Chapter 19 Song of the Four Seasons

In June, the wooden drums beat on the heart, and gradually weakened. My favorite Internet writer said: This is the age of farewell. I think I want to say goodbye to my youth, to my seventeen years of long and long youth, because this bright-eyed child is about to grow up or has grown up. That web writer is Annie Baby.At first I was afraid that traditional writers would annoy her, so I didn't want to write about her.It's really shameless to think of sacrificing others for such a reason later.The youth described by Annie is too gorgeous and intense, but at the end I can see despair.I don't know how the youth that has been sung and sung by people through the ages can look desperate.

Reading Anne's book is desperation.I sat on the sofa holding the phone and said to Little A. But I think sometimes reading your prose is even more desperate.Little A's voice is very stable. I got angry all of a sudden, I said that I am not desperate, I can write a lot of funny articles, what is that arrogant kid hyped by the media, I can be even more funny. Little A said, yes, yes, you can, but do you think it is interesting to talk nonsense with your eyes open like this? I found it interesting, I found it extremely interesting, and I said it with my eyes closed. Little A said, you can do it if you find it interesting, anyway, no one can control you.

When I put down the phone, I heard Xiao A's heavy sigh.I felt that Little A's sigh hit me like a dull heavy hammer, but I didn't know where it hit.I feel pain everywhere in my body, but it seems that nowhere hurts. In July, the devil in neon clothes with angel wings kneels and cries in the dark. July is a watershed. I rushed to the science department with the army, without hesitation and full of tragedy. In July 2001, I looked back and threw out the long line of eyes and memories, so I saw how the self twelve months ago was hesitating.That strong kid at the beginning was really like what Wang Ze said, raised his whip, turned the horse's head, and slashed in a 180-degree direction.I want to aspire to become a talent in science and engineering, so as to fight against the turbulent life brought to me by words.I think one day I will calmly face different metals thrown into hydrochloric acid, and the same bubbles will emerge. Faced with the collision of two small balls with smooth surfaces and irrelevant friction. Faced with the extremely complex arrangement of DNA, faced with various Hyperbola and various parametric equations.

I once imagined that in the future I would live a life dependent on writing, be an editor, and if I was lucky, I could be a writer.My room is simple and tidy, with a computer and a clean wooden floor. I can sit on the floor and drink water when I am tired, and type when I am not tired.Repeatedly.Life is simple and crisp. But now I want to say goodbye to my sad words and my sad youth by the way.Since the poor Zhang Damin can have a happy life, so can I, an outstanding talent in science and engineering. I put aside the keyboard and returned to the single-plank bridge, repeating the mistakes left by thousands of people.Decisive and tragic.

August Frostfall Devil finally laughed, he said, I have finally grown angel wings and I am finally used to the fast-paced life of science, in fact, one thing can be watched excitedly and calmly.Random things, just as I once expected how tragically I would die on the territory of the Kingdom of Science, but in the end I lived energetically, jumping around my young life happily like a donkey. Every elder said that I was on the right track, and there were no literati in the family tree of the Guo family.I smiled and said yes, thinking about how to get some sodium peroxide to supplement the gradually thinning oxygen around me while laughing.

I began to form a mantra that I feel very humorous: You are an excellent talent in science and engineering. I began to calculate how many reference books and exercise sets I had read, I weighed them, and then announced an astonishing number among my classmates, and then waited for others or myself to keep refreshing.My ideal is to change the unit after the number into tons. Only in the dead of night, when you see the soft dust on the keyboard, when the wind blows through the treetops and sounds the empty and distant sound, will those slender long metaphors and sad blue paragraphs reappear. Flowing back into my body in the form of blood, like a battery recharging with its poles reversed.I will be sentimental for three to five seconds, and then pat my chest and tell myself: You are an excellent talent in science and engineering.Then I watched the inspiration I killed with my own hands go away from me again.

I suddenly felt that Wu Zetian killed his daughter was no longer inconceivable. I felt that I was better or more ruthless than her. The black tide of September leaves in a hurry and rolls back in a hurry. Should I rise or sink? The air temperature drops, the sun's rays weaken, and the camphor trees at the school gate drop their leaves like never before.Standing under the big tree, I remembered who said, "Missing is not heavy, like a whole autumn leaf".The sun shines down from the branches and leaves, passes through my bright eyes, passes through my hair, and passes through the youth that I have carefully sculpted by myself in the past seventeen years.However, everything is hollow, like an extremely exquisite art of gold hollowing, but the essence is-empty.

When one day all the days receded behind me like the black tide of September, and when the end-time prosperity began to end after sunset, I saw the traces of white snow on my temples in an instant, and saw the wind on my face. I saw my sad youth galloping past in front of me. I saw my youth leave me calmly and coldly, I watched it leave me calmly and cruelly. October is filled with daylight rising and night falling, white cranes rising and black herons descending, I was suspended in mid-air, looking around blankly that day I drove through the tunnel that day, and the car traveled through the long darkness for five minutes.The lights outside the window receded quickly one after another, and my face was illuminated flickeringly.For a moment, I thought of my youth, the youth I loved but hated so much that I gritted my teeth.My youth has been cut into countless fragments, and now they are flashing past me in sequence, and then retreating quickly, retreating into the unforeseen darkness behind me.And I am like a March shepherd boy riding a fast horse, and when I was riding a horse in my youth, I lamented that time passed by like flowing water, and those who never gave up day and night.

When the car drove on the elevated that day, I thought of my youth again.Countless voices came from all directions, including electronic dance music in the video store, birds chirping and children's clear laughter in the nearby park, the earth-shattering voices of aunts bargaining in the vegetable market, and white-collar workers walking fast on the street talking on their mobile phones. The voice of the whole city or the whole of China is busy, and I am the only one who has nothing to do and travels through most of the city in a bus, and at the same time squanders my youth like a million dollars. It is said in "Xiao Zhongke's Redemption" that people live a lifetime, either busy living or busy dying.and I?what am i doingI guess I'm too busy thinking whether I should be busy living or dying.Or I should just hang like that without life or death. Anyway, no one can control anyone at an altitude of 4,500 meters in the middle of the sky and the earth.

In November, Dangkong Mountain, what pious eyes should I greet the dawn, or what kind of cold posture should I use to kill Chaoyang? Recently I was reading "Venice Diary" written by Ah Cheng. It made me gnash my teeth in the turbulent life.Acheng commented on Rossini's operas, saying that his works are like the lives of children, luxurious and bright, but also noisy and happy in the world, like a festival, gorgeous, but actually simple and full.I feel like talking about my youth, my youth is extravagant and bright, gorgeous and simple, but in the end it still falls on the word full.My youth is full, and I feel sometimes too full.But is it good if it is full? I said that there is a treasury full of treasures, but it must be full of treasures, what if it is a room full of poisonous snakes?After saying this sentence, I found that I compared my youth to something like a poisonous snake and a beast.So I regret it.I feel like I regret it all the time.I think if I walk across the Bridge of Sighs across the waters of Venice, and let me review my life in a short distance of ten meters, I think I will find that regret has almost entangled most of my life.My Sichuan compatriot Xiang Siwei once said: "I always remember my seventeen years old when I was eighteen, and regretted wasting my eighteen years when I was nineteen." As fellow villagers, we have the same perception.Perhaps the sentence at the beginning of the article should be changed to "this is the age of regret".But the song I love to listen to is "Youth Without Regrets". It's ridiculous, I think I'm really a ridiculous person.

The double-edged sword in December, the Asura knife in my hand is soaked in blood, the enemy's, and mine. As the temperature drops, my mood quickly deteriorates and rots, and finally it is out of control. Shi Kang said: keep your feet on the ground and fall into nothingness. This winter, my despair has surpassed one wave after another. I can hear the sound of sadness growing wildly in my heart, just like the joyful jointing of wheat in the season of abundant rain. I can hear the sound of bones exploding one after another Voice, I can hear the sound of my brain being eroded by something, but I don't resist or struggle, I think as long as you don't squeeze out those equations and formulas, then this white tofu-like brain can be whatever you want. How to fix it, I don't care.I sat and waited for death with wandering eyes, greeted death with a peaceful expression, and fell into nothingness with my feet firmly on the ground. In January, loneliness is the essence of youth, or it is loneliness that permeates the whole youth. In "Kane on the Upon Boat", Kane said to the empty sea, how lonely I am. When the little prince wearing a golden scarf fell like a tree in the desert under the huge moon, he said, I used to be so lonely. The child who will never grow up in the movie said when he stood on Neverland and watched his friends fly away, I will always be so lonely. But me, but me, a kind child with a bright smile, a child who has no worries about food, clothing and friends, how can I be lonely? So one day someone told me a story, or I told myself a story: There was a group of sheep grazing on the hillside, suddenly a car drove over, and all the sheep picked up their heads to look at the car, so The sheep that lowered its head and continued to eat grass seemed extraordinarily lonely. Fireworks in February, I sleep peacefully in the tree hole like a squirrel, and let time run fast outside the hole, like a typhoon in August. I don’t know how long I haven’t felt the atmosphere of the Chinese New Year in my childhood.When I was a child, I remember that during the Spring Festival, I was surrounded by overwhelming fireworks, but now, on the night of New Year’s Eve, I have a mathematical divergent thinking and a thin ice grammar book in hand. At twelve o'clock, I heard the thick and far-reaching bells in thousands of TV sets. I knew that the thousand cranes had finished blooming for another season, and Calsvia turned the hourglass upside down again. Goddess Yena lit up another star, and I took another big step towards the direction of turning eighteen, so I hugged countless reference books and ran towards my new life at the age of eighteen - or a new death , who knows. Sadness in March Sometimes people can not think, but it is a great happiness. The Jews said: When humans think, God laughs. Ah Cheng said: In fact, when God thinks, humans also laugh. Lao Tzu said: Heaven and earth are not benevolent. "Not benevolent" means not thinking. This March I have never been sadder than ever.That kind of feeling is like what Little A said about being thrown at an altitude of 4,900 meters without anyone.Bai Yansong said that sometimes a person's war is doomed to be alone.I am now, and I feel that this March, I suddenly have a lot more things to think about.Such as my future university, such as my future work, such as my future dependent life.I don't know if it's because I'm slowly maturing as I turn eighteen, because I wouldn't think about these things even if I was killed before.In the past, my greatest ideal or plan was to change to a badminton racket when I had saved enough manuscript fees.But now I think it will be decades later.I am like Takeshi Kaneshiro in "Chongqing Forest", waiting for someone, or waiting for a miracle.But just like so-and-so said, should an eighteen-year-old child have to wait for an eighty-year-old?And it's a kind of blind waiting without purpose, even worse than waiting for a rabbit - at least the person who has been called a fool for thousands of years knows that what he is waiting for is a rabbit. Waiting seems to be a black hole, swallowing my time wantonly.Half a year's time left me with beautiful dance steps while waiting.I saw the black wind blowing from the forest, and I stood in the black wind and grew up with a dilapidated face.But why is it only one year?How did I grow up? I want to know whether the crystal ball is in the hands of the queen or the witch. April Nightmare Sassoon Building is in the black river wind, brightly lit. Zacks said: Dreams are the gaps where the soul is torn open. Recently I always dream that I am back in Shanghai. I leaned against the rough and heavy yellow exterior wall of the Peace Hotel, and heard the loud and luxurious noise of the secular world in Pudong across the river, the sound of clouds moving lightly on the lotus steps in the sky, and the trance-like sirens floating over the river. I lay on the railing by the river, and saw the water surface was dazzled by the lights, and the black tide below the river surface reminded me of the cold turbulence deep in my pupils. Two beautiful girls passed by me, one laughed like a silver bell, and the other whistled mischievously.Then I knelt down and cried sadly alone. Red lotus in May I saw the Buenos Aires waterfall in "Happy Together", beautiful and sad like the tears of a sympathetic person In May, the water lily at the school bloomed, sometimes in the morning I stood quietly alone Look over the pool.Because the book says that if you see a real red lotus, then you can achieve a wish.I am waiting for a real red lotus, just like Takeshi Kaneshiro waiting for a miracle. This May, I revisited all Wong Kar Wai’s films, and the person who always wore sunglasses pulled me back to look back at my entire youth.Dim lights in the alleys and mottled advertising posters on the walls, expired canned pineapple and black coffee, sandstorms in the desert, and travel in the almanac. Don’t bathe in blood. Dali, Western Tianlong, and evil spirits. Don’t launch new boats, broken lamps and beauty. Waterfalls of Buenos Aires. When I walked out of the movie theater, the night wind blew, and I suddenly thought: If I saw Honglian, what wish should I make, June's eternal life, I finally laughed, I found my wish June's birthday, a lot of friends, Cake, beer, shake it, then pull it away, the room is full of foam. I've really grown up, I'm not a kid anymore.But is this happiness or sorrow? Little A sent a birthday gift from his city, opened it, and there was a blue Buenos Aires waterfall.Below the painting is written: For my best friend Guo Jingming who was once a child. When I saw "Used to be a Child", my tears flowed down, maybe I drank too much alcohol and got too much water. I saw that the farewell ceremony finally lowered the gorgeous curtain, and in an instant I found my wish. I hope that I can return to the happy time when I was a child without sadness. If I must add a time limit to this time, I hope it will be 10,000 years.