More than a year ago, a publication asked me to write a manuscript, and the topic was already specified: "If you only had three months to live, what would you do?" I thought about it for a long time, but I never answered this question. examination paper. When Jose heard about this incident, he also asked me curiously—"What are you going to do?" At that time, I was kneading dough in the kitchen, I raised my white powdered hand, stroked his hair gently, and said slowly: "Fool, I will not die, because I have to make dumplings for you." !" After saying this, Jose's eyes suddenly dimmed, and his arms came up from behind me to hold me, and he didn't let go until the dumplings were on the table.

"Are you nervous?" I asked him with a smile, his eyes suddenly turned red again, he also smiled, and then sat down opposite me without saying a word. When I thought about this draft again later, my answer was still so simple and stubborn: "I want to protect my home and my husband. A responsible person has no right to die." Although predicting the date of death is my favorite way to end life, I still refuse to die.There are three lives in this world that are closely connected with my personal death, that is, my father, my mother, and José. If any one of them lives in this world for a day, I cannot die, not even God Take me, because I won't, and God understands.

Talking to my parents in the middle of the night a while ago, I suddenly said: "If you choose this way to end your life, you have to think about it, because for me, that will be a happier destination." After hearing this, my mother burst into tears. She didn't dare to say a word to irritate me, but murmured over and over again: "Try again, try to live again, it's not that I don't give you a choice, but I beg you try again." Father was different, he sat under the dim light, his tone almost lost control, he said: "If you speak such cruel words, you will make Dad live in hell, because you have said it today, so that I , as a father, I have to live in fear every day. I don’t know that day, I will suddenly lose my daughter. If you dare to do such a thing that destroys your own life, then you are my enemy, I Not only will I be hostile to you in this life, but I will be hostile to you from generation to generation, because it is——you, who killed my most beloved daughter—.”

At this time, my tears flowed out like a waterfall. I sat on the bed and couldn't answer a word to my father. There was a dead silence in the room, and then my father stood up and walked out slowly.My mother's face, seen through my tears, seemed to be cramping quietly. For heaven's sake, I must be crazy to say that to my parents. Once again, I understand that my life is so important in the hearts of those who love me. My thoughts almost collapsed my parents who have gone through so many vicissitudes and lives. In front of their daughter, they are unwilling to let me Stabbed again and again, and I seem to be like that only in front of my husband.Many nights, many times when I dreamed back in the middle of the night, I hid in the dark, thinking about Jose almost crazy, lovesick, slowly gnawed at my body like a worm, until I became a big empty hole.The night is so long, so dark, the rain outside the window is the tears in my heart, and there will never be a day when the tears will never end.I always think about Jose, and I always say to myself in my heart: "Thank God, I am the one who is alive today, and I am the one who is in pain. If Jose is asked to endure this long night minute after minute, Then I absolutely refuse. Fortunately, it is not his turn, if he lives like me, then I will fight with God to replace him with my life."

Even if I lost Jose, if I took a step ahead today, what would happen to my father, mother, and Jose?I have never doubted their love for me. Let my parents lose their beloved daughter after working hard for half their life and giving their all. Then their comfort and happiness will be completely lost. Such a sharp blow They can't bear it, it's too cruel and unfair. To force Jose to break his wings halfway, to force him to lose his beloved wife, even if he survives in the future, what kind of scars will be left on his heart, what kind of brand will it be?If because of my disappearance, Jose never had a smile for the rest of his life, then I couldn't die even more.

These, and some more, because my death will bring great pain and catastrophe to my parents and husband, every time I think about it, I can't bear it, can't bear it, can't bear it and can't bear it.After all, the ones who go first are the happier ones, and the ones who stay are not the strong ones. However, in this heart-wrenching pain, I still want to say—"For the sake of love, this farewell The bitter cup, let me drink it!" I am willing to be the last one to die in the life circle of my father, mother, and husband. If I go first and leave this bitter cup I have tasted to my parents in the world, then I will die with regret, because I understand I have lost love, and as deep as my love is, so is my concern and reluctance.

Therefore, I had no choice but to be a temporary phoenix. Although my wings were broken and my feathers fell off, I no longer have a partner to compare wings to, but the heart that was broken into pieces is still the treasure of my parents No matter how painful or hurt, as long as they don't want me to die, I no longer have the idea of ​​giving up on them. One day, in a place beyond our time and space, there will be six arms that welcome me into eternity gently and peacefully. At that time, I will cry and laugh at them——Dad, Mom, Jose, and then Running past without looking back. This text was originally written for another topic, but I rejected the assumption that I only have a three-month lifespan. The hardships of life, the emptiness of my heart, and the heartbreak and heartbreak of parting are all borne by me alone Bar!

Father, mother, Jose, I love you more than my own life, I ask God to see my sincerity, give me a long time in this world, and protect the happiness and years of my parents, then I, in this responsibility Now, he no longer talks about disappearing and dying lightly. Jose, you promised that you would wait for me over there. With your promise, I still have another hope.