Chapter 201 on jealousy

Jealousy often includes utilitarian calculations.Even for some spiritual values, what the envious person values ​​is only the practical benefits they may bring to the owner, for example, the fame and fortune brought by learning and talent.The essence of being jealous of virtuous and capable people is to be jealous of fame and wealth, and no one will be jealous of the unlucky ones who have been underappreciated all their lives. Some spiritual values, such as wisdom and virtue, are less prone to envy because they have no utility involved.I mean true wisdom and virtue, not the ingenuity and hypocrisy of fame.Philosophers and saints live in their own spiritual world, and laymen have no relationship with this world, so they have no way to envy.

The detached person is far away from jealousy because of his indifference to fame and fortune-neither envious of others, nor inviting jealousy, and he doesn't care if he is jealous.If you care, it means that you are still too concerned about fame and fortune, and you are not detached. The possibility of jealousy is inversely proportional to the distance in time and space.We are easily envious of those near us, but not of ancient times or distant strangers.A small employee who is eager to climb up is not jealous of an American who ascended to the presidency overnight, but he is worried about his colleague's promotion to section chief.A money junkie is not jealous of the many billionaires in the world. He sees his neighbor making a small fortune but feels restless.A pushy writer doesn't envy Cao Xueqin and Shakespeare, but resents his friend's sudden fame.

Due to the distance law of jealousy, a successful person is often easily derogated by his colleagues, acquaintances and even friends, but he is recognized outside this circle. The so-called "flowering inside the wall and fragrant outside the wall" has become a common phenomenon. We are not convinced by the success of those who are not as good as ourselves, thinking that he deserves it.We are not convinced by the success of those who are better than ourselves, and we must find out the weaknesses in him who are not as good as ourselves to prove that he is not completely worthy of what he has received.Such weaknesses can always be found, for how can we admit that others are better than ourselves in everything?We value success so much that it is difficult to embrace the fact that others are successful.

If we really value the essence of things rather than the appearance of success, then it should be just the opposite: we don't have to envy the success of those who are inferior to ourselves, because he has a false name; have strength.What if he is false and true?Then let it be empty and real. We don't need to be jealous of the former, and we shouldn't be jealous of the latter. Anyway, there is no need to be jealous. Jealousy is based on competition.The field is different, there is no competition, and it is not easy to be jealous.Therefore, literati are not jealous of famous actors becoming popular, and actors are not jealous of big businessmen getting rich.Of course, if this literati is an actor at heart, and this actor is a businessman at heart, they will be jealous of famous actors and businessmen, eager to become popular and rich, because they are all in Vanity Fair and have a common field.

In the same field, people are not easy to be jealous of those who are far behind and those who are far superior to themselves, because there is a huge difference in level, and there is no competition.Jealousy is most likely to occur between people of the same level, and it is most likely to compete with each other.Of course, the wise and the stupid are in the minority, and most people are crowded in the middle, so jealousy is still common. The great successful man is not easy to be jealous, because he is so far above the average person that he cannot find a rival worthy of his envy. The enlightened man is less likely to be jealous than the great successful man, because he understands the limits of life. At this time, he almost looks down on mankind like a god. In the eyes of a god, what success in man is so great that he is jealous?A person who has seen the limits of all success will neither boast of his own success nor envy the success of others.

For a proud heart, the greatest humiliation is not to be envied, but to be envious of others, because this emotion reveals to him a fact that he least wants to admit: he is inferior. There are two situations in which we are willing to tolerate the success of others.One is that when this kind of success is something we have both the ability and the opportunity to achieve, but we do not want to achieve it, then we seem to stand on top of this kind of success and have a sense of superiority.The other is when we have neither the ability nor the opportunity to achieve this kind of success, so we don't want to achieve it. At this time, we seem to stand too far away from this kind of success, and have a sense of indifference.

If the success of others is something that we have the ability but have no chance to achieve, or if we have the opportunity but have no ability to achieve it, we should be vigilant, because the demon of jealousy is about to take advantage of it. Jealousy occurs based on a comparison that we perceive as unfair.We don't envy the success we both have the ability and the opportunity to achieve, because it's within our reach.We are also less prone to envy success that we have neither the ability nor the opportunity to achieve, because it is too high to be attained.We are most likely to feel envious when a success is something we have the ability to but have no opportunity for, or the opportunity but have no ability to achieve.

Since jealousy is inevitable for everyone, perhaps it should not be regarded as a disease or evil, but should be regarded as a neutral thing.It is a disease only when it hurts itself.It is evil only when it hurts others. Given that jealousy is such an inelegant emotion, we are generally reluctant to reveal our jealousy to others, but this does not prevent us from discussing it gracefully.Jealousy has the right to be discussed as a topic of life because of its pervasiveness in the human psyche and because perhaps the wisdom of life can most effectively dissolve it.We might as well discuss the characteristics, roots, laws and methods of overcoming jealousy from the perspectives of philosophy, psychology, and sociology.Ethics is probably the most inappropriate angle, because we can only make moral judgments about one kind of behavior and not about one kind of psychology.