Chapter 32 The Promise of the First Green Leaf

Memories are always around and cannot be waved away.Walking on the noisy street in a foreign land, I was still unknowingly looking for that small road. In the quiet late night, the air of missing was flowing in and out of my dream. I knew that time hadn't lost anything, and his smile was still clear. A year later, walking on this small road again, it seems that everything has returned here quietly, and my heart has slipped into the track of memories. It was by chance that we met online.The first chat did not leave a deep impression on me, I only remember that he said he had depression.Because I always think that people who study medicine will feel neurotic and feel that they have some kind of disease, so I don't pay much attention to his words.But I kept thinking in my heart: Why did he say that he was sick?In more and more conversations in the future, he still couldn't do without the word depression. Out of sympathy, maybe also out of an instinct of studying medicine, I always tried to comfort him and encourage him, but sometimes I really feel that it is very awkward. Poor, I don't even know what to say to him, for fear of accidentally hurting the deepest wound in his heart again.

In fact, I was also very lonely. "I am a piece of rain, and what wanders in the rain is a melancholy and lonely heart!" It was because when I was not in college, I saw my good friends go away from home to study one by one, and I felt a sense of loss and frustration. It rose spontaneously, so I always read desperately in the review class. At that time, I really didn't hear anything outside the window.The lonely diary and lonely mood made a big change in my personality... Time is passing away in the ordinary, and the colorful days become full of vitality with the company of the phone.Sometimes the roommates are all asleep and we continue, seemingly oblivious to the passage of time and of course the coming of the final exam.

Every evening, we will leave a long line of shadows on the campus boulevard in the setting sun.He always walked beside me quietly, with his head down, and sometimes he would whistle a few nice whistles to break the silence.At that time, the sky was blue, transparent and bright, and the white clouds became extraordinarily beautiful. They floated peacefully and happily in the blue sky. I looked at them with admiration, and was deeply moved by them. with... Next to the tree-lined road in the campus, the leaves fall slowly, and I have to search for green leaves every day. "Look, every leaf has summer and autumn, and the part that turns yellow will never be green." I tried to unravel his melancholy, "As long as there is sunshine, green leaves will grow, won't it?" My hint , I don’t know if he understood.After a long time, he looked at me with a slight smile and said, "Sunshine? It's so bright, but it's out of reach...

"When spring comes I will send you the first green leaves from this tree," he said, pointing to the tree we were leaning against. Time slipped through a season in a hurry, and the fallen leaves turned into snowflakes.He was no longer so melancholy, and he no longer mentioned the two words that used to be extremely frequent.I feel relieved in my heart, because he is no longer the melancholy him! However, just when I was intoxicated in the honeypot of happiness, I never thought that happiness is decreasing day by day, and the scale of love has begun to decrease... I can't remember what was the reason for that day, Lin'er and I changed numbers.Not long after I sat down, I saw him also surfing the Internet. So he and Lin Er are also friends?I thought to myself.Soon, he sent a message: "Hi! Miss me?" I was confused, is this the him I know?Is this the one who makes me lose my mind every day?Is this the one who makes me worry about him every day?How could he do this to me?Thinking of writing a diary for him every day, thinking of every happy day spent with him every day, my heart began to slowly break.Their previous chat records are still there, and they are all written about her feelings for him and his commitment to her... Tears slipped down quietly, dripping on my hurt heart.I don't know how I ran back to the dormitory. I just remember that I really broke down. I got myself drunk and called my two good friends. Speaking the truth after drinking, I only remember the first sentence: "I was drunk because of him!".

Thinking of the beautiful fairy tales I used to make up with him every day, the scene of walking together under the umbrella on a rainy day, thinking of his clear and sweet whistle in silence, thinking of the promise we made together on the green leaves, I started to go crazy Keep a diary: The wind chimes of the past/washed by the years/are no longer the past/that crisp ringtone/left behind/just a hoarse cry/to whom? /Since then/I have imprisoned the heart that should have been peaceful with iron chains/Among those hundreds of boats/He is just a purple memory deep in my heart In the days to come, I no longer stepped into the computer room. The place where we first met was also the place where we communicated all the time. I even locked the phone card in the drawer, because at the beginning, within 24 hours, we were in each time period. Lidu once communicated with his heart, and the only thing he kept was the daily and nightly diary writing:

Quiet rainy night / My heart has never had a moment of peace / The wound is still pus / The phone rings inadvertently / It always makes my chest hurt unbearably / My heart is bleeding, my heart is crying / After the rain, there will be sunshine / When can a broken heart heal? Quiet rainy night/I put all my words into a prayer envelope/Put all the pain and suffering in my heart/Carefully open the box and put it in/The pain of longing can’t be pretended! A beautiful beginning, a northward end, starting in a sunny afternoon and ending in a cold rainy night. "I knew that sadness is always inevitable, so why bother to be deeply in love", Chen Mingzhen's "Awakening Time" awakened me, maybe it was my illusion from the beginning, his sunshine was Lin's smile, not mine, it was for me It was just the beginning of a tragedy... On the deserted street, I burst into tears, my heart calmed down, and gradually became empty.

I locked the diary in that corner forever, because that fairy tale does not belong to me, I am just a small tree, standing in an inconspicuous corner, dotted with green all over the ground, swaying by myself.I have since spoken of him no more, and I will not even say a word about him. In the long winter, everything was frozen, and the path became very long, and the footprints bound by memories were printed in the snow, crooked.I looked at those small trees in a daze with a broken heart. There was a green expectation on the bare branches, but spring seemed to be far away. During the silent days, I seemed to be running a race, trying to exceed the speed of my thoughts and memories, so that they could not catch up or entangle me. I walked carefully along the path, for fear of waking up the green dream.A year has passed, thinking that I have learned to be strong, I turned to the last page of the diary: "Don't say I have forgotten you, my miss is hidden behind the bright moon, if you understand, why do you need me to translate?", but I couldn't help but burst into tears.The small tree was still growing so densely, I surrounded it, and a familiar voice came to my ears: "When spring comes, I will give you the first green leaf, which is from this tree..."

He wanted to give me the most brilliant green leaf, but I couldn't wait.But I didn't cry, because I finally knew that fairy tale didn't belong to me. Insights on life: But I never thought that there are so many vows of eternal love, but in reality they will be so insignificant: how many loves end in helpless customs.How much love ends in careless maintenance.How much love ends up being unable to cherish.