On April 17, 2003, the first day of "News Investigation", at about nine o'clock in the evening, I called the producer Zhang Jie: "I'm here to report."
Zhang Jie said: "We are holding a meeting on SARS."
I said, "I want to do it."
I've been holding back for a long time.In the previous months, "atypical pneumonia" has been frequently discussed.At first, the media advised everyone not to panic, but in April, the fat elder sister who sold pancakes downstairs in my house couldn’t hold back anymore. A plastic bag of banlangen was hanging on the handlebar. When she saw me, she stepped on the bicycle and asked : "Aren't you working in a TV station? What's going on?" I was speechless.I was anxious not to get involved, and thought dully, I will have a child in the future, and he asked me: "Mom, what were you doing during SARS?" I said, "Your mother is watching TV." exit.
I hung up Zhang Jie's phone and threw the phone on the sofa. I pulled it over and sent him a text message: "May I go now?" Before he could reply, I called: "I'll be there in ten minutes."
As soon as the door was opened, the room was full of people, and it was steaming hot. There was no time to greet the new colleagues, so I asked directly:
"What is the situation now?"
"have no idea."
"Then how?"
"go to the scene."
The slogan of this column is "seeking the truth".
At the meeting that night, they were still talking about interviewing Health Minister Zhang Wenkang and Beijing Mayor Meng Xuenong, but no one could be contacted.Everyone said, go to the hospital.At that time, there was no awareness of protection, and there was no protective clothing. Ms. Yao in the office felt sorry for us and bought a jacket for each of us.I got a pale yellow one.
Suspected cases were also found in the office area of the station. In order to prevent the spread, the staff in the production and broadcast area has been reduced as much as possible, and the program would rather be replayed to ensure safety.The official topic selection process is temporarily suspended. At this time, I can't enter the scene, and asking for instructions can only embarrass the boss. We discuss it ourselves.Go talk to someone from the Beijing Center for Disease Control and Prevention: "Let's go in."
The person in charge looked at the recording pole: "This furry thing cannot enter."
"Well, the sound engineer won't come in."
He looked at the camera again: "This can't be sterilized, and it won't work."
"Then...the camera won't enter either."
All machines are not allowed.
"Then let me in, I can sterilize." I said, "Put me a microphone in my clothes."
"Does it make sense?"
We followed an epidemiological investigator to the Chest Hospital Affiliated to Capital Medical University and put on their protective clothing.The ward is not in the building, but a row of bungalows.The glass door was closed and no one came to open it.The investigator walked in front of me, pressed his hand on the door, pushed hard, and slowly pushed it open, leaving a gap to get in sideways.Later, sister Cao, the editor-in-chief, said that before entering the door, I turned around and waved to my colleagues, and smiled. She slowed down and read it over and over again on the editing desk, but I didn’t have any impression of it myself.
The moment the door was pushed open, all I could remember was darkness.The aisle in the back sun is very long, like a classroom corridor in a school, and when it is cold, it seems that the body is suddenly immersed in water.There are many windows in the hallway, all open, no disinfection lights, no smell of peracetic acid, not even lysol - it seems that opening the windows to ventilate is the only way to disinfect.
The wooden door of the ward was originally dark green, faded badly, and made a creaking sound when it was pushed open.As soon as you enter the door is the end of the hospital bed. An old man is lying on the bed. He looks like he has a high fever. His face is burning brightly, his neck is swollen and thick, and the flesh on his face is piled up. There are dark purple half-moon shapes under his eyes. There is a strange water sound when breathing.
"Where is it from?" the investigator asked.
"Harbin." With a strong northeast accent.
"family?"
"My wife."
"Telephone?"
"She got it too, and she died yesterday." Speaking of which, the old man suddenly coughed violently, his entire upper body shivered, and the phlegm stuck deep in his throat was snoring.
I was more than one meter away from him, and I wanted to hold my breath, but behind the mask I took a quick breath.The mask moved up and down deeply, sticking to my nose, and I couldn't breathe.There was a door behind me, and for the first time in my life, I felt out of control, my feet receded, and I wanted to turn around and leave.
The investigator in his thirties stood motionless by the head of the bed.He is not tall, only a few tens of centimeters away from the old man's face. In order not to hinder the recording on paper, he took off his blindfold and only wore glasses.After the old man finished coughing, he continued to ask without any fluctuation in his voice.
For a full ten minutes, I stared at him, before I had the courage to stand there.
When I was leaving, I saw a young man on another hospital bed with a sputum towel tied around his neck. There were some dirty spots on it, and his calf was exposed outside the quilt, full of varicose veins.He didn't even glance at us as we walked by.I stopped to look at him.He wasn't unconscious, his eyes were open, but he didn't show any expression.I've seen the same blankness on the faces of many hopeless people since.I wanted to say a few words to him, but the investigator raised his hand to stop it.
Only then did I discover where the strange feeling in my intuition came from—there were only three patients in the entire ward, no doctors, no nurses, no sound of shoe soles rubbing against the concrete floor, no sound of instruments turning, and no metal trays Clinking somewhere, there is no sound in this ward.
There were no clean and contaminated areas in the Chest Hospital at that time.After we came out, we stood in the open space outside the door and took off our isolation gowns. We didn't even have a place to sit, so we had to stand and take off our gowns.I hopped on one foot and pulled the shoe cover down, stepped on my trousers and almost fell down.When I looked up, I realized that the camera Chen Wei was pointing at me with the red light on, and I remembered that I had to say something.While thinking about what I saw, I stuttered, no one blamed me, including the funny marks on my face that were strangled by the mask.
"The announcement of the epidemic has been changed from once every five days to once a day; the May Day holiday was canceled; 339 cases were confirmed in Beijing, and 402 were suspected cases." After the press conference on April 20, fear "buzzed" "Scattered like a swarm of hornets, stinging the crowd.
After the system rattled a few times, it started quickly and began to isolate suspected patients on a large scale.It was the first time for a female doctor in Haidian Health Center to wear an isolation gown, and after wearing half of it, she went to carry a bucket. She seemed to have forgotten what to do with that bucket, and walked around in place with the empty little red bucket.I asked her what was wrong, and she muttered: "My child is only one year old, my child is only one year old."
The doctors all ran into the car, so we had no choice but to follow, the camera shaking like a disaster movie. "While it's daylight, hurry! hurry!" they shouted.
When they got in the car, they didn't speak, their wrists were bent and buckled backwards, and they fastened their masks.Fasten it, after a while, loosen it, tie it again, and tie it tighter.
The car drove to the basement of the dormitory building of China Agricultural University. There were patients who had lived here before. Two property managers in dark blue suits were waiting to pick them up. They were dumbfounded to see a large car of heavily armed people coming down.The doctor stuffed the masks into their hands: "Put it on." They put it on in a state of absolute obedience, dumbfounded. Each of them wore two blue masks, pressed together.Among them, the fat man found a white nurse's hat from nowhere, and he wore it with a frighteningly funny look.
The patient's room was on the second floor. The anti-epidemic and disinfection personnel went upstairs without knocking on the door. They sprayed the door with a sprayer, making a loud noise.When the people in the room opened the door, they saw a group of people all in white, and with a scream, it closed with a "boom".The door was knocked a few times, and it flinched open from the inside. The sprayer went in before the people. On the printed plaid quilt, on the portrait of Maggie Cheung on the wall, on the pink rabbit... The mist of peracetic acid drifted down from the sky and fell into the table. Put it in a bucket of steaming instant noodles.
Later I discovered that people usually don't cry or resist in such a situation.A girl across the table blankly handed me a train ticket: "My ticket to go home this afternoon... can I get a refund?" I didn't know what to do, so I took the ticket and put it on the table again .
Before leaving, they instinctively wanted to follow out.The door was slowly closed, and I saw their faces were pulled down heavily, and they were about to cry.The doctor with the one-year-old came in again to comfort them.I was waiting for her at the door. When she came out, she probably knew what I wanted to ask her and said, "I am also a mother."
Only then can I answer Chen Gai's question - when a person cares about others, he will forget himself.
When I arrived at the 721 Hospital, I saw doctors and nurses rushing towards the disinfection truck of the hospital.A male doctor in his forties wearing gold-rimmed glasses patted the hood of his car and burst into tears: "Where has the government gone? Why is no one caring about us?"
It was a young man who just graduated from the Haidian District Health Center who went to disinfect. He put his hand on the doctor's shoulder and patted: "Bring a bucket of water." The young man slowly poured peracetic acid into the water along the edge of the plastic bucket. , Turned on the sprayer on his back, the gears turned with a muffled sound, and he said, "Get out of the way." The colorless water at the nozzle broke into fine mist droplets, which were blown far away by the airflow.
"It will be used like this from now on," he said.The person next to him nodded and calmed down.
But he can only go alone in the intensive care unit, and our cameras can no longer follow him.
I lifted his pale yellow latex gloves and looped them around the sleeves—his gloves were too small, and they kept slipping off to reveal a small section of his wrist.He looks at me.We didn't know each other's name, we were all wearing protective clothing, and we could only see each other's eyes.
He said: "The peak will be after May Day, be careful."
Alone, he turned a corner with the sprayer on his back and disappeared.
In May 2003, a medical worker was waiting to receive a suspected SARS patient at Caochangdong Lane, Dongcheng District, Beijing. (CFP picture)
Before May 1st, everyone who could go left, because it was rumored that Beijing was going to lock down the city.Some people also said that disinfectant should be sprayed on the plane at night.Beijing is like a cauldron that is about to be covered.People start buying food.I couldn't go home, only my sister was alone, and she squeezed around in the supermarket not knowing what to buy, so she found a carton of eggs and carried them home.
It was like a "boom", everything collapsed, work stopped, schools stopped, shops closed, the entertainment industry closed, and the whole daily life was sucked out.
We can only stay in the emergency center and follow them to transfer patients.Where to go, where to transport, do not know.
On the 22nd, it was suddenly notified that there was a temporary transfer task, and two ambulances were dispatched.Chang'an Avenue was empty, and there were no traffic police. The driver, Master Zhou, drove us in a Jinbei van and had a good time driving behind the ambulance.That year, the weather was hot and came late, and the winter jasmine flowers on the road seemed to be suffocated, and the pure gold branches were whipping and growing outwards, against the dusty deserted street.Lao Jinbei drove to 120 yards on Chang'an Avenue, the window was open, no one was outside, and the wind savagely slapped on the face.I originally thought that in my whole life, I would just think about how to ask a question well, wear the right clothes, and walk through the familiar and cramped streets every day.
When I arrived at the hospital, as soon as the car stopped, I saw two doctors jolting towards me pushing something covered in a white cloth.
I was taken aback.
When they carried it to the ambulance, I realized that it was a wheelchair, and an old lady was sitting on it, covered from head to toe by a white cloth, which dragged on the ground.She was an infected person, but she did not wear an isolation suit or a mask. She was pushed out from an ordinary passenger elevator. The white cloth on her body was a bed sheet on a hospital bed. She was probably dragged here temporarily as a means of isolation.
The patients came out one by one, and many of them held the bottle by themselves. I counted them, twenty-nine.This is impossible, not so much has been announced.I counted again, yes, twenty-nine.
None of the doctors transporting patients wore isolation gowns, goggles, or gloves.Just a blue general surgical gown with a thin mask of the same color.I stopped a person who looked like a leader, and in a hurry, he said "something happened in the courtyard".I found out afterwards that he was Wang Jishan, the vice president of the People's Hospital Affiliated to Peking University, who also fell ill a week later.
Back at the hotel at night, everyone was silent.Choreographer Tian He smoked his big pipe for a while, and said: "What do you think, it's like the feeling in "Cassandra Bridge", the train is driving to a dangerous place, and the people in the car are ringing in their ears——outside Someone's nailing down the windows."
We live in a small hotel.It's not easy for them, but they can still accept us under such circumstances.As soon as we entered the gate, two narrow ropes pulled out a passage for us, leading to an elevator.When we entered the elevator, only the button on the third floor where we lived could be turned on, and the other floors were sealed off with wooden boards to prevent us from running around.On the third floor, there were no other guests. There was a row of ultraviolet disinfection lamps against the wall in the long empty corridor, and the phosphorescence was shining at night.
The waiter on the floor is very nice. He called my room and said that we are going to evacuate. You can take care of yourself in the future. I left a thermometer for each of you, and you can measure it every day.Usually outside the window, the playground where the boys play ball is empty, with wires hanging on it, and the clothes hanging all over the field are floating around under the white barren sun.
My community also knew that I had been to the ward.The property owner called me: "It's good, isn't it? Everyone cares about you...won't you come back soon?" I understand that we didn't go back to the office after the filming. We drove to the gate of the south courtyard and put the tape at the gate to convey room.Someone will come to pick it up, and the tape will be sterilized before editing.
My sister came to the hotel to deliver something to me, and I asked her to bring me a small speaker.In the empty street at night, I asked her to stop three or four meters away: "Put it down, let's go."
My sister looked at me under the dim streetlight.Before we went to the ward, we talked about our parents, and I asked her, "Do you think I should go to the ward?" She said, "You can choose not to be a reporter, but if you become a reporter, you don't have the right to choose not to go."
One night, Zhang Jie ran to the hotel for no reason and brought a large bouquet of flowers with her. "Hey, leader, what are you doing here at this time?" Everyone thought to themselves, and they had to take care of you.He didn't explain, but still hugged one by one. The men were really not used to it, they pulled the flowers upside down, and strained their bodies to endure the intimacy of the leader.
Afterwards, I saw Zhang Jie say in media reports: "A few of them came back to the South Courtyard for a meal in the early days, but everyone asked me to report: Are you still paying attention to our safety? Alas, a In an instant, really...but then I thought, yes, everyone's safety is also important!"
He was afraid that we would feel uncomfortable, so he came to the hotel to accompany us.
The reporter asked me, I don't remember going to the South Courtyard for dinner at all.After thinking hard for a long time, he explained: "At that time, the South Courtyard seemed to have ceased to exist, not so real."
Every morning when I wake up, I close my eyes and feel for the thermometer from the side of the pillow, pinch it under my armpit, and stay half asleep and half awake for five minutes.Anyway, go to the hospital if you have a fever, and go to the hospital if you don’t have a fever.One day, I felt that the air in my nose was hot, and the heat went straight to my forehead, and I thought it must be an infection.I closed my eyes and thought, how can I get a DV into the ward, I can't die in vain.I opened my eyes and looked at the thermometer, it was only thirty-six degrees five.
There is a female bailiff who is responsible for taking photos of prisoners who have been executed on the execution ground.She said that she was never afraid, only once, when she washed her hair at night, when she applied shampoo and lathered, all those faces appeared in front of her.
I feel kind to her words.During SARS, I seldom felt fear. There are some stronger emotions than this that control people.But that night, I stood under the faucet, turned on the cold water, the water flowed through the skin, and the trembling coarse particles floated out, I applied the facial cleanser, and wiped the foam on my face, and suddenly felt that the god of death was touching my face .I opened my eyes wide at once, and the veins in my neck were throbbing.I feel for the veins, this is the most primitive thing.To live is to live.In all disasters, this warm throbbing is alive.
I found out later that for a while, we all thought we must have been infected.After returning from the hospital, everyone took a long hot bath at the same time. They felt that there was some powder on their bodies, and they were choking in their nostrils and mouths, but no one said anything, as if not telling was a form of protection.
The station gave us five immunoglobulin injection indicators, which were extremely scarce at the time, and were given as life-saving injections, but the driver, Master Zhou, was not an employee of the station, so there was no indicator. These five injections were scheduled to be given at 8 o'clock that night , then fails.
This is 2003, at the turn of spring and summer, Beijing. (CFP picture)
"Either go to all six, or not to go." We made various phone calls to fight for it, but the station couldn't coordinate.
While listening to the recording, Liu Chang said, "Don't fight for the ball." At 7:30, he locked the door, and he couldn't come out, nor could he knock on it.Chen Wei, who has been his good friend for many years, teased me: "Let's go, so he can feel at ease."
When the five of us came back, he was waiting to make Kung Fu tea, and at the same time, he was sterilizing his recording pole—a woman’s black stockings were put on the fleece of the pole head, a cigarette was held at the corner of his mouth, and his eyes were in front of him. Squinted in the smoke: "It's okay, damn dick up."
The next day, I met a female patient in the hospital, held up her own bottle, and saw Chen Wei pointing the camera at her, then turned to the doctor beside him and said, "Shoot again, I'll take off the mask and kiss you. "We laughed.
Not long after "September 11", Americans began to do entertaining talk shows, and continued to tell jokes while pounding the table to hold back tears.I didn't quite understand it at the time, but now I understand that when people can still laugh, it's not easy to be defeated.
We stayed in the emergency center, and the camera Xiaopeng went to the beautiful nurse to disinfect every day.He liked the one called "Wire Eyes" the most, because the girl wore a mask, her eyes were big and bright, and her eyelashes were as black as a wire.He always stood and stared at it from a distance, but was too embarrassed to approach it.Wire Eye scolded him: "Come here! Disinfect!"
"I'm not afraid of death," he said.
Wire Eye sneered: "There are many people who are not afraid of death. The two I dragged a few days ago are less afraid than you. They are already dead."
He immediately leaned over: "Give me more."
Steel wire rolled his eyes at him, and poured disinfectant for him.
"Do you want some on your head too?" He pointed at his bald head with a playful smile.
The girl picked it up and poured it down.
He took it.
Mixing among them, I quickly became rough. When driving on the empty Chang'an Avenue, they handed me a rough cigarette, saying that smoking one would prevent SARS.Looking for a place to eat after work, most of the restaurants are closed, only a small restaurant in Hunan is open, a few waiters with red coats and green trousers are idle, and they are twirling a big rope in the open space at the door. Seeing our car coming, Smiling and closing the rope, a few pots of the hottest dry pot donkey meat were served, tremblingly piled up into sharp ends.I want an extra bowl of white garlic slices, a bowl of red pepper rings, and a bowl of green garlic sprouts. Throw them in together, and it will be so hot that it will splash scarlet bubbles. Pour a tablespoon into the rice, and then soak it in ice mineral water. Putting my head in to eat, the few bald heads were covered with big shiny beads of sweat, and said to the waiter: "Give me 10,000 napkins."
After they finished eating a pot, they also poured me a glass of white wine and put it aside. They said that they took a total solar eclipse in Xinjiang.Xiaopeng said that he threw the machine on the Gobi and burst into tears.He is such a person. When shooting interviews with people, he often takes close-ups, and sometimes only a pair of eyes remain in the lens: "Look at this person's eyes, and you will know that he is really insincere."
I can't say I'm close to these people.
Some of the patients we filmed were transported from the People’s Hospital, and they were treated in You’an Hospital Affiliated to Capital Medical University. When we went to interview, we were able to officially enter the ward to shoot. An older sister was half lying on the bed, watching my masked figure come in , panting and laughing: "Why did CCTV send a little doll?"
I laughed too: "Covering your face makes you look younger."
Asked what is on her mind most now, she looked outside: "If it's all right, I really want to be able to fly a kite once."
Xiaopeng's camera panned out of the window following her gaze.May day, it is the spring of the city with deep vegetation.
When I went out, I asked Dr. Meng, who was in charge, "how is she?" The female doctor was in her forties, she smiled like a spring breeze, and did not answer directly: "A patient never sleeps at night after he comes, and always sits with his eyes open. , I am afraid that I will die if I fall asleep. If I do this again, I will collapse. I said give me three days, and I will let you recover."
The sky is falling, and people can only rely on people, people who are invisible or unnoticed in daily life.The people in this ward, including us brutes, looked at Dr. Meng with childlike reliance.When she was saying goodbye, she said to me: "If a doctor wants to keep people alive, he must be prepared to sacrifice himself."
"do you have it?"
"I have." She opened the glass door for us.
While tidying up the guys in the open space, Tianhe took a small DV and suddenly asked me: "Are you afraid of SARS?"
"I'm not afraid of it, I hate it." I turned and walked away.
After coming out of the hospital, in the rosy sunset in May, I looked at the wet and black old elm tree, and thought to myself, why is the tree so beautiful?Listening to the piano with a small speaker at night, how can this thing sound so good?Walking on the road, look twice at the dilapidated houses.
After finishing the work, we had nowhere to go, so we went to Beihai to sit, those who played birds, those who played chess and fished, those who kicked shuttlecocks, those who ate belly...all gone, there was no one around, the great lake was desolate, and the bustling market It is rare to smell this green and barbaric moisture in this place.Hearing the sound of the qin from afar, according to the reputation, there is only an old man in a blue shirt, sitting in a mottled and peeling vermilion pavilion, with a piece of gray cloth on his knee, playing the huqin facing the lake, the sound of the qin is a little bit in a thousand disasters and calamities Take it easy.We listened for a long time, all the way to the evening.
This episode is called "SARS Blocking War".When it was broadcast, a few of us sat in the hotel room and watched it. We only watched the first ten minutes, and then we all immersed ourselves in answering calls and text messages.Before that, I really didn't know that I knew so many people in this world. The ratings of that episode were 5.74%, which means that more than 70 million people watched it.At that time, I realized that the power of TV was really big, and there was an unknown number in the text message, saying: "If you are infected, can I marry you?"
For a moment, it was indeed a flash of thought, if he died now, he would not have the rotten smell of failure all over his body.
Xiaopeng looked at his mobile phone for a while, not understanding why there was such a big reaction from the public opinion, so he raised his head and said, "Shouldn't we just do our duty?"
Chen Yi also called me, but he didn't praise me or scold me: "I'll send you a word—only ask about hard work, not harvest."
My parents are in Shanxi, so they didn't know about my going to the ward. My mother's school was closed and she was playing mahjong at a neighbor's house. When she saw the film, her hands stopped.Neighbors said my mother was crying.But she didn't tell me.She is not the kind of person who is sentimental when things happen, so she asked me: "What are you doing next?"
Next, I'm going to the People's Hospital, because I haven't let go of the place called "Patio" in my heart.On April 22, I was there and saw patients rolled out covered with white cloth from head to toe.Two days later, our car passed there again.This 85-year-old tertiary hospital has just announced its overall isolation.
Behind the yellow barrier, there were three nurses, sitting on the empty steps.They held blue nurse hats in their hands, and their long hair was freshly washed and drying in the afternoon sun.They don't talk to each other, just sit, and occasionally comb the hair that hangs on their chests with their hands.
The car stopped at the entrance of the hospital for ten minutes, and Xiaopeng pointed the DV at them from a distance.
The biggest and most difficult encounter between humans and SARS took place here.Since April 5, 222 people have been infected, including 93 medical staff, and nearly half of the departments have been contaminated.The emergency department on the north side of the outpatient building was the place where the epidemic was most serious at that time, and the patio is here.I don't understand how so many people were infected in this hospital, but I know it should have something to do with the 29 people who were transported last time, and I need to know why.No one asked me to do this show, and I don't know if it can be made or broadcast.But I don't care so much, there is only one thought left in my mind, I must know.
Only then did I know what "desire" Chen Man was talking about.
During the interview, Zhu Jihong, director of the emergency department, told me that the 29 patients were all SARS patients, and they were transported in an ambulance around Beijing during the World Health Organization inspection.
Nine years later, when I read the interview with him in 2003, I still couldn't understand why this man spoke so slowly and had no expression on his face.Now I understand, it was painful.
It took me a long time to convince him to do an interview.I said: "You don't need to use any judgments and conclusions, just describe what you see, hear, and feel."
On the phone, he was silent for a while and said: "The memory is too painful."
"Yes," I said, "but suffering is also a cleansing, a consolation for the sacrificed."
Zhu Jihong led me into the porch of the emergency room. He bent down, unlocked the chain lock, pushed open the door, and pressed on the wall on the right hand side. The light tube froze and turned on.Pale light, about the size of an ordinary classroom, the blue infusion chair cover is full of white words: April 17th, Thursday; April 17th, Thursday...
Every bed was a mess of arched quilts, some torn off the bed, and chairs toppled over and sprawled in the air, a retreat for life.
This is the patio I've heard about before.An open space between the surrounding buildings and a patio between buildings, with a cover, becomes a completely enclosed space and becomes an infusion room, where feverish patients gather for infusions.The twenty-seven beds are almost completely side by side, with only a fist in between.During the day, it relies entirely on lights, with no ventilation, no windows, and only one central air-conditioning outlet, which spreads germs everywhere.
The medical records were randomly piled up on the table, like a hill, already yellow and brittle.I hesitated for a second.Zhu Jihong almost smiled sadly and said, "Let me do it." The case was opened, and it said "pneumonia".He pointed me to the blackboard on the wall, on which were written the names of twenty-two people, nineteen of which were written in white chalk: pneumonia, pneumonia, pneumonia...
"It's actually all SARS," he said.
The patient does not know.
"What about those people who don't know about it because of other diseases?"
"There is no way, they are all retting here."
If I was sitting in the studio, I would ask him "how can you be so irresponsible", but standing there, the desperation on his face when he said these words makes my heart feel like something is pinching , unable to breathe - he and his colleagues were also stuck in it.Ninety-three medical staff in the People's Hospital were infected with SARS, 24 out of 62 in the emergency department were infected, and two doctors died in the line of duty.
I remembered that when I met them on the day of the transfer, they were only wearing ordinary blue surgical gowns.When I entered the ward in the chest hospital with trepidation in a full isolation suit, returned to the emergency center to be disinfected for 40 minutes, and the people around me were so nervous that the rubber gloves were all wet, these doctors and nurses were guarding in the courtyard for 20 minutes. Several patients did not even have the most basic isolation suits.I asked him how he was in those few days, and he said: "I haven't looked in the mirror for many days, and then I found out that my beard is all white."
Niu Xiaoxiu is an emergency nurse in her thirties.She sat on the steps, tears streaming down her face: "I go to ask for it every day, but I don't even have a mask, so I have to steam it in a big pot and let everyone use it... I don't know if it's my fault or whose fault... "
Zhu Jihong took me to see the SARS ward converted from the observation room. I only saw a few ordinary wards, and asked him hesitantly, "Where are your clean and polluted areas?" Draw a line here." I couldn't believe it, so I asked, "Then how do you distinguish the clean area from the polluted area?" Zhu Jihong was silent for a while, slowly raised his hand, and pointed at his chest: "Here."
I asked, "What protection do you rely on?"
He said with a blank face, "We rely on mental protection."
I thought they would be safe after the patio was closed, but the outpatient department of the emergency department has not been approved to suspend the clinic, so it can only continue to open, and the patients are still coming in one after another. Eight thousand three hundred and sixty-three patients were treated, and it was not until April 22 when we came to shoot that the patients began to be transferred to hospitals with isolation conditions.At that time, the patient didn't even have a place for infusion, so he could only infuse in the open space.
He took me to see, all the chairs were still there, the infusion bottle was hung on the branch of the tree, or it was hung on the rearview mirror of the car when driving over, there were not enough chairs, and there were small benches.An official of the health system was infected here, and then infected his wife and son when he returned home. He tried his best to be hospitalized, but he could only find a bed, and the couple let their son live in it.The couple were drenched with fever and unable to stand up, so they could only sit trembling on a small bench for infusion.Then I couldn't even sit on the bench anymore.By the time the child recovers, the parents are dead.
The chairs are still there, untouched from April to the end of May, the blue paint has faded in the sun and is about to turn green, and they are open facing the gate. , like a group of speechless people.
Across the street from the wall is the Ministry of Health.
On May 27, Wang Jing, a nurse in the emergency department, died.
My husband read my wife's text message to me.
The first one is: "The flowers in the window are blooming, and I will be well."
He couldn't visit his wife, so he could only stand at the gate of Ditan Hospital every day, unable to get in, and guarded at the place closest to her in the world.
She wrote: "Go back, you can't fall, you are my only support in this world."
After coming down, she began to know that she was not good, and explained the password of the passbook in the text message.
For the last one, she asked him to wear a red belt: "In the year of birth, you must be safe."
While he was weeping and reading, tears flowed all over my face.Xiaopeng glared at me, how can a reporter do this?But I can't help it.
He didn't tell the kids.Daughter Dabao is only six years old, with short soft hair and black and white eyes. There is a note on her bedroom door: "Mom loves me, I love mom."
I asked her why she posted it on the door, but she didn't speak.I said, "You want Mommy to see it when she comes back, don't you?" She nodded.Before leaving, she sat on the bed and folded the lucky stars, saying that her mother would come back after filling a whole bottle.I stood in the dim light for a while, watching her stack, and the large round-necked glass bottle was already a third full.She folded it very slowly, and instead of throwing one in, she put her hand into the jar and placed this one carefully on the top layer.I watched, trying to find something to say, but couldn't.After a while, she looked up at me, and I felt a "boom" in my heart: she already knew that her mother had passed away, and she just didn't want anyone to know her sadness.
After getting out, the car drove on the second ring road, the sky was full of dark clouds, and the city was pressed down, and the heavy rain was about to come down.A car full of people, no one speaks.
This is 2003, the turn of spring and summer.
Nine years later, people will still say, "This is a reporter who entered the SARS ward", and I often feel ashamed.When a patient covered in a white cloth from head to toe pushed past me, there was also a message from the media that "citizens can go to the streets without masks."
I saw something, but only vaguely weird, that's all, that's all.I feel like I'm just a small screw in a big system, everything will work, I just caught a glimpse of something strange, but I didn't receive instructions, this is not the mission of my show, I think it will soon be forgotten when I turn my head .
Then I forget about it.
After the show I made was broadcast, some colleagues said: "You are creating panic." Hu Shuli, who was then the editor-in-chief of Caijing magazine, was sitting next to me, and she said: "What is more terrible than panic is contempt."
On the last day, we waited for the test results at the gate of Xiehe Hospital to confirm whether anyone was infected.Zhang Jie is waiting for news in the office.The few of us sat in the car and waited for half an hour. We were chatting and laughing at first, and stopped talking after a while.Tianhe's phone rang, and he picked it up and said, "Yes, how did it turn out?...Come out?...Oh, really? Who?...Yes, there is a girl..."
I sat in the front, didn't move, and said something foul in my heart.
He hung up the phone, poked me and said, "Hey, the doctor said that your white blood cells are low and your immunity is not good."
The show is over.The Jinbei car drove aimlessly on the street, and no one wanted to leave. We planned to continue working like this. Zhang Jie said, "Where do you want to go?" I said it doesn't matter, I can go anywhere.
Back at the hotel, I packed up my things and went home, playing Skinny Puppy’s music on the small speaker, standing at the window of a high-rise building, watching the empty Beijing.After watching for a while, I turned around and put the earphones on my head, tied the scarf hard, and turned the music to the maximum.If someone saw this scene at that time, they might think I was crazy, because it was not a dance at all, it was just the random flexion of the human body after extreme tension. Zhong shouted.
I closed my eyes and opened my hands and feet, spinning wildly. My injured left ankle hit the table leg, and the pain penetrated like a knife.人在那种快意的痛苦里毛发直竖，电子乐里失真的人声像在金属上凶狠地刮刺，绳索突然全都绷断了，我睁开眼，像一只重获自由的小兽，久久地凝视着这个新的世界。
数月之后，我接到一封信，很短：“还记得七二一医院吗？”
我马马虎虎地往下看。
“从那以后，我一直在大街上寻找你的眼睛。”
我一下坐直了。
“有一次我认为一个女孩是你，非常冒昧地拉住她问：'是你吗？'对方很惊慌。直到在电视上看见你，我才知道你是谁，原来你是个有名的记者。”
他在最后说：“你会觉得好笑吗？我曾以为你会是我的另外一半。”
非典结束了。
这个镜头后来争议很大，还产生了新名词，讨论我是不是'表演性主持'。钱老师说：“这么做对么？不，先别回答，你要像苏联作家说的那样：'在清水里呛呛，血水里泡泡，咸水里滚滚'，十年后咱们再来讨论。”（图片来自视频截图）
In May 2003, a medical worker was waiting to receive a suspected SARS patient at Caochangdong Lane, Dongcheng District, Beijing. (CFP picture)
Before May 1st, everyone who could go left, because it was rumored that Beijing was going to lock down the city.Some people also said that disinfectant should be sprayed on the plane at night.Beijing is like a cauldron that is about to be covered.People start buying food.I couldn't go home, only my sister was alone, and she squeezed around in the supermarket not knowing what to buy, so she found a carton of eggs and carried them home.
It was like a "boom", everything collapsed, work stopped, schools stopped, shops closed, the entertainment industry closed, and the whole daily life was sucked out.
We can only stay in the emergency center and follow them to transfer patients.Where to go, where to transport, do not know.
On the 22nd, it was suddenly notified that there was a temporary transfer task, and two ambulances were dispatched.Chang'an Avenue was empty, and there were no traffic police. The driver, Master Zhou, drove us in a Jinbei van and had a good time driving behind the ambulance.That year, the weather was hot and came late, and the winter jasmine flowers on the road seemed to be suffocated, and the pure gold branches were whipping and growing outwards, against the dusty deserted street.Lao Jinbei drove to 120 yards on Chang'an Avenue, the window was open, no one was outside, and the wind savagely slapped on the face.I originally thought that in my whole life, I would just think about how to ask a question well, wear the right clothes, and walk through the familiar and cramped streets every day.
When I arrived at the hospital, as soon as the car stopped, I saw two doctors jolting towards me pushing something covered in a white cloth.
I was taken aback.
When they carried it to the ambulance, I realized that it was a wheelchair, and an old lady was sitting on it, covered from head to toe by a white cloth, which dragged on the ground.She was an infected person, but she did not wear an isolation suit or a mask. She was pushed out from an ordinary passenger elevator. The white cloth on her body was a bed sheet on a hospital bed. She was probably dragged here temporarily as a means of isolation.
The patients came out one by one, and many of them held the bottle by themselves. I counted them, twenty-nine.This is impossible, not so much has been announced.I counted again, yes, twenty-nine.
None of the doctors transporting patients wore isolation gowns, goggles, or gloves.Just a blue general surgical gown with a thin mask of the same color.I stopped a person who looked like a leader, and in a hurry, he said "something happened in the courtyard".I found out afterwards that he was Wang Jishan, the vice president of the People's Hospital Affiliated to Peking University, who also fell ill a week later.
Back at the hotel at night, everyone was silent.Choreographer Tian He smoked his big pipe for a while, and said: "What do you think, it's like the feeling in "Cassandra Bridge", the train is driving to a dangerous place, and the people in the car are ringing in their ears——outside Someone's nailing down the windows."
We live in a small hotel.It's not easy for them, but they can still accept us under such circumstances.As soon as we entered the gate, two narrow ropes pulled out a passage for us, leading to an elevator.When we entered the elevator, only the button on the third floor where we lived could be turned on, and the other floors were sealed off with wooden boards to prevent us from running around.On the third floor, there were no other guests. There was a row of ultraviolet disinfection lamps against the wall in the long empty corridor, and the phosphorescence was shining at night.
The waiter on the floor is very nice. He called my room and said that we are going to evacuate. You can take care of yourself in the future. I left a thermometer for each of you, and you can measure it every day.Usually outside the window, the playground where the boys play ball is empty, with wires hanging on it, and the clothes hanging all over the field are floating around under the white barren sun.
My community also knew that I had been to the ward.The property owner called me: "It's good, isn't it? Everyone cares about you...won't you come back soon?" I understand that we didn't go back to the office after the filming. We drove to the gate of the south courtyard and put the tape at the gate to convey room.Someone will come to pick it up, and the tape will be sterilized before editing.
My sister came to the hotel to deliver something to me, and I asked her to bring me a small speaker.In the empty street at night, I asked her to stop three or four meters away: "Put it down, let's go."
My sister looked at me under the dim streetlight.Before we went to the ward, we talked about our parents, and I asked her, "Do you think I should go to the ward?" She said, "You can choose not to be a reporter, but if you become a reporter, you don't have the right to choose not to go."
One night, Zhang Jie ran to the hotel for no reason and brought a large bouquet of flowers with her. "Hey, leader, what are you doing here at this time?" Everyone thought to themselves, and they had to take care of you.He didn't explain, but still hugged one by one. The men were really not used to it, they pulled the flowers upside down, and strained their bodies to endure the intimacy of the leader.
Afterwards, I saw Zhang Jie say in media reports: "A few of them came back to the South Courtyard for a meal in the early days, but everyone asked me to report: Are you still paying attention to our safety? Alas, a In an instant, really...but then I thought, yes, everyone's safety is also important!"
He was afraid that we would feel uncomfortable, so he came to the hotel to accompany us.
The reporter asked me, I don't remember going to the South Courtyard for dinner at all.After thinking hard for a long time, he explained: "At that time, the South Courtyard seemed to have ceased to exist, not so real."
Every morning when I wake up, I close my eyes and feel for the thermometer from the side of the pillow, pinch it under my armpit, and stay half asleep and half awake for five minutes.Anyway, go to the hospital if you have a fever, and go to the hospital if you don’t have a fever.One day, I felt that the air in my nose was hot, and the heat went straight to my forehead, and I thought it must be an infection.I closed my eyes and thought, how can I get a DV into the ward, I can't die in vain.I opened my eyes and looked at the thermometer, it was only thirty-six degrees five.
There is a female bailiff who is responsible for taking photos of prisoners who have been executed on the execution ground.She said that she was never afraid, only once, when she washed her hair at night, when she applied shampoo and lathered, all those faces appeared in front of her.
I feel kind to her words.During SARS, I seldom felt fear. There are some stronger emotions than this that control people.But that night, I stood under the faucet, turned on the cold water, the water flowed through the skin, and the trembling coarse particles floated out, I applied the facial cleanser, and wiped the foam on my face, and suddenly felt that the god of death was touching my face .I opened my eyes wide at once, and the veins in my neck were throbbing.I feel for the veins, this is the most primitive thing.To live is to live.In all disasters, this warm throbbing is alive.
I found out later that for a while, we all thought we must have been infected.After returning from the hospital, everyone took a long hot bath at the same time. They felt that there was some powder on their bodies, and they were choking in their nostrils and mouths, but no one said anything, as if not telling was a form of protection.
The station gave us five immunoglobulin injection indicators, which were extremely scarce at the time, and were given as life-saving injections, but the driver, Master Zhou, was not an employee of the station, so there was no indicator. These five injections were scheduled to be given at 8 o'clock that night , then fails.
This is 2003, at the turn of spring and summer, Beijing. (CFP picture)
"Either go to all six, or not to go." We made various phone calls to fight for it, but the station couldn't coordinate.
While listening to the recording, Liu Chang said, "Don't fight for the ball." At 7:30, he locked the door, and he couldn't come out, nor could he knock on it.Chen Wei, who has been his good friend for many years, teased me: "Let's go, so he can feel at ease."
When the five of us came back, he was waiting to make Kung Fu tea, and at the same time, he was sterilizing his recording pole—a woman’s black stockings were put on the fleece of the pole head, a cigarette was held at the corner of his mouth, and his eyes were in front of him. Squinted in the smoke: "It's okay, damn dick up."
The next day, I met a female patient in the hospital, held up her own bottle, and saw Chen Wei pointing the camera at her, then turned to the doctor beside him and said, "Shoot again, I'll take off the mask and kiss you. "We laughed.
Not long after "September 11", Americans began to do entertaining talk shows, and continued to tell jokes while pounding the table to hold back tears.I didn't quite understand it at the time, but now I understand that when people can still laugh, it's not easy to be defeated.
We stayed in the emergency center, and the camera Xiaopeng went to the beautiful nurse to disinfect every day.He liked the one called "Wire Eyes" the most, because the girl wore a mask, her eyes were big and bright, and her eyelashes were as black as a wire.He always stood and stared at it from a distance, but was too embarrassed to approach it.Wire Eye scolded him: "Come here! Disinfect!"
"I'm not afraid of death," he said.
Wire Eye sneered: "There are many people who are not afraid of death. The two I dragged a few days ago are less afraid than you. They are already dead."
He immediately leaned over: "Give me more."
Steel wire rolled his eyes at him, and poured disinfectant for him.
"Do you want some on your head too?" He pointed at his bald head with a playful smile.
The girl picked it up and poured it down.
He took it.
Mixing among them, I quickly became rough. When driving on the empty Chang'an Avenue, they handed me a rough cigarette, saying that smoking one would prevent SARS.Looking for a place to eat after work, most of the restaurants are closed, only a small restaurant in Hunan is open, a few waiters with red coats and green trousers are idle, and they are twirling a big rope in the open space at the door. Seeing our car coming, Smiling and closing the rope, a few pots of the hottest dry pot donkey meat were served, tremblingly piled up into sharp ends.I want an extra bowl of white garlic slices, a bowl of red pepper rings, and a bowl of green garlic sprouts. Throw them in together, and it will be so hot that it will splash scarlet bubbles. Pour a tablespoon into the rice, and then soak it in ice mineral water. Putting my head in to eat, the few bald heads were covered with big shiny beads of sweat, and said to the waiter: "Give me 10,000 napkins."
After they finished eating a pot, they also poured me a glass of white wine and put it aside. They said that they took a total solar eclipse in Xinjiang.Xiaopeng said that he threw the machine on the Gobi and burst into tears.He is such a person. When shooting interviews with people, he often takes close-ups, and sometimes only a pair of eyes remain in the lens: "Look at this person's eyes, and you will know that he is really insincere."
I can't say I'm close to these people.
Some of the patients we filmed were transported from the People’s Hospital, and they were treated in You’an Hospital Affiliated to Capital Medical University. When we went to interview, we were able to officially enter the ward to shoot. An older sister was half lying on the bed, watching my masked figure come in , panting and laughing: "Why did CCTV send a little doll?"
I laughed too: "Covering your face makes you look younger."
Asked what is on her mind most now, she looked outside: "If it's all right, I really want to be able to fly a kite once."
Xiaopeng's camera panned out of the window following her gaze.May day, it is the spring of the city with deep vegetation.
When I went out, I asked Dr. Meng, who was in charge, "how is she?" The female doctor was in her forties, she smiled like a spring breeze, and did not answer directly: "A patient never sleeps at night after he comes, and always sits with his eyes open. , I am afraid that I will die if I fall asleep. If I do this again, I will collapse. I said give me three days, and I will let you recover."
The sky is falling, and people can only rely on people, people who are invisible or unnoticed in daily life.The people in this ward, including us brutes, looked at Dr. Meng with childlike reliance.When she was saying goodbye, she said to me: "If a doctor wants to keep people alive, he must be prepared to sacrifice himself."
"do you have it?"
"I have." She opened the glass door for us.
While tidying up the guys in the open space, Tianhe took a small DV and suddenly asked me: "Are you afraid of SARS?"
"I'm not afraid of it, I hate it." I turned and walked away.
After coming out of the hospital, in the rosy sunset in May, I looked at the wet and black old elm tree, and thought to myself, why is the tree so beautiful?Listening to the piano with a small speaker at night, how can this thing sound so good?Walking on the road, look twice at the dilapidated houses.
After finishing the work, we had nowhere to go, so we went to Beihai to sit, those who played birds, those who played chess and fished, those who kicked shuttlecocks, those who ate belly...all gone, there was no one around, the great lake was desolate, and the bustling market It is rare to smell this green and barbaric moisture in this place.Hearing the sound of the qin from afar, according to the reputation, there is only an old man in a blue shirt, sitting in a mottled and peeling vermilion pavilion, with a piece of gray cloth on his knee, playing the huqin facing the lake, the sound of the qin is a little bit in a thousand disasters and calamities Take it easy.We listened for a long time, all the way to the evening.
This episode is called "SARS Blocking War".When it was broadcast, a few of us sat in the hotel room and watched it. We only watched the first ten minutes, and then we all immersed ourselves in answering calls and text messages.Before that, I really didn't know that I knew so many people in this world. The ratings of that episode were 5.74%, which means that more than 70 million people watched it.At that time, I realized that the power of TV was really big, and there was an unknown number in the text message, saying: "If you are infected, can I marry you?"
For a moment, it was indeed a flash of thought, if he died now, he would not have the rotten smell of failure all over his body.
Xiaopeng looked at his mobile phone for a while, not understanding why there was such a big reaction from the public opinion, so he raised his head and said, "Shouldn't we just do our duty?"
Chen Yi also called me, but he didn't praise me or scold me: "I'll send you a word—only ask about hard work, not harvest."
My parents are in Shanxi, so they didn't know about my going to the ward. My mother's school was closed and she was playing mahjong at a neighbor's house. When she saw the film, her hands stopped.Neighbors said my mother was crying.But she didn't tell me.She is not the kind of person who is sentimental when things happen, so she asked me: "What are you doing next?"
Next, I'm going to the People's Hospital, because I haven't let go of the place called "Patio" in my heart.On April 22, I was there and saw patients rolled out covered with white cloth from head to toe.Two days later, our car passed there again.This 85-year-old tertiary hospital has just announced its overall isolation.
Behind the yellow barrier, there were three nurses, sitting on the empty steps.They held blue nurse hats in their hands, and their long hair was freshly washed and drying in the afternoon sun.They don't talk to each other, just sit, and occasionally comb the hair that hangs on their chests with their hands.
The car stopped at the entrance of the hospital for ten minutes, and Xiaopeng pointed the DV at them from a distance.
The biggest and most difficult encounter between humans and SARS took place here.Since April 5, 222 people have been infected, including 93 medical staff, and nearly half of the departments have been contaminated.The emergency department on the north side of the outpatient building was the place where the epidemic was most serious at that time, and the patio is here.I don't understand how so many people were infected in this hospital, but I know it should have something to do with the 29 people who were transported last time, and I need to know why.No one asked me to do this show, and I don't know if it can be made or broadcast.But I don't care so much, there is only one thought left in my mind, I must know.
Only then did I know what "desire" Chen Man was talking about.
During the interview, Zhu Jihong, director of the emergency department, told me that the 29 patients were all SARS patients, and they were transported in an ambulance around Beijing during the World Health Organization inspection.
Nine years later, when I read the interview with him in 2003, I still couldn't understand why this man spoke so slowly and had no expression on his face.Now I understand, it was painful.
It took me a long time to convince him to do an interview.I said: "You don't need to use any judgments and conclusions, just describe what you see, hear, and feel."
On the phone, he was silent for a while and said: "The memory is too painful."
"Yes," I said, "but suffering is also a cleansing, a consolation for the sacrificed."
Zhu Jihong led me into the porch of the emergency room. He bent down, unlocked the chain lock, pushed open the door, and pressed on the wall on the right hand side. The light tube froze and turned on.Pale light, about the size of an ordinary classroom, the blue infusion chair cover is full of white words: April 17th, Thursday; April 17th, Thursday...
Every bed was a mess of arched quilts, some torn off the bed, and chairs toppled over and sprawled in the air, a retreat for life.
This is the patio I've heard about before.An open space between the surrounding buildings and a patio between buildings, with a cover, becomes a completely enclosed space and becomes an infusion room, where feverish patients gather for infusions.The twenty-seven beds are almost completely side by side, with only a fist in between.During the day, it relies entirely on lights, with no ventilation, no windows, and only one central air-conditioning outlet, which spreads germs everywhere.
The medical records were randomly piled up on the table, like a hill, already yellow and brittle.I hesitated for a second.Zhu Jihong almost smiled sadly and said, "Let me do it." The case was opened, and it said "pneumonia".He pointed me to the blackboard on the wall, on which were written the names of twenty-two people, nineteen of which were written in white chalk: pneumonia, pneumonia, pneumonia...
"It's actually all SARS," he said.
The patient does not know.
"What about those people who don't know about it because of other diseases?"
"There is no way, they are all retting here."
If I was sitting in the studio, I would ask him "how can you be so irresponsible", but standing there, the desperation on his face when he said these words makes my heart feel like something is pinching , unable to breathe - he and his colleagues were also stuck in it.Ninety-three medical staff in the People's Hospital were infected with SARS, 24 out of 62 in the emergency department were infected, and two doctors died in the line of duty.
I remembered that when I met them on the day of the transfer, they were only wearing ordinary blue surgical gowns.When I entered the ward in the chest hospital with trepidation in a full isolation suit, returned to the emergency center to be disinfected for 40 minutes, and the people around me were so nervous that the rubber gloves were all wet, these doctors and nurses were guarding in the courtyard for 20 minutes. Several patients did not even have the most basic isolation suits.I asked him how he was in those few days, and he said: "I haven't looked in the mirror for many days, and then I found out that my beard is all white."
Niu Xiaoxiu is an emergency nurse in her thirties.She sat on the steps, tears streaming down her face: "I go to ask for it every day, but I don't even have a mask, so I have to steam it in a big pot and let everyone use it... I don't know if it's my fault or whose fault... "
Zhu Jihong took me to see the SARS ward converted from the observation room. I only saw a few ordinary wards, and asked him hesitantly, "Where are your clean and polluted areas?" Draw a line here." I couldn't believe it, so I asked, "Then how do you distinguish the clean area from the polluted area?" Zhu Jihong was silent for a while, slowly raised his hand, and pointed at his chest: "Here."
I asked, "What protection do you rely on?"
He said with a blank face, "We rely on mental protection."
I thought they would be safe after the patio was closed, but the outpatient department of the emergency department has not been approved to suspend the clinic, so it can only continue to open, and the patients are still coming in one after another. Eight thousand three hundred and sixty-three patients were treated, and it was not until April 22 when we came to shoot that the patients began to be transferred to hospitals with isolation conditions.At that time, the patient didn't even have a place for infusion, so he could only infuse in the open space.
He took me to see, all the chairs were still there, the infusion bottle was hung on the branch of the tree, or it was hung on the rearview mirror of the car when driving over, there were not enough chairs, and there were small benches.An official of the health system was infected here, and then infected his wife and son when he returned home. He tried his best to be hospitalized, but he could only find a bed, and the couple let their son live in it.The couple were drenched with fever and unable to stand up, so they could only sit trembling on a small bench for infusion.Then I couldn't even sit on the bench anymore.By the time the child recovers, the parents are dead.
The chairs are still there, untouched from April to the end of May, the blue paint has faded in the sun and is about to turn green, and they are open facing the gate. , like a group of speechless people.
Across the street from the wall is the Ministry of Health.
On May 27, Wang Jing, a nurse in the emergency department, died.
My husband read my wife's text message to me.
The first one is: "The flowers in the window are blooming, and I will be well."
He couldn't visit his wife, so he could only stand at the gate of Ditan Hospital every day, unable to get in, and guarded at the place closest to her in the world.
She wrote: "Go back, you can't fall, you are my only support in this world."
After coming down, she began to know that she was not good, and explained the password of the passbook in the text message.
For the last one, she asked him to wear a red belt: "In the year of birth, you must be safe."
While he was weeping and reading, tears flowed all over my face.Xiaopeng glared at me, how can a reporter do this?But I can't help it.
He didn't tell the kids.Daughter Dabao is only six years old, with short soft hair and black and white eyes. There is a note on her bedroom door: "Mom loves me, I love mom."
I asked her why she posted it on the door, but she didn't speak.I said, "You want Mommy to see it when she comes back, don't you?" She nodded.Before leaving, she sat on the bed and folded the lucky stars, saying that her mother would come back after filling a whole bottle.I stood in the dim light for a while, watching her stack, and the large round-necked glass bottle was already a third full.She folded it very slowly, and instead of throwing one in, she put her hand into the jar and placed this one carefully on the top layer.I watched, trying to find something to say, but couldn't.After a while, she looked up at me, and I felt a "boom" in my heart: she already knew that her mother had passed away, and she just didn't want anyone to know her sadness.
After getting out, the car drove on the second ring road, the sky was full of dark clouds, and the city was pressed down, and the heavy rain was about to come down.A car full of people, no one speaks.
This is 2003, the turn of spring and summer.
Nine years later, people will still say, "This is a reporter who entered the SARS ward", and I often feel ashamed.When a patient covered in a white cloth from head to toe pushed past me, there was also a message from the media that "citizens can go to the streets without masks."
I saw something, but only vaguely weird, that's all, that's all.I feel like I'm just a small screw in a big system, everything will work, I just caught a glimpse of something strange, but I didn't receive instructions, this is not the mission of my show, I think it will soon be forgotten when I turn my head .
Then I forget about it.
After the show I made was broadcast, some colleagues said: "You are creating panic." Hu Shuli, who was then the editor-in-chief of Caijing magazine, was sitting next to me, and she said: "What is more terrible than panic is contempt."
On the last day, we waited for the test results at the gate of Xiehe Hospital to confirm whether anyone was infected.Zhang Jie is waiting for news in the office.The few of us sat in the car and waited for half an hour. We were chatting and laughing at first, and stopped talking after a while.Tianhe's phone rang, and he picked it up and said, "Yes, how did it turn out?...Come out?...Oh, really? Who?...Yes, there is a girl..."
I sat in the front, didn't move, and said something foul in my heart.
He hung up the phone, poked me and said, "Hey, the doctor said that your white blood cells are low and your immunity is not good."
The show is over.The Jinbei car drove aimlessly on the street, and no one wanted to leave. We planned to continue working like this. Zhang Jie said, "Where do you want to go?" I said it doesn't matter, I can go anywhere.
Back at the hotel, I packed up my things and went home, playing Skinny Puppy’s music on the small speaker, standing at the window of a high-rise building, watching the empty Beijing.After watching for a while, I turned around and put the earphones on my head, tied the scarf hard, and turned the music to the maximum.If someone saw this scene at that time, they might think I was crazy, because it was not a dance at all, it was just the random flexion of the human body after extreme tension. Zhong shouted.
I closed my eyes and opened my hands and feet, spinning wildly. My injured left ankle hit the table leg, and the pain penetrated like a knife.人在那种快意的痛苦里毛发直竖，电子乐里失真的人声像在金属上凶狠地刮刺，绳索突然全都绷断了，我睁开眼，像一只重获自由的小兽，久久地凝视着这个新的世界。
数月之后，我接到一封信，很短：“还记得七二一医院吗？”
我马马虎虎地往下看。
“从那以后，我一直在大街上寻找你的眼睛。”
我一下坐直了。
“有一次我认为一个女孩是你，非常冒昧地拉住她问：'是你吗？'对方很惊慌。直到在电视上看见你，我才知道你是谁，原来你是个有名的记者。”
他在最后说：“你会觉得好笑吗？我曾以为你会是我的另外一半。”
非典结束了。
这个镜头后来争议很大，还产生了新名词，讨论我是不是'表演性主持'。钱老师说：“这么做对么？不，先别回答，你要像苏联作家说的那样：'在清水里呛呛，血水里泡泡，咸水里滚滚'，十年后咱们再来讨论。”（图片来自视频截图）