Chapter 33 2005/03/20

I'm sitting on the train to Taipei now, I just finished writing a super killer novella, and sent out the proofreading of the second episode of The Hunter before departure. My time is constantly being squeezed, and I am especially worried that I will fail the physical reexamination and still have to serve in the military.At that time, I will no longer have time to write novels, so I have to squeeze myself a lot now. Mom has finished her third round of chemotherapy and has been recuperating in her new home for a week. It should be called a blessing. Mom's third chemotherapy was even smoother than the second chemotherapy. She almost didn't have the fever that mom was most worried about. After a plasma transfusion and a platelet transfusion, her condition was very stable.

But after my mother was discharged from the hospital, she felt chills at home that afternoon, and when she took her temperature, it was as high as thirty-eight degrees nine. Since then, my mother's headache has been very painful. She ate Pu Na Pain as three meals a day, but she couldn't control it. Then the weight dropped, and now there are only 36 kilograms left. Mom began to cry in front of my brother, crying and complaining that she had worked hard to eat, but why she still couldn’t see the weight gain, how could it be so hard? Mom was even more worried about her own condition, worried that it would not be cured, and began to lament that Guo Taiming was the richest man in Taiwan, and his wife who suffered from cancer still passed away.

Mom is also spinning around with a bunch of questions... Why do people get sick?Why is she the one who is sick? Sick people are trapped in the hospital bed, and the degree of obsession with the issue of life and death is beyond our imagination, and we can only be considerate.Or try to be considerate.Mom's discouragement also frustrates us who are with us. A few days ago, I watched the movie Hitch with my friends, and Will Smith had a line in it: "Wake up every morning, and live with a purpose." I don't have any specific goals, but I will probably finish writing novels of 5,000 words a day.There are three or four stories to write, which one to choose?Long story short?Or dedicate time to reading that has the same meaning.Finally, no regrets when sleeping.

How do people who are facing life and death problems set goals for the day?Or, in the mood to set goals for the day? Mom once said that she often didn't know what she should "think".I can't read books, and I can't get excited about doing anything.I used to be so busy at the pharmacy that I couldn't finish my work, and I had to wait until one o'clock in the morning to close my eyes every day. Now when it is quiet, I can sleep whenever I want, but I have no goals. I saw my mother repeatedly looking at the anti-cancer materials we printed from the Internet, especially the statistics on the cure rate.Occasionally sitting in the living room with my mother and watching a movie, my mother would fall asleep unconsciously.

It's time for Mom to enjoy her happiness. When I think of this, I feel powerless. The children of other families have been working for a long time, but my brother is still studying. Although the school loan along the way may not bring financial burdens to the family, it will not allow my mother to retire and have a good rest. I will be able to rest when I have time in the future. interest in doing it. It is said that dreams can support a person. Ever since I finished the MIR scan at Beijing Medical University, I have been imagining from time to time, what kind of reaction would I have if the cysts at the end of my spinal cord cavity were not water cysts or benign tumors but malignant tumors?Assuming that there are five years of life left, how will I live five years of life "purposefully"?

My personality has always had a strong romantic side, and the answer is pretty obvious.I will write crazily, with the force of pressing the broken keyboard, to complete a dream that can only be fulfilled by a person in fifty years in five years.The closer you are to death, the more you see the luster of the soul. But mom loves us so much that mom's dreams are all on us.So during this period of convalescence, I can't and can't think of anything to do other than take good care of my body. One of Mom's dreams is to have a new home all our own.We used a lot of loans, a lot of painstaking effort and sweat to reach it in a hurry. I really hope that my mother can enjoy the happiness of the moment.

Then stop the headache.