Chapter 13 run away

Aileen's prose is not good enough, it is miscellaneous, broad but not refined.Occasionally, two brilliant words would jump out, which would make people jump. It was like walking sleepily on a long street that was getting darker.This beauty is just beautiful, compared to the lively and caring beauty in her novels, it is only average. This is probably because it is really difficult for women to write good prose.It's easy to write it as petty love and carelessness, which makes people sniff.Aileen is no exception.But for Aileen's love, he naturally pays great attention to her writings describing such side details as basic necessities of life.For example, "Tong Yan Wu Ji" and "Whispering Words" are my favorites, and I watch them again and again.Not only because material thoughts are serious, but also because I have always believed that only through the details of life can one peek into people's hearts.

The old family air is full of corrosiveness.Ailing's father sank little by little like this, and the two people who didn't sink also crossed the ocean to see another sunny day. In "Whispers", Aileen recalls her various childhood experiences, and writes sadly but not sadly about many people who have influenced her life-father, mother, aunt, younger brother, stepmother, and old servant.There are also those things that are regarded as legendary stories - parents divorced, aunt broke up with her father and siblings, conflicts with her stepmother, was beaten and detained by her father, suffered from dysentery, and ran away after recovering from illness... The ins and outs and process of running away from home are written in such a detailed and realistic way!

One late spring afternoon, facing her parents who were puffing, Aileen revealed the plan she had kept hidden in her heart—she was going to study abroad.In this family, this is a sensitive issue.His father was furious and insisted that she was instigated.This anger stems from the resentment towards her mother, and it explodes through the conflict between Aileen and her stepmother. Her father beat her, but she refused to accept it, and thought again: "I have always been very clear in my heart, remembering my mother's words: 'If he hits you, don't fight back, otherwise, it will always be your fault if you tell it.' So I didn't think about it. resistance."

I was saddened to see this passage, and I felt the pain on my skin.Thinking of myself, my mother had a very violent temper, too, when she hit me, normal and merciless.I just contradicted a few words, and I didn't even think about resisting, and I couldn't fight and scold my mother, because I really didn't look like it.Sometimes when she gets very annoyed, she will stare at her and bite her lip, as if resigned to slaughter.Then, she lay down on the bed with the desolation of "dreams can't be fulfilled with a tear-wet scarf".So long, the tears have been shed.Afterwards, ordinary things never entered my heart at all.People gradually become numb.

Such rebellion seems to be the hallmark of all children of the same age.It was true in the past, and it is true today.Because of this, she lost her freedom, and even refused to call a doctor when she was sick. She could only "lay on the bed and look at the pale blue sky in autumn, the gray stone antlers were raised on the gatehouse opposite, and there were two rows of small stone Bodhisattvas underneath—I don't know." Which dynasty, which generation is it now..." savoring the desolation of time and the bleakness of life. However, Ai Ling is not an ordinary woman after all, she escaped!

I took a breath to brush away the dust and smoke of history, and saw that one night in the middle of winter in 1938, she was about to escape—it was a premeditated escape—and first asked He Gan about the time when the two patrolmen changed their shifts.On that cold and windy night, she leaned against the window and used the binoculars to see clearly that there was no one on the black road. Then she touched the iron door step by step against the wall, pulled out the latch, opened the door, put the binoculars on the milk crate, and walked away. go. She is so cautious, every step is also startled!It was so funny and innocent again, and I was glad that I didn't forget to bargain with the rickshaw driver.What a little girl!She finally escaped from that lifeless, cold and damp home, and never went back.

Strong Ailing, how deeply traumatized was brought to her by those days of detention.After being absorbed by her, Gu Manzhen's experience of being detained and escaping vaguely revealed her own feelings and pains, although they were only faint.She is not the kind of person who is used to telling her sorrows, not the kind of person who uses her privacy to grandstand.Her tranquility predestined her to be able to write quietly and write works that can withstand the precipitation of time.She is gorgeous without being flashy. And she was so resolute, even if her mother said clearly: Follow me, but there is no money.She thought about it and decided to stay with her mother.She imagined the sun-filled feeling around her mother, and she liked the soft smell of her room.Even though her mother's condition was not good, this spoiled young lady didn't complain at all.She just sometimes stood on the balcony of the apartment, looking at the sky that was cut into pieces by tall buildings, standing lonely.Smile or be sad.Does anyone know?Daughter's mind.

Aileen was not a happy and carefree child, and her happy colors were not simple long ago.Her calmness even made people feel surprised: "Later, I thought, at home, even though all I see is money coming in and out, it is not mine, and it may not be my turn in the future. Delayed. Thinking about it this way, I decided immediately. There is no impassioned departure in this way. Our era is not romantic in the first place." I'm not a happy girl either.Even if there is, it is not the kind of innocence, but the joy of sinking.Aileen could escape but I couldn't.Because I have been supported by my parents for many years, I have no financial means, and I have physical constraints, so I can’t say a word without hesitation: "I will leave immediately. I will never come back." Even if my mother used such words to hurt me, I would not He just said coldly: "I definitely won't leave, I won't run away rashly, and then be brought back like a stray dog."

Then I went into the room and let myself cry. My mother told me later that she said this because she knew I was strong enough.I laughed.She didn't know how I got through it.Even if she knew it, she couldn't feel the despair. I lay in bed and looked at the white ceiling all night, just like Aileen said: "When I die, I will be buried in the garden." The walls are full of murderous intent.Tears become nothingness, sometimes there, sometimes not.Thought of death, but survived, unable to give up the desire for the world.I found my calmness, but the body and soul were separated, and there was no escape.From then on, I wanted to leave the house agitatedly.

Really capable of leaving, but walked back quietly, snuggled up to her mother quietly, without any reluctance.Perhaps, all I wanted was the ability to leave, and with that process, it all came full circle. I also remember that there were a few cases of running away from home, and they all escaped to fame and glory.For example, Soong Ching Ling will be singled into a rope, climb out of the window to escape from home, and marry Sun Yat-sen.Elope for a great love. Women often flee for love, and sometimes for freedom.But most of the time, it's just escaping from one place to another, which doesn't make much sense.

However, Ailing's departure also had her own arrangements.Listen to her confession: "On the one hand, I have a bright future plan. After graduating from high school, I went to England to study at a university. For a while, I wanted to learn to draw cartoon films and try to introduce the style of Chinese painting to the United States. I want to compare Lin Yutang is still in the limelight, I want to wear the most unique clothes, travel around the world, have my own house in Shanghai, and live a clean and tidy life.” Such a high-minded Ailing, even if she hadn't been instigated by her stepmother, even if she hadn't been beaten by her father, she would still go out one day.The dragon returns to the East China Sea, and the phoenix lives in the mountains and forests. She is completely different from her father. Running away from home, looking at the moonlight after more than ten years, is the end of girlhood.Or a long time ago, Aileen had already returned home.