Chapter 34 Four kinds of cheating

It should be said that the word "cheating" is quite accurate. Generally speaking, for those who have an affair, both parties have some affection.There are more or less affection, some are long and some are short, some last for a lifetime, and some play on the occasion.But even if it is a play on the spot, it is somewhat fake and real, so in the "spring night moment" of adultery, there is still some sincerity in it.Rape is completely without affection, but rape cannot be called adultery. As for the word "steal", it is more accurate.The word steal has two meanings, one refers to "secretly", such as peeping, smuggling;Stealing in an affair has two meanings of "secretly" and "doing nothing".Because the so-called cheating generally refers to love or sexual relations between people who are not married.Of course, this kind of relationship between a man and a woman is shady and can only be "secretly" rather than "overtly";

In fact, many cheating lovers just want to "get along" for a while.For example, the Meng family, the wife of a wealthy merchant in Weiyang in the Tang Dynasty, was.One day, when Mrs. Meng was reciting poems at home, a young man came in suddenly and said: Life is like a gift, how young is it, is it like stealing the joy of a moment?So Meng Shi had a private relationship with him.Another example is the daughter of Zhao Yu in Changshan. One day she was traveling alone in the forest and saw an officer in brocade clothes, very handsome and heroic. She sighed and said, if I can get such a husband, I will die without regret.After hearing this, the officer said, can I be your husband for a while?Zhao Yu's daughter said that even if she is only my husband once, she will still appreciate Jun's kindness.So the two made love once in the woods, and then parted happily.

This is out and out.In the above two cases, both the male and female parties did not even know each other's names, and of course there was no consideration of "forever".They are either out of sexual hunger or sexual attraction, and the two have sex. One is enough, so what's the point?This kind of cheating method that does not intend to last long was called "dew couple" in ancient China.The dew exists for a short time, but only for a short while before dawn.As soon as the sun comes out, the dew will dry and disappear without a trace.Therefore, generally speaking, this kind of sexual intercourse will not cause too much trouble, unless the woman accidentally becomes pregnant or is seen by others.

For married couples, dewy couples should be said to be the most ideal way to have an affair.It can not only satisfy some needs of the cheater (such as sexual needs, emotional needs due to the absence or neglect of the spouse, etc.), but will not lead to the breakdown of the marriage.Therefore, it is willing to be used by those who are unwilling to destroy marriages and families, but who really need to have an affair, and this kind of one-time adultery is called a "can-style lover". Relatively speaking, the "gum candy" lover is much more troublesome. The so-called "gum candy style" means "once it sticks, you can't get rid of it".There are many reasons why you can't get rid of it.Some of them really fell in love, they couldn't leave each other, and they wholeheartedly hoped to "return to a regular position";No matter what the reason is, they will "bite and hold on", thus causing mental pressure and practical difficulties to the other party involved.

The common feature of "gum candy" lovers is that they don't want to be "dewy couples".Its highest program is to divorce the other party and formally combine with oneself; its lowest program is to at least maintain a long-term lover relationship.But even this “basic” requirement comes with a lot of risk.Because "paper cannot contain fire" and "there is no impenetrable wall".It is almost impossible for two people, a man and a woman, to live in concubine for a long time without being discovered, unless they have the quality and ability of spies and special agents, and they have the ability to "change places with one shot" and constantly change the place of tryst.In fact, very few people can do this.Moreover, even if it can be done, not to mention the trouble, it will cause many psychological problems over time.Because every time the location of the tryst is changed, it is tantamount to reaffirming the "illegality" of this kind of behavior, and it will also increase the "immorality".This will cast a shadow over their affair.Cheating is supposed to be a joyful thing for both parties. If it is not pleasant, what is cheating for?So, one day, one of the parties will ask: "We are always sneaking around like this, what's the matter?" This must propose a final solution, and there are no more than three options: breakup, divorce, or divorce. There is a kind of "one-and-done" - die for love or kill the other party.However, if you can break up happily and quickly, it is not a "gum candy"; and the serious consequences of the latter two choices are self-evident.In fact, many crimes are caused by this, and most of the reasons for adultery being condemned are also due to this.

It can be seen that the "gummy candy" lover relationship is the most troublesome, dangerous, and most likely to cause harm to society.Therefore, it is more alarming than the "can type".However, the "can style" lover, after all, can be met but not sought.After all, it can only be done once in a while, it cannot become a "normal way", and it is difficult to meet the needs of some people.Therefore, some people imagined a best way for lovers - "taxi style", that is, "come as soon as you call, leave as soon as you call, mutual consent, no debt to each other".However, this "ideal" lover always makes people feel a bit like a "call girl".

It seems that the best way is not to have an affair. It's a pity that cheating has always been forbidden repeatedly. In fact, not only are there various ways of cheating, but there are also various reasons for cheating. Some are worthy of sympathy, some should be condemned, and some are hard to tell right from wrong. The one that deserves more sympathy is the misfortune of marriage, and the most sympathetic one is that the person concerned is discriminated against and abused in the family, but gets considerate and caring from the lover.In this case, women are more common.Because due to the influence of traditional concepts, women are relatively more bullied by their spouses, and a man who is afraid of his wife would not even dare to find a lover.

However, in more cases, the marriage is not satisfactory, or the wrong person is married.This kind of situation is not uncommon in the era of arranged marriages, and it may not be absent even today.For example, the mistress mentioned earlier who wants to have an affair after she is half-aged is a person who is dissatisfied with her marriage.She was married to the emperor. On the surface, she looked very beautiful, but in fact she was very depressed.She even blatantly vented her inner distress by mocking the emperor.Xiao Yi was blind in one eye and was a "one-eyed dragon". Concubine Xu often only half-dressed when she put on makeup, which was called "half-face makeup", and the reason was that "one eye can only see half anyway".The ancients said: "A scholar dies for a confidant, and a woman looks for a person who pleases herself." Concubine Xu's "half makeup" obviously means that in her opinion, that Xiao Yi neither loves her nor deserves her love.This naturally hurt the emperor's face.Emperor Yuan later asked her to commit suicide, which was also one of the reasons.

There are also many specific situations of unhappy marriages, such as personality incompatibility, different interests, and disharmonious sex life.For example, in the Ming Dynasty, there was a girl named Xu in Putian, Fujian Province. She was a well-known talented woman, intelligent, studious and talented.On the wedding night in the bridal chamber, Ms. Xu asked Mr. Yu to converse on poetry, and Mr. Yu murmured, "I don't know how to write poetry."The girl said again, right sentences.The young master had no choice but to say, please ask the lady to write a question.Miss Xu casually pointed to the two stone inkstones on the table, and blurted out: "Pip some poplar flowers into the inkstone pond, and if you get close to the vermilion, you will get red; if you get close to the ink, you will get black." Mr. Yu was stunned for a long time, unable to answer a word.The young lady smiled angrily and said, Mr. Yu, why didn't you say, "Two swallows fly across the curtain, responding at the same time, begging each other with the same breath?" Mr. Yu still couldn't react.This is naturally very disappointing.But Miss Xu, who couldn't help herself, had no choice but to bite the bullet and become Mr. Yu's wife.Such couples, their life after marriage is not difficult to imagine, it must be boring.Therefore, within a few years of marriage, Ms. Xu died of depression.

Ms. Xu's misfortune is that she married someone who was not her and was born at the wrong time.If she was born in the Tang Dynasty, she might be able to have an affair; if she was born in the present day, of course she could get a divorce.But no matter when she was born, if a talented young man broke into her life, she probably couldn't resist the temptation to elope. The most reprehensible thing in cheating is toying with the opposite sex. These are some people who are not specific in love, see differences and want to change, and love the new and dislike the old.In their minds, there is no loyal love, but only pleasure-seeking and prostitution.Therefore, the adultery of this type of people almost never has any fixed object.For example, Ximen Qing in the Chinese novel has six wives and concubines in his family, indulges in sex day and night, rapes maids, occupies servants, plays with women, and has adulterous lovers. Go up."It's the same with Jia Lian. He doesn't want to hook up with girls, servants, and handsome boys.For example, a servant girl nicknamed "Multi Girl" is the wife of a "very unfit and shabby wine head cook". She is extremely flirtatious and extremely frivolous. to her.In the end, taking advantage of her daughter's acne, she was very taboo and had to live in separate rooms, and she actually committed adultery with many girls.Moreover, as soon as they met, "I didn't have time to talk about it, so I took off my clothes and started to act."So many girls still pretend to be prostitutes: "Your sister gives flowers to your mother (referring to "pox mother"). You should also avoid it for two days and leave me soon." Said: "You are the 'mother', why do you care about the 'mother'!" This is simply as long as you can commit adultery, you don't care about anything.

Seriously speaking, Jia Lian and Duo girls are not in the same category, they are not good things; their adultery, apart from being despised, is not a crime.The truly unforgivable crimes are those who cheat other people's love, especially those who cheat unmarried girls.The reason why it is said that "sins cannot be forgiven" is because friendship is priceless.Killing can pay with life, and borrowing money can pay back money, but defrauding love cannot be compensated.It wounds the soul, and it leaves wounds that last a lifetime.Although legally, we cannot create the crime of defrauding love like the crime of defrauding money, but morally, defrauding love should be regarded as a worse and more serious crime than defrauding money. In fact, the consequences of such behavior are often very serious.For a married woman, it may cause her marriage to break up and she cannot return home; for an unmarried girl, it may cause her to be unable to remarry and hold grudges for life.In more serious cases, it may lead to suicide.It's almost the same as murder.Although we never agree that a person will commit suicide after being cheated of love, but we must not let go of those duplicity and playing with the opposite sex. Between unhappiness in a marriage and flirting with the opposite sex, there are countless other complications beyond description.For example, the situation is very complicated when young boys and girls have an affair with married men and women much older than themselves.Psychological research proves that young boys and girls who are just in love often have a sexual impulse that even they can't explain.Moreover, it is worth noting that girls tend to secretly fall in love with "mature men", while boys tend to be attached to women who are between mothers and sisters.This kind of psychology is very normal, and this kind of emotion should be said to be very pure.Precisely because this kind of emotion is actually very pure, those married men and women who are loved will feel that they can't bear it. As a result, the more they "stop and stop", the more "unable to extricate themselves", and finally make a mess and get out of hand.Another example is that the lovers of the first love cannot be married due to family and social reasons, and they are separated from each other. After a few years, the past obstacles no longer exist, but one of them may have formed a family.At this time, when the old lover knocks on the door softly and asks, "Can I board your passenger ship with this old ticket", what should I do?For another example, family life is not unfortunate, and the relationship between the two parties has not broken down, but they are relatively indifferent, just living life without interest.At this time, a more attractive "third party" who understands love and can bring real happiness to one of them appears. Should we accept this kind of extramarital love? Of course, if one of the parties has a happy family full of love, the above-mentioned problems may not be "problems."However, happiness is always relative, not to mention happy families are really rare.There is an old saying in China that "every family has a difficult scripture", which includes the disharmony between husband and wife.In fact, the relationship between husband and wife has never been comparable to that of a lover.Because there is nothing but love between lovers.They originally came together for the sake of love, and naturally the more they love each other, the deeper they will be.Husband and wife are different, there is much more content between them.In addition to sex and love, there are also family building, family responsibilities, family obligations, and the handling of family member relationships (such as mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, sister-in-law, husband-in-law, etc.).Don't say that there are so many affairs, just housework is enough to dilute the romance of love.In this sense, it can be said that there is no absolutely ideal relationship between husband and wife, and any loving couple and harmonious family are only relative.However, people always want to pursue the ideal love and require the relationship between husband and wife to be as romantic as a lover.This has caused many people to be in love before marriage, and fight violently after marriage, seeing that everything is not pleasing to the eye of the spouse, and seeing that the lover is cute in every way.Didn't the so-called "extramarital affairs" come into being? It seems that the correct attitude towards adultery including "extramarital affairs" should be to seek truth from facts, analyze specific issues in detail, sympathize with sympathy, condemn with condemnation, and help with help. A reasonable solution in favor of the parties.It's a pity that traditional Chinese society seems to lack such a scientific attitude, and often adopts a crude method - catching rape.