Chapter 9 Mi Meng: The painful Jin Shengtan

He was the spiritual pioneer of the 17th century. His historical mission is to shock the world. He is a sober alcoholic, a cynical wit, a Buddhist who loves to eat dog meat, a magician who is proficient in philosophy, a vicious literary critic, a scholar who regards rules like shit, and a filial son and loving father who is against ethics. He belongs to the rare species of funny, willful and schizophrenic among Chinese literati. "I am a prison guard in Nanjing Prison. Today JST was assigned to my jurisdiction." This is the most popular post in the Tianya community on the eve of the Mid-Autumn Festival in 1661.The host ID is ""Prison Break" is a brain-dead drama".

"JST is difficult to deal with. For a while, he pretended to be unpredictable and profound, and it is said that he was thinking about the second couplet of 'Midnight and 2:30 am'; and later, he discussed housing prices in first-tier cities with me at a high level. He is small and skinny, and wants to beat him Well, recently the national prisons are engaged in an image project, and it is found out that I will deduct my bonus. But I still made money, and bought 100 copies of his books in advance for him to sign. Interested friends, please visit my Taobao store. Before JST died It is a must-write, limited edition worldwide. My brother is very low-key and refuses human flesh!"

On that day, the major media and portal websites collectively fell into a state of madness.The paparazzi stay around the prison 24 hours a day, waiting for the latest gossip.No way, Jin Shengtan, the richest writer of the year, big name in the publishing industry, astrologer, and master of prophecy, has been elected as the No. on entertainment headlines, headlines All very heavy.For example, "Is Jin Shengtan gay? ""Jin Shengtan took his cousin on a 72-hour seaside vacation, suspected of incest".As the "No. 1 blogger in the Qing Dynasty", Jin Shengtan's blog articles are explosive.He fired at the cultural celebrities of the past dynasties, calling Liu Chenweng a slave, Su Shi had no perspective on the overall situation, and Yan Shu's talent was like "an idiot biting a block".He listed 33 of the happiest things in life, all of which are bad things: private parts have sores, close the door and wash with hot water, soak in hot water, it’s cool; it’s cool to see someone else flying a kite, the string suddenly broke; I heard Someone just died, and upon inquiring, it turned out to be the number one scheming ghost in the city, what a thrill!

The second breaking news post caused the network to be paralyzed. "I risked my life and came again. JST's execution will be executed tomorrow. He called me over mysteriously just now, and begged me sincerely to allow him to write a suicide note and let me bring it to his family. Damn. Look at my wife I reluctantly agreed because of his die-hard fans. JST urged me not to read the content of the suicide note, but if I wrote reactionary remarks, I would be implicated. Brother is very entangled, everyone said I What should I do?" Prison guards know how to interact with netizens.When more than 500,000 comments were received within 4 hours, most of which were asking the poster to "respect the public's right to know and publish the content of the suicide note," the poster finally reappeared with empathy.

"I'm here. Aren't you afraid of accidents? I asked the warden for instructions. Under his instructions, we monitored the contents of this letter. To be honest, my hands were shaking when I opened the letter. JST's royalties are all I earned tens of millions, and this suicide note must include some property whereabouts, bank passwords, etc., and the last time is some academic cheats, celebrity gossip, and selling the news to gossip tabloids. Answer the phone." Thousands of netizens are eagerly waiting for the next article. "I opened that piece of paper, and JST wrote: 'Eldest son, you have to see clearly, pickles and soybeans are eaten together, and they taste like walnuts. Once this exclusive invention is passed on, I will die without regret!' Brother Lei Miserable. JST, you are strong!"

The next day, Jin Shengtan was taken to the execution ground and executed together with 17 other "disruptive parties". According to reports from netizens at the scene, it was like a superstar concert at that time, and the crowds were empty. During the live broadcast by the BBC, it only gave a vision and a simple line of subtitles: Terrorists deserve more than death. Two days later, the prison guard broke the news again: "The executioner who beheaded JST has now become a celebrity in our public security system. According to him, before JST died, he begged the executioner to kill himself first, so as not to see other friends being killed, which is uncomfortable. The executioner would definitely not do it, so JST said, I have a silver ticket hidden in my body, you kill me first, and the money will belong to you. The executioner thought, "If a person is about to die, his words are good", so he gave priority to killing After searching for a long time, he really found a small ball of paper from each of his ears. I was so excited, I opened it and took a look, what do you think it is?"

If this prison guard writes suspense novels, Keigo Higashino will lose his job. "One wad of paper says 'good' and the other says 'pain'." Some netizens speculated that Jin Shengtan was imitating Yu Xuanji.In Wang Xiaobo’s novel, before Yu Xuanji’s death sentence, there are three things that he struggled with the most: whether to wear a white skirt to look more like a model prisoner; his breasts were starved and thin in prison, so he knew to buy a padded bra; A pair of sunglasses adds to the star look.Some netizens confessed that they have such a sense of humor when they are dying, uncle, you are so cute!

Jin Shengtan is a denier of the times. His deviant began at the age of 10.According to a netizen with the ID "Welcome Qingchuan", Jin Shengtan and him are brothers who grew up together and slept on his upper bunk when they were studying.At that time, Jin Shengtan was a transfer student in a private school. As an elderly illiterate, he did not follow the route of "five lectures, four beauties and three loves".He listened to the teacher's lectures on "University", "The Doctrine of the Mean" and "Mencius", and he spit all over the place, but he felt the same emotion as the hero in the Australian cartoon "Mary and Marx": "confused" - a combination of confusion and bewilderment.Jin Shengtan often fell asleep after listening to it, and when he woke up, he complained to his deskmate "Welcome Qingchuan": "Is there any use for learning the Four Books? It's too boring. This old man blablabla is endless, did he take high medicine?" ? If all the books are so stereotyped, sir, I won’t read them anymore!”

Jin Shengtan is a man of action, and coincidentally fell ill with a serious illness, so he dropped out of school.After he became famous, he was interviewed by reporters. He said: "I have long been disappointed with the educational system of the Qing Dynasty. The teaching materials did not speak human language at all. Fortunately, when I was 11 years old, I read so-called 'non-mainstream' books such as "Water Margin" and "The West Chamber". Discovered that not all books in the world are shit." Since his student days, he has been incompatible with the rules of the game in society.

"Welcome Qingchuan" students also generously revealed to the reporter some gossip about Jin Shengtan in the examination room.Once an examinee, the composition topic and the modern college entrance examination topic maintained the same IQ: "If this is the case, is it tempting?"-Are you tempted when encountering these things?Jin Shengtan wrote like this: "Among the empty mountains and poor valleys, there are ten thousand taels of gold; outside the dew-white Jia Cang, there is a beautiful person. May I ask if the master is tempted? Said: Move it, move it, move it, move it, move it Move, move, move, move, move, move, move, move, move, move, move.” The examiner counted, 39 words of “moving” in enlarged size, filled the test paper, and scolded Jin Shengtan angrily Dead wood cannot be carved.Jin Shengtan didn't take it seriously: Mencius didn't say that I was not tempted when I was forty; Confucius also said that I was not confused when I was forty.So if you are 1-39 years old and don't feel attracted to banknotes and beauties in the wilderness, isn't that a fool?

One time was the rural examination, and the topic was "Xizi is Coming", and everyone was asked to write an argumentative essay based on the historical fact that Xishi from Yue State was sent to Wu State as an envoy.Jin Shengtan's answer was very naive: "If you open the east city, the west will not come; if you open the south city, if the west does not come, if you open the north city, the west will not come; if you open the west city, the west will come! The west will come." The examiner cooperated with him very entertainingly. Write a comment: "The scholar is gone! The scholar is gone. "Yeah!" Jin Shengtan failed again. Another country test.The composition title is "Mencius will meet the king".Jin Shengtan wrote the word "走" in the four corners of the answer sheet.As usual, the examiner was fired by Reggio again.Jin Shengtan explained: "I have written Mencius more than 40 times for filling in the blanks and reading questions, so there is no need to repeat them; as for seeing the king, King Liang Hui, King Liang Xiang, and King Xuan of Qi are all similar, so there is no need to write. Only the word 'Jiang' You can write it down. Haven’t you seen acting? Before the king came to court, there were 4 servants shouting ‘Woo’ around, which is ‘General’.” The examiner collapsed on the spot. The education community is outraged, really thought we were Hello Kitty!The county has sent two prestigious experts, whose positions are teaching and teaching, to give Jin Shengtan a little color see see.The two retreated for seventy-seven forty-nine days and concocted a clever title: "How Humans Are Different From Beasts" and impresses Jin Shengtan's embarrassing expressions.This time, Jin Shengtan set a new record of turning in the paper in one minute: beasts cannot teach, even if they teach, they are also beasts.Animals cannot be trained, that is, training The guide is also a beast.It is said that education and discipline went together to see a psychiatrist. This time the trick was dubbed "Birds and Beasts" by netizens, and Jin Shengtan won it all. These gossips were reposted frantically on the Internet, and Jin Shengtan's Weibo fans increased by 200,000 overnight. Even those born in the 90s hate him.It's all playing rebellion, why is Jin Shengtan so creative? In this regard, Jin Shengtan explained to the media that what is the post-90s? "Since ancient times, I am the only one who is a big talent." His hobby is molesting society.The imperial examination is sacrosanct, and he insists on violating it again and again.The examination room was pretentious, but he wanted to be naive. If it was also available in the Qing Dynasty, Jin Shengtan would be included in "Ren Dan Chapter".The ancient sages advocated gentleness and honesty, benevolence and love, but he was a mean and cunning poisonous tongue; Confucian society encouraged seriousness and active participation in the world, but he was a caretaker who played with the world.He regards all established rules as hurdle props, and every hurdle is stylish. Jin Shengtan said: "I also forsake the world." In fact, this era is not good enough for him.