao.He said: Yuyao is only a mere city, but during the two hundred years from the middle of the Ming Dynasty to the middle of the Qing Dynasty, a large number of masters of Confucianism emerged, and the style of study spread all over the country and Haidong.Master Yangming through the ages, it doesn’t matter; Zhu Shunshui opened the Tokugawa family in Japan for three hundred years to achieve peace with his loneliness; while the Huang family was loyal and strict with integrity, Lizhou, Huimu, and Zhu Yi brothers, father and son② , is the center of gravity of Ming and Qing academics inheriting the past and opening up the future; Shaw's rise in the world has continued continuously since Lu Gong and Nian Lu Gong to the second cloud. ... Those who give birth to Sibang, smell its wind, absorb its flow, and get a thread of it will be enough to stand on its own. Liang Qichao is a native of Xinhui, Guangdong. He praised Yuyao so passionately from the entire Chinese cultural territory, and he was not suspected of boasting from his fellow villagers.I can also be regarded as the "born Sibang person" mentioned by Liang Qichao. Although I have never stood on my own, I have also "heard its wind and absorbed its flow". I can't help asking myself what kind of "wind" and what "flow" is "Woolen cloth?I think it is a kind of mysterious transmission of personality, and this kind of transmission is not direct, but integrated into the mountains, rivers, land, customs and customs of my hometown, which is invisible and long-lasting.This reminds me of Fan Zhongyan's famous quote: The clouds and mountains are green, the rivers are majestic, the wind of the gentleman, the mountains are high and the waters are long. I couldn't help laughing after writing these sixteen words, because Fan Zhongyan said these few words when he commented on Yan Ziling, a famous scholar in the Han Dynasty, and Yan Ziling was from Yuyao.I'm sorry, it was not my intention to let him play. From this, I feel that I have truly found my hometown. ①Later, I learned from Mr. Yao Yexin's masterpiece "Mingyi Yuyao" that it was the Japanese Navy Admiral Togo Heihachiro, who engraved the seven characters "I will bow my head and worship Yangming all my life" on a seal he carried with him. ② Zhongduan refers to Huang Zunsu, Huang Zongxi's father, Lizhou refers to Huang Zongxi, Huimu refers to Huang Zongyan, and Zhuyi refers to Huang Baijia. ③ Duke Lu is Shao Zengke, Duke Nian Lu is Shao Tingcai, and Eryun is Shao Jinhan. Fives I find my hometown stalking and surrounding me, sometimes to a funny point. The simplest example is that after I entered the Shanghai Theater Academy to study, I found that Professor Zhu Duanjun and Professor Gu Zhongyi, who had the highest academic prestige in the academy at that time, were both from Yuyao.How did this happen? Didn’t I bid farewell to Yuyao? After finally entering university, I fell headfirst into the hands of Yuyao people. In recent years, there have been more strange things.Once I participated in a professor review group in Shanghai. Several review members from various universities sat together and found that their accents were close to each other.我的回答使他们怀疑我是冒充同乡来凑趣，直到我几乎要对天发誓他们纔相信。这时正好走进来新任评审委员的复旦大学王水照教授，大家连忙问他，王教授十分文静地回答：“余姚人”。 就在这次评审回家，母亲愉快地告诉我，有一个她不认识的乡下朋友来过电话，用地道的余姚话与她交谈了很久。问了半天我纔弄明白，那是名扬国际的英语语言学家陆谷孙教授，我原先以为他似乎理所当然应该是英国籍的世界公民。 前两年对旧上海世俗社会的心理结构产生了兴趣，在研究中左挑右筛，选中了“海上闻人”黄金荣和“大世界”的创办者黄楚九作为重点剖析对象，还曾戏称为“二黄之学”。但研究刚开始遇到二黄的籍贯我不禁颓然废笔，傻坐良久。二黄并没有给故乡增添多少美誉，这两位同乡在上海一度发挥的奇异威力使我对故乡的内涵有了另一方面的判断。 故乡也有很丢人的时候。“文化大革命”时期把严子陵、王阳明、黄宗羲、朱舜水的纪念碑亭全部砸烂，这虽然痛心却也可以想象，因为当时整个中国大陆没有一个地方不是这样做的；但余姚发生的武斗之惨烈和长久，则是出乎想象之外的。 余姚人打杀余姚人，打到长长的铁路线独独因余姚而瘫痪在那里，上海的街头贴满了武斗双方的宣言书，实在丢人现眼，让一切在外的余姚人都抬不起头来。难道黄宗羲、朱舜水的刚烈之风已经演变成这个样子了？王阳明呼唤的良知已经纤毫无存？在那些人心惶惶的夜晚，我在上海街头寻找着那些宣言书，既怕看又想看。昏黄的灯光照着血腥的词句，就文词而言，也许应该说是当时全国各地同类宣言书中写得最酣畅漂亮的，但这使我更加难过，就像听到华丽的男中音骂出了一串脏话，而这个男中音又恰恰是从我家旧门传出，如何消受得住。如果前后左右没有人看见，我会从墙上撕下这些宣言书，扯成最细的纸丁，塞进阴沟，然后做贼般逃走。 我怕有人看见，却又希望故乡能在冥冥中看到我的这些举动。我怀疑它看到了，我甚至能感觉到它苍老的颤抖。它多么不愿意掏出最后的老底来为自己正名，苦苦憋了几年，终于忍不住，就在武斗现场附近，１９７３年，袒露出一个震惊世界的河姆渡！袒露在不再有严子陵、王阳明、黄宗羲、朱舜水任何遗迹的土地上，袒露在一种无以言表的的荒凉之中。要不然，有几位大师在前面光彩着，河姆渡再晚个千把年展示出来也是不慌的。 坝姆渡着实又使家乡风光顿生。一个整整七千年的文化遗址，而人们平日说起华夏历史总是五千年。河姆渡雄辩地证明，长江流域并不长久是茹毛饮血的南蛮之地而愧对黄河文明，恰恰相反，这儿也是中华民族的温暖故乡。当自己的故乡突然变成了全民族的故乡，这种心理滋味是很复杂的，既有荣耀感又有失落感。总算是一件不同凡响的好事吧，从七十年代开始，中国的一切历史教科书的前面几页都有了余姚河姆渡这个名称。 后来，几位大师逐一恢复名誉，与河姆渡遥相呼应，故乡的文化分量就显得有点超重。记得前年我与表演艺术家张瑞芳和画家程十发一起到日本去，在东京新大谷饭店的一个宴会厅里，与一群日本的汉学家坐在一起闲聊，不知怎么说起了我的籍贯，好几个日本朋友夸张地瞪起了眼，嘴里发出『嗬——嗬——”的感叹声，像是在倒吸冷气。他们虽然不太熟悉严子陵和黄宗羲，却大谈王阳明和朱舜水，最后又谈到了河姆渡，倒吸冷气的声音始终不断。他们一再把手按在我的手背上要我确信，我的家乡是神土，是福地。 同桌只有两位陶艺专家平静地安坐着，人们向我解释，他们来参加宴会是因为过几天也要去中国大陆考察古代陶瓷。我想中止一下倒吸冷气的声音，便把脸转向他们，随口问他们将会去中国的什么地方，他们的回答译员翻不出来，只能请他们写，写在纸条上的字居然是“慈溪－上林湖”！ 我无法说明慈溪也是我的家乡，因为这会使刚纔还在为余姚喝彩的日本朋友疑惑不解，但我实在压抑不住内心的激动，告诉两位陶艺专家：“上林湖，是我小时候三天两头去玩水的地方。”两位陶艺专家惊讶地看了我一眼，从口袋里取出一迭照片，上面照的全是陶瓷的碎片。 ——一点不错，这正是我当年与小朋友一起从湖底摸起，让它们在湖面上跳跃奔跑的那些碎片！ 两位陶艺专家告诉我，据他们所知，上林湖就是名垂史册的越窑所在地，从东汉直至唐、宋，那里曾分布过一百多个窑场，既有官窑又有民窑，国际陶瓷学术界已经称上林湖为举世罕见的露天青瓷博物馆。我专注而又失神地听着，连点头也忘了。竟然是这样！一个从小留在心底的谜，轻轻地解开于异国他乡。谜底的辉煌，超过我曾经作过的最大胆的想象。想想从东汉到唐、宋这段漫长的风华年月吧，曹操、唐明皇、武则天的盘盏，王羲之、陶渊明、李白的酒杯，都有可能烧成于上林湖边。家乡细洁的泥土，家乡清澈的湖水，家乡热烈的炭火，曾经铸就过无数哺育民族生命的美丽载体，天天送到那些或是开朗、或是苦涩的嘴边。这便是我从小就想寻找的属于故乡的“大器”吗？我难道已经如此迅速地在一家遥远的外国旅馆里把它修复了吗？我不知道今天上林湖边，村民们是否还在用易碎的粗瓷饭碗，不知道今天上林湖底，是否还沈积着那么多碎片，听这两位日本陶艺专家说，这些碎片现今在国际市场上的标价极其昂贵。 six 从日本回来后，我一直期待着一次故乡之行，对于一个好不容易修补起来了的家乡，我不应该继续躲避。正好余姚市政府聘请我担任文化顾问，我就在今年秋天回去了一次。一直好心陪着我的余姚乡土文化的研究者姚业鑫先生执意要我在进余姚城之前先去看看河姆渡博物馆，博物馆馆长邵九华先生为了等我，前一夜没有回家，在馆中过夜。两位学者用余姚话给我详细介绍了河姆渡的出土文物，那一些是足够写几篇大文章的，留待以后吧；我在参观中最惊讶的发现是，这儿，七千年前，人们已经有木构建筑，已经在摘食杨梅，已经在种植稻谷，已经在烧制炊具，甚至在陶甑所盛的香喷喷白米饭上已经有可能也盖着一层霉干菜！有的学者根据一个陶碗上所刻的驯良的野猪图形，判断当时的河姆渡人不久烧食猪肉，而且极有可能正是由霉干菜烧成。难道故乡的生态模式，早在七千年前就已经大致形成？如此说来，七千年过得何其迅速又何其缓慢。 我在河姆渡遗址上慢慢地徘徊，在这块小小的空间里，漫长的时间压缩在一起，把洋洋洒洒永远说不完道不尽的历史故事压缩在泥土层的尺寸之间。我想，文明的人类总是热衷于考古，就是想把压缩在泥土里的历史爬剔出来。舒展开来，窥探自己先辈的种种真相。那么，考古也就是回乡，也就是探家。探视地面上的家乡往往会有岁月的唏嘘、难言的失落，使无数游子欲往而退；探视地底下的家乡就没有那么多心理障碍了，整个儿洋溢着历史的诗情、想象的愉悦。我把这个意思说给了陪着我的两位专家听，他们点头，但转而又说，探视地底下的家乡也不轻松。 我终于约略明白了他们的意思。就在我们脚下，当一批批七千年前的陶器、木器、骨器大量出土引起人们对河姆渡的先人热烈欢呼的时候，考古学者在陶釜和陶罐里发现了煮食人肉的证据，而且，煮食的是婴儿。多么不希望是这样，他们郑重地请来了著名古人类学家贾兰坡教授，老教授亲自鉴定后作出了确证无疑的结论。 此外，又挖掘出了很多无头的骨架，证明这里盛行过可以称为“猎首”的杀人祭奠仪式。当然这一切绝不仅仅发现在河姆渡遗址中，但这儿的发现毕竟说明，使故乡名声大震的悠久文化中包含着大量无法掩饰的蒙昧和野蛮。 可以为祖先讳，可以为故乡讳，但讳来讳去只是一种虚假的安慰。远古的祖先在地底下大声咆哮，儿孙们，让我真实，让我自在，千万别为我装扮！于是，远年的荣耀负载出远年的恶浊，精美的陶器贮存着怵目的残忍。我站在这块土地上离祖先如此逼近，似乎伸手便能搀扶他们，但我又立即跳开了，带着恐惧和陌生。 美国人类学家摩尔根指出，蒙昧——野蛮——文明这三个段落，是人类文化和社会发展的普遍阶梯。文明是对蒙昧和野蛮的摆脱，人类发展的大过程如此，每个历史阶段的小过程也是如此。王阳明他们的产生，也同样是为了摆脱蒙昧和野蛮吧，摆脱种种变相的食人和猎首。直到今天，我们大概还躲不开与蒙昧和野蛮的周旋，因为文明永远显得如此珍贵。蒙昧和野蛮并不是一回事，蒙昧往往有朴实的外表，野蛮常常有勇敢的假相，从历史眼光来看，野蛮是人们逃开蒙昧的必由阶段，相对于蒙昧是一种进步；但是，野蛮又绝不愿意就范于文明，它会回过身去与蒙昧结盟，一起来对抗文明。结果，一切文明都会遇到两种对手的围攻：外表朴实的对手和外表勇敢的对手，前者是无知到无可理喻，后者是强蛮到无可理喻。更麻烦的是，这些对手很可能与已有的文明成果混成一体，甚至还会悄悄地潜入人们的心底，使我们在寻找它们的时候常常寻找到自己的父辈，自己的故乡，自己的历史。 我们的故乡，不管是空间上的故乡还是时间上的故乡，究竟是属于蒙昧、属于野蛮，还是属于文明？我们究竟是从何处出发，走向何处？我想，即使是家乡的陶瓷器皿也能证明：文明有可能盛载过野蛮，有可能掩埋于蒙昧；文明易碎，文明的碎片有可能被修补，有可能无法修补，然而即便是无法修补的碎片，也会保存着高贵的光彩，永久地让人想象。能这样，也就够了。 告别河姆渡遗址后，几乎没有耽搁，便去余姚市中心的龙泉山拜谒重新修复的四位先贤的碑亭。一路上我在想，区区如我，毕生能做的，至多也是一枚带有某种文明光泽的碎片罢了，没有资格跻身某个遗址等待挖掘，没有资格装点某种碑亭承受供奉，只是在与蒙昧和野蛮的搏斗中碎得于心无愧。无法躲藏于家乡的湖底，无法奔跑于家乡的湖面，那就陈之于异乡的街市吧，即便被人踢来踢去，也能铿然有声。偶尔有哪个路人注意到这种声音了，那就顺便让他看看一小片洁白和明亮。 seven 第二天我就回上海了。出生的村庄这次没有去，只在余姚城里见一位远房亲戚：比我小三岁的表舅舅。记得吗，当年我初到上海时在钢琴边与我握手的小男孩，终于由于语言不通而玩不起来；后来“文化大革命”中阴差阳错他到余姚来工作了，这次相见我们的语言恰懊倒转，我只能说上海话而他则满口乡音。倒转，如此容易。 我就算这样回了一次故乡？不知怎么，疑惑反而加重了：远古沧桑、百世英纔，但它属于我吗？我属于它吗？身边多了一部《余姚志》，随手翻开姓氏一栏，发觉我们余姓在余姚人数不多。也查过姓氏渊源，知道余姓是秦代名臣由余氏的后裔，唐代之后世居安徽歙州，后由安徽繁衍到江西南昌，历史上姓余的名人很少，勉强称得上第一个的，大概是宋代天圣年间的官僚余靖，但他是广东人。后来又从福建和湖北走出过几个稍稍有点名气的姓余的人。我的祖先，是什么时候泊到浙江余姚的呢？我口口声声说故乡、故乡，究竟该从什么时候说起呢？河姆渡、严子陵时代的余姚，越窑鼎盛时期的上林湖，肯定与我无关，我真正的故乡在哪儿呢？ 正这么傻想着，列车员站到了我眼前，说我现在坐的是软席，乘坐需要有级别，请我出示级别证明。我没有这种证明，只好出示身份证，列车员说这没用，为了保护软席车厢旅客的安全，请我到硬席车厢去。车厢里大大小小持有『经理”证明或名片的旅客和他们的家属开始用提防的眼光注视我，我赶紧抱起行李低头逃离，可是我车票上的座位号码本不在硬席车厢，怎么可能在那里找到座位呢？只好站在两节车厢的接口处，把行李放在脚边。我突然回想起三十多年前第一次离开余姚到上海去时坐火车的情景，也是这条路，也是这个人，但那时是有座位的，行李里装着酒浸杨梅和霉干菜，嘴上嘟哝着余姚话；今天，座位没有了，身份模糊了，乡音丢失了，行李里也没有土产了，哐啷哐啷地又在这条路上走一趟。 从一个没有自己家的家乡，到一个有自己家的异乡，离别家乡恰恰是为了回家，我的人生旅行，怎么会变得如此怪诞？ 火车外面，陆游、徐渭的家乡过去了，鲁迅、周作人的家乡过去了，郁达夫、茅盾的家乡过去了，丰子恺、徐志摩的家乡过去了…… 他们中有好多人，最终都没有回来。有几个，走得很远，死得很惨。 其中有一个曾经洒脱地吟道：悄悄的我走了，正如我悄悄的来；我挥一挥衣袖，不带走一片云彩。 车窗外的云彩暗了，时已薄暮，又想起了崔颢的诗句。淅淅沥沥，好像下起雨来了。