Chapter 20 not pretty girls

I consider myself a very dedicated teacher, especially for students, who can treat students equally. Sometimes out of a sense of equality, I also consciously or unconsciously take care of those naughty, poor academics, and poor students who are easily discriminated against.No matter in middle school, at Peking University, in Singapore, or at Ewha Womans University in South Korea, I did this all the time.But I didn't expect that some students filed a "protest" to me for other reasons. One day when I was taking an intermediate Chinese class at Ewha Womans University, I asked the students to prepare a dialogue, and the already chaotic classroom immediately became noisy.I stepped off the podium to go on a tour guide, and when I walked to the corner of the last row, a student was lying on the table, neither discussing with others nor practicing by himself, just putting his chin on the book and staring blankly.I asked her why she didn't practice?She straightened up, bowed her head and said softly, "Anyway, I practiced, and you didn't ask me to speak." I couldn't help being slightly surprised: "Who said I didn't ask you to speak?"

"You called me twice in total." "What's your name?" I could hear her Chinese very well. "My name is Yin Xue'er. You said my name was a nice name when you rolled the rolls on the first day. But you won't call me from now on." "Didn't I call you? Why didn't I call you?" I didn't have the slightest impression in my mind, and felt very strange about it. "I know," she seemed to sigh softly, "Because I'm not pretty, the teachers didn't want to call me. They didn't call me when I was young, and never called me. But, you don't call me either. You are like them."

Her voice is very small, and with the undulating tone of Korean style, she can't hear it at all from one meter away.But these words hit me hard.I quickly explained: "Don't talk nonsense, who said you are not beautiful? I will call you." But she didn't look at me, she just lowered her head and said, "That's right, I know it myself." I took a closer look at her. She was not very pretty, with small nose, small eyes and small forehead, but she was not ugly either. She was a very "normal" Asian girl.In my conscience, when I ask students to speak, if I call names, I pay more attention to those strange names. If I don’t call names, I pay more attention to who has the expression of willingness to speak, or who is playing around below.I don't think about it from the perspective of being beautiful or not.But after her accusations, I, who was used to introspecting everything, couldn't help asking myself: Is it possible that I really considered the beauty factor in my subconscious?Thinking about it again, it seems that the beautiful girls in this class did speak more often, but that was because they sat in the front and raised their heads to pay attention to me all day long, speaking with great enthusiasm.Besides, some students who don't like to speak are deliberately sitting behind, implying that the teacher should call them less.You put such a big hat on me.I think it's not good to call her more deliberately in the future, doesn't that mean I admit her accusation against me?So from now on, I pay attention to calling her at least once in every class, but always mix with other people, don't let her do particularly difficult or easy exercises, in short, try to understate it as much as possible.But every time I called her, I would think of what happened that day in my heart, and I could also hear her speaking very hard, as if another voice was talking to me.In the final exam, her grades were in the upper middle class, and I gave her 3 extra points to thank her for teaching me a lesson.

(Ewha Women's University is Korea's "beauty's nest", and girls who are not beautiful will inevitably feel a little psychological pressure here.)