Chapter 25 Soul comfort

One of "White Leaf Miscellaneous Notes" For several years, I always like to mess up my hair on my head without combing it, but recently I suddenly changed, but I like to use a small hat to keep it smooth, and I can't stop going to the mirror every now and then To follow—what is the driving force behind this change, I don't know myself, but I don't think I have the power to stop it.Some people say to me that tousled hair has a profound meaning, but tousled hair is shallow, so I am still tossed back to shaggy.I have no words to answer, so I can only smile back, because the choice between the two is really not my own.This is like a woman who has a husband and suddenly falls in love with someone else. It is really impossible for us to use discipline and morality to persuade her not to do this, because her heart has changed.

In the same way, my heart has almost changed of late. When I have nothing to do or am tired of reading, I pull up a mirror to take a look at my face; I see a tuft of hair, two eyebrows, two eyes, a nose, and two lips reflected in the mirror. And the two looming ears next to the face, I can't help but stare intently.It is true that my eyes are not the graceful glances, and my lips are not the cherry petals that writers like to describe, but they are mine after all.I can't help staring like that when I remember that these things are all my own.I lower my eyes again, look at my own hands, bend my fingers to count my age, and I will suddenly feel sad.My tears couldn't stop streaming down, I almost leaned forward to embrace the person in my mirror and kiss him wildly!

Poor and lush youth, buried love in the grave, only you are your own comfort in the world! Books can only pass the time, and the conversation of friends can only forget reality. I can only find comfort in thinking or seeing myself now. ——However, these situations are buried deep in my heart, and no one else will know except me. When I have nothing to do, I use my left hand to touch my right hand, or put both hands flat on the table, watching silently, or stroke my cheeks with the palm, I can get a kind of intoxication, feel that I have entered Something from the tomb seems to have floated back partly.

I pulled the mirror over to look at myself: eyes!Although I can't find the meaning of charm in my eyes, there are graceful young women and beautiful girls who have been drunk.I look at my lips again. Although my lips are not as admirable as the red cherry blossoms in Chunlin, I clearly remember that a soft "no" was issued from it, which once made the flowery girl Immediately crush your heart at my feet! --Ah!Thinking of this, my tears couldn't stop flowing again. sin!The crime of murder!According to the etiquette, I should destroy myself as soon as possible; but in reality, thinking of this, I can only love myself more and more.

Love goes to the grave. In this world, I can only get some comfort when I think or see myself. How can I bear to destroy myself? I am my own idol. Now, perhaps someone else wants to give herself to me, to make up for my lack; but it is too late, love has gone to the grave, and what is in the grave cannot come out again. I wallow in the sorrows of the past, turning only when I think or see myself.I am worshiping myself so much now, how can I go against my own will? I followed my own instructions, and my hair went from shaggy to smooth.Only when I gaze silently at myself in the mirror can my endless pain cease for a moment.

I can't go to another religion because I have considered myself as God. Although many young girls see my face and smile now, it is too late. These smile marks are like throwing a huge stone into a manhole, and they will never stir up ripples.Because love is already in the grave. January 29, 1926