Chapter 26 2004/12/23

Today, Mom has been in the hospital for a full month, and another day. When I took a taxi to the hospital, my father and brother were telling my mother about my grandmother's death, and my mother was lying on the bed crying, wiping away her tears. But the big stone in Mom's heart was finally let go. The chronically ill grandma relieved her pain, and also released the grandparents and aunts who worked so hard to take care of her. In fact, my mother has always been mentally prepared for her death. After all, it is only a matter of when.Of course, my mother has nothing to hide from my grandpa, but my mother always thinks that I am sorry for my kind grandfather when I am sick, so I still feel deeply guilty.

And the big rock in our hearts has finally been let go. In fact, my mother was very sensitive to the death of my grandmother.On the night of my grandmother's death, my brother and my father went back and forth between Changhua and Taoyuan all night to see my grandmother for the last time, leaving me to accompany my mother who was still in the isolation ward at the time.That night, I paid close attention to whether my mother would have the so-called spiritual connection, tossing and turning, but couldn't sleep. But my mother did not sleep well, murmured scriptures, and said that she was flustered, but she didn't know the reason for the flustered.

At seven in the morning, my elder brother and I went to Taoyuan, and it was the third child's turn to stay with my mother. The last puja began around eleven o'clock in the evening. My mother was inexplicably flustered on the hospital bed and began to cry uneasy. She sat on the bed and recited the Medicine Master mantra over and over again. No matter how my younger brother asked my mother, my mother would not answer and kept chanting.I think it's grandma who came to see mom, right? Mom cried intermittently, and promised us that we would go to the farewell ceremony without exhausting the journey and risking our emotions. Brother also promised to worship three sticks of incense for mom and kowtow six times, asking mom's mother to forgive her for not being able to make it.

I thought to myself that the death of my seventy-five-year-old grandmother was considered a peaceful and peaceful life.If Mom can live happily until the age of seventy-five, there is nothing to worry about in life. A few days ago, I saw a large number of TV reports about Jiang Fangliang's death. The camera showed the faces of many family members and politicians. Everyone looked miserable and mourned inexplicably...I saw ghosts. Jiang Fangliang was in his nineties. Whether it can be realized or not, there should always be no regrets. There is a term called joy and mourning. When should it be used when it is not used at this time?And in fact, I'm not interested in all the news these days, the blue-green dispute, the fart, it has nothing to do with whether my mother will get better, as long as the health care system doesn't collapse, these politicians will fight for the piss no matter what Beef balls and an egg.

Then I was left alone with my mother. Mom talked to me about Dad and asked me not to write bad about Dad all the time.To put it simply, for the first time, my father read the literature on companionship with illness I wrote on the Internet. On the one hand, he felt that many things such as owed money were not worth writing. , no one's fault.On the one hand, Dad felt that his son seemed to look down on him, and he was at a loss for what to do by making him bet. I actually didn't look down on Dad at all, I was just very angry. Due to the need to repay the money to the bank every month and the need for reserve funds for business turnover, our brothers went from university to graduate school, all of them used student loans, and at least they owed the government 300,000 to 400,000 yuan.Ashamed?I feel like a dick.For education, we owe this kind of money as much as we don't care, and as much as we have ability.

Besides, my parents brought us up with heavy debts. I can only be more grateful. How can I be disgusted?If my parents raised me by picking up waste, whether it was giving a speech or receiving an award, I would be loudly grateful to them for loving me in the hardest way. In the final analysis, it’s about saving face. Some people just think that parents who let their children borrow money for education are “incapable”, “disgraceful”, and “can’t even make up this little money”, and there are many such faces. Another aunt said contemptuously in front of my mother: "The children in our family all study in cash."

I feel quite the opposite. Raising children under economic distress, watching them grow up to be talented and kind-hearted, should be a super face-saving talent. There is no reason to misjudge yourself as inferior in front of others with confused values, and then you have to find a way to get rid of it. Redundant and unnecessary inferiority complex digs holes to hide. In addition, I wrote a lot of things about my father being very inconsiderate to my mother. In fact, writing along the way, in addition to venting the contradictions and dissatisfaction I have accumulated due to my cowardice for a long time, I am very persistent, just to reflect on guilt.So I wrote a bunch of debts that everyone owes to their mothers. I always think that "you have to admit your mistakes, and you have to stand up when you are beaten." Only then can the most meaningful improvement be made, and that is the active practice of guilt.And the father who has been with mother the longest is, of course, a recidivist who is inconsiderate.

In fact, behind the inconsiderateness, there are a lot of things that are taken for granted. "Stop writing, these are all my wishes." Mom cried and said, which made me feel very distressed. A word of willingness, it is only natural to do as much as possible. Brother also thinks, it’s okay, please forgive Dad.Anyway, we are very determined to let mom stop worrying about housework, so after mom is discharged from the hospital, we just need to concentrate on breathing the happy air. As everyone knows, in fact, there are only a few lines about Dad's inconsiderateness. I don't want to write the rest, and there is no need to write it.

I also want to be a filial son who allows my parents to simply live a happy life. Apart from "health" being the most important factor in the family, "peace" is also a major factor. After Mom understood that I didn't look down on Dad, but was angry with Dad, she was relieved and started watching Dae Jang Geum. Seeing the scene where Min Haozhi and Chang Jin reunited after many years, Mom cried again. I pray that Dad will not just be depressed, or it will be in vain. Writing this is really super meta-feeling. I have always been taken care of by netizens. Every time I send a card to my mother, my mother is very happy, and the small gifts that come with it are also ingenious. There is a sword lion to help my mother take care of the family. I hope it will soar to 250,000 yuan Color scrolls, a scene where my mother bid farewell to me on a bicycle, etc.

Yesterday afternoon, I received a package containing several pieces of homemade handmade soap from netizens. Each has a different purpose. I hope we can keep our hands healthy while taking care of our mother.I tried washing a piece, and it really didn't bite my hands, so I happily put a piece in the hospital.Thank you. In the evening, after I gave a speech with Cai Zhiheng at Chengda University, many good people and netizens who came to support me gave my mother blessings, and I accepted them all. Thank you, it was very useful.Those two Yongankang tickets are now in the notepad that Mom keeps beside her bed.

And I can't sleep anymore...