Chapter 28 Who am I infatuated for, who guards me

You left, I didn't go see you off!You are gone, go quietly! You are gone, who else should I wait for?You are gone, who else can I wait for? When I was 26 years old, the lingering unit I worked for in my hometown finally closed down.I came to Beijing with 5,000 yuan in savings, rented a noisy basement near W University, studied for the exam, and hoped to become a graduate student of W University one day.The famous peach blossom on this university campus was once my dream in middle school.During the day, I have to get up very early to get a seat in the library; at night, I go back to "home" with the moonlight on my head.I have almost no contact with the neighbors around me. They have mixed identities: foreigners who pluck cotton, Shandong people who sell pancakes, and Wenzhou people who do small businesses... Every night when I go back to the basement, they are all asleep. The room opposite me was still lit.

One morning, I went to wash up by the sink at the end of the basement, and the thin girl who lived opposite me was also washing up. Her hair was tied up casually with a pink handkerchief. A breath of sophistication and agility.She packed it up before me, and stepped out of the basement first. When I passed her on the road, she accidentally bumped into me, and the postgraduate entrance examination materials in my hand were scattered all over the floor.She stuck out her tongue at me apologetically, and knelt down to help me clean up. Suddenly she raised her head and glanced at me: "Are you also a graduate student?" The word "also" let me know that she is my fellow traveler.

This girl named Lin Mei is from Shandong. After graduating from a Chinese college, she studied for a bachelor's degree and worked as an editor for a very small magazine.Several times I said to bring back the magazine you edited and let me read it.She shyly refused to agree.She is not officially established, has no basic salary, and counts on a meager editing fee every month.She studied hard and dreamed of entering the University of M as a graduate student.During the day, she works very hard and has almost no time to review, and night is the prime time for her study.Her English manual has been turned into tatters.Her supper is usually just a small bread, and occasionally buy some fruit to eat.

Once, I joked with her and said, I like your name, Lin Mei, "Sister Lin" in real life, which is very similar to my current state of existence - a disadvantaged group.She laughed unscrupulously, and the laughter contained a kind of release and desolation that had been suppressed for a long time.At that moment, I realized that she and I were down-and-out people who kept our true nature. This feeling made us feel very safe and warm. One month after I met Lin Mei, I accidentally saw the magazine she worked for at a newsstand.I stopped to look through it with great interest, and there were some sensational case analyzes and ambiguous interview records on it.I finally understood Lin Mei's reason for not wanting to bring the magazine to me.What she signed on the magazine was not her original name, but I could tell at a glance that the editor named "Peach Blossom Dream" should be her.

A small magazine let me see the self-esteem, helplessness and dreams of a weak woman in a foreign land.Standing in the mild sunshine in April, I suddenly felt like weeping.If it wasn't for that thrilling night, Lin Mei and I would probably still be living in the cramped and dark basement. After I fell asleep that night, I vaguely felt the noise from the opposite door. I opened the door and saw Lin Mei was entangled with a disheveled old man at the door. I yelled: "What are you doing!" He crawled out of the basement.From Lin Mei's sobbing, I understood what happened: she read a book until one o'clock in the morning, then went out to wash her face and brush her teeth, and concealed the door; When she walked out of the room, her legs were so frightened that her legs went limp, but she fought him desperately—because those were her only two valuable treasures.

This incident made us realize that this basement is by no means a place to stay.The next day, we shared a small one-bedroom apartment, where she lived in the bedroom and I lived in the living room.The monthly rent is 800, shared equally between the two. I don't know when my feelings for Lin Mei started, but this move is undoubtedly an important opportunity.After moving, a kind of faint affection grew and spread between me and her.Two people read books together, arguing for a long time about the answer to an English question; cook together on weekends, and even go shopping together.Because we are all cash-strapped people, often we don't buy anything.Such a depressing time still makes me feel a kind of plain happiness.

The postgraduate entrance examination was really expensive. At that time, I only had 800 yuan in savings.I found a job as a salesman in a leather bag company, the salary was meager, and it was far away from my residence.During those difficult days, my daily happiness was condensed at the moment when I stepped into the house: the warm lights, the steaming rice cooker, Lin Mei’s not beautiful but very penetrating smile... Many times, Looking at the scene in front of me, I couldn't help but feel a little bit in a trance, thinking that this is really my home, and the person sitting in the orange light waiting for me to come back is my beloved wife.

This illusion made me understand: I fell in love with Lin Mei. The results of the postgraduate entrance examination finally came out, and both Lin Mei and I did very well in the exam.It was a sunny day, and all the hardships I had suffered were paid off overnight.In May, the peach blossoms of W are in full bloom.On weekends, Lin Mei and I went to enjoy the peach blossoms together.I took a picture of her, she was standing under the peach blossom tree, I could vaguely see the white handkerchief tied on her long hair.A peach blossom fell with the wind, quietly perched on her shoulders, the sun coated her skin with a lemon-colored halo, and her eyes shone with an unprecedented look.At that moment, I suddenly realized the beauty of Lin Mei, which is a kind of tough but gentle, vicissitudes but pure beauty.

In the evening, we took the bus back to our residence, and Lin Mei fell asleep leaning on my shoulder.The car was jolting, and I tried to adjust my sitting position so that she could sleep more comfortably.As the car rounded a corner, a package slipped out of her pocket.It is a bag of peach blossoms.During the day on campus, Lin Mei wrapped some peach blossoms with the handkerchief in her hair, saying that she would take them home and put them in her books to commemorate her mental journey over the years. Her long hair looked a bit messy due to lack of restraint, and a few strands of hair brushed my face. I smelled the faint fragrance of her hair and made a bold decision.I put the handkerchief in my pocket.I want to wait for the day when we all receive the admission notice, and hold this handkerchief to express my heart to her.

Lin Mei woke up when she was almost at the station.Seeing her head resting on my shoulder, she straightened up immediately.After getting out of the car, she said with some melancholy: "It would be great if I could be so happy every day from now on." I hummed, feeling a little flustered in my heart. Perhaps Lin Mei didn't notice that her handkerchief was missing. After entering the room, she went to wash up directly. When she came out of the bathroom, I saw her long hair tied with a new handkerchief. That night, I slept very late.The handkerchief was just under my pillow, and the faint fragrance of peach blossoms wafted in the night.

Lin Mei performed abnormally in the re-examination, and her ranking dropped sharply. What's worse, because she had the same education, she lost at the starting line before the re-examination started. According to the school's regulations, candidates with the same education will be deducted 10 benchmark points.As a result, she, who was originally ranked very high, suddenly became precarious.I really want to tell her to come with me, but, as a poor scholar, what can I do to maintain a stable life?What to take care of her weak shoulders? Finally, June is here.I was admitted, but Lin Mei failed. In September, I entered the gate of W University as I wished.However, I can't be happy. I will always remember the day when Lin Mei left.I went out early that morning, and Lin Mei stayed at home to sort out the manuscript.When I came home in the evening, I found her room empty.On the table in the living room, there was an admission notice from W University. I went to the magazine where Lin Mei worked to find her.They told me that Lin Mei resigned, but no one knew where she went. I studied quietly for three years, and after graduation I went to work in a university in Tianjin.In my spare time I write articles for fashion magazines.That day, I saw an invitation letter from a Shanxi newspaper.The editor's online name is "Peach Blossom Dream". This screen name is like a kindling, instantly igniting my memory.The peach blossoms all over the mountain, and the smiling face hidden in the peach blossoms, seem to be close at hand, but far away. I wrote an e-mail to "Peach Blossom Dream" with excitement, and I told her how a boy sewed that secret in his memory. Soon, I received an ordinary letter.The elegant font on the envelope is familiar to me.I opened the envelope tremblingly under the surprised eyes of my colleagues: "After returning to Shandong, I worked in a newspaper office, and my life was still unstable. At that time, the nephew of the editor-in-chief of the newspaper office was very kind to me, but I didn't like this person very much. I often dreamed that I was sitting in the examination room, and the door was suddenly pushed Open, someone snatched my test paper, I woke up sweating profusely. Wiping the tears from the corners of my eyes, I said to myself, that's it, everything should be over. "Life after marriage was very peaceful, the newspaper company solved my budget, and I gradually moved away from my youthful dreams. "I have always wanted to tell you that on the night when I came back from watching the peach blossoms, I saw the half white handkerchief in your pocket, and I began to wait. I thought that you would return the handkerchief to me at some point and treat me Say something that can stabilize my life. But I waited until the results of the re-examination came out, and I failed, but you didn't come to me. In fact, at that time, the hope in my heart was still not extinguished, and I was still waiting, because I didn't believe that you were a secular People. But I didn't wait after all. "On the day your admission letter was mailed, I was the one who signed for it for you. When I saw the red envelope with the University W badge on it, I suddenly realized that there was already a distance between you and me. Finally, I was My eccentric self-esteem and reserve have defeated me. I spent several months convincing myself that you would not come to me with a handkerchief; I spent many years trying to forget you. Actually, that's fine too. Really, that's fine..." The past travels through the boundless time and space, submerging me unexpectedly like a tide.Suddenly, I seemed to return to that night many years ago, I seemed to see the peach blossoms wrapped in the handkerchief again, and I seemed to smell the fragrance of flowers in the dark night again.How much I want to tell Lin Mei that our miss is only due to a trick of fate.The peach blossom dream that has withered before it was opened, turned around lonely in the sigh of the years, leaving me with such a silent back. Insights on life: If you love each other, then please hold your lover's hand firmly, and it may be a lifetime regret to let go. Life is full of too many regrets, let go of each other's hands, let you and I lose the waiting that we no longer have in this life.It's not regret that makes me feel sorry, but persistence that makes you fragile and heartbroken.