Chapter 7 2004/11/25 on

Brother came to change shifts in the morning, and I took the train to Taipei. In the afternoon, I made an appointment with Beijing Medical University for an MRI to check whether the degree of my sciatica has reached the level of "replacement position".Tomorrow I will go to Banqiao rental office to send the motorcycle and winter clothes back to Changhua, and the day after tomorrow I will go to the Normal University symposium to talk about something.If something good happens, I will stay in Taipei for an extra day on Sunday. Then I still forgot to call Wang Dao and Jin Hai today.What's more, now that I think about it, I don't have the energy to do it.

Over the past few days, the odd changes have been steep, and the psychological burden makes the body easily tired.Sitting on the Ziqiang ship that came to Taipei, I rarely stopped the inertia of my fingers that I had maintained for three years. I didn't write novels on my knees, and I fell asleep all the way. When I arrived at Beijing Medical University, I registered, plugged in earplugs, and started the MRI examination that I had only seen in movies.I lay peacefully in a closed space that was sometimes as quiet as the sky, and sometimes loud and noisy. I gradually wanted to sleep again, but unfortunately I opened my eyes once, because I was so bored, and realized that I was in a narrow, utterly ignorant space. In the small space, although I closed my eyes immediately, the unbearable suffocation immediately filled my body.

I seemed to move, scream, and really wanted to rush out to get some air. Only then did I understand the meaning of the seemingly ridiculous option "If the patient cannot lie down quietly, please tell the nursing staff in advance" in the form to be filled out before the examination.It didn't mean "I'm sorry, I'm naughty so I can't do it" but "I'm a senior member of the close room phobia club". There are so many things I'm afraid of, and my whole life seems to be discovering and accumulating things that frighten me. Afraid of heights, afraid of ghosts, afraid that others will not believe me, afraid that I will not hold puma when it closes its eyes, afraid that my hands worth 200 million will be broken, and afraid of circumcising myself or others.

But I can be sure that I am most afraid of not having a mother. "You brothers have to discuss everything...it doesn't matter if Mom gets better in the end." Mom said this suddenly while eating porridge last night, which shocked me a lot. Oh, mom, don't keep scaring me.