Chapter 42 sex and love

Indeed, men and women seem to be born differently. The difference between men and women is half created by nature and half by man himself. Sex is indeed a wonderful invention of nature.Because of this invention, the same thing is "divided into two" and becomes two poles of the unity of contradictions and opposites.These two poles are both opposed to each other and interdependent, and they are bound to conflict, but neither can do without the other. However, in animals, the differences and contradictions between the sexes are not very great, at least not as serious as those between men and women.Therefore, we have to study the difference between human sex and reproduction and animals.

American scientist Carl.Sagan once pointed out in the book "The Dragon of Eden", "We have bargained with nature: our children will not be easy to raise, but the ability of children to learn new things has greatly increased the possibility of human survival." In fact, However, the difference between humans and animals is not limited to this, but also includes the particularly long period of gestation and feeding, and pain during childbirth.This is what God announced in the "Bible": "I will increase your pain in conception, and you will suffer more in giving birth to your children!" However, the pain of childbirth is only a temporary thing. Growth, however, is a problem that must be dealt with seriously by all human beings.

The human decision is well known, and this is: there must be a social division of labor.Some people must focus on the production of people, while the task of material production is mainly entrusted to another group of people.At least, at certain times, such as pregnancy, childbirth and breastfeeding, this is the case.Otherwise, the continuation of the human race and the survival of the race cannot be guaranteed. Of course, the only ones who stay in the "home" are the ones who are responsible for the production and childcare of the person in charge.Men cannot do this task.It just so happens that women are indeed inferior to men when they go hunting and compete with those "professional killers" in nature for meat.Therefore, men are mainly responsible for hunting, while women bear and raise children at home, and use sporadic time to gather nearby.This can be said to be the earliest "male dominates outside, women dominates inside" in history.

This division of labor is natural and reasonable. But in this way, there is a division between men and women: men are responsible for killing——killing wild animals and enemies; Fertility is a labor of love.So love naturally belongs to women. While there is a division of labor between men and women, they also depend on each other. Men need women.This need goes far beyond "sex".As has been said before, men's tasks are mainly fighting and hunting.This is a risky and sacrificial task that requires mental support and psychological adjustment.That is, they need a "rear".In this "rear", his wife and children are waiting eagerly, waiting for him to return with a full load.In this way, when they return and see their wives and children overjoyed at their spoils and happily sharing them, a kind of masculine pride will arise spontaneously, and all the hard work will be forgotten.At this time, they will feel that their adventure and hard work are "worth it" and they can be proud of it.The so-called "chivalry" in later generations is actually developed from this.Of course, after sharing the booty, he can also be caressed in the arms of a woman.This kind of caress can heal his wounds, eliminate his fatigue, and enable him to obtain psychological adjustment, buffer, relaxation, balance and compensation.It is not difficult to imagine how bad things would be if a man risked his life to go out hunting and hunted hard to get his prey home, but his "wife" went to fool around with others.

Women also need men, and this need goes beyond "sex".Because women have to bear children, and human children are not easy to raise, this will inevitably make it difficult for them to go out to hunt and find food, so they have to favor men.It is also not difficult to imagine that if a woman holds a child who is waiting to be fed and looks forward to the stars and the moon at home, but the "husband" is outside looking for flowers and willows, attracting bees and butterflies, wouldn't it be equally embarrassing? What's more, women still have a need for love: they need to be loved, and they need to love others.Just having children is not enough to satisfy her love.When the men are out hunting, they make the home very cozy, just waiting for the weathered warriors to come back and enjoy.This expectation is the same as a man's desire for a woman to share the spoils.This is the manifestation that human labor needs to be confirmed in the sharing of others.

As for children, both women and men are needed.In other words, both motherly love and fatherly love are needed. The lack of one of these two kinds of love will cause trauma to their hearts and regrets in their hearts.If the child wakes up, the father or mother has changed to a stranger, the stimulation will be very serious.If it turned out to be a revolving door replacement, the consequences would be even more serious.Children are the future of humanity.Even for the sake of children, human beings must make their relations between the sexes a little more serious. In short, it is the common requirement of the whole society that the sexes should be able to maintain a relatively long-lasting and stable relationship.

At the same time, human sexual relations and behaviors have also changed. Except for a very few animals, most animals do not have a "monogamous" relationship.During estrus, they will even mate with several members of the opposite sex at the same time.The reason is simple: animal sex is for the purpose of procreation.In order to ensure conception, of course, the more objects and times of mating, the safer. Human sexuality is super-fertile.In other words, it's not for procreation, but for pleasure.Pleasure is an important difference between human sexual behavior and animal sexual behavior.It makes human sexual behaviors regardless of seasons, and the shedding of body hair and erect legs makes people get more pleasure in sexual behavior than any animal, and fertility is not the purpose.

So, why do human beings undergo such changes both physically and psychologically?One explanation is: for the social survival of human beings.The social survival of human beings requires men and women to form a firm relationship, not like animals, once the estrus period is over, they go their separate ways, irrelevant.For this reason, sexual pleasure is used as "bait" to make them "love each other". Therefore, human sexual behavior has some special features. First, it increasingly requires concealment.That is to say, it is more and more regarded as a "private matter", as a purely personal and unpublished matter, so it can no longer do whatever it wants in broad daylight like animals.

Second, it increasingly demands exclusivity.That is to say, more and more require this kind of happiness to belong to oneself only, and hope that their sexual partners will not have sexual relations with other people.The corresponding physiological change is that men have a "refractory period".This ensures that the man will not seek another woman, at least in the short term, instead of being "on the go" like other primates. Third, it increasingly demands love.In other words, it should be an act caused by the love between a man and a woman, and the love between both parties is deepened because of this relationship.Because at this time it has gone beyond procreation and is not something that must be done.This is another difference between humans and animals.There is only attraction and choice among animals, not love and attachment.Therefore, the sexual relationship of animals can only be called "mating", while the sexual relationship of humans can be called "making love".If it is not for love, it can only be called "exhaustion", which is despised by others.Of course, until today, human sexual behaviors also have people who are not based on love, such as seduction and rape.The former can be described as "clothed beasts", while the latter is "better than beasts", because animals do not rape.Also for this reason, these acts are abhorred by human beings, and are regarded as extremely immoral and extremely criminal acts.

Therefore, on the whole, human sexual behavior is more civilized and progressive than that of animals.This civilization and progress lies in the fact that there is love in it.It is with the emergence of love that sex is transformed from physical to psychological, from natural to social, from barbaric to civilized. The emergence of love is firstly attributed to women. The reason is simple: in primitive times, as in the animal kingdom, the initiative of sexual selection is in the hands of women.If the principle of women's sexual selection is love, then men have to learn to love.Men may pay some "tuition fees" for this (such as being rejected or being left out when they don't know how to love), but undoubtedly they also get a lot of "benefits" (such as experiencing a more loving sex life than without love). pleasure).Therefore, it has gradually become the consensus of mankind that there must be love in sex life, and there is a term called "sex love".

However, although the love between a man and a woman originates from sex and includes sex content, love is not equal to sex.It is bigger than sex and deeper than sex. Sex is an act and love is an emotion.Behavior is short-lived, but emotion is long-lasting.The so-called "one day couple hundred days of kindness" is talking about this truth.Lasting emotions will create a more lasting relationship between men and women.This is also the reason why marriage should be based on love.Because the purpose of marriage is to marry a man and a woman into a husband and wife, to establish and form a lasting relationship that can last forever.If the man and woman do not love each other, what is their lasting relationship maintained?Therefore, if a couple is not in love, then they generally have only two paths to choose from: either divorce or make do with it.Of course, you can also engage in "extramarital affairs".But divorce is never the purpose of marriage.If the purpose of marriage is to divorce, then why bother the other party to approve it, it also means the death of marriage in essence.As for making do with it, of course it is the choice of many people.But whether it was a good day or not, only he knew.In this way, only a marriage based on love is a happy marriage and a moral marriage. As a short-term act, sex gives people pleasure; as a long-lasting emotion, love gives people happiness.Although happiness and pleasure can be enjoyable, their meaning and value are not the same.Pleasure is just a physical feeling, which is instant but fleeting; happiness is a spiritual state, which must be pursued for a lifetime but can be experienced every moment.Because it must be pursued throughout life, it will accompany people's life; because it can be experienced every moment, it can make people feel happy all the time.Therefore, happiness is more worth pursuing than pleasure.This is also one of the reasons why people are not satisfied with sex, but also pursue love. Love is longer than sex, and it is bigger than sex. Don't say that love is far more than between husband and wife, couples, and lovers. Even if they are husbands and wives, lovers, and lovers, the love between them far exceeds the scope of sex.There are often many reasons why a man and a woman fall in love with each other.Among them is sexual attraction, such as tall and handsome men, beautiful and lovely women; but there are also those who come together because of the same aspirations, ideals, interests, and sentiments, and there are more and more reasons for the latter.The so-called "feeling agree with each other" means that love (taste, style) and meaning (will, pursuit) are the same.Such couples, couples, and lovers can often maintain a lasting relationship and become a true "lover".In other words, a real "lover" is by no means just a sexual partner, but also comrades and friends.On the contrary, if two people only have sexual attraction, and have nothing to say at other times, or even quarrel when they talk, then it will be a problem whether the sexual relationship between them can continue.In fact, as long as an equally sexually attractive man or woman is involved at this time, their relationship often tends to break down. Love is greater than sex, because sex is just physical union, but love is total commitment.When a man and a woman really love each other, they not only need to surrender their bodies, but also their hearts; they need each other not only physically, but also spiritually.People who love each other want to enter the depths of each other's heart, love their love, hate their hatred, their joy, their joy, their anger's anger, their sorrow's sorrow.At the same time, one's heart is also open to the other party, allowing it to enter, and hoping that the other party will enter.In short, sex is the union of body and body, and love is the union of soul and soul.People who truly love each other know each other better than they know themselves.The so-called "knowing your husband is more like your wife" or "knowing your wife is more like your wife" is what it means. Because love is a union of souls, it is less accepting of failure than sex.The failure of sex life is of course irritating, but most of this annoyance is temporary, while the failure of love may cause lifelong wounds that will not heal, and may be irreversible.As Zhou Guoping said: "Passionate lovers devote themselves wholeheartedly to each other and are filled with each other. Once the love ends, they often feel hollowed out." In fact, many people never marry for life because of the failure of their first love. Therefore.But it seems that I have never heard of people who fail in one-time life and have no sex life for life.In this sense, it seems that we can say: Love is a career that does not allow failure. Generally speaking, women value success in love more than men. It has been said before that love naturally belongs first and foremost to women.In primitive times, it was women who first discovered love, experienced love, and sublimated sex into love.This may be related to the reproductive characteristics of women.Children are born by women, and almost all women will have love for their own children, that is, "maternal love".Maternal love is a woman's nature, but a man does not have this nature.Although in today's China, there is a tendency for father's love to surpass mother's love, but from a historical perspective, father's love undoubtedly came into being later than mother's love.Women first experience love in their children, and love can go from one to the other.It is possible for them to extend their love to the father of the child, that is, their sexual partner, so that sex can be sublimated into love. In any case, it is probably a fact that women value love more, care more about love, and are more loyal to love.Therefore, once love fails, women are often the most traumatized, and in love scams, the perpetrators are mostly men.If there are more and more "female liars", it can only be regarded as the fall of human beings. Based on this, it is not difficult for us to see how inhumane and unreasonable the traditional Chinese marriage system is.Because it deprives the most loving relationship (husband and wife) and deprives the person (woman) who deserves the most love.After killing the love between unmarried men and women with "the order of parents and the words of matchmakers", it also uses "the difference between husband and wife, and the superiority of men and women" to kill the possible love between married men and women.Not only that, it also used the concubinage system and the prostitution system to further destroy women.All of these are things that cannot be determined in any way. In fact, while Chinese traditional society indulges men to restrict women, promotes men and oppresses women, it actually harms men.Because, as I said before, there can be no able-bodied women, and there can be no able-bodied men.The "feminization" and "asexuality" of Chinese men are the embodiment of its serious consequences.Since the shaping of the personality of men and women can only be realized in the relationship between the sexes, and the relationship between husband and wife can only be the most legitimate relationship between men and women, then, as long as love cannot be realized between husband and wife, the problem of human nature in the Chinese people will not be solved for a day. to a reasonable solution. We cannot, therefore, fail to examine marriage.