Chapter 31 come back

"White Leaf Miscellaneous Notes" No. 7 Probably because the creator is not willing to see two people who should not enjoy happiness create their own happiness, so they planted a trace of disaster in the dark, sowing bottomless troubles.The respite under this inescapable authority saw that he had made the sacrifice of fate and lost his cherished comrades, but he couldn't think about it, so he could only cry tears in his heart-wrenching sorrow, Listening to my friend's advice, I fled to other places for the time being. Zigui never stops her weeping, and the suspicious Jingwei never forgets her effort of holding the stone until his breath lasts; how can I get rid of my pain when I go to a different place?

During the more than ten days in a foreign land, I lived in a daze every day, and every night I hid my tears on my pillow and thought deeply, confessing my sins.I don't know how to age in spring, and I don't know how pleasant the scenery in a foreign land is. I only know that the world has changed, and everything in the universe has been changed. I am afraid that my sins will still remain, and I still cannot be relieved. In the depressing air where the red flowers have faded from the branches, gray and white also dye my black hair sporadically. However, I did not have to die.Death is not an easy thing.So I had no choice but to pick up the rest of my life again, leaving the ancient and quiet Yangzhou, and returning to Shanghai where I had wandered for many years.

Fleeing with guilt, and returning with guilt, in this half month, only the fateful spring has faded away, and everything remains the same.The horrible past is still terrible, and the hopeless future is still hopeless. Only in the half-moon's dim light, the past that will never come again is engraved deeper in my heart. I can’t forget being in a foreign land; this time, when I got off the car, my heart immediately sank away from my broken heart and flew to that remote corner; in a corner of a small building, under the dim light, quietly Listen to the low sighs and choked throats that emanate from a deep heart that is originally full of happiness. ——Sighs intermittently, shaking the deep peace of a young man's soul.It is the sinner's only consolation.

However, this is only an illusion born of a broken soul.When the bleak dream was shattered by the realized surroundings, I could only feel more and more anxious. Too much lack of fortitude and determination, this may be my weakness, and it may also be the source of my suffering.It has been more than a month since the incident happened. Although I am thinking about it all the time, I am still at a loss.I ran away with pain, and I returned with tears in my eyes; in half a month of idyllic life, only a few of my black hairs became grayer, and I was ravaged by cruel memories a few more times, and everything else remained the same.Ah, time is such an irretrievable past, others are there to guide the phase, what should I do!

Two roads opened before me.One is willing to perish in the unforgivable sin and leave this troubled mother recklessly; the other is to let the environment go by and reluctantly act out the ugly drama of life that he hates.Others have shown me these two ways, and I know that there is no other way but these two ways. How on earth am I going to do this?I don't have the courage to chisel out my own conscience, but after taking the latter path, I can't bear to see two pure souls being mutilated together.ah ah!What am I going to do! It has been more than four days since I came back. On the surface, it seems that I have been able to temporarily put aside this misfortune and do things with peace of mind. In fact, my deep heart is only deeper and stronger for the regret of the past and the burning of the future. It is to endure and hide in the depths of the heart, not to let it leak out.

Waking up in the middle of the night, on the pillow of the dawn when the dawn is still hazy, I opened my eyes and remembered the sins I committed this time. The dry tears that will never shed.I rest my head on my wrist, and the remembrance of a month makes me miserable.I curse why there is no accidental disaster that can suddenly kill this guilty shell! The thing is that it grieves me so much, and I dare not take the liberty of dying; lingering on, I must now live like this for a while. I will go on like this secretly, entrusting the sovereignty of my life to fate, waiting for an appropriate period.I will never forget.I am willing to sacrifice my all if there is a chance that I can atone for my sins.

It was like this when I was not out, and it was still like this when I returned; I blamed myself for my incompetence, and I also felt sorry for a healthy young man who was so weak that he lost his ability to choose.Neither of the two paths can avoid increasing my guilt, so I have to postpone it for the time being. Fate will never allow me to go like this, I wait for its final mercy. I don't need to write anything more, but because I can only feel a little comfort when I write recently, I have to let it write intermittently. Muyu Xiaoxiao, I thought of my past in silence, remembered my sins, and sighed why I didn't die young!

Rainy evening on May 12, 1926.