Chapter 8 2004/11/25

Look back at yesterday's accompanying writing.From the agreement between the younger brother and the mother, we can know that the mother has very little interest. But my mother has few interests. In fact, it is because of too much work, which makes the time for cultivating interests too precious.Even if there is free time, mom will choose to sleep.Mom says there's nothing like a good night's sleep. Mom really needs a break. The impact this time was actually not without warning. My mother is prone to headaches, loss of appetite, stomach pain, body aches, inability to sleep peacefully in the middle of the night, hand tremors... If you take these painful scenes apart and look at them, it seems to be a very common fatigue disease. The pain is relieved by simple medicine, so it is easy to ignore, but the truth behind the picture that combines all these pains is so terrifying.Or, the evolution has become so horrific.

What makes our brother feel guilty the most is that the truth after the illness or relying on mother's vigilance and action to reveal the crisis early, otherwise it is unimaginable. I deeply realized that as a son of man, one should turn concern into practical actions. When something is wrong with the parents, the children should not always remind and care verbally, but should hug the parents... and take them directly to the hospital for examination.I'm tired of hearing such superfluous little stories and big truths, but my body is very unfamiliar. More importantly, some simple dreams can start to be realized, and should not be placed in the "visible future".If the future is visible, the real definition of the future is lost.

I have always wanted to take my mother who has never been abroad to Tata, but I have never been able to realize it. Mom always said that the pharmacy was busy, and every day she visited the store would bring her an extra day of income. This was a very traditional and practical idea. For my family, whose debts have been running into millions, my mother has always practiced thrift.Such a comparison often makes me feel guilty, especially when I see my mother wearing a pair of shoes for a long time. Once I deliberately bought a bunch of vouchers for Ah Shou's leather shoes. I thought I'd spent all the money first, so my mother would always be willing to buy a new pair of shoes.In the end, I took my mother to the Ah Shou leather shoe store to pick out shoes, only to find that my mother's feet were smaller than I imagined, so small that I couldn't find a suitable size in the whole store.

"It's okay, we provide customized size service." The shop assistant suggested kindly. "Thank you, no need." Mom declined, turned to me and said, "This gift certificate is reserved for Dad and the third child." In the end it was really used by the third child. Sometimes when I went on a date with Mao, eating a simple meal outside while blowing the air-conditioning, I would think that another day I should persuade my mother to have a date with my son and eat in a restaurant.But my mother is satisfied as long as she eats McDonald's and KFC.If I really want to ask my mother to eat something more expensive, I will be afraid of being scolded by my mother and dare not speak.

Very bitter contradiction.Sometimes I get chills down my spine. "Mom, when you live with me in the future, you only need to be responsible for watching HBO and sleeping every day." When I was writing a novel at home, I occasionally said this to my mother. "Okay, okay." Mom always replied, with a smile on her face. "Mom, those debts are nothing at all. Fortunately, you have three sons, so it becomes very simple to divide all debts by three. In a few years, we will all graduate and serve as soldiers. It’s all gone.” I’ve been comforting my mom since I was in college: “Then we can buy a new house.”

Mom didn't seem to have doubted my words, and was very pleased with the unity of our brothers. But how long will it be before my mother is enjoying life, I am writing a novel in a coffee shop, and my mother is flipping through magazines? If there is only a plan, but no "impulse to start now", you can only stay in the plan. There are too many things in life that qualify as excuses. You have to go to class, work part-time, go to work, discuss cooperation, and reply to letters. Every excuse is serious, and it is a so-called business.As expected, most people choose to give and miss, and then unconsciously get entangled in the cocoon of guilt that they have spit out, and they will never get out of it.

There are two extreme emotions that will haunt a person for a lifetime. One is the embarrassment of being deprived of self-esteem, and the other is the guilt that continues to settle. In the language of the novel, these two extreme emotions, one strong and one slow, will each create two extreme types of people.If the tree wants to be quiet but the wind doesn't stop, the child wants to support but the relative is not there... It's hard for me to imagine how to stop the tears, and it's hard to imagine whether I will lose most of my emotions due to too much loss.But these losses are not as good as not being able to satisfy the happiness that my mother pursues.

So I have to break out of the cocoon.Every child deserves to break out of the cocoon. But most people who read this article and sense the cocoon is within reach will still not make a phone call home. Because there is always work to do.